I shot the pharaoh, but I didn't shoot the teacher
Miley Stewert was walking to her history class one day, with her best friends, Lilly Truscott, and Oliver Oken. They walked into the class room of Mr. Francis Corelli, their history teacher. He was wearing a pharaoh crown. "Good morning class!" he exclaimed. "Today we're gonna learn about ancient Egypt! So, get on your virtual camels, cause we're goin' to Egypt in our imaginations! Let me get my globe." He reaches up to a high shelf to get the globe. A big titanium block falls on his head as he gets it. He falls to the ground, unconscious. Some of the kids rush over to him. "Mr. Corelli, are you okay?" asked Miley. He immediately got up. "NO!" he shouted. "I will no longer be addressed by that name! You will address me as king of the upper and lower Nile, the Moon god of Thoth, Master of Thebes, the Sultan of the Sand dunes, the ruler of ages, Master of the Middle East, and ruler of Arabia: KING TUT! Now, bow to me slaves! On your knees and cower before the awesome power of the patriarch prince of the Ptolemaic Dynasty!" "Never!" Miley shouted. "I serve the one true God, the maker of the heavens and the earth, Jesus Christ!" "Very well," shot back the flabby pharaoh, "if you will not bow, then prepare to be dealt with. Tutlings! Send this young helot and her friends into the furnace!" A group of Egyptian-garbed men come in. They try to grab Miley, Lilly & Oliver, but they kick them, and run away. Tut presses a button on a remote, and out pops a device called a Tutscope. "Only a little more time, vassals. A bit of watchful waiting. That little blimp is Miley. A device was placed in her backpack. When it disappears, she will have gone into her house. I theorized that Miley & Hannah Montana are one in the same, because I've never seen her at a concert." he said. The class stared at him, blankly. "What?" he replied. "Your teacher's cooler than you think he is." Miley arrives at her house. "Jackson, where's Dad?" "He's probably out shopping. Today's market day, and you know how he likes to take advantage of the specials." Jackson said. The phone rings, and Miley answers. "Hello?" she asked. "Hello Hannah Montana! This is your monarch speaking." Tut said. "I think you have the wrong number; there's no one here by that name." Miley said. "Come off it, you singing sissie!" Tut retorted. "Be a good sport, Hannah, admit you've been outwitted." "My name is Miley Stewert, and you're calling my house." Miley said. "Of course you're Miley Stewert," Tut said, "You're also Hannah Montana, and I'll tell it to the world at a press conference tomorrow." "Hannah will make you look like a fool," Miley said, "She and I have met, and I don't really know her too well." "Balderdash, say I! Stop the nonsense and fooling! The only way you'll convince me that Hannah Montana and Miley Stewert are not the same person, is if you sit next to me at a Hannah Montana concert, while Hannah's performing! And I'll have a video camera, and zoom in, to make sure it's really her!" Commercial. Miley & Tut go in. "Wow, this is what an actual Hannah Montana concert looks like!" she exclaimed. "Yeah, you would know." King Tut said. "I've tried to go to a concert before, but somehow I've always been busy doing something…else." Miley said. "Yeah, like performing as Hannah." Tut shot back. He stands up. "Ladies and gents, I predict that Miley Stewert, a student of mine, is none another than the one, the only, the original Hannah Montana! Hannah's not on stage right now, because she's sitting right next to me!" Everyone stares at her. "I'm going to get a soft pretzel!" she said. "Oh no you're not!" Tut screamed. "You're going to stay right here, until I see the real Hannah Montana walk out on that stage and sing a song, like only she can!" Hannah walks out. "It's a trick. It's a trick!" Tut shouts. "As you can see, we don't look a bit alike." Miley said. Hannah said, "Hey everybody, sorry I'm late. Hope nobody thinks I'm an average schoolgirl!" She starts singing.
The other side By day, I play Pretend, to my friends Feel like a star If you could see
The other side
The other side of me
The part in every way
Of simple sweet, calm and collected
I'm a chameleon
Can make a girl feel disconnected
A super hero
Sometimes it's hard to separate
(Got too much on my plate)
The other side of me
I'm just like anybody else, can't you tell
I hold the key (the key)
To both realities
The girl that I want you to know
If only I could show
The other side...the other side
I want you to see
The other side...the other side
The other side of me
"You have no idea how much that song relates to her!" Tut shouts. "Good night everybody!" says Hannah. "Ohh! It is written: 'He who knows he has lost, has had it!' Good bye, Miss Stewert." Tut says. He goes to her house. Robbie Ray answers the door. "Hello there! I'm the prince of pyramids, King Tut. I'm looking for Hannah Montana." Tut says. "Sweet Nibblets, that girl's done it again." Robbie says. "Done what?" says Tut. "My daughter has a little bit of an overactive imagination. She likes to pretend she's celebrities. Last week she was the Olsen twins. Both of 'em. You talk about a full house! Woo! Anyhow, sorry if she caused you any trouble." He tries to shut the door but he blocks it. "Not so fast! I've been doing a little research, and the 'buzz' is that Hannah Montana lives somewhere in this neighborhood." Tut said. "Well, not in this house!" Robbie Ray said. "Be sure to grab yourself a sprinkle of that rosemary in the garden on your way out, it's delicious on fish!" "I don't think so! Tutlings, attack!" he shouted. They conk him over the head with a lead peccil. "I'm going up to her room!" He goes up into her empty room, and presses a button on the wall. "Oh! Oh, do my own eyes deceive me? Oh happiness at last! Oh, great blobs of joy! Eureka! I have found it! Hannah Montana's closet, right in Miley Stewert's room! Right in Miley's room? That means that Miley Stewert really IS Hannah Montana! Oh, the world is my oyster, and everyone will be bringing me dippin' sauce!" He gets on TV. "Hello out there in television land. This is your lord & master, your king, speaking. I hold the key to the riddle of the ages! Hannah Montana is—" He is interrupted by his mother. "Francis, how many chicken wings do you want? 2 or 3?" He rolls his eyes as she's talking. "Not now ma, I'm on the computer planning global domination, and destroying Hannah Montana's usefulness! King Tut, over and out. Please watch this broadcast for further instructions! 20, and don't hog the ketchup! Oh, and one more thing: if you don't confess that you are indeed Hannah Montana, Miley, your family and friends, whom I have kidnapped will suffer my unending wrath! I'm a king of my word!" Miley goes to a costume party. A fat man walks in, in an Egyptian pharaoh costume. The police grab him. "What are you doing? Get your hands off me! This is an outrage!" he shouts. He is taken to the police station. "Well we've finally caught you, 'King Tut!' said the Police Chief. "I'm not King Tut!" shouted back the fat man, "I'm Albert Dontzig, the neighbor of Robbie Ray Stewert!" Back in King Tut's palace, Lilly, Jackson, Oliver, Robbie Ray, and even Aunt Dolly, Uncle Earl, and Mamaw Stewert are trapped in jars. "Chief Torturer, what's the latest pebble count?" he shouted. "Coming down now, my pharaoh." he shouted back. "Number-1,000!" "Bring them to my throne room!" Tut shouted. They, along with Hannah, were brought. "Let it be awarding, loyal subjects. Our enemies shall be reduced to mindless slaves. Smash open their cages!" he shouted. Tut's men grabbed hammers, and broke their jars. "Dance you slaves! Dance for our amusement! Music, and make it a Hannah Montana song!" he shouted. A Tutling turned on the CD player. It played, "Nobody's Perfect" Hannah, Lola, and Mike started dancing. Tut was laughing. "Dewett, you know the rules!" Ashley Dewett was sneaking a chocolate bar. "Oh I hope you have enough there for everybody!" Tut said. "Only if they take really small bites." Ashley said. "I'm the only one who gets to do sarcasm around here! Give it! Anyway, how many times must I tell you? Queens consume nectar of Ambrosia, not chocolate! Thank you!" he says. "You guys gotta stop sneakin' food into the palace; I'm already wearin' my fat robe!" Hannah grabbed Tut. "C'mon Tut! We're goin' to the station!" At the Police Station, Robby Ray came in. "C'mon Miley, we have to go to the Hannah Montana concert." Tut shouted. "Ha! Ha! That's what I said! She's gonna go straight to her house and put on that corny blonde wig!" "Actually Tut, would you believe I'm going to actually go to one of her concerts?" Miley asked. "No, because you are—" A brick falls on his head. "Oh! What an amazing dream! I better get going, or I'm gonna be late to class!" "No, you're goin' in the slammer!" said the Chief. "You can't do this! The P.T.A.'s gonna hear about this!" screamed Mr. Correlli.
Author's note: This story is based off of episodes of Batman and Hannah Montana written by the following people:
Robert C. Dennis and Earl Barret: "The Pharaoh's in a Rut" and "Tut's Case is Shut"
Stanley Ralph Ross- "The Unkindest Tut of All" & "I'll be a Mummy's Uncle"
Norm Gunzenhauser- "Lilly's Mom has got it going on"
Todd J. Greenwald "New Kid in School"
Batman created by Bob Kane, and the TV series owned by 20th Century Fox and created by William Dozier
Hannah Montana owned by Disney and created by Michael Poryes, Richard Correll, and Barry O'Brien