Private Practice

Addison Montgomery: All This Time Songfic

Addison sobbed as she threw down her bag. This wasn't worth it! She had to do something. She threw herself at a full bottle of wine and grabbed a bottle of pain killers. This was it. She couldn't do it. Half an hour later, Addison lay on the floor knocked out, an empty wine bottle near by and pain killers strewn everywhere.

Sam was worried, not having heard from Addison after she left work super upset and a complete mess. As he got home, he saw a light on at Addison's house. He stepped on to the deck and suddenly had an urgent sense of wrongness. He half-ran to Addison's door and was horrified to see her lying unconscious. Sam practically ripped the slider door open and ran to Addison's limp body. He took her in to her arms. Addison stirred slightly. Sam shook her lightly.

"Come on Addi, don't do this. Don't leave me!" he whispered in to her ear. Addison's eyes fluttered open.

"Wha? What-Sam what the hell happened?" she asked suddenly terrified. Sam slowly pulled her in to an embrace.

"You were upset, and you drank a full bottle of wine with pain killers and you nearly killed yourself," he explained. Addison took in a sharp inhale of breath. God, she was such a screw-up. But she knew it was her insecurities, not the world's. She could do this, now she really truly knew she wasn't alone.

You self-destructive, little girl. Pick yourself up, don't blame the world. So you screwed up, but you're gonna be okay...

Addison dialed Kevin's number. She cried softly awaiting his answer. The night before this whole, I- tried-to-kill-myself-because-I'm-crazy incident, Addison let it out on Kevin. She'd screamed and yelled and said horrible things to him. And now she knew he truly loved her, like Sam and Naomi and everyone at the practice.

"Hello?" a groggy voice answered. Addison took a deep breath.

"Heybabe, s'me, Addison," she said quietly. Kevin coughed and then took a deep breath.

"Addison?" was all he said. Addison began to cry. This was such a hard time. She really did need Kevin.

"I'm sorry! S'notthesame," she slurred, her speech still not quite developed. Kevin laughed to himself.

"I'm coming by so we can talk. I want to understand. I love you babe. I'll see you in at least twenty minutes," Kevin replied. He didn't wait for an answer. He knew it was okay. Addison smiled to herself and hung up. Hearing the dial tone, Kevin did the same.

Now call your boyfriend, and apologize. You pushed him pretty far away last night. He really loves you, you just don't always love yourself.

Addison ran to the door as she hear a knock. Kevin walked in and sat on the couch. Addison kissed him, and they he began to chuckle. Addison, confused, looked in to his eyes. Kevin sighed.

"Addison you know you're never alone. You can do what you want in the world, you're a world class surgeon for Christ Sakes!" Kevin said with a dry laugh. Addison nodded. She knew she could do things, she just needed a small encouragement, a small push.

And all this time, ohhh all this time. You have had it in you, you just sometimes need a push. And all this time, ohhh all this time. You have had it in you, you just sometimes need a push.

Addison laughed at the news announcement that was flashing across the screen of her T.V. It was about a homeless woman who had robbed a bank. The girl was none other than Addison rival in med school, Portland Hess. She was the most stuck up snob ever. And now she was homeless, clothes-less, barefoot, and jailed. Portland had once fought with Addison, and started something physical. She punched Addison and broke her nose and then she pulled out a lot of Addison's hair. Karma rocked. All the world was full of bad people doing bad things. But they were stupid enough to get caught. Yup, karma was a kick-ass thing. Other than the bank robbery, there was a story of a new-author (none other than Addison's law school clown) KarrieAnne Rossers. She was pregnant now. That was kind of a blow to Addison. That wasn't very fair. KarrieAnne had been Portland's little accomplice. Ah, well...sometime, Addison would have a wonderful thing happen to her. She already had a great job. And she went everywhere to practice her medicine. This world was full of crazy twists and turns. Addison figured she just had to learn how to ride those twists and turns out.

Think all the mean girls, who pulled your hair. Are barefoot now and pregnant there. But you get to travel around the world.

Kevin kissed Addison deeply. They broke apart for air and Addison stared in to Kevin's eyes. She was still a little shaky from her incident a few days ago. But she was recovering. As she thought of what had happened again, she dropped her head so her eyes were out of Kevin's view. She quietly began to cry. Kevin hugged her.

"Addi don't! You know I'm here. And you know you can do whatever you want. See? I'm giving you the emotional push you need. I'm here for you baby," he said softly. Addison felt his fingers brush strands of fire red hair out of her eyes. Addison sniffled and nodded.

"I know. I believe you," was all she said.

And all this time, ohhh all this time. You have had it in you, you just sometimes need a push. And all this time, ohhh all this time. You have had it in you, you just sometimes need a push.

Addison lay on her bed, an open book on her lap. She heard Kevin still in the bathroom. The quietness in the air was uncomfortable. Almost...awkward. She shifted the reading glasses perched on her nose. Her hair tumbled down her back in wet locks, the fire gone for now, almost extinguished by the shower she and Kevin had taken. She thought of Derek, and of Mark. She kind of felt a lingering sorrow for Derek's touch, Mark's love. But it was gone in a flash, like a spark in the air. Addison knew what she wasn't going to be doing now. She understood her detours. She had finally gotten what she wanted, she'd been lucky. Addison smiled and chuckled to herself. Then she returned to her open book.

So you've had some detours. Some stupid men. Now we know what not, to do again. Besides you lucked out. Finally...

Addison and Kevin were still going strong. Then again, tragedy struck. Kevin had been shot. He wasn't doing well. But Sam and Naomi were always there for Addison. They were with her when she decided to take Kevin off of life-support. Addison cried and cried for days. She never looked or acted the same. But it was the support and friendship that Addison had that helped her through life.

"Suicide isn't the answer," Naomi would say. And Addison would agree and then cry. It was at least a month before Addison really stopped crying. With Naomi by her side, Addison went to the graveyard and visited Kevin. She cried again, but with a little push from Naomi, she was able to let out how she felt. It was awkward for Addison to be talking to a tombstone. But it helped. She could do this, she could go on with life. It would be what Kevin would want. Addison sighed and stood up with Naomi. She burst in to tears again and together, they left the graveyard. Addison really believed she'd get on.

And all this time, ohh all this time. You have had it in you. You just sometimes need a push. And all this time, ohh all this time. You have had it in you. You just sometimes need a push. All this time, ohh all this time. You have had it in you. You just sometimes need a push. All this time, ohh all this time. You have had it in you. You just sometimes need a push...

A/N: Did'ja like it? Was it horrible? Please review! :)