Captives of a Strange and Cruel Mind

SUMMARY: A new fanfiction author throws her favorite characters into cells in an attempt to get a new story idea. Will they escape…?

A/N: Hi, guys! It's AaylaKit of Niflheim, and this is my first story. Please read and review it... *bites fingernails nervously*

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars. Darn it, I really want a creative way of saying that...

CHAPTER ONE: The Capture

In which a new author introduces herself, catches the characters she will be using, and explains her plan.

I went after Fett first.

He was probably the easiest one. It only took a couple lies about Mace Windu and a well-placed hologram to get him to head straight into the cell I had arranged.

"Ta-ta, Boba!" I cheered, raising my hand to slam the door.

"No! Wait! You can't!"

"Yes, I can! You may refer to me as AaylaKit or—and I would prefer this—'milady'. Clear?"

"Please!" Boba struggled and forced his shoulders between the doors, holding them open. "Aaylakit, I am your father!"

I stopped dead. "Really, Boba? REALLY? For one, you're, like, thirteen I think, and two, you have a daughter later. I don't know her name. Ailyn Vel or something. Third, if you were, I couldn't be all obsessive over your cuteness and that would break my heart. Fourthly, YOU CAPITALIZE THAT K IN MY NAME!"

Boba paused in his frantic efforts to pull the door open. "I have a daughter later? How do you—"

"Because I know everything. Now why did you say that? You don't know about Vader yet…"

"I really have no idea. It just came into my head for some reason. Let me out you Sith!"

"Now, now, Bob'ika!" I chided, grinning. "Is that any way to talk to me?"

"Yes," was the immediate response. I shook my head.

"If I were really a Sith, Boba, I would try and kill you for that comment. But I'm not. You won't be seeing much of me, anyway. I'm just here to keep you still and try and write stuff about you. I'll explain after I get the others in—for now, toodle-oo!" I pushed him through the doors and slammed them, then turned away, ignoring the cries for help and the Mandalorian curses.

The other captives took more time, of course. And my next course was to the son of the creator of the quote that Boba had used. Luke Skywalker.

He was harder—much harder.

"Hi, Luke! I'm here to bring you to Leia. She wanted to see you."

He stared at me. "I sense through the Force that you are lying."

I frowned. "Oh…there's that one gone then, huh? All right then: LOOK, WHAT'S THAT BEHIND YOU!"

Luke watched me fall to the ground dramatically. "There's nothing behind me."

"Can you help me up, Luke?" I asked from the floor.

Luke shook his head. "No! You're a Sith, aren't you?"

"I thought you had the Force. Can't you see I'm not a Sith? Now help me up," I said, extending a hand straight into the air. "Please."

"What's your name, anyway?" Luke ignited his lightsaber and held it, ready in case I tried anything.

"Put that away," I said. "Scary green pointy glowy thing. Could hurt someone with that."

"What is your name?"

"AaylaKit! Capitalize the K in the middle, I'm warning you."

"Why are you here?"

"I'm here to say hello, Luke. Can't a friend drop by?"

"You're not my friend. I've never met you before."

"Well, help me up anyway. It's polite."

"Help yourself up. And none of your excuses are real. Why are you here?!"

"I'm here to say hi. I told you that. Listen, Luke—I've captured Boba Fett."

"Really?" Luke lowered his lightsaber slightly. "You're not lying…"

"Nope! I'm not. Now, follow me—I'll show him to you. Help me up."

This time, Luke grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet. "Lead the way. I have my lightsaber, in case you trick me."

"Okay, Luke!" I said after my ship had flown a short way. "I'm going to be switching into another dimension here, so if you've eaten anything, get rid of it now before it ends up on the seat leather. Not really leather, you should know. Diamond encrusted paper."

Luke stared at me, mouth hanging open slightly. "Diamond…encrusted…"

"Paper! Yep. A homage to what I do. Besides, I created this, so I can decide anything—" I slammed a hand over my mouth and started preparing for the jump into the new dimension—a dimension that I had dubbed Dimension Fanfiction, Sector Parody, Planet AaylaKit.

He didn't let up easily. "What do you do? And how is it even possible to use paper for seat leather?"

"You'll see later. Try not to ask stupid questions," I said, dodging both of them. "Look here, we're entering Dimension Fanfiction."

"What's Dimension Fanfiction?"

"You'll find out, like I said." I pointed out the window. "Look—that's Sector Romance we're passing through. There's Planet AJSK… there's Sector Adventure…Planet Kiratta…here's Sector Parody. That's where I put Fett. Look…Planet Maralexa…lovely planet…and here we are, Planet AaylaKit!"

"You have a planet named after—" Luke started, but stopped when a strange robotic voice floated out of the atmosphere.

[You are entering Fanfiction Parody Planet AaylaKit. Please state your identification]

A white light shone on me.

"That's my cue!" I did a little tap dance for the cameras sure to be watching me, then bowed. "My name is AaylaKit. I am the author of this planet."

[Please state your password, Aaylakit]

"CAPITALIZE THAT K!"

[Welcome, AaylaKit] The light shone on Luke. [Please state your identification]

I frowned and passed Luke a written script I had prepared for him."Read it or it'll kill you!" I hissed when he appeared to be having doubts. The interface wouldn't actually kill him, most likely, but a little fear never hurt anyone.

"I am a…character…of…Star Wars? I am Luke Skywalker…"

"He is my captive," I inserted, ignoring Luke's shocked look. "Hey, put that lightsaber down! Interface, help me!"

[Scanning] the interface said.

"Put it doooown!" I howled, pushing at Luke's hand to try and get the lightsaber away from my face.

[Scan complete. Welcome, Luke Skywalker, prisoner of AaylaKit. Your weapons will be removed during your stay on Fanfiction Parody Planet AaylaKit]

Luke stared in horror as his lightsaber vanished from his hand.

"Ha-ha!" I cheered, standing up again. "Come on, Luke, let's visit Boba. Then we'll see your cell."

Next on my list were the people who had inspired my name: Aayla Secura and Kit Fisto. Easy, almost as easy as Boba. A surprise, really, considering that they were full-fledged Jedi.

"Hi, Aayla, Kit! Come with me! I'm AaylaKit!"

They looked at me weird. Nothing new.

"Yeah, I made it out of your names. Cause you two are cute together! Don't think I don't know about Kamino…"

Aayla and Kit looked at each other, sending back and forth glances that said She knows about us? and Cute together? and Where is she taking us? and What's she doing? And, most importantly, How does she know about Kamino?

I laughed, then decided it would be nice to answer one or two of the questions. "I'm AaylaKit, like I said. And you guys are famous! Plus, I know everything. I'm taking you to Dimension Fanfiction Sector Parody Planet AaylaKit—yes, it's named after me, not you two—and as for what I'm doing, I'll tell you later. Now, allons-y!" I started back towards my ship.

"Why should we come with you?" Aayla called.

I turned, smiling benignly. "Well, because if you don't…I'll have to tell the entire Temple your secret. But it's your choice…"

Was it any wonder what they did?

As for how I got the others, that needs no mentioning. All you must know is that eventually I rounded up all of my favorite and least favorite Star Wars characters, and put them all in cells on Planet AaylaKit. Then, fulfilling every good villain's needs, I put up a hologram of myself in every cell.

"Hi, everyone!" I greeted them, watching their surprised/angry/confused/horrified/doom face expressions on my cameras. "As you've probably guessed, I am AaylaKit. Where are you? What are you doing? Are tomatoes fruits? These questions, and more, will be answered now.

"Where are you? You are on the underground of the Planet AaylaKit. I say underground. Planet AaylaKit is hollow. You're all floating in space in cells, and I can change them, and alter your surroundings as I wish.

"Why are you here? This'll require some explaining. I'll do it as best as I can. See, I'm a new fanfiction author. And I need ideas! All the good ones have been taken! So I've put you all in cells I made up here, and I'll watch you, and put you in situations. Then I'll record your reactions and make a story out of this! Brilliant, non?

"What are you doing? Follow your natural responses to things. That way, I'll get good material. And when I get good material…I'll let you go! Well…maybe.

"Anyway! What will happen to you, and how will you be treated? I'll give you food and water and companionship. And you'd BETTER BE COMPANIONS! Otherwise these ships I'm working on won't work." I coughed several times, and choked out "Boba!"

"What did I do?" Boba asked the camera, clearly annoyed.

"Boba asked what he did—it's not what you did, Bob'ika, it's the fact that you're not going to do what I want. So try and be natural, but, y'know, join in with my ships, okay? Okay.

"And are tomatoes fruits? Yes, they are. But remember! Knowledge, of which I possess a great deal, is knowing that tomatoes are fruits. But wisdom, of which I also possess a great deal, is knowing not to put them in a fruit salad. So if I give you a fruit salad, it will not contain tomatoes. Now, that's all! I'll see you shortly!" I smiled to them, and turned the hologram off.

This was going to be the BEST fanfiction story ever.

A/N: So, that's the first chapter... R&R please? (Oh, and I also don't happen to own Maralexa, Anakin-Jason-Skywalker-Kenobi, or KiraKenvor. Hope you guys enjoyed the free publicity...)