Written for Pride Month...
Ruby walked into her favorite lesbian bar called The Hairy Wet Bear. She had just got done with her job at home depot and needed to have a drink and catch up with her friends.
She sat at one of the wooden stools, crafted from home depot supplies by the local town lesbos. It broke instantly because women suck at building things. So she just stood there next to the bar waiting for her friend Blake.
Blake had called Ruby early that morning telling her she had a problem. She was being possessed by an obese ghetto black girl poltergeist named Tanifa. Tanifa wasn't particularly aggressive but she was very mischievous and playful and had to be contained at all costs.
Ruby was skeptical at first about the whole being possessed by a black girl thing but decided that Tanifa sounded like a fun little character so just went with it anyways.
"Oh hell naw! Who da fuck made deez chairs?"
Ruby glanced across the bar only to see Blake trying to start a fight with the very butch bartender who had a slick greasy mullet. Another broken chair lay in pieces on the floor.
"Home Depot ran out of oak wood so I had to make the chairs using popsicle sticks," The greasy fat butch explained to Blake innocently. She really had no idea what was happening and was scared for her own safety.
"Nuh uh! You just tryin' to see how big a fool Tanifa iz! Well guess wut? You da fool!" Within seconds Blake flew over the counter and started stabbing the lesbo in her fat flaps with her lucky Spongebob number 2 pencil. Several people had tried to help the bartender but Blake simply pushed them away in one swipe with her roguish strength.
The rest of the bystanders wisely ran away.
Ruby was far too tired to intervene so she just watched for a little bit. She admired Tanifa's honesty and girth. Not after long though she heard the police sirens approaching.
"Tanifa," Ruby ran up to Blake and started pulling her off the unconscious fat woman. "We gotta go. The cops-I mean-the popo are on their way!"
"I ain't going nowhere." Tanifa replied "They can't arrest a sista! Black Lives Matter up in dis bitch!" She continued her shivving rampage without a second thought.
Ruby looked around the bar. What could she use to get Tanifa's attention? Her eyes scanned the bottles of alcohol.
Gin. No.
Schnapps. No.
Hennessey. Bingo.
She grabbed the hennessy bottle and brought it back to Tanifa/Blake.
"If we go now I'll give you this bottle."
Blakenifa ceased her shivving so she could turn to Ruby and give her an incredulous look.
"You got me fukked up HAHA!" Blakenifa laughed. Then she turned back to her victim.
Ok time for plan b. Ruby smashed the hennessy bottle over Blakenifa's head, knocking her unconscious. Ruby then proceeded to drag her possessed friend out the back right before the popo pulled up. The duo made their way back to Ruby's house.
The sheriff busted in The Hairy Wet Bear. Followed by a swarm of cops holding up guns.
"We know you're here Tanifa!" Sweat dripped down his face. His heart was beating out his chest, adrenaline rushing. A serial killer by the name Tanifa had been terrorizing his town for 2 weeks now. The bodycount was 12.
The scenes of the crimes were odd. It had appeared that there were 3 roles: the victim, the murderer and Tanifa. The murderer would kill the victim then commit suicide. All murderers would briefly go by the name 'Tanifa' while taking on a steep change in behavior. This caused detectives to believe this was some kind of sick hostage situatian where this 'Tanifa' person was forcing the 'murderers' to kill people before making them then kill themselves. All while they pretend and claim to be Tanifa.
Or it could be a cult of people who all act as 'Tanifa' before committing such inhumane acts but no uncovered evidence leads to this belief. No victims have any ties to each other.
"Come out with your hands up! Now!"
The sheriff started to shake in fear but a faint voice straightened him out of his panic.
"help..." It came from behind the counter at the bar. He approached carefully but quickly. He leaned over the counter and saw the victim with bloody stab wounds all over.
"Go get the paramedics," he yelled to the team. Two cops went out the front to grab paramedics and another two went to assist the sheriff and the victim. The rest continued searching the area.
As soon as the bartender saw the sheriff she got up off the ground and gave him a bloody hug.
"Thank you so much!" She squeezed his scrawny body into a pulp.
"Shouldn't you be resting? You've been stabbed." He managed to wheeze. She let go of him and smiled.
"Nah, my fat rolls protected me from that crazy bitches' shiv." Before the butch could continue her subtle flirting with the sheriff the paramedics rushed in and went to her aid.
Sheriff Connor stumbled out of The Hairy Wet Bear feeling conflicted. The fresh air did little to ease his restless thoughts. He stared up at the night sky littered with stars.
"Who are you Tanifa?"