Disclaimer: I do not own vocaloid. Let this go for the rest of the story.

Please read in 1/2 for best results.

'2/14

Hey, Journal,

You're the only one I can talk to anymore. I tried talking to others- others that used to be friends and used to be close to me- but even that's becoming a chore. It actually hurts worse to talk to people than it is to stay concluded in my own stone-cold comfort. It hurts, that's all that I can say. I know that it's supposed to be emotions, but sometimes I actually wonder. It feels like my heart has actually shattered. And every time I see them together, a strange mix or rage and sorrow runs through my body, and eventually leaves me on my knees, clutching my constricting chest.

And It all started with one dream one year when I reached the age of fifteen.

I started to feel some strange attractions to a family member. I thought it was just normal sibling love. I thought that is was just being caring, since me and my brother get along all the time. But when I had a dream one night, I couldn't help but shudder at the thought. It became more... graphic... and it's just-'

A sigh escaped my lips. What was I to do, exactly? Again, I was locked in my room- a habit of mine that had quickly worried the others- as sorrow took hold my my chest. The sorrow that was a bone-crushing python, ready to swallow me once my life was gone. I tore the paper out of my journal, and threw it. I knew it landed, but I could care less if it landed in the overflowing basket of fellow crumpled, failed journal entries I tried to vent from. Once again my pencil, now dull from constant use, decided to write.

'The date doesn't matter anymore, even if this was the date that expressed a person's love. You know as well as I do that it's that certain day... Valentine's Day...'

It seemed so right, writing directly to the source of my misery. My knuckles might as well been completely white the way I held the pencil.

'I honestly wish I could tell you. I've been trying to tell you for so long, but I could never truly begin to form the words every time I actually have the perfect moment. Because I never knew how to tell you. I never knew how to express my words out to you without the fear of you leaving me, or the fear of you not understanding. But if I don't tell you soon, I feel like I'll just keep suffocating...

I am terrified now. I've been in love with you since I was fifteen, Len. Of course, you didn't realize. Instead, you sent those looks of love to your own crush, Miku Hatsune. Even with the green envy rushing through me, I understand why you loved her. I was not even thought of in your mind, being related by blood and all. But, you just don't understand how I feel, my dear brother. You just don't realize how much I loved you, and how much I longed for you to be mine. But that doesn't matter anymore.

You see brother; there maybe be one way to live, but there are a thousand ways to burn and die.

Every time you look in her direction, my heart slows dangerously. When you grab her hand, I can feel the blood in my veins run dangerously cold. When your lips touch her soft, pink ones, My chest constricts with pain that can only be described as rib-crushing. And when I see you gone at night, only to see you walk home with that sickening love-blind gaze and that remainder of lipstick on your cheek, when you walk around me in love, it just makes me shake and lose control over my own will to even survive. And the worst part is? I have to run and hide. I have to run and hide behind a mask of a smiling me. At school, at home, around anyone. The only time I can actually break down and vent is when I end up locking myself in my room. And even then, I can never cry it all away. I can only cry myself to sleep- where my dreams haunt me further.

And I want to end it all. Truly, is it wrong to end it with my own hands? But I don't want to disappear from your lives, because you'll only mourn over me. That, and I'm afraid to die. I'm too weak to live, but too afraid to die. So what can I do but just sit here while you all watch me burn? Brother, I'll try to continue, for your sake. But, all I ever wanted in life was to be loved in return. So, until I can stop being weak- until I can stand on legs of my own- please, understand how much I love you. I love you more than a sister possibly could.

That girl you hold? I wish that was me.

The girl you kiss? I wish that was me.

The girl who hides in her room and from the world? I wish I wasn't her.

So happy Valentine's Day, my dear brother.'

Slowly, the remainder of my pencil fell to the floor as the warm tears that rushed down my face continued to fall, not that I really cared anymore. I only felt fatigue rush over my body after the misery that vanished. But unlike those nights before me, I could not cry myself to sleep. Not this time. So I did what I felt I could do at this time during the moonlight. I walked down the stairs before me before walking out the door of the house. Right now, a coat was not important to me.

In fact, the cold actually felt good at this moment. It was somewhat comforting. And as the chilling air brushed past me during this night, with the moon being covered behind the clouds, I could only think back to those first few days that started my one thousand ways to burn a die...

Woot! New Fanfiction! Lets just hope I can continue with this one. I promise this one will be better, but I promise it might and will take longer to update. I want to make sure this one is good.

~Miko