Chapter 1

*This is set after my story "Burning Barriers," but it can be read independently.*

Only hours old, the ring glittered on Shepard's finger. She jostled against Kaidan in the backseat, the hired shuttle lifting and dipping with air currents up the coast. Kaidan held her hand.. It was an awkward angle, his fingers kneading into her wrist, his expression a little too absent. She narrowed her eyes on him. The shuttle bucked again.

Kaidan braced against the shuttle wall. "We're vetting our shuttle driver better next time. If that's all you did, you should be good at it, right?" He glanced sideways at her and frowned. "What's wrong?"

"What do you think you're doing?"

"What?"

Shepard nodded down at his hand. "You're taking my pulse, aren't you?"

"Uh …" Kaidan quickly interlocked their fingers. "I do that holding everyone's hand. James was just complaining about it."

"You want to know if I'm nervous just ask."

"Are you?"

"Hell no."

"All right." Kaidan turned his attention forward.

Shepard frowned. "You don't believe me?"

"There's nothing to be nervous about, you know. I brought home a drunk circus clown and said I was getting married, there would be confetti and applause."

"Glad I'm a step above a drunk circus clown," Shepard said flatly. "And, I'm not nervous."

She untangled their intertwined fingers and pinched his wrist.

"I'm nervous," he blurted.

Shepard shot straight. Her fingers loosened on his wrist.

"Not because of you," he rushed to say. The shuttle dipped, and he grabbed the wall. "It's just the Alliance. I'm not sure … I just don't know."

The turbulence smoothed, and he relaxed his head back on the headrest. Shepard sighed. She slouched against him, her cheek on his shoulder.

"Go back," she whispered. "It's not too late."

Seventy-three hours hadn't even passed yet. Fraternization regs and Alliance-Council politics be damned. They'd both had enough.

"I'm not going back," Kaidan said. "I know what I want. It's just … We'll see."

Shepard wedged her arm under his back and pulled him close. It felt good to hold him. Warm. His heart beating against her side.

"Your mom and your sister, her family, they know? About me, us?" Shepard asked.

"I said I was bringing someone I wanted them to meet. Based off the news vids - both of us leaving the Alliance, the speculation - I'm sure they've pieced it together."

Shepard nodded against his shoulder. She looked up at him.

"I'm not nervous, you know," she said.

"Of course. Just the shuttle ride making your palms sweat."

XXX

With a word to the pilot, Kaidan swung the shuttle door shut. Shepard picked her way up the crest of a hill. Grass moved in the breeze. In the distance, a three-story house overlooked a clover meadow. A mix of ocean, pine, and earth flushed into Shepard's lungs. The ocean gleamed through the branches of hemlock beyond the clearing.

"Not overcast." Kaidan came behind her. "Perfect sunny day."

Plumb-stained mountains etched the sky behind him.

"You grew up here?"

"Summers and holidays mostly, but yeah."

Shepard nodded and biting her lip turned back to the meadow. Bumble bees hummed amid the far crash of waves. It didn't drown out the distant laughter coming from the house.

"Hey." Kaidan caught her forearm and tugged her around to face him.

"I'm not nervous," Shepard snapped.

Kaidan chuckled. He engulfed her with his arms and kissed her hair. "All right."

Breath drain out her mouth. Her face pressed into his shirt, buttons hard against her chin.

"Almost twenty years," Shepard whispered. "Nineteen months, it will twenty years."

Kaidan squeezed her to him. He didn't say anything, his breath warm and moist in her hair. Shepard pulled in a deep breath and slid her arms around his waist.

"I, um … I'm good with the military, on a ship, but this stuff …" Her breath stretched as it slid out between her lips, her heart beating in her ears.

"I've seen you in a lot of situations," Kaidan murmured. He rested his cheek against the top of her head. "You dazzle everyone."

"Yeah, but it's when I try, I can't. It comes across weird. Then I feel weird. It makes me try harder, and it becomes this awful circle, getting more and more unauthentic and awkward. You haven't seen me somewhere like this."

"Where's 'like this'?" His shoulder shrugged against her face.. He tipped his mouth to her ear. "It's the same as going to a party, same as each new person you've meet, each person you've won to your side. This isn't different. Everyone's very nice."

"That's the problem." Shepard tilted her head back and met his eyes. "That's what makes me go into the Awkward Cycle. If they're mean or serious, I know what to do. When they're nice and I care about it, I want them to like me …"

Kaidan smirked. "My mom's 5'3" and cries at animal shelter commercials. Never thought she'd intimidate Commander Shepard, Brute and Banshee Slayer."

Shepard rolled her eyes, smile tugging on her lips. Muffled voices carried in the air. The house's shadow in the edge of her vision tightened her nerves. She needed to clear her head, think of something light. Her vision shifted. A memory of Kaidan lying on his stomach in bed. The evening sun dusted his hair, goofy grin on his face, the screen light from his Omni-Tool dancing over his features.

"So, uh, Kaidan." Shepard focused up at him. "Give me some advice here. Visiting the neighbor's country estate ..."

Kaidan frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well, what if I'm called upon to entertain the room? I don't know the pianoforte. Can't sing. Forgot my needlework. The only poems I can recite are dirty ones."

"Wait. What? Pianofor-" Kaidan sputtered and laughed. His eyes narrowed into a glare. "Dammit. I knew you'd say something again. I told you, I just came across it. It's not like I own it."

Shepard grinned. "Why, Mr. Alenko, have I vexed you? Let me assure you, sir, never such was my intention."

"Ah!" Kaidan pulled away, his teeth still showing in a laugh. "You know, it's very cultured of me. Austin is timeless. Classic literature."

Shepard gave a dismissive shrug.

"All right," Kaidan said. "Hope you brought your sheet music, Miss Shepard. Let's go." He looped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her toward the house.

"I propose deciding our duet beforehand," Shepard said, "just in case, an opportune moment presents. Our forethought will lend us the distinction of both polish and compliment, Mr. Alenko."

Kaidan chuckled. "Sure. 'I Got You, Babe.'"

"A formidable selection indeed."

Kaidan snorted shooting her a smile and shook his head. It was all she was after. Blood thudded in her veins, but her chest loosened. She forced a smile at the approaching door. Her fingers dug into his waist.

XXX

They stepped into the house. Windows brightened the oak floorboards, a cinnamon and nutmeg tint to the air. Voices clamored from the doorway ahead. She clutched Kaidan's elbow tighter, smile pressed into place.

"Kaidan?" a woman's voice called.

"Uh, yeah. Here."

Kaidan steered Shepard into a room towering with glass and lodgepole. Green meadow filled the windows. In the center of the room rose a fireplace made of riverstone and surrounded by people. Lots of people.

"Oh." Kaidan's steps hitched. "Oh, it's, uh, everybody."

"Hey, Cous." A woman cascading in black tresses touched Kaidan's shoulder and dropped a kiss on his cheek. She held a hand out to Shepard. "Rebecca. We've met."

"I remember." She stretching across Kaidan, her knees locked, and shook Rebecca's hand.

"It's not everybody," said a short woman, silver softening her temples, and wrinkles creased in a smile. "You knew Kate, Rob, and the kids were here. Becca had Henry staying with her, so he came. Your aunt Gloria was visiting from the orchard tomorrow anyway. Petier, Maria, and the kids were visiting her so … And they brought Alex and his family and their neighbor, Colby. You met Colby that one time, remember?"

Kaidan's forehead furrowed, but he nodded to the tawny-haired overbite in the corner. "Colby, hi."

A dozen dark-haired faces rushed them, smiling and talking over each other.

"Commander Shepard, right?" asked a lanky woman, bowed-in shoulders and scrunchy brown eyes. Aunt Gloria by the earlier wave her direction.

"Uh, not commander anymore, but yes. Nice to meet you."

"You fought the aliens," a voice giggled. Brown pigtails tugged on Shepard's fingers.

"Only the bad ones," Shepard said.

"We're so glad to have you." A pair of warm arms engulfed Shepard. The woman who had introduced everyone. She released Shepard with a squeeze, the scent of apples still in Shepard's nose. Her face brimmed with a smile so deep, Shepard didn't think it could go wider, then it did. "I'm Ella, Kaidan's mom. So happy you're here."

"Kate, Kaidan's sister." Mocha-colored curls bounced on the woman's shoulder. A bright row of teeth lit her features, so symmetrical and luminous they belonged in a textbook. Kate opened her arms but waited.

Shepard unfroze. "Hi."

She hugged Kate, surprised at the crushing force of the return. Kate pulled back. She was still smiling, a look that appeared to be her resting face. There was a tint of Kaidan in the smile. Pigtails tugged on Shepard's fingers again. A little face grinned up at her.

"Madeleine. Maddy." Kate indicated with a wave. She pointed toward the whirlpool of hugs and laughing conversation around Kaidan. "And that's Emily."

An ashy blonde grinned over Kaidan's shoulder, her hair crimped and frizzy, arms clasping his throat. Sandals swung from the loop of his arms.

"And Lauren …" Kate leaned back, squinted through the crowd, and pointed. "Ah. There."

A fair-haired toddler grinned dimples at them. A man lifted her in his arms. His shirt buttoned to the throat, fabric creased from ironing, limp chestnut hair fringing his forehead. He met Shepard's gaze with a pair of labrador eyes and an open smile.

"That's Robert." Kate turned back to Shepard. "Made him marry me six years ago after he knocked me up."

"Kate!" Ella's eyes widened.

"What?" Kate laughed. "She looks smart. Bet she can do math."

Shepard grinned not quite sure what to say.

"For the record, I was going to marry him anyway," Kate said. "Just thought Dad walking me up the aisle with a shotgun made it more memorable."

"Kate." Ella shook her head and gave a long sigh.

Kate laughed and elbowed her mom. "C'mon. Kaidan likes her. Just letting her in on an ole Alenko fairytale right here." Hands on her hips, Kate tipped back as if to see Rob better. He sneezed into a tissue, dabbed in his nose, and stuffed it into a breast pocket under what looked like a calculator. "Yup. Prince Charming. Ninety degree outside, he'd still be wearing dress pants and argyle socks. Tell me that isn't brave. Dreams do come true."

Ella gaped at Kate. Maddy, bored with Shepard already, wandered over to Kaidan. She pulled at his elbow. Emily's swinging sandals grazed her pigtails.

"Seriously, though." Kate chuckled. "Rob's way smarter than I am. Love him fancy calculator and all."

Kate refocused on Shepard. For once in Shepard's life, she was at a loss for words. Her mind raced to find something, anything, to say.

Ella's hand warmed the crook of Shepard's arm. "Kaidan must really love you. Left the Alliance for you."

"Oh." Shepard frowned, heart beating faster, and darted a look at Kaidan. "I quit too. Kaidan can go back without any, uh … rules being broken."

Ella shrugged and pawed her other hand in Kaidan's direction, her eyes still on Shepard. "He's a big boy. He can make his decisions. I know he's probably worried to tell me."

"It's a big deal." Kate's lips thinned, eyes squinting on Kaidan. "All he's done is live and breath the Alliance his adult life. Think it might be good."

Ella's eyes stayed on Shepard's face, her mouth crested in a smile that wrinkled her eyes.

Shepard shifted. "I really, uh – I didn't—that's not what I asked him to do." Shepard looked between Kate and Ella, her spine pulling so rigid it ached.

"He was miserable without you." Ella's voice was soft. Her eyes slipped to Kaidan.

He laughed surrounded in a sea of people Shepard hadn't met yet. Somehow Maddy had taken Emily's place on his back. She tugged at his hair. He didn't seem to notice, his attention on an older man clasping his shoulder. Emily had found other entertainment. She sat halfway on Kaidan's foot and the floor, stylus in hand, drawing on a datapad.

"He's happy," Ella said turning back to Shepard. Her hand slipped down Shepard's arm to grasp her hand. She squeezed it. "This is what I always wanted for him. To be happy."

Kate smiled, eyes drifting to Ella holding Shepard's hand. Her breath caught. She snatched Shepard's hand up and held it up to her face. She stared, eyes wide and white, unblinking.

Her gaze snapped to Shepard's face. "Tell me that's not your Super Bowl ring for beating the reapers or something."

Ella frowned and pulled Shepard's hand over. Her body went rigid, eyes bulged. She lowered her face until the ring grazed her nose. Sound faded away and all Shepard could hear was the beating of her own heart. Ella lifted her eyes, watering and tightening around the edges. Her lips parted, but she didn't speak.

Shepard caught Kaidan's eye watching them. Pigtails flounced on his shoulder, Rebecca gesturing and chattered in his ear. His eyes dropped to Shepard's hand still in Kate's grasp and a hair's breadth from his mother's bleary eyes. His lips curved deep into his cheeks. Shepard's heart fluttered. She turned back to Kate and Ella's unwavering gaze.

"Surprise," Shepard said.

XXX

Kate's laugh boomed in Shepard's ears. "You're kidding! What a dork. Kaidan? Kaidan?" Kate raised herself on the bottom rung of her kitchen bar stool. She looked over the crowd in the dining room. "Kaidan? Wherever you are. You're a dork." She hollered, craned her neck, then finally plopped back onto the stool with a shrug. "Please, go on. Waited my whole life for this caliber of teasing munition. Pure gold."

"Then what, dear?" Ella asked.

She sat on Shepard's other side. The elongating shadows of their wine glasses marked the fading rays. They faced the kitchen counter, twilight reflecting in the glass of the wine bottle. Purple glass. Alenko Family wine, bottle half full.

"Well." Shepard spun the stool and propped her elbows behind her on the counter. "The other marine with us, Ashley Williams, said, 'That your professional opinion, sir?'"

"You really fell for this guy?" Kate snatched her wine glass from the counter and swiveling around. She leaned in conspiratorially. "Hasn't made you watch any pendulating pocket watches, has he?"

A laugh burst through Shepard's toothy smile. "Well, he said it was a family heirloom. I kept saying, 'You want me to see it, Kaidan, you've got to HOLD IT STILLLLLLLLLL." Shepard crossed her eyes, the world unfocusing, then shot Kate a sharp grin.

"Huh. And, I told him he was wasting his time at the summer fair taking notes on the Great Hypnadini. But, look now …" Kate waved a hand at Shepard.

Ella's mouth thinned. She gave Kate a long look before returning a warm smile to Shepard. She patted Shepard's hand again and touched the diamond ring. All the while, her eyes glowed warm and bright on Shepard's face. Her face cracked with smiling. Shepard licked her lips and lowered her eyes. She drew in a deep breath.

"Kaidan's …" Shepard forced herself to meet Ella's eyes and pushed herself forward. "Kaidan's pretty amazing." She darted a glance at Kate too. "He's the best person I know. He's always been an extraordinary soldier – capable, disciplined, trustworthy – but, he's an even more an extraordinary person. I don't know what you know about me from the news, but I, uh … I never dreamed of picketed fences, holiday greeting cards, or a mail box with my name on it. Family. That was another life I could have had, but life … went a different way. I became a soldier instead. That's what gave me meaning. Then I met Kaidan. He made me more than a soldier, a person again. I can't say he's the man of my dreams, because I never could have dreamed so big."

Ella's eyelashes flickered rapidly. Kate reached across Shepard, a napkin clipped between two fingers. Ella plucked it from her fingertips.

"That really is beautiful," Kate said.

She leaned an elbow on the counter, wine glass in one hand, and a soft smile. Ella blotted her face with with the napkin, still squeezing Shepard's fingers in her other hand.

"You making everyone cry over her?" Rebecca glided through the kitchen's side door.

The crowd in the dining room erupted into laughed. Pounding the table, Colby haw hawed, the orchard neighbor no one really seemed to know but who apparently fit right in. Wine glasses clinked amid the uproar. Rob stood above the crowd on a chair and bowed to another peal of laughter.

"Kind of a nerd," Kate whispered, "but damn he's hilarious. Makes me laugh every day."

"Most of the time it's with him, not at him." Rebecca chuckled and poured herself wine.

Shepard rotated on her stool. "So … Vega. You two still hanging out?"

Rebecca shrugged. "Hanging out sometimes." She took a sip of wine, grinning against the glass rim.

Shepard smirked. "You know he—"

"Hey," Kaidan said behind her. She jolted. Wine sloshed in her glass.

"Damn you're sneaky." She twisted to him.

"Easy when the volume's up this high."

"Kaidan." Ella grabbed his forearm. "Are you staying overnight?"

"Wasn't planning on it." Kaidan glanced at the dining room swarming with bodies.

In the kitchen's dark side doorway, a little face peeked around the corner. Brown hair covering her shifty eyes. Kate apparently had the same angle on it as Shepard. She slapped her wineglass on the counter. Her bare feet hit the floor.

"I just want juice!" Maddy stumbled backward, nightgown tangling in her legs. She clutched her blanket to her chest with widening eyes.

"Uh oh. Duhn Duhn Duhn," Rebecca said with a laugh. She passed around them into the dining room.

Kate scooped Maddy off the floor and disappeared down the hallway. A wail of garbled words trailed behind her. The only word intelligible word was 'juice.'

"We have room." Ella tugged on Kaidan's arm.

His eyes shifted from the hallway to his mother's face. He chuckled, lifting his arm from her grasp, and put it around her shoulders.

"No, really," Ella said sitting higher on her stool. She eyed Shepard warmly, then looked up at Kaidan again.

"Thanks, but we didn't pack anything," Kaidan said.

"We have a washer." Ella put a hand on his back, staring up at him.

Kaidan's smiled wanly. "Mom, you're housing an army. And the army's random neighbor."

"You can sleep in my room."

"Mom."

Ella's eyes shifted to Shepard – big, brown, and bright. Pleading.

"Don't stare at her that way, Mom."

"Kaidan." Shepard grinned. "I don't mind wearing fig leaves tomorrow."

"Or just use the washer," Ella said.

"And what are we wearing in the interim, while they're washing?" Kaidan sighed and cocked his head.

"Just pass me the clothes through the door. I'll wash them and then bring them back."

"What? This is getting weird." Kaidan's brow pinched, but he covered a growing smirk with his hand.

Shepard poked him in the ribs.

"Hey. Ow." He slapped her hand away coming for a second poke.

"Hey, Kaid, c'mon." Shepard rolled her head against her shoulder and gave him a bright smile.

"Oh, no." He pulled his chin back with a grimace. "You're going to call me that now? No. And … and …" His eyes unfocused. "Oh, no. You poked me. Hell, no. Where's Kate? She tell you that bothers me?"

"Come on, Kaidan," Shepard said. "I think it'd be fun. You never wore clothes longer than twenty-four hours? Stop being prissy."

"This is Kate's doing." Kaidan's eyes sharpened on his mom. "You were here the whole time. What's Kate been saying?"

"We'll stay," Shepard decided and stood up from the stool.

"I'll wash your clothes," Ella rushed to say, face glowing, and climbed off the stool.

"Not necessary." Shepard waved off the offer. She tapped Kaidan's arm with the back of her hand. "What time's the shuttle coming? Couple hours? Let's cancel it."

"You know how to make a fig leaf skirt?" Kaidan crossed her arms and motioned at her with a finger. "What about a lean-to made of pine branches? That's where we'll be sleeping. And, no, Mom, we're not taking your room."

"Henry and Colby are in your room, dear. They can sleep downstairs on the blowup mattresses."

Kaidan didn't say anything. His eyes slid to Shepard.

"Sounds good." Shepard grinned.