Nothing I must do,
nowhere I should be
no one in my life
to answer to but me.
* * * *
She sat on the beach in Besaid, hair loosely tied back and looking so much different than she had when she was still a summoner. Except for the way she always smiled, even when it hurt to do so. The sun was setting and the water reflected the beautiful shades of orange and red and purple, and she dug her toes deeper into the warm sand. It was apparent to everyone around her that she felt terrible and useless. Yuna had been Spira's hope for so long, and now she was trying to help everyone rebuild their lives, but she couldn't spend a single night without thinking of the one person she wished could be there next to her every second.
* * * *
No more candlelight,
no more purple skies.
No one to be near,
as my heart slowly dies.
* * * *
Part of her died when Tidus left. Anyone could have seen the shimmering ball of life escape her as he left. Part of her wasn't whole without him. No matter how many people she was in a crowded room, or blitzball stadium with, she felt utterly alone. Now, on a deserted beach, running her finger lightly over the sand, she cried. She buried her head in her knees and let the tears run.
'Tidus. . . you weren't just a dream. You were so much more than that to me. . .'
Her body shook with sobs, just like the time he'd first kissed her. The first time she really realized what being in love was like. She wished with all of her heart that she could have that time back. . .she could've made it so much more.
* * * *
If I could hold you one more time,
Like in the days when you were mine,
I'd look at you till I was blind,
So you would stay. . .
* * * *
"It was never supposed to happen this way. . . never ever. You weren't supposed to just. . . vanish," she said the words out loud, but quietly. She could almost feel his arms around her, like that one last time. He'd never vanish to her, he would always be there. He couldn't have been just a dream. He was so real, so beautiful, so precious to her. She tried to find the strength to stand as soon as darkness had completely fallen. But she didn't have the heart to get up.
She'd given her heart away to him.
* * * *
I'd say a prayer each time you'd smile,
cradle the moments like a child.
I'd stop the world if only I
Could hold you one more time.
* * * *
'I want you back, I need you. . . Tidus.' His named always echoed through her mind. It hurt so much to not be able to do anything, to not be able to just whistle and have him there. Instead of having him beside her, all she had was the sounds of her memories sitting quietly beside her, reminding her of all the beautiful things she felt before, and all of the intricate details of emptiness she felt now.
Wakka and Lulu watched protectively from some distance away. They both could tell that it took an immense amount of strength for her to live every day. But they tried to stay as far as they could stand away. Every time they talked, something always slipped about Tidus and she smiled even though her eyes filled with tears.
The emptiness was killing her.
* * * *
I've memorized your face,
I know your touch by heart.
Still lost in your embrace,
I'd dream of where you are.
* * * *
She laid down slowly, spreading her limbs across the sand. It was so painful, being apart from him. All she wanted was just one more day, one more night, any time at all, just to be next to him. She missed so much the feel of his arms around her. The way he held her before he left, that final silent 'I love you' was all she wanted, again. She closed her eyes and wondered if he was thinking about her, too. It was such a gray area, was he enough of a reality to think by himself? Was he really out there?
She knew the answers in her heart, but she was afraid to let the truth sink in. He was gone, just like those who were sent to the farplane. Tidus wasn't going to return to her.
In her mind she saw him, reaching his arms out to her, taking her in. It was a gentle anguish that was just enough to make her feel like her heart was slowly tearing into tiny pieces. Her heart was glass, and he'd held it so gently. It wasn't his fault at all, but it was still painful.
* * * *
If I could hold you one more time,
Like in the days when you were mine,
I'd look at you till I was blind,
So you would stay. . .
* * * *
She found her feet finally and started walking closer to the water. It was something that always reminded her of him. Like everything else, but water especially. She wanted to learn to play blitzball now, just to share a part of him. She stopped suddenly and stomped her foot in frustration.
"Tidus, you weren't a dream, why can't you realize that?? All you have to do is just. . . come. . . back," she was almost sobbing again. She gritted her teeth and decided she had to be strong and walked the lonely road home, wishing he was there to hold her hand.
* * * *
I'd say a prayer each time you'd smile,
Cradle the moments like a child,
I'd stop the world if only I
Could hold you one more time. . . .
One more time. . .
* * * *
She crawled into bed, trying not to think about him. But she found it useless, because the more she thought about not thinking about him, the more she realized that she couldn't get him off her mind. She stared at the ceiling for a while, wondering what she should have done to be able to make him stay. But she eventually fell asleep and a tear rolled down her cheek as she returned to the one place they could truly be together: in dreams.
* * * *
~Song: "One More Time" by Laura Pausini.