KAS: Hello. Sorry it's been such a long time since I've done anything on this site, but I was hoping to bring back the humor with this fic! Love ya!
BTW, My friend Maiden of the Wind once again recieves half credit... aw, man. That means it's only fifty percent my idea!
MOTW: TWINKIES!!!!!!!!!!
KAS: Now, I feed you to Nicholas!!!
No one was remotely aware of the awkward circle of rats, cats, and dogs forming in front of Shigure's house. One rat, who was much larger than even the largest dog, seemed to be the leader of the "meeting".
"OK." The large rat, whose name was Paul, said. "Now, how are we going to go about disposing of those humans that imitate us on awkward occasions?"
One of the dogs jumped up. "I've got an----"
"Larry, sit down..." Paul said.
"OK..." The dog's ears drooped and he sat back down.
A cat stood up. "How 'bout my idea, Paul? I don't eat out of garbage cans! Usually..."
"OK, give it a shot, Joe."
"Maybe we should just make their lives miserable and steal their house. It's simple, but effective." He shook his head in disgust. "I actually clung to that orange haired boy once..."
Paul scratched the back of his head. "That might just work, but..."
"Can I help???" Larry yelped.
"It could be simple... and it will only take the two of us, and one other volunteer. But it will be dangerous... anyone interested.
Larry shook with excitement and jumped up and down, shouting, "I'll do it, I'll do it!!!!"
"Anyone?" Paul asked.
"MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!" Larry called.
Paul and Joe sighed and looked at each other. "Alright... Larry..."
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"But no more of those caramel machiatos..."
Meanwhile, inside of Shigure's house where no one could hear the devious conversation...
"My, my Tohru, these rice balls are delicious..." Shigure said, his mouth full of her cooking. "As they always are."
She smiled. "Thank you." She looked over to Yuki, who was politely eating his meal with a smile planted on his lips. Then she looked at Kyo, who was narfing down his meal crazily. She sweatdropped.
"Pace yourself..." Shigure said, pointing his chopsticks accusingly at Kyo.
"Yes, before you choke... On second thought, keep eating like that..." Yuki sighed in his normal monotonous voice.
"What's that supposed to mean, you damn rat?!"
"Uh, Kyo, Yuki?" Tohru sounded a little nervous as usual.
"They're not going to stop fighting..." Shigure said, in a sort of bored voice.
Both boys paused and looked over at the two audience members.
Meanwhile...
"Look at how foolish they are!" Joe declared.
"Can we eat 'em yet???" Larry asked anxiously.
"No, Larry, for the last time, we are not going to eat the humans." Paul said.
Joe shook his head wearily.
"OK, now let me explain your roles in this." Joe began. "Paul. When all the lights in the house go off, you go into the purple-haired boy's room, and be prepared to smell very disgusting fumes, for you will be force-feeding him these purple pills with the letter 'e' on them.
"I will be in the orange-haired boy's room, waiting to scratch his disgusting human lungs out.
"Larry, you will be in the old dude's room, keeping him company, and whenever you hear me yell the signal to you, you will pretend that you are a normal dog, and will start barking abnormally and lead him out to the front yard, where Paul and I will be holding the soon-to-be-retarded boy and the boy with no lungs captive. Do not stop luring him until I tell you. Can you handle all that, my utterly idiotic friend?"
"Uh-huh! But what about that one girl?"
"I'm sure that when the other guys are all away somewhere, she won't be here either."
"OK. We have a few hours left... prepare yourselves..." Paul said.
Later, when the last person to stay awake in the house was asleep, the plan was set into motion. Each of the animals took their places, and it was on.
In Yuki's Case
Yuki yawned and tried to sit up, but found his hands and feet bound. He looked at the clock on his bedside table. 10:00 PM. Just half an hour after he set off to bed.
He didn't begin to get suspicious, until he saw an awkward shape heading toward him through the darkness, and the little round object it seemed to be holding.
In Kyo's Case
Kyo woke up after having a nightmare about some kind of respiratory infection… whatever that was… He sat up and scratched his orange head…
… And felt something slide off of his middle. A cat. A little orange cat, probably one that had clung to him before, but he didn't know anything of the plot that the little cat was scheming about, and when he opened his mouth to shoo the cat away… something entered his mouth…
In Shigure's Case
There was a sinking weight at the bottom of a certain novelist's bed…
Shigure opened his eyes and looked toward the tip of his bed. There was a large dog sitting there.
"Hey, buddy." He said.
"HI! I'm Larry!"
"Nice to meet you Larry. What are you doing in my bed? That sounded wrong. Am I high?"
And so Larry kept him company.
Back in Kyo's situation, Joe was being held up in the air by his tail. The angry boy had simply pulled him out of his mouth and held him up for examination.
"Let go of me! Let go! This is my plot and it will NOT fail!"
In Yuki's room, Paul was actually succeeding. The boy was laughing like a lunatic and rolling around like a fool.
By the time Joe had at least managed to scratch the hell out of Kyo's tongue, he was leading the still fuming boy out the door. Paul was following with Yuki, who was still laughing maniacally.
Joe cast the signal, which was, "Hey, Larry!", to Larry, but Larry and Shigure did not exit the other room.
In Shigure's room, the young dog, and the novelist were playing old maid.
"HEY LARRY!!" Paul called.
Still no answer. Larry was losing to the human, and was therefore paying no attention to the calling.
About ten minutes later, after Shigure had beat Larry, he decided to go downstairs for a coke. And then...
Kyo, who stood out in the yard, looked over at Yuki, who had apparently lost it, and was talking very fast and only stopped to laugh insanely.
Shigure and Larry walked out casually and spotted the people and animals standing on the front lawn. The humans were looking at Shigure awkwardly, and the animals glared icily at Larry.
"You screwed up the plan, you idiot." Paul told the dog.
"Um… did you guys call the signal?"
They looked at him like the idiot he was.
"Well! I was playing old maid. This dude's pretty cool. Hey, Shigure, wanna play Sevens?"
"Sure. But how about you guys explain this 'signal' to me."
They told him all about the plan, and he and Yuki, who couldn't stop laughing anyway, laughed. Kyo, who couldn't laugh, probably wouldn't have if he could.
The animals made a truce with Shigure. They could live in the house as long as they never tried something like this again.
And so the animals all lived in Shigure's house. Mii hated it because Shigure had so much fun playing old maid that he never wrote another novel.
Well, that was kinda stupid. But, hey, 'least we wrote something. Once again, half creditMOTW. Sorry about that ending. Maybe I lost my touch for that sort of thing… maybe that was back when Nakago won the twinkie contest.