a/n this is a new story I'm working on. I'm not abandoning my other one I just got this idea and it wouldn't leave me alone.
I NEED A BETA FOR THIS AND MY OTHER STORY!
I couldn't take it anymore in this living hell I 'call' home. Today was the day I was supposed to get the mark but I couldn't do it. I was tortured for hours until I got the nerve to leave. I felt depressed. I tried to convince my brother to come with me. He just shrugged and with a sad, quiet, and strong voice
"It's too late for me Sirius but you still have time. I'm sorry I can't go with you. Just know that I always loved you"
"good bye Regie" I whispered into the night
I flew in my broom to James' house. At least that's as close as a actual home to me. They saw me and fussed all over about my condition but it didn't matter at all. My brother was a slave for that monster. I quietly went to the bedroom I always slept in. it didn't matter, nothing mattered anymore. They tried to make me talk about it until I snapped and told them to fuck off. I slept for two days straight. I didn't bother with my appearance or health anymore. They noticed the change in me, who wouldn't notice. Peter and Remus where dropped off today. They probably already knew what happened. I started cutting myself. It felt good, it released the pan within me.
"Sirius, mate talk to us" they kept saying
But nothing mattered anymore.
Absolutely nothing.
That is until I noticed the caring amber eyes staring into my soul. Remus understood why I was acting this way. What I could do to repay was talking to him about everything. With time I was falling for him. I didn't admit it to myself at first. I started shying away from him again. He tried to stop it. But I wouldn't have it. I was broken, meant for no one. Until I did the unforgiveable. Called him a filthy half-breed. And you know what he did. He got tears in his big eyes and fled the room. I cried for days but nobody noticed. Everyone got mad at me. But again it didn't matter to me not now not ever. I started cutting myself again, locked myself up in my room. But still no one noticed. School started again. Girls threw themselves at me but I didn't care. My brother looked at me with sadness in his eyes. That made things worse. But still no one noticed. I was in the common room when Remus barged in. he dragged me upstairs and told me to snap out of it. I broke down in front of him.
"I-I-I j-just can't" I cried into his shoulder
"yes you can Sirius. You are strong" he replied pleadingly. I shook my head stood up and ran out. I realized something today and that was I fell in love with him. But I couldn't deal with it so I decided to end my misery for once and for all. I walked to a secluded area near the lake. Grabbed a knife my 'dear' parents used to harm me with. I started with simple cuts but then they got deeper as time went by. I was losing a lot of blood in seconds. But I didn't care anymore. I wrote a letter to Remus, James, and Peter. They probably got it by now. But it wouldn't matter now. I started seeing black spots and I smiled. My time was almost up. My misery almost over. And most important Remus wouldn't know about my love for him. Remus was my last thought before I saw black…
Remus' pov
I knew something wasn't right when I saw Sirius at the Potter's. He was a sickly pale, his beautiful grey eyes were dull, and it looked like he didn't care about anything. I talked to him, and he told me everything that happened. I didn't tell a single soul about it. I was noticing that he was shying away from me. I wouldn't have it. Until I made him show some emotion.
"SHUT UP YOU FILTHY HALF-BREED" he yelled at me. I was deeply hurt by his words that I ran away crying. Then school started again. He didn't pay attention to anything. He quit quidditch, his grades were suffering. And he thought I didn't know that he was cutting himself. One day I couldn't take it anymore. I realized I had feelings for him. I tried hard for him to be himself again. I grabbed him and dragged him upstairs to our dorm. I told him to snap out if it he just broke down. It broke my heart to see him like this. Never before has he done that. Never. The next day I knew something was horribly wrong. It was one of my gut feelings and they were never wrong. An owl flew through the common room window. It had three letters attached to it. I grabbed the one that belonged to me and opened it. What I saw was his untidy scrawl all over the place. It read
Dear Remus,
I'm positive you are reading this. And you don't know how much it pains me to write this. But these are final goodbyes. I just can't take the pain anymore. I'm sorry about what said to you. I'm sorry for everything. I know you probably hate me right now. But to me it is important that you know the truth. The truth is the easiest, yet the hardest road to take in life and to tell you the truth mine is almost over. I can't live like this anymore Remus. What I want to say is… I love you. Ever since you befriended me all the way back in first year. Although I didn't notice until now. I'm sorry for everything.
With my final words,
Sirius
I was shocked that he was going to kill himself. I was shocked at the fact he loves me. I got my thoughts together and ran out of the common room. I could smell his scent. The closer I got the more blood like it smelled to me. I didn't think this would ever happen. I found him with blood all over the place. I scooped him up into my arms. I ran all the way to the infirmary.
"MADAME POMFREY!" she ran out of her office and gasped at the sight.
"Please help him" was my last plea to her as I gave in into nothingness.