These chapters are not in order of which they occur. Trigger warnings/ references self harm and depresssion.
It was a long day at school for Stan.
Now being 13 and starting his teen years he had a lot on his shoulders. He had changed a bit since he was 10: he still wore his blue and red poofball hat. He also had braces and black framed glasses which he absolutely hated (being quite smart and in the advance classes made him get called a nerd a lot). He wore black stud earrings: he always liked the goth type style. He always wore red converse, blue jeans and a brown hoodie. Against contrary belief, Stan was actually quite short and preferred more creative activities than sports.
Many girls swooned over him not just because he was in fact good looking but also for the fact that he was determined and smart but they didn't know one thing.
He had a crush on Eric Cartman.
It may seem crazy, hell even Stan thought it was crazy but it was true. Stan figured that Eric's fondness of cats always charmed him. Cartman was at least 4 inches taller than him and was bigger no surprise. Cartman didn't change much in personality. He still had a rivalry with Kyle. Stan was actually good friends with Cartman and hung out with him. Kyle didn't even know about this. Stan figured it was better that way. But he wanted to let his group know why he had been so confused and down lately.
He decided to come out as bisexual to his friends. It was a part of the burden that he had (he wouldn't mention Eric). They were all supportive, especially Kyle and Kenny. Kenny even tried to hit on him, being the little pervert he was.
Cartman was harder to tell though. Stan expected to be called a fag but nothing was said. The usual racist, foul mouthed sociopath seemed distant: his mind somewhere else. Stan was confused for sure but he was glad that he wasn't ridiculed.
Unfortunately, some kid overheard the confession and decided to spread it all over the school through eavesdropper. Middle school is full of malicious snakes: honestly it's not a nice place to be. Some where glad that one of their peers had the courage to say it but some weren't as supportive.
When Stan walked to his locker, everyone whispered and stared like a hawk as he passed by. A random 9th grader came up behind him and shoved him to the ground.
"Look at the emo fag," the older boy mocked as he pointed at Stan who was picking up all of his homework.
"What the hell is your problem, you fucking dick!" Stan snarled, glaring at the brute above him.
"You think you can smart mouth me kid? Well, you have another thing coming," the 9th grader kicked Stan with force in the stomach which resulted with the smaller boy to crawl in a ball. Tears threatened to escape his sapphire eyes when he heard people around him snicker.
"Awww look, he's gonna cry!" A girl called out. Stan lifted his head to see that people were filming. He picked himself back up and ran to the boy's bathroom. He held in the tears as he checked his lower abdomen. No doubt, it was bruised and swollen. He looked at himself in the mirror and brushed his raven hair back. He kept a mask of pride to hide his sadness. He was used to acting normal to others but he wasn't actually that happy. Another secret he couldn't tell anyone:
He had depression.
Stan kept his head down during the day and concentrated on his work to get his mind from everything. He avoided his friends and just sat in the music department to clear his mind and play his flute. The music soothed him: the soft melody filling his ears. Unfortunately, classes had to resume. The school day seemed to drag on forever until the home bell rang.
Stan decided against taking the bus home since all the assholes rode it. A walk would be nice even though it was blistering cold. He took a detour home and walked passed the stores and through the park.
Music blasted from his ear buds to drown out any noise from the outside world.
Once he returned home, he walked in to see his mom and dad arguing again.
"Randy! Can't you tell that our son is depressed? We had a chat last night and he told me everything. He cut himself!" Sharon screamed at her husband.
"God Sharon it's just some teenage angst that he'll get over in a couple of years. You said it was only a couple of cuts so it's not that bad!" Randy drunkly babbled.
"OF COURSE ITS BAD RANDY! DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT YOUR ONLY SON? HE NEEDS HELP."
"It's not my fault that he's a useless pussy!" Randy slurred.
Stan dropped his backpack on the floor as the words sliced through his heart. "Is that how you feel Dad? That I'm a useless pussy?" Stan whispered has tears ran down his cheeks.
Sharon ran over to her son and embraced him in a hug, "he's just being a drunk piece of shit hunny. Don't listen to him."
Sharon turned to Randy and shot him a death glare, "Get out!"
"What?"
"I SAID GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU DRUNKEN ASSHOLE. YOU ARE FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE!"
Randy looked genuinely concerned," I'm sorry,"
"No Randy just get out you've said enough."
Randy huffed has he slammed the door shut. Stan departed from his mother.
"I need some time alone mom." He croaked as he ran out the door. He raced down the street and into the woods. He finally came to stop when he reached Starks Pond.
Stan slumped onto the bench and sobbed loudly into his knees.
"I just want to die!" He screamed aloud, pulling tightly on his black locks," I fucking want to die!"
Tears flowed like a waterfall to the ground as his sobbing got worse. He suddenly felt someone hold his shoulder. Stan whipped his head around to see no other than Eric Cartman.
"C-Cartman," Stan stammered in between heavy breathes, "leave me alone please."
"I'm afraid I can't do that Marsh," he replied sitting on the space next to him.
"If you're here to rip on me then just go ahead: I can't take anything anymore," Stan said in between his hyperventilating.
Cartman looked sincere, " no I don't want to rip on you. I was walking home from the park and heard you scream. I thought you were getting raped or something. So, I came."
"Even if I was, why would you care? You would probably video it and post it online."
"No I wouldn't. I can be a dick but I wouldn't do that. If it's Kahl then-"
"Listen dude, you don't need to pretend that you care because I know nobody cares about me," Stan looked up, his piercing blue orbs stared straight into Eric's chocolate ones.
Cartman flicked some of Stan's hair from his eyes," you're joking right?"
Stan sighed, " no Eric. I just... I just want to die."
Cartman grabbed Stan's hand, " don't talk like that. People would be so sad if you died. Jew, poor boy, your family... me."
Stan scoffed, " yeah right, like my dad would care. And you..."
"Can you tell me everything that happened?"
Stan sniffed and just let it all out. His parents, the bullies, the depression, the cuts. Everything.
"I'm a loser huh," Stan finished.
Cartman blink in disbelief, " I never knew you felt this way. I used to think you were just a bummer because you thought you were more mature but now.." Cartman cupped Stan's face in his large hands," I understand that you've been through a lot."
Stan blushed," and there's one more thing that'll make you pissed."
"What?"
"I l-li-like-"
Cartman interrupted him by kissing him on his lips gently. Stan's eyes widened. It was short but sweet.
"I can't tell you how long I've waited to do that," Cartman smiled.
Stan blushed even more, " you've liked me all this time?"
"I have for awhile. When you came out as bi, it made me think about how I might have a chance."
Stan gave him a hug, " I've liked you too."
"Stan, will you be my boyfriend?" Cartman asked.
"Yes."
"Sweet, jew will be sooooo jealous!"
They embraced each other in a tight hug.
Cartman broke away for a moment," oh and Stan..."
"Yeah?" Stan asked.
"I saw the cuts during PE class the other day."
"You did!?" Stan's eyes widened significantly.
"Yeah. You have seemed weirder lately."
"Oh," Stan looked down embarrassed.
Cartman lifted up his chin and stared deep into Stan's eyes," Never do it again. If you even THINK about it, I won't hesitate to kick your ass back to sanity."
Stan chuckled softly," Ok Eric."