For Witch Weekly's Future Article on Sirius Black

Chapter One: What the Ladies Think about Sirius Black

"I am Sirius Black. This recording is for Witch Weekly's future article on me. Today I am going around asking what the girls think about me," came the voice of Sirius Black out of the wizarding tape recorder. "OO! There is my girl friend!"

"Hey, Meg!"

"Sirius, love. Where have you been?"

"What are your thoughts on the very sexy Sirius Black?"

"Who?"

"I am being serious, Meg."

"Of course you are. Your parents named you Sirius. Of course you are being Sirius."

"Just answer the question."

"All right. What to say about Sirius Black? He is very much handsome, great kisser, fantastic in bed, pretty good dancer, sweet, the best prankster, and he is mine, all mine."

"WHAT! We can't date other people while we are dating? What is this about a pretty good dancer! I am an awesome dancer! We are through!"

In the back round you could here hysterical sobbing.

"Please leave out the part that I made her cry."

"There is Lizia Smith. Hey, Liz baby, what do you think about me?"

"I must be dreaming the Sirius Black is talking to me! Well you are really hot and I completely love you. You are the best Quidditch player ever. I am so lucky to be talking to you. I love all your pranks. You are so talented at all of your classes. On your OWLs you got seven Os and one A in History of Magic. One last thing, you have a great arse."

"Do you think my left buttock is bigger than my right?"

"No, you're perfect in my opinion."

"Thanks, I know I am perfect. Do you want to go out with me next weekend?"

"OH MY GOD! Some one pinch me! I would love to go out with you!"

"Good. See you next weekend."

There was a squeal of delight.

"Note, Lily Evans walked by and rolled her eyes. She heard me make the note and rolled her eyes again. I have to record this. Prongsie-poo is going over to Evans. This could be like a sub article."

"HEY, Evans!"

"What do you want, Potter?"

"You."

"Shut it, Potter."

"Come on, go out with me?"

"Potter, remember last year. I told you I would rather go out with the giant squid. I still would rather date the squid."

"He can't kiss as good as me."

"How would you know? Have you kissed him? You don't get it do you? I don't want to be a one night stand! I do not want some one who is immature, like you!"

"That was not the best fight Witch Weekly. The best one was after OWLs in Fifth Year. I wonder what Evans thinks of me? Evans, OY Evans!"

"What do you want, Black?"

"What do you think when you hear the name Sirius Black?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"If you must know it is for Witch Weekly."

"Why are you asking me about you for that stupid magazine?"

"For my future article in the stupid magazine."

"Do they know about this article that is going to be in their magazine."

"No, not yet. Just answer the bloody question."

"All right. Big-headed prat."

"Hey! I resent that!"

"Oh, yes, and tell your idiot of a friend to leave me alone. If he really wants me he should grow up!"

There were fast pacing footsteps.

"That went well. Hey Witch Weekly put the idiot of a friend part in. He is an idiot."

"Well, well, well, if it isn't my cousin."

"Bella! Just who I was looking for! Even better Snivelly too! So cous what are your thoughts off me?"

"I think you are an ungrateful blood traitor. You're as bad as a mudblood."

"What about you Snivellus?"

"Black I have to go with your beautiful cousin."

"MY BEAUTIFUL COUSIN! That is the most hilarious thing I have ever heard!"

"Hardy, ha, ha, very funny cous. I hope you have a horrible rest of the day."

"You too, bye Bella! I will miss you Snivellus."

"In the article add that I am disowned, it will get my family mad."

"Black, what are you doing?"

"Ah, Cummings, I am making a recording for our kids about me."

Shelby made a gagging noise. "What makes you think I will ever sleep with you? Even if we did have a child you would never be around. You would be off snogging a girl or more likely a peanut."

"Or I could be snogging a beautiful creature, you."

"What are you really doing?"

"I am getting information of what girls think of me for Witch Weekly."

Cummings burst out laughing. "What would they want with a sixteen year old Hogwarts student?"

"It is for future references."

"Aaahh! For when you become a famous Quidditch player slash Auror slash sexiest man in the world."

"How did you know that? Are you a seer? How am I going to look like in ten years? Twenty years? Thirty? Do I dare go thirty-one years?"

"I knew that because that is what you said in that career class that is what you wanted to do. I am not a seer. When you are older you will look like an arse."

Sirius gasped. "You're evil. Now, what are your thoughts on me?"

"Well, you are the biggest player in the whole school."

"Thank you. Note to Witch Weekly, Shelby just rolled her eyes. There she goes again, again, again, and again. Wow, I am dizzy."

"You are all right looking."

"I'm beautiful."

"You're a cocky arse."

"Well, I am awesome. Right, ladies!"

There was a big cheering sound.

"I see your fan club is here, Black."

"Yes, they are."

"You think your this and that, but you're not. You are a womanizing, self absorbed, #$."

Click!

"Sorry WW, I want this to be PG. I know Sirius Black wanting something PG is weird, but I want little kids to know who I am. Day one, finished."

"The next tape is what the staff thinks of me," Sirius Black told his fellow Marauders.

A/N- Hey! This is going to be a short little fic. I am thinking 7 chappies. Here are the names:

1) What the Ladies Think about Sirius Black

2) What the Staff Thinks about Sirius Black

3) What the House Elves Think about Sirius Black

4) What the Pictures Think about Sirius Black

5) What the Ghosts Think about Sirius Black

6) What My Fellow Marauders Think about Sirius Black

7) What Sirius Black Thinks about Himself

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