Ted, Lily, and Marshall were shopping for a wedding present for Barney and Robin when Ted says
"How about this, it shoots out condoms."
"Stop trying to be witty and let's get them something that isn't a gag gift." Said a peeved Lily
"The sad part is I think that they'd actually use that." Said Marshall
"I know your jealous and pisted-" Lily started
"I'm not, I wish them a lifetime of happiness." Ted said sincerely
"Oh, that actually really sweet" Said Lily happily
"But" said Marshall
"I've been looking for my future wife for the better part of a decade and he gets married within a year of dating!" Continued Ted, Lily tried to interrupt but Ted continued "He hated marriage for years then all of a sudden it's, I'm going to get married." He said mockingly, Lily tried again and Ted continued "Ass."
"Barney grew up, you gotta face it" Said Lily with the cold, hard, truth.
"What is this?" Marshall said playing the strange contraption that sort of looks like it came out of a SAW movie.
"You have to give a good gift, make a good toast, and most importantly, give him a great bachelor party." Lily said
"Fuck, I haven't even started that yet." Ted said
"The wedding's in two weeks." Lily said
"God I dodged a bullet." Said a relieved Marshall
"You have to do something awesome to make up for the way you reacted when they told us." Lily said
"Lily" Ted said trying to make her shut up.
"You thought they were kidding!" Lily said pisted off, "Let's reminisce shall we" Lily finished
"No Lily" Ted trying to make her shut up
"So Barney and Robin walk into the bar…"
Barney and Robin walk into the bar but don't sit down
"We have some pretty awesome news" said Barney
"What?" asked Lily
"We're getting married!" said Robin happily
Ted broke out in laughter "You guys, seriously!"
"Ted!" Lily said sternly trying to get him to shut up. That didn't stop Ted,
"Like really, you two! He can't commit to a plant, and you want him to commit marriage!"
"TED!" Lily said again; but Ted kept on going
"And you" he said pointing to Robin, "You never wanted to marry because of your job and stuff!"
"TED!" Lily said for a final time and Robin puts her ring hand right near his face.
He stops his rant and said impressed "Wow, that's a really nice ring for a bit." Then it hit him like a ton of bricks, his eyes traveled up and he said mortified "This isn't a bit is it?" Barney and Robin shook their heads no. "Fuck." Ted muttered mortified and looked down with shame and embarrassment.