Fourteenth of October, 2006
One day, I don't know how far from now, I will look back at everything I've done and just laugh. Oh, I will laugh! HA HA! And the funny thing is – Yes, there are so many – but the best part is that you people still get this notion in your thick little skulls that I actually have a plan! You actually mistake me for aschemer! HA HA HA! I'd like to think that, after all the precious time I've spent with the people of this city, that you'd understand who exactly it is you are dealing with, maybe better than I do myself, but NO! OF COURSE NOT!
"What are his plans?" you ask! "What horrible thing does he plan to do next?" I can just hear you people whining! Sniffling and sobbing about your poor lost "husband" or "baby" or "wife" –these are just words you use to link yourselves to other people. Dependence just makes us weaker, but you people don't seem to grasp this. But anyhow…yeah… I can just see your flushed, pathetic faces illuminating from a giant, flickering screen in the city square, sobbing and spitting into a Channel 10 microphone, "What will he do next?!" It is so hilarious that, after all these years, you people think you can pick me apart, analyze me, but you don't know me at all! Hee hee HA HA!
Understand this; it is as much of a mystery to me as it is to you! You see, time is nothing but a series of opportunities. But this is yet another thing that all you schemers don't seem to understand! Maybe you just can't see it. Yeah, maybe that's it. Maybe that's why you let so many opportunities pass you by. You spend so much time looking at what will happen in the future, asking yourself if it will all go according to plan. It's like…like a train. A train of opportunity, chugging down the tracks. It never stops, but there is a small group of people like me who think quick enough to jump on, while everyone else just stands on the tracks with a blank expression, focusing on the destination, but they don't even notice the BIG TRAIN careening toward them. They don't notice until they are crushed into tiny little bits, splattered all over the pavement, staining it red!
No, no, no…no, stain…that's not the right word. Maybe…paint, or…accent. Oh yes—HA HA HA! Because every spot of blood is a masterpiece. Every stiff is a trophy. Every bullet I use, every drop of blood on my knife, is a friendly reminder of my accomplishments. Oh, and can you people even see the IRONY? Of course not! –Why am I the only one who ever sees the funny side? Am I the only one who realizes that I am doing you people a favor? I am eliminating all these people from the world, and you don't even thank me! I guess you just don't see things the way I do.
You see, no one is "innocent." Innocence does not exist! Deep down, you all know that every single person I have killed was getting in someone's way. Every single person has done somethingunforgivable in their lifetime. They all did their part; all I did was remove them from the big picture. But in the grand scheme main sequence, who's to notice? Removing one or two little specks from a Picasso wouldn't make a difference.
But, as for me…I am the canvas. Without me, there would be no painting! The world can't kill me, because they know that without me, they couldn't survive! See, I am one of few people who actually make an impact. If I were gone, the world would riot! Who else would play my role in society? Who else would upset the established order?
Oh, and here we find another thing I never see a thank you note for! I am this city's sole provider of chaos! And, as we all know, the world thrives on chaos. Chaos…disorder…anarchy…all things that keep the world…sane. Oh how ironic! HA HA! After all, all work and no play makes me a dull boy.
I'm not a monster. I understand things that no one else seems to get. I find it so funny that you people cast me out…like a leper! That's one of many things that is wrong with this world. Nobody appreciates knowledge. Why am I so often mistaken for insane? In reality – ugh, reality—I am a genius!
And, I know I'm getting so far off track, but there is something we have to worry about. Reality. That is the only thing we have to fear! I have escaped reality long ago. I create my own back-story. I create my own present. I create my own future! I create my own rules! I'm not crazy, I have just chosen a different path.
Oh, trying to explain myself is tiring. I need no explanation. I can explain my thoughts and my motives, but what's the point. All this thinking is too much for humanity's feeble minds! The jokes you understand, but it's their meanings that you have to think about. I do what I do to send a message. Everything burns. Everybody falls. Until you make an impact, no one will notice when you're gone. If you think about it my way, everyone is already DEAD! HA HA HOO HEE HA! Chaos, my friends. That is what keeps us alive.