Seasons, a prince of tennis fanfic

A/N: birthday fic for briochee! I wanted to write you one of those super-romantic stories that you love but ended up with this instead. Also, Sweet Pair is probably my go-to pairing when I write fics for people.

It is winter and Marui's hands are cold. He rubs them together before shoving them into the pockets of his old jacket, walking alongside businessmen and schoolgirls in the streets of Shinjuku. He stops in front of a red light and looks up at the sky, cloudy and unpromising.

Marui wonders if it will snow for the first time this year tonight, he wonders if he has to pick up extra shifts at the bar to buy gloves, he wonders if the guy on the billboard is an actor or a singer (he doesn't watch television but he just might for him).

He's still thinking about finances and guys on billboards when a finger taps his shoulder. Marui turns to see a shorter boy with a crop of messy orange hair staring up at him.

"It's green," the boy says as he points at the crosswalk already filled with people.

"Oh. Thanks." Marui smiles sheepishly and walks forward at a brisk pace. After the embarrassment settles, he takes a glance back and cracks a grin at the boy smiling behind him.

That night on his way home from work, he foregoes his usual pack of cigarettes for a pack of bubblegum instead. He needs to start saving money, he reminds himself as he suppresses his craving by blowing a bubble.

It is winter and Marui is twenty-eight. He spends his days sleeping and his nights serving drinks in a small bar that seems to be frequented by very quiet people. When he finishes work, he usually puts on a face mask and then plays games on his phone until his mask cracks. He's secretly scared of getting old because that means his life will get even more boring than it already is.

He doesn't really listen to music or read the newspaper, but it's not like he has that many friends to talk about issues with anyway. All his high school friends are married and asleep when Marui wants to play. So Marui blows bubbles and tries not to smoke too much in his one-bedroom apartment.

Marui likes weekends because sometimes interesting people stumble into the bar. He's pouring Kuroi-san another glass of whiskey when the door swings open, letting in a gust of cold wind. Something orange moves in the corner of his eye but Marui doesn't turn to look until he's finished serving Kuroi-san.

"Ah," Marui says with his eyebrows raised, "It's you."

A pair of wide brown eyes stare at him and then the boy grins wide. "Woah, I remember you! The one who was daydreaming at the sidewalk!"

Marui narrows his eyes a little, walking over to his customer. "I was just distracted, alright? Now, what did you come here for? Or rather, are you even old enough to be here?"

"I'm twenty-one, see?" An ID card is suddenly thrust in front of Marui's eyes. "It's right under my name."

"You look pretty young," Marui says quietly, trying to bring the other's enthusiasm down a notch. "So," he takes another look at the ID, "Akutagawa-san, what would you like to drink?"

"Call me Jirou!" Jirou squints to read Marui's name tag in the darkly lit bar. "Marui-kun, right?"

Marui stiffens. "Marui-kun? I'm older than you, you know."

"Marui-kun, I want a glass of Bailey's please! With ice!"

Rolling his eyes, he prepares a glass of the coffee liqueur and drops some ice cubes in it without responding. He slides the drink over to Jirou, who looks at it with glee.

"How did you find this place?" Marui asks after a while, when Kuroi-san shuffles out and it's the just the two of them left.

"Well," Jirou swirls his drink around in his cup, "I wanted to eat the fried chicken from upstairs but they're closed today so I decided to come here instead. Do you have fried chicken?"

Marui stares long and hard at Jirou before answering very slowly, "No, this bar doesn't have fried chicken."

They don't speak again until Jirou finally finishes sipping at his Bailey's. He rolls the ice cubes around in his mouth and pulls his wallet out while making nonsensical noises.

"Do you want to create a tab here?" Marui asks offhandedly out of habit.

Jirou's eyes go as wide as saucers. "I've never had a tab anywhere before! Make me a tab!"

Marui arches an eyebrow but smiles as he creates one anyway. Jirou can barely sign his name straight out of excitement. "With this, you better come back and become a regular." He slips the piece of paper under the cash register and pulls a business card out of his back pocket. "Get home safe, Jirou-kun."

The boy accepts the card as if it's a goddamn treasure map and skips his way to the door. Right before he leaves, he turns back and gives another toothy grin. "You know, you're pretty cool Marui-kun!"

Marui can only shake his head as the door closes and the bar is quiet once again. He wipes the counter in front of him and wonders briefly if he'll ever see Jirou again.

It is Christmas Eve and Marui is spending it watching Jirou doing homework. He refills Jirou's glass with more ice cubes and stands back to observe his customers. There's more than usual, but most of them look like they're almost finished. If there's one thing the patrons of Sakana have in common, it's that they have no interest in being with their families.

At midnight he helps walk a thirty-something businessman up the stairs and stays with him until a taxi comes, shivering in the cold air. The man tips him extra and Marui pockets it with thanks. His smile feels frozen when he finally returns to the bar.

Kuroi-san is in the corner nursing his single malt and Jirou is still slaving away at his laptop. He tends to pop in twice a week, only ever ordering one drink and paying his tab with giggles at the end of every two weeks. Marui doesn't feel like intruding on either of them so he wipes the glasses for the fifth time that night.

"I'm so tired," Jirou whines, dragging each syllable as he slumps over the counter. "I wanna go home and eat cake."

"Shouldn't you be doing this at home anyway? Or at a friend's house."

"I feel like being here. All my friends are on vacation."

Marui doesn't ask more. He pours Jirou a glass of water.

"How would you describe Japan's fiscal crisis of the last ten years?" Jirou asks Kuroi-san, who only shakes his head. Marui shrugs when Jirou looks pleadingly at him. Jirou groans and taps at his keyboard.

Marui takes out his phone to check the weather network. "It's going to be snowing tomorrow." He says out loud, not to anyone in particular.

"Are you also working tomorrow?"

"Nope, I have a day off."

"Then who's going to be here?"

"Jackal, I think. Have you met him yet?"

Jirou pouts, thinking. "No, I've only ever seen Kirihara-kun. You're usually the one working, right?"

Marui nods, absentmindedly arranging the toothpick display. "The two of them have other jobs, so it's pretty much always me here. Right, Kuroi-san?" The man in the corner nods, pushing his glass forward. Marui fills it and rearranges the display for another half an hour.

"I'm going to go. I can't write about the prime minister anymore." Jirou yawns, snapping his laptop closed. He pushes it into an oversized backpack and waves goodbye. "Merry Christmas!"

Marui and Kuroi-san respond with less gusto. Jirou leaves after wrapping himself in a bright red parka. He looks like a Christmas ornament, Marui thinks.

Two hours later, Kuroi-san stands up without Marui telling him. He pays his bill with exact change and declines Marui's offer to walk him upstairs. "Thank you for letting me stay so late," he mutters before shuffling away. Marui says goodbye and closes the bar half an hour later than he's supposed to. It doesn't really bother him, he kind of pities Kuroi-san and he's already cleaned up anyway.

Five minutes later, Marui emerges from underground to almost trip over a homeless person.

Except that this homeless person clearly isn't homeless, he's…

"Jirou?" Marui furrows his eyebrows and bends down to shake the sleeping student. "What are you doing?" Jirou's curled up in a ball, fast asleep right beside the stairs leading to Sakana.

"Ah, Marui-kun," Jirou rubs his eyes and yawns as if falling asleep on the sidewalk on Christmas morning is normal. "I went home and then came back because I thought we could hang out."

Marui is speechless. He suddenly really wants a cigarette.

"I even bought beer for us! It's fine because you have a day off right? You shouldn't spend Christmas alone!" Jirou opens his backpack to reveal a six-pack of cheap beer. "I didn't know what to get because I don't usually drink beer so I just bought whatever the person next to me did!" He looks up at Marui worriedly, "Sorry, do you not like beer?"

Marui clears his throat, shaking his head slowly. "No, the beer isn't the problem. I just… did you ever think that I would say no to hanging out? What would you have done?" The last trains had long departed, which meant that Jirou had taken a taxi to and from his dorm just to spend Christmas with him? "I mean, we don't even know each other that well."

Jirou flushes bright red and he hastily zips his backpack closed. He stands up quickly and stares at the ground, fiddling with his thumbs. "I-uh, oops. No, I didn't really think about that. I thought that maybe we could… get to know each other better like this. B-become friends possibly?"

"Jirou-kun…" Marui doesn't really know what to say, and he can't help but feel like he's kicking a small puppy. Still, something bothers him. "Do you… have friends?"

Jirou just turns redder.

The cigarette itch gets stronger as Marui sighs. He pats Jirou on the back twice nervously and pinches the bridge of his nose with his other hand. "Alright, let's go."

"Really?" Jirou looks up so fast it takes Marui by surprise. "I'm not being a bother am I?"

Looking at those big brown hopeful eyes, Marui just can't say that Jirou totally is. "Stop that. My apartment is this way." He starts walking and after a second the pitter patter of Jirou's thick boots catch up with him. Marui is quiet the whole way back to his place, listening to Jirou talk about how excited (and sorry) he is.

He doesn't apologize for his apartment being a mess and stands in his doorway to contemplate his life as Jirou takes his boots off.

Marui Bunta, he tells himself, you are bringing a university student into your home at three in the morning. And you are sober.

"This is really fucking weird," he mumbles to himself as he slips his shoes off. He turns on the lights and Jirou fawns over his small living room table.

"I've never drank at anybody's house before!" Jirou exclaims, making himself comfortable as he unloads the beer. "I'm always sleeping during my lectures so I don't really know any of my classmates."

Marui sits down across from him and still can't believe this is happening. "If you're sleeping, then how can you know anything that you're taught?"

"I'm a genius!" Jirou gives him a thumbs-up.

Marui playfully knocks him on the head, laughing. "Idiot. Let's drink." Truth be told, Jirou isn't the worst companion to spend his day off with.

Two beers each later, Jirou is falling asleep again, sprawled all over Marui's table. "Are we friends, Marui-kun?" He says as he drools a little bit.

Marui opens a new beer and takes a long sip before nodding. "Sure, if that makes you happy."

"I like your eyes. They're pretty." Jirou mumbles. The next minute, he starts snoring.

"This is still weird." Marui says as he drapes Jirou's big coat over the boy's shoulders. "But Merry Christmas, you orange slug."

It is the first day of spring and Jirou is ringing his doorbell at an ungodly hour.

Marui opens the door in his boxers, glaring. "It's nine o'clock, Jirou-kun. What do you want?"

"Normal people are already awake, Marui-kun." Jirou grins, handing him convenience store coffee.

"Normal people don't come home from work at three," Marui grumbles as he accepts the coffee.

Jirou pushes past Marui to invite himself in. Marui is too tired to care that this is a normal occurrence now. "I wanna go see the cherry blossoms!"

"I'm not young and spontaneous anymore," Marui reminds him. "Besides, they're probably not ready yet."

"I saw them blooming already," Jirou pouts as he helps himself to Marui's pantry. "You promised we'd go together and drink hot sake!"

Marui frowns, scratching his head. "I remember saying that cherry blossoms were pretty, not all of that."

Jirou stuffs a cookie in his mouth. "It was implied, trust me. Jackal-kun told me you were free today, so you can't back out!"

Groaning, Marui makes a note to strangle Jackal later. "Why do I gotta spend my precious day off babysitting?"

"I'm turning twenty-two soon!"

"I know, and I'm turning twenty-nine. Get out of my way so I can shave."

Jirou puts his half-eaten cookie down on the tabletop. Marui winces. "So you will go with me?"

"Yeah, yeah." Marui grins, making a gun with his fingers and shooting it at Jirou, who dutifully dodges. "I'm pretty cool, right?"

"You're the best, Marui-kun! I love you!"

Marui nods, used to Jirou's outpouring of love. One day, he thinks, he's going to have to go to Jirou's university and find him some more friends to bother.

Until then, he guesses he'll have to get used to waking up at nine.

It is Marui's birthday and he's freaking out.

"This is too much, Jirou. I, I can't accept this." He holds the watch in his hands shakily, as if it's about to disappear. He stares at the face of the watch, at the brand on the back, at the ornate details, and feels his hands shake more. "How did you even afford this?"

"I know a friend who gave me a discount." Jirou tilts his head, forehead wrinkling. "You… don't like it?"

Marui almost drops the watch in his nervousness. "No! I love it. It's perfect. But it's too much."

Jirou laughs, which eases Marui's nerves a little. "It wasn't that much really, don't worry about it! Happy birthday, Marui-kun!"

He helps Marui put the watch back in its fancy case and they eat fried chicken and drink beer in Marui's apartment. Jirou falls asleep after a while and Marui takes out the extra futon he bought a while ago. He still feels giddy at having such an expensive gift, but those butterflies soon give in to a bout of worrying.

His original plan was to buy Jirou a nice bottle of ice wine since he seemed to like that sweet stuff, but now he knows there's no way that he can do that after Jirou's gift. It's too late to pick up extra shifts at work. His bank account is low after he had to fix the air conditioning. Everything is turned against him and he only has half a month.

Down to his last option, Marui sighs and opens his phone.

"Oh my god," Jirou brings his hands up to his cheeks. "You got me a bike."

Marui honks the little horn. "I figured you-"

"I've never had a bike before!"

"Yeah. That." Marui moves out of the way for Jirou to inspect his gift that Marui spent the last two weeks working his ass off for. He hadn't slept in three days, but Jirou didn't need to know that. He also didn't need to know that Marui had been working at a maid café to buy the stupid bike.

(He especially didn't need to know that while Marui was allowed to stay behind a bar far away from all the creeps, he was still forced to wear cat ears.)

"It's perfect!" Jirou squeals.

"Alright, you go take it out for a spin. I'm going to take a nap." Marui yawns, stretching. "Be safe."

Jirou carries the bike out the door with a loud: "Thanks, Bunta!"

Marui pauses for a moment. Since when did Jirou call him by his first name? Well, whatever, The kid is happy.

It's two hours later and Marui feels something brush his neck. He doesn't open his eyes and feels something touch his hair.

"Jirou," the fingers in his hair freeze, "Why are you playing with my hair?"

"I was bored."

Marui shifts into a more comfortable position, eyes still closed. "Why are you in my bedroom?"

"I was bored."

"I'm going back to sleep now. Stop playing around."

"Okay."

As he drifts in and out of consciousness, Marui still feels the tingle of Jirou's cold fingers on his neck. He dreams that Jirou kisses his forehead while he sleeps. It feels very real.

It is summer and they're in Marui's apartment at three in the morning again. Jirou hands Marui a beer and they drink in silence.

"I think I might drop out of school."

Marui almost chokes. "What?"

"I don't know, my friend is starting his own business and he wants me to join." Jirou shrugs, nonchalant.

"I thought you didn't have any friends."

"Keigo's different."

Marui thumps at his chest because it feels weird. "So you're just going to throw all your hard work away for some guy you've got the hots for?"

Jirou slaps his head playfully. "It's not like that! We're childhood friends, and I know I can trust him because he's really smart! He was going to take over his father's big company but now he wants to create his own. Isn't that cool?"

"Wait, what was his father's company?"

"Atobe Corp."

This time Marui does choke. "You're childhood friends with the heir of Atobe Corp?"

Jirou smiles innocently. "We lived next to each other."

Marui's head spins. "So you're also part of a millionaire family?"

"Well, we're slightly above millionaires but I guess so?"

"Oh my god. So that watch you gave me… you got it from…?"

"Our family has connections in Europe! It was easy."

"Oh my god. I've been feeding a billionaire fast food and cheap beer."

Jirou laughs at Marui's expression. "Come on, it's not like things are any different just because I'm rich!"

"Is that why we've never gone to your house? Oh my god. It is. This is so embarrassing." Marui thinks of all the times Jirou's slept over on the floor of his apartment covered by a futon he bought that was on sale. He thinks of the bicycle that he bought for Jirou that probably looks little and shitty inside their huge ass garage. He thinks of the time they both caught food poisoning from a late night sushi run.

He puts his head in his hands and groans.

"Hey, Bunta, what's wrong? Do you really wanna come over?"

"No, I definitely do not. I don't need confirmation on how poor I am, thanks."

Jirou is quiet for a long time as Marui lives countless horrors that were normal for him but totally weren't for Akutagawa Jirou, the young master.

"I didn't tell you because I thought you might think I was making fun of you or something." Jirou mumbles, strangely void of any vigour.

Marui looks up and ruffles Jirou's hair (which is probably insured for more than Marui's apartment). "It's not that, I just think that I definitely took you to do things that didn't suit you."

"But I liked that! Because no one else had!" Jirou protests, smiling a little. "It was really fun! It's always fun with you!"

"That's because I'm awesome." Marui grins. "But you really should've told me, I would've at least started buying better beer."

Jirou grabs Marui's nose and pinches. "No! I love this beer and this apartment and the futon that you bought for me that has a hole in it!" Marui cringes. "And I want to take you and this cheap beer with me this summer!"

Marui swats Jirou's hand away and rubs his nose, eyebrow arched. "Where are you going this summer?"

"My holiday villa in Osaka. It's really nice!" Jirou suddenly leans in close and opens his eyes really wide. "You could take time off work, one week would be enough! We could eat watermelon and I could ride my bike and you could wake up at any time you want! I have some business that I need to do there and I'd be so lonely by myself. Pleeeeeease?"

"Hold up, you're saying this as if you've been planning it for a long time."

"I asked Jackal-kun two weeks ago and he said he could fill in for you! So you should pack your bags before Sunday!"

Marui blinks. "Wait, what happened to the part about asking me if I wanted to go or not?"

"Consider it part two of my birthday gift!" Jirou grins, "Because you're feeling bad about the bike now, right?"

Marui's laugh starts slowly and then bubbles up in his belly until he's on the floor wiping tears out of his eyes. Jirou's still Jirou, billionaire or not, and Marui can't seem to ever get out of the kid's 'plans'. He imagines Jirou as a big orange spider and himself stuck in a web that's continuously rotating around Jirou.

He wonders briefly exactly when was it that he got caught.

"So that's a yes?" Jirou already knows he's won, clapping his hands together. "Perfect!"

Marui's laughter dies slowly as Jirou produces a to-do list for him out of that stupidly big backpack.

"Wait, just how much have you planned stuff out for me?"

It is summer and Jirou's barely wearing anything.

Marui thinks the heat must be getting to him because he's staring at the kid constantly. Like now, as Jirou tiptoes to reach the fan on top of the shelf, his tank top rides up to show lean muscle that's surprisingly pale, going under shorts that are a little too short for Marui's tastes that cling to Jirou's legs in a way that shorts shouldn't cling to legs. Marui fans himself with his hand and looks down at his sweaty t-shirt.

He pats his stomach, sighing. He's getting old. Jirou's all lean muscle, when he stretches up his skin is taut and beautiful and Marui cannot believe that he is getting envious of the shortie.

"What are you thinking about?" Jirou's floats over his shoulder, and Marui looks back to see him fiddling with the fan. "Come help me!"

"It's too hot here," Marui whines as he gets up. He pushes random buttons until the blades start to turn, standing in the wind for a while. He looks at Jirou, who's staring at him with an unreadable expression. "What?"

Jirou's cheeks are red from being sunburnt after running around outside all day. "Nothing, just checking you out."

Marui rolls up his sleeve and poses with his biceps flexed for Jirou to ooh and ahh at. "Damn, I'm too tired to do this." He flops back down on the cool tatami, making sure to stay in the path of the fan.

"It must be really hot for you to not be showing off," Jirou teases as he lies down next to Marui. "Want some watermelon?"

"Yeah, thanks." Marui closes his eyes, blocking out the sun's bright rays. "Thanks for bringing me here, Jirou. It's pretty relaxing, even if it's too damn hot."

"Anything for you, Bunta! You're my favourite!"

Maybe it's the heat, but something about Jirou's usual affection makes Marui's chest hurt.

It is the end of their 'holiday' and they're lighting firecrackers.

Marui drinks beer and watches Jirou jump in and out of the sparklers they stuck in the ground. He laughs when Jirou steps too close to one, yelping: "Hot! It's hot!"

He laughs when Jirou puts a sparkler in his hair and inevitably burns his finger while trying to take it out in time.

He laughs when Jirou pulls him up to dance stupidly in the middle of the dying sparklers.

He laughs when he realizes that this wouldn't be nearly as fun with anyone else.

He stops laughing when Jirou stops dancing and looks up at him seriously. He stares at Jirou's face, trying to read his expression in the dim moonlight as the sparklers fade out.

He doesn't laugh at all when he finally gets it, gets that Jirou's waiting, looking expectant.

He turns around and goes back into the villa. He washes his face and gets into his bed, pulling the thin bedding over his body. He hears Jirou in the distance putting the firecrackers away.

He pretends to be asleep when Jirou comes to sit next beside his bed.

He sits up straight when he feels fingers on his neck.

"You kissed me that time in my apartment, didn't you?" It's dark in the room and he can't even see Jirou that clearly. Maybe that's a good thing.

"What? No. Yes. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I just-"

"Just what? Do you even realize who you are? Who I am?"

"What are you talking about? I'm Jirou. You're Bunta."

"No. You're a twenty-two year old billionaire business whiz. I'm nearing thirty and living paycheque to paycheque serving drinks to depressed old men. You have a life that's going to continually go up. I am just going to live adequately until I die."

"Don't say that."

"It's the truth. You're just confusing your feelings for me because I'm your only friend."

"No, I don't want you to be my friend. I never wanted that, not even from the first time I walked into that bar. It was just an excuse to get closer to you."

Marui sighs and lies back down, facing away from Jirou. "You're just a confused kid."

"I'm not a kid, I'm twenty-two. And I love you."

For a second, Marui can't breathe. And he knows why he always feels like he has heartburn recently. He's known it for a while now, too. But it's stupid. He can't, no he won't rob Jirou of his future. All the looks of adoration and little acts of fondness shouldn't have been directed at him, of all people.

He knows that this is pretty much his fault. He led Jirou on, he let Jirou into his world, and he treated him the way Marui would never treat any of his regular friends. He knows that now.

It had just been so hard to resist those big brown eyes.

Marui wraps his bedding around him tighter. "We live in different worlds, Jirou. Goodnight."

He doesn't fall asleep until he hears Jirou leave the room quietly.

It is winter again and Marui's apartment feels empty. On his days off he sits still in his room and doesn't turn on the radio or anything. When his doorbell rings, he holds his breath and makes absolutely no noise.

Jirou doesn't go to the bar anymore, but one time he catches Marui as he's going home. The kid comes out of the shadows like some kind of ninja, and Marui almost runs away.

"I've got it all planned out," Jirou says, voice shaking, "We could pretend like it never happened. You could act like I'm just some silly student that hangs around your place and I could never touch your hair again. And we could just be friends again but this time I'd definitely not fuck things up and like you even though it's really hard but I wouldn't. How about that?"

Marui has been running into Jirou in his dreams every night, so he knows how to deal with this. He looks over Jirou's shoulder into the distance. "Do you still love me?"

Jirou's voice goes all high-pitched and it stabs Marui like a knife. "Yeah. But I could-"

"I'm tired of always going along with your plans." Marui spits out the rehearsed words and focuses on a building behind Jirou. "You need to move on with your life. I'm not worth throwing it all away for. I made a plan too. You're going to build that business into a multi-million dollar monster and you're going to find a nice boy or girl who's your age and has more to their name than a one-bedroom apartment. You're going to have nice dinners in nice restaurants and you're going to spend your life with that person because they're going to treat you real nice. It's going to be nice."

"I don't want my life to be nice if it's not with you." Jirou's crying and Marui can't remember anymore of his carefully crafted script. He's beginning to feel lightheaded and his chest feels like it's going to implode at any second.

And that's when he breaks the most important rule. Marui looks into Jirou's eyes.

"I don't deserve you," Marui whispers quietly. "You're so full of youth and success and I'm just an old asshole. I don't have a single thing to offer you. So I'm leaving." He doesn't bother to stick around any longer because he knows he's already ruined it. He runs, runs in a zig-zag all around Shinjuku until he's sure that Jirou can't follow him and he curses because he revealed his feelings at the moment where he should have cruelly cut things off.

When he finally gets home, Marui drinks a lot and pukes a lot more. He feels slightly better when he remembers that he's relieved Jirou of being connected to someone as pathetic as himself.

It is spring but it's not like Marui cares. He's too busy to notice the seasons passing. Kuroi-san tells Marui that he wants to open his own bar in his hometown, Yokohama. He offers Marui a job there.

Marui thinks about it for a day and then agrees. He moves out in the next week.

Life in Yokohama is different but the same. Marui sleeps in the mornings and works in the evenings. He has no days off until they hire a young university student called Makoto. He invites Marui to swim with him in the mornings but Marui is very wary of university students now and politely declines.

Marui gets thinner. He eats convenience store bentos when he has time, which he doesn't have a lot of. The apartment he lives in is inexpensive but he's saving up for a boat because he might as well start his mid-life crisis early. He doesn't go on dates. He talks a lot with Kuroi-san about alcohol but doesn't drink anymore.

His birthday comes and goes. He buys a new deodorant for himself.

He hasn't touched a cigarette in a long time but he's thinking about starting smoking again.

At the end of work, he still puts on a face mask. He's preserving his skin because this is pretty much his only hobby now.

He's thirty and thoroughly miserable.

It is summer and the heat is intolerable. Kuroi-san closes down the bar for a month to escape to Chiba where it's cooler. Marui hangs around Yokohama for a while before deciding to go back to Tokyo. Maybe he'll work at the maid café for a month. He needs the money, he wants to start a retirement fund. There's nothing to look forward to in life now other than old age. (And maybe a boat.)

When he gets off the train, he buys bubblegum and convenience store coffee. He wanders around, playing the claw machines in game arcades and hanging around aimlessly before ending up at his old apartment. The nameplate has changed, it reads "Private" now and everything from his old life is gone.

He pops a piece of gum into his mouth and considers going to the maid café next when he hears a gasp. He turns around to see a curly mess of orange hair and he almost drops his coffee.

"What are you doing here?" Jirou asks, eyes wide with fear. "What do you want?"

"I just came to see my old apartment." Marui says, throat dry. His bubblegum tastes like cardboard. "What are you doing here?"

Jirou flushes pink. "I live here. I bought the apartment from the previous owner."

Marui's jaw goes slack.

"Come in?" Jirou's voice is meek, shy, and so fragile.

Marui shouldn't. He knows he can't. But it's been half a year since he's heard his own heartbeat and he nods.

He inhales sharply when Jirou opens the door and the apartment looks almost exactly the same as it used to. Still the same fucking table in the middle of the room. A millionaire genius is living in an unfurnished one-bedroom apartment. Marui can't help but laugh as the door closes behind him.

Jirou brightens and brings out some cookies. They sit awkwardly at the table trying to look at each other without the other person knowing.

"You got thinner," Jirou says quietly.

"You too." Marui replies, silence once again settling in.

Jirou looks out the window at the sun and Marui stares at Jirou's pale hand on the table. The same hand that held cheap beer, the same hand that got burned by a sparkler, the same hand that shakily touched Marui's neck.

A heartbreaking feeling fills Marui up, it makes tears well up in his eyes and a lump go in his throat and he realizes that he won't ever be happy unless he's with Jirou, and what he's about to do is so incredibly selfish and he's such a huge asshole but he won't ever fall out of love with Jirou.

So he blinks his tears away and carefully, oh so carefully, places his hand on top of Jirou's.

They don't say anything for a long time, and then Jirou entwines their fingers.

Marui realizes he's crying around the same time that he takes out his handkerchief for Jirou to use.

"I'm sorry." Marui squeezes Jirou's hand tight.

"That's not what I want to hear." Jirou won't look him in the eyes.

Marui takes in a deep breath. He doesn't know if Jirou understands how hard it is for him to do this, for him to feel like he's completely stealing Jirou's nice future away from him. He breathes out, closing his eyes. "I love you."

The next thing he knows, Jirou's leaped over the table and tackled Marui to the ground, brown eyes glaring into his own purple ones. "You left me for six months and I cried every night for weeks."

Marui takes Jirou's face in his hands. "I'm old and poor. I can't offer you anything other than myself. Is that okay?"

"It's perfect." Jirou wraps his arms around Marui's neck and cries all over him. "I love you, you stupid oaf. Kiss me."

And if there's one thing Marui's learned, it's that he can never refuse Jirou.

It is summer and thirty-two degrees and there's no air-conditioning and Marui can feel Jirou's sweat as they cling to each other but there's no way that he'll ever let go again.