Who tops who
By the Fujoshi
I'm not dead, just having a lot of personal issues. Because of the lack of backups I'm doing a lot over all over again. But in the meantime I wanted to post stuff.
I read all the reviews so it means a lot to me that you guys still bother to look at my stuff ._.; Funny enough, this idea came from looking on Toranoana and trying to find Russiamerica doujinshi. Like...going through 58 pages of Hetalia tags on Toranoana...
Warnings: Cussing, perverted goodness, hints of Russiamerica, hints of whatever pairing you can get out of this story. It's very weird in my opinion but it's not as weird as the other things I made.
I still don't own Hetalia and I never will
Canada sometimes wondered why he bothered with his twin brother.
America was over his house along with Japan, Spain, Germany, France and Prussia. Today was the day that random nations would gather and complain about their love lives, or lack of thereof, or just to hang out outside of politics.
Today they were over his house through some weird method of Rock, Paper, Scissors because they didn't want to crash at America's house and eat his strange cooking again. His brother could cook, but he had a habit of overdoing it with the wrong combinations. The last time he ended up making a wedding cake with all sorts of flavors of ice cream that reached the ceiling, along with five kinds of barbeque meats.
It was definitely a Maalox moment.
"Oui, my little rosebud hasn't come around yet." France sighed in an exaggerated manner. They were all sitting on Canada's couch, crowded around half eaten pancakes, waffles, and bacon. Canada was fighting off the persistent nations, including his sibling, from eating out of his blueberry batter as he made another batch.
"I heard rumors that he was considering China." Maybe his wooing was off? The French nation considered less roses and sexual molestation. He thought he could get anyone to bed, especially an old stuffy former pirate who used to sex up more than he did back in the day.
Spain raised an eyebrow and stuffed more pancakes in his mouth. "Really? I thought Japan was having sex with China."
Japan spat out his green tea that what's his face was so kind to make and Spain tried to pat him on the back. "What are you saying? We are doing nothing! NOTHING!" Japan gave his impression of a glare.
"So that means you are having sex with England then?" Germany was curious about this. At first he only came to regulate the meetings since the Bad Touch Trio started to attend them, but the rumors and gossip he heard were downright hilarious, so he found himself engaged.
"No! It was only Greece that one time and Switzerland at Comiket with Turkey-" Japan covered his mouth and sat down on his knees. His lips were trembling and he was redder than the dot on his flag.
"What Japan?" Germany blinked.
"You heard nothing. It was a dream," the Japanese said choosing each word carefully and with hesitation to speak at all anymore.
"I think Japan is out of this one for the rest of the night." America pouted; he wanted to hear more juicy information. He never though that Japan was a bigger pervert than France, if possible.
"How about you Alfie? Are you still beating the stick with your brother?" France wiggled his eyebrows; he knew the two were at that age and that they used to watch porn together. America sputtered.
"What you sinful lusting pervert! No way! I'm actually having sex with Russia, you know! He's my boyfriend now!"
The room was silent, and Prussia was the first to speak up.
"What! I thought you hated that bastard more than me! With his big fat ass nose and-!" Germany had to hold back his brother from tackling America. Seriously, RUSSIA? That was just nasty! He wasn't a good looking nation at all! He was fat, ugly, bulky, and had no damn fashion sense. Prussia was disgusted that anyone, outside of his incestuous sister, would find Russia "hot."
America only laughed and waved his finger.
"That was in the past! He's actually a hot bottom!" Canada looked appalled and Spain hopped on his soles.
"Seriously? I assumed that Russia would top you, sí?"
"Hell no! God..." America tried to wipe the drool from his mouth. "Russia is like so 'uke' as Japan would put it. All you have to do is tie that scarf around him and give him some vodka, and he's good!"
The blond sighed, remembering how Russia had this long tongue and how his kisses were like explosions on the fourth of July. "Plus, he really is big boned!"
Japan didn't know if he should comment or gather information for a doujinshi so he chose the former. "So Russia-san isn't fat?"
America snorted and put a foot on his brother's table, who frowned at his sibling. "Nope! He's like bulky and thick! All over!" America made a ecstatic face, holding his hands to his cheeks, sighing with a blush. "ALL OVER!"
"That's enough, eh! You're going to give me nightmares!" Canada hit his brother upside the head with the spoon he was using to make more pancakes.
"Maybe we should give him a go then..." France licked his lips with Spain but Prussia crossed his arms.
"I'm out; I would rather eat dust mites with gravel."
America had a look that Japan thought was sort of 'yandere' and moved back. "Hell no; you're not touching my Russki."
"Who said he was yours? You know he probably fucked every nation, including Lit-" France was cut off when America tackled him.
"HELL NO! HE WAS A VIRGIN, YOU STUPID FUCKER!"
"Hon hon hon~! Votre enfant muet! I even fucked him!" The nations debated if they should stop the two rolling around on the floor. They weren't really serious, and America didn't use his full power... yet.
"Yeah right! I was the first guy who topped him, and he always comes to me-"
"What my dear America? Please finish that statement."
Prussia gasped and everyone stopped; there was Russia crouched on the floor next to the two brawling nations, with his head cocked to the side innocently; mock innocence.
"Fredka... What is it that you are doing, my pet?" The statement was neutral but the fact that he used his real voice had made everyone in the room shiver but America.
"Russki! I was saying how I-"
"I heard everything you said, my sunflower. I was accidentally teleported here because of your father figure England... again." Russia frowned and sat up, pulling America to his feet. "We need to have a talk da?"
Nobody missed how America paled as he was dragged to another room. Everyone piled on the door as it closed, even Canada's bear.
"But-but!" America stammered being carried away hopelessly.
"Now, Fredka, you know that you don't top da? I top the most."
"But I do top sometimes! Heck, even Japan's what's it whatever charts shows that!"
"Da, you do but you are the one who begs for "primorsky," da? You always moan like a cat in heat; it's really sad when you get turned on. You practically hop on my lap."
"ARG! You're kidding right? I'm not a pervert like you!"
"Oh but you are, Amerika! Remember that time that you begged me to have a threesome with Toris? Or the time you wanted to have sex on the beach, and we ended up with sand in places? All because you wanted to see how sex underwater was?"
There was a pause and the nations strained to hear until America spoke again. "But, but-"
"I know of your Puritan ways, Fredka, and how this 'sex,' thing is new and exciting, but still bragging about our sex life? Honestly." The nations felt the door get cooler and Russia make a clicking sound. "What France said was a lie; I have not "become one with all of the nations," as he put it. You were my first, and you know this as true, Fredka, hm? Are you trying to look good?"
"Shut up! You're dissing me totally in front of the guys! You know I top you!" There was a laugh that made Prussia shiver.
"Let me show you then since you insist so much."
There was silence, then a lot of noise that made all the nations step back, then silence again. Russia opened the door with a bang with a bewildered America under his arm. Thankfully they were both still clothed but the nations wondered what exactly happened to make the blond have swirly eyes like that.
"There, that is settled! America, sadly, cannot resume the rest of this "meeting," da?" Russia laughed and summoned a portal. "До скорой встречи!"
Everyone stared at the spot that the two disappear from before Japan said. "Ah... Well then," very awkwardly. He held out his hands as everyone, including the bear, gave him money.
As he counted the money he laughed on the inside. They all placed a bet on who America was with romantically, and his position in the next meeting. Japan was smart; he had seen right through the looks the two gave each other recently, and he knew that Russia topped in that relationship, even if America appeared to have the pants in the family.
Votre enfant muet- You stupid child/ignorant child
America is talking about how in doujinshi/pixiv/fanart he tops Russia most of the time, if not 75% of the time with other pairings, (US/UK, Russiamerica, Canada/America, America/Japan, etc.) The country of Japan really likes a seme America.
До скорой встречи- I'll see you later; I'll see you at the next meeting.
Can anyone guess what look America had?
Yandere: a type of person who seems caring/innocent at first but is actually cruel/insane/overprotective. Russia/Belarus are like this and American can be like this in some cases. Fanbased Black!Japan is also like this as well.
Comiket is a type of place that gathers fan based books/doujinshi/etc.