It's Good to Be King, Not so Good to be General

by Badgergater

General O'Neill is anxious to get out of the SGC, and that little timeship needs a pilot to fly her home. However, things don't quite go as planned...

1. Chapter 1

It's Good to Be King, But Not so Good to be General

Author: Badgergater

Season: 8

Episode: It's Good to be King

Warnings: None

Pairing: None

Summary: Getting that little ship home leads to big trouble

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate, or Jack, more's the pity

Author's Notes: A great big thanks to Maria for the beta.

x-x-x

Maybe Maybourne did get the better end of the deal after all.

He's a king with loyal, even adoring subjects; good, well, at least edible food, which really isn't much more than I can say about the chow at the SGC; beautiful women (two wives if he can be believed, which is doubtful); and his very own planet with no telephones, no bosses, no traffic jams, and an excess of fresh air and blue skies. So, yeah, okay the palace wasn't much, and the planet lacked some of life's necessities like TV, hockey, hot water and central heating, but then again, it didn't have any overbearing politicians or annoying bean counters, either, so I guess that more than made up for the other stuff.

But I sure was eager to go on back to Harry's world.

Well, okay, I confess. I was just eager to get out from behind my desk deep under Cheyenne Mountain and somewhere, anywhere, in the wide open universe. Honestly, I'd have rather gone to Minnesota, or Edora or the Beta Site.

But Harry's World would do.

I missed going off world. I missed being out in the open air, far far away from the nit-picky details of my new life as the guy in charge of the SGC. I'll admit it, all those years being the leader of SG-1 had spoiled me. It's a pretty hard act to follow you know, leading the Air Force's, hell, the planet's best and brightest team out into the universe.

Not that being a general isn't pretty cool, at least sometimes, but it's an office job. Which means, I actually have to be in an office.

But then, suddenly, the geeks discovered they needed little ol' me.

Just the other day all those really, really smart scientists studying the timeship finally admitted that I was needed to fly the vessel, couldn't fly the ship without me, in fact. So of course I jumped at the chance to pilot that little alien vessel home.

Me, flyin' an honest to goodness Ancient space ship for cryin' out loud.

Cool.

Way, way cool.

It *was* cool, too, and what made it really, really cool was the fact that I was the only one who could fly her. Not Carter with all her smarts, not Daniel with all his once-ascended knowledge, not Teal'c with all his Jaffa warrior skills, not even any of those hotshot young pilots, but me, Jack O'Neill, kid at heart, getting to play Buck Rogers, Captain Kirk and Han Solo, all rolled into one.

Who could have blamed me for whistling as, clad in my favorite comfort clothes (green BDUs, black t-shirt and boots, tac vest and baseball cap) and carrying the tools of my trade (Beretta, P-90, and knife) I hefted my backpack, waved adios to the SGC, strolled up the gateramp and rode the wormhole to planet Maybourne.

Ahhh, heaven. No office. No telephone, not even a cellphone or a beeper would work offworld. Walter wouldn't be able to track me down anywhere. No politicians could find me. No accountants could annoy me. Not even the president could demand my immediate attention.

Bliss.

Freedom.

Oh, I was so gonna have fun.

Yeah, right.

This is me we're talking about here, Jack O'Neill, two L's and middle name Trouble.

/=====x=====\

This time, as I stepped through the gate and arrived once again on Harry's World (okay, yeah, I know it has a p- something something number but no, I don't care what it is, no matter how upset Carter gets at me for refusing to remember it), fortunately no one was torturing any more ditties, thank god. No one was there to greet me at all. Guess Harry wasn't so impressed any more by the fact that I now wore a star. Though actually, it was probably more a case of Harry didn't need anything from us (like getting his sorry butt saved) so he didn't have to make nice to anyone from the SGC, including me.

Probably especially me.

Still, I swear I was grinning from ear to ear as I exited the gate. I looked around and took a deep breath of the clean, clear, alien air and felt like singing. Which, of course, I don't do, so I didn't. But I felt like it nevertheless.

Maybe I hummed a little though as I stepped down off the gate platform and onto the soft soil of the planet.

Have I mentioned how much I miss going off world? The fresh air, the blue sky, the green grass—hell, I've even missed the damned trees.

My mission this time was simply to fly our new find home, back to good old planet Earth, so we could protect the little time ship while we studied her. She was probably safe enough on this obscure planet since we'd defeated that snake Ares, but Harry was here, and knowing Harry, he was probably cooking up some totally daft scheme to profit by selling it or melting it down for the naquadah or something.

Never trust Harry Maybourne. That's an absolute certainty I learned a long time ago, one of my Top Ten Rules for Surviving Life out here in the Universe.

Leaving Harry and his merry minions to whatever it is Harry and his merry minions do with their time on this world, I bypassed the village and headed out into the countryside. Hiking across the meadows, I walked a half mile west of the village to the spot where I'd landed the Ancient ship after the last flight (which was also the first flight, but that's neither here nor there). As I approached the ship, I saw that the back hatch was standing wide open. Carter was sitting inside in a familiar pose, her head bent over her laptop in concentration. A fat cluster of wires led from the computer up to some doohickey or other sticking out of one of the open panels in the ship's cargo area.

I couldn't stop the grin from forming on my face. Carter could study the ship all she wanted, study it until she was blue in the face, but Carter couldn't do what I could do. She couldn't fly it. I tried to stop smiling and couldn't. Okay, so I wasn't trying very hard. And yes, I know it's not nice to gloat, but Carter is so much smarter than any regular human being, and way so much smarter than me that, on those extremely rare occasions I can do something she can't, I just have to enjoy it to the hilt. Exploit it. Revel in it. Savor it. Yes, even wallow.

"So, Colonel, how's it going? Figure out how this thing works yet?" I asked cheerily as I stepped inside the spacecraft.

She smiled happily- Carter is always happy among her doohickeys. "I know how it works, sir. Well, sort of. Mostly. I think."

"So a ways to go yet then?"

Carter nodded. "Yes, sir," she answered a bit less enthusiastically. "But now that you're here, and we can power up the engines…."

"Chauffeur O'Neill, at the ready." I did a very gentlemanly half bow.

"You're more than the chauffeur, sir."

"Really?"

She frowned. "Well, you're the pilot."

"Yes, I am," I answered happily, sliding past her and flopping down into the pilot's seat. I let my fingers slide possessively across the controls, enjoying the way they lit up at my touch. "We're gonna take this sweet little baby on a test run, see what she can do. Warp five maybe."

"Sorry, sir, no warp engines."

Sheesh, Carter is always raining on my parade. "No warp engines?"

"And this will be only a short run. Through the Stargate—"

"But not back to Earth. I know." The ship wouldn't exactly fit into the gateroom, well, actually, I think maybe she just might squeeze in, but it would be a tight fit, like a cork in a bottle. And she sure wouldn't fit through the doors or into the elevator. And even if we could get her out of the gateroom, flying her from Cheyenne to Area 51 was fraught with complications. So, we were taking the scenic route.

"The closest Stargate to Earth is on Altacar, and then it should be only a few hours flight time home and a landing at Area 51," Carter reminded me of our mission.

Just a few hours? Now that was disappointing. Heck, I wouldn't even be gone long enough to have an excuse to miss the 3 p.m. science department meeting, which is so not the highlight of my day. "I thought this was going to be a long flight?" I asked, plaintively.

"Don't worry, sir, you'll be home before dark."

Damn, that wasn't at all what I wanted. I wanted fun. I wanted adventure. I wanted a whole damned day out of the office. Still, this beat meetings with the accountants about the red ink in my budget, the janitorial staff about the best way to dispose of alien plants and the cooks about the recurring problems with the potatoes (Oh, the excitement of command!). I was going to have to make the most of the little recess time that I had. I looked around the little ship's interior and rubbed my hands together in gleeful anticipation of taking this sweet little machine for an interplanetary spin. "Anyone pack a picnic lunch?"

"No, sir, sorry."

Well, I did have a couple of power bars in my pack, if we needed a snack enroute. "So, when can we go, Colonel?"

"As soon as Daniel and Teal'c get here. Daniel's still studying those prophecies inscribed on the rocks."

"Right."

Just then, we got company. Dr. Lee, looking distracted and harried as usual, came walking up. "Hi, General."

"So, doctor, how have ya' been?" I asked conversationally.

"Good, sir. Well, mostly good. I'd be better if Colonel Carter and I could figure out the modulating frequencies for the sequence adjustor on th…."

I jumped to my feet and waved a hand in the air. "Sorry, I've got to go find Teal'c and Daniel. You two just keep - modulating. Or whatever." And with that, I made a hurried exit.

-x-x-x-x-

The walk was pleasant; it beat the heck out of sitting behind a desk 28 stories underground, that was for damn sure. And it was also a far better use of my time than listening to Carter and Dr. Lee babble on about power sources and energy fields and control circuit watchamacallits.

I strolled through the pristine, silent woods and thought about what it would be like to live in a place like this — plenty of time for fishing, that's for sure.

Fifteen minutes later, I found Daniel in a clearing, staring at rocks. Okay, he wouldn't call them rocks, I'm sure he'd have some fancy-schmancy important-sounding name for them. He was standing close to one of the stone pillars Harry had shown us on our previous trip here, translating the writings, squinting down at the paper as he wrote. Teal'c was helping, offering suggestions for alternate wording.

"And this is," Daniel reached up to run a hand over the carvings, then peered close as if that could help him translate, "a time of great darkness…."

"That is incorrect, DanielJackson. The phrase is 'in the dark of the night'."

"Okay," Daniel scribbled in his notebook. "But that line reads," he pointed to another line of symbols, 'the arrival of a new day'."

"It does not. It is 'the coming of light'."

"Which is the same thing, right?"

"No, DanielJackson…."

It seemed like a good time to interrupt. "Hello, boys," I greeted as I approached. "You're working hard. Discovering this planet's past, or its future?"

Daniel didn't look up from his intense scrutiny of the scratchings on the rock. "This is fascinating material, Jack. Interestingly enough, it seems like there's some of both the present and the future, and quite possibly time…."

"Well, it's time to take a break," I interrupted.

Daniel spared a glance at me, his expression all exasperated. "Not now, Jack, I can't stop. I'm right in the middle…."

I waved a hand in the air, shushing him with my exasperated commander voice, the one I'd practiced on him over and over again for most of the last eight years, to very little effect. "Daniel. These stones have been here for how long?"

"Centuries. And they're not stones, Jack, they're stelas."

I pointed at the stone pillars. "Well, Stella, whoever she was, is long gone in the past…."

"Stela is the Latin word derived from the Greek stele, which means pillar or vertical tablet," Daniel countered. leaping into his finest lecture mode, words tumbling out of his mouth in rapidfire sequence like water rushing over rocks in a stream. "In ancient Egypt, stelae were inscribed slabs of stone or wood, found in a variety of shapes. Commonly, they were used as tombstones or boundary markers, but they can also be, as they are in this case, commemorative…."

I waved a hand in a stop motion. "Okay, okay, call 'em whatever you want, Daniel. But we should be going."

He threw me an annoyed look. "Jack, I can't leave now. I'm making some real progress here."

"Fine, I'll arrange it so you can come back here later, but right now, we have other things to do."

"Jack…."

"Later, Daniel."

"Jack, wait. I never get enough time to study things in situ. Later just doesn't seem to happen. Can't I just keep working? There's so much information here."

I took a deep breath, pointing at the rocks. "Did you find anything written there about today being the day you need to decipher…."

"Jaaack…."

"Daniel, the countdown to liftoff has commenced. I'm flying our new Ancient spaceship back home," I declared with exaggerated patience, tapping a finger on the face of my watch.

"I know, Jack."

"Indeed, O'Neill, we were informed that today you would be piloting the ship back to Earth."

"Yup. Little ol' me. Flying an Ancient's spaceship," I waved my hand through the air again, this time in an arc similar to that of an ascending plane. "Cool, isn't it?" I smiled.

Daniel was frowning, and hedging. "Jack, I've got weeks of work here. I've barely begun translating all of this…."

"But you don't have weeks," I reminded him. "We're leaving today."

"I know, I know, but I was sort of hoping I could stay and you guys could take the ship back without me. I mean, it isn't like I'd actually have anything to do during the trip. I'd just be a passenger, a very bored passenger."

"Ah, yes." I nodded knowingly. "Sort of like me getting bored while you read rocks."

He nodded, not getting the sarcasm at all. Damn, guess I've gotten out of practice, or else, over the years, he's become immune to my rapier wit.

"Yes, exactly," he beamed. "So? I can stay then?"

I may no longer lead SG-1, but he's still the team's resident annoying pain in the ass. "Okay, okay, okay, you can stay here. Teal'c will keep you company."

"I don't need a bodyguard."

I threw him a glare. "Yes, you do. There were Jaffa on this planet, a whole bunch of them. Could be one or two leftovers the mop-up teams missed. And of course, Harry's here. He might decide to trade you to the Furlings for a toaster or something."

"Jack, I can take care of myself," he protested.

"I'm sure. But Teal'c stays. He would just get bored on the ship, too."

Teal'c looked straight at me. "I would not," the big Jaffa disagreed.

I waved my hand in a 'shush' motion, but too late. "He would."

"I would," T backpedaled.

"Okay, so that's settled then. You two stay here, have all sorts of fun reading the rocks, while *I* go flying."

"Bye, Jack." Daniel was already back studying his notes.

T bowed. "Enjoy the flight, O'Neill."

"I will," I answered smugly. "I'll be flying. Flying." I made the swooping motion again with my hand as I started walking away. "Spaceship. Ancient spaceship. Flying. Me."

x-x

By the time I arrived back at the ship, the science nerds had finished packing up the computers, closing all the overhead panels in the cargo area.

"We're ready to go when you are, sir," Carter informed me, taking the co-pilot's seat. "I've got the dial-up coordinates for Altacar."

I settled into the pilot's chair, gazing around me at the console. "So, what do we know about Alcatraz? Nice place? Good food? A bit of night life? Some hot fishing?" I asked.

"Actually, General, it's uninhabited," Bill Lee answered.

Carter was nodding in agreement. "That's why we chose it, sir. No one to report seeing the ship come through."

"Darn. I was hoping for a bit of R and R."

"Better luck next time, sir." Carter didn't sound at all sorry, and her smile looked pretty damn insincere. Of course, when she got done with this mission, she'd be going off on another one while I'd be back behind my desk. Lucky me.

"Guess I'll just have to make the best of it then." I stretched out my arms, wiggled my fingers, then relaxed and placed my hands on the console. A multitude of lights began to glow. I'd feel better if I actually knew what they did, or exactly how it was that the ship flew, but then, as long as she flew at my command, it honestly didn't matter all that much. I mean, I'd spent eight years going through the Stargate, and I'd never gotten any further in understanding it than Carter's worm in an apple explanation that didn't explain how it worked, it just made me hungry for apple pie.

"Okay, kids, this is your captain-general-pilot speaking. Everyone got your seat belts buckled and the tray tables stowed in the upright and locked take-off position? The Steenburgen One is ready for liftoff."

"The Steenburgen One?" Carter asked skeptically from the co-pilot's seat.

"She's hot, Carter." I meant both the actress and the ship.

"I was thinking something more like Ancient Time Ship One," the lieutenant colonel suggested seriously.

I made a face. "How boring." For someone so smart, Carter can be really short on imagination sometimes.

"I think the Steenburgen is a fine name," Dr. Lee approved from his seat in the back.

I figured Lee was only trying to get on my good side (yes, I do have one), but regardless, I accepted his vote. "That's two for the Steenburgen. You're outvoted, Carter."

"Then I guess it's the Steenburgen, sir."

I turned back to the front viewscreen. "Steenburgen One, commencing lift-off."

Hands on the controls, closing my eyes, I thought, 'fly,' and we did. The little vehicle had amazing acceleration, without any G-forces at all. We popped up, skimmed over the meadow, soared up over the trees, and did a loop-de-loop just for the hell of it — the ship had amazing aerodynamics. Finally, I executed a tree-top level flyby of the village, regretting I had no wings to waggle but hoping that I'd interrupted Harry's afternoon nap, and then zipped off toward the Stargate. I've flown some pretty hot planes in my day, including the X-303s, but this baby — woohoo. I mean, think about where you want to go and the ship goes there? How cool is that?

"Co-ordinates?" I asked Carter as soon as we arrived at the gate.

She read them off to me, and I pushed the buttons on the nifty little dialing device mounted on the dashboard. Wow, now if I had something like this to get me home from the office, skipping all the Colorado Springs traffic, that would be a worthwhile perk of the job.

Pausing before locking in the final signal, I looked over at Carter. "So, Colonel, how do we know that the gate is open to our chosen destination? I don't want to fly into a black hole or a supernova or something."

"Don't worry, sir. I'll check."

"Good."

I pushed the final signal and the wormhole exploded outward, its perfect little splash like an old fashioned water fountain leaping to life.

I *do* so love kawooshing.

Carter checked the little electronic device she was carrying, then turned to me and nodded. "We're good to go, sir."

'Go through the gate', I instructed the ship and as the nose hit the event horizon I said, "And we're off to see the wizard."

x-x

We popped out of the gate into bright sunshine. I caught a glimpse of brown sand beneath us and blue skies above us as we shot out of the ring of naquadah and skimmed over the planet's surface.

"Carter? What's this?" I waved at the scene visible out of our front viewscreen, the land zipping beneath us. "Sand?"

"Altacar is a desert planet, sir."

"You should have warned me. I didn't bring my sunscreen."

She smiled. "I don't think we'll have time for sunbathi…."

At that very moment, our nice quiet trip went all to hell.