"Jaaaade."

"Fuck off."

"Don't be like that, baby."

"Don't call me that."

"Okay, honey."

"I'm going to cut all your hair off while you're sleeping."

"No! I was kidding! I'll stop."

"So was I. You'd look terrible without your hair."

"Gee, thanks."

"You know, I could still cut it off and then dump you."

"…"

"Looking at me like a lost puppy makes me want to do it more."

"Remind me why you're extra cranky today?"

"You invited those losers over tonight. Now my plans for this evening are complete shit."

"And your plans were…?"

"You know. Things that involve clothes being removed."

"They're not spending the night or anything."

"Don't raise your eyebrow like that. You look like a rapist."

"It's not rape if you like it."

"Who said I liked it? Maybe you're really bad in bed."

"Alright, if I'm so terrible, we don't have to do it anymore."

"That's fine. Maybe I'll go to Andre instead."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Dude, his cock is probably huge."

"I don't want to hear about my best friend's penis."

"Yeah, well."

"Why do you hate them so much, anyway?"

"I thought I made the reasons for my hatred pretty clear."

"Come on. The more the merrier."

"That statement is a filthy lie. If there were 2,000 people in this tiny RV, we wouldn't be celebrating, we'd be suffocating."

"Okay, Gloom and Doom."

"…"

"Please don't snip your scissors at me like that."

"I'd sleep with pants on for the next few nights if I were you."

"…You wouldn't dare."

"You and I both know I would."

"No. You'd be punishing yourself too."

"Again, I think getting Andre to sleep with me would be pretty easy."

"Stop lecturing me about how you're going to hook up with my best friend."

"Then I would stop your complaining, Beckett."

"Sure thing, Jadelyn."

"Don't call me that!"

"So you're allowed to call me by my full name, but I can't call you by yours?"

"Exactly. Fuck logic."

"…Well aren't you an interesting person."

"Damn right I am."

"Why did I think it'd be a good idea to ask you out?"

"I should be asking why I said yes."

"C'mon. I'd go out with me."

"Because you're a fucking narcissist."

"I am not!"

"You spend, like, 2 hours in the morning fixing your hair, yet you have the nerve to deny it? You make me sick."

"…You like my hair."

"So?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's not supposed to mean anything, Cat."

"Don't compare me to a girl!"

"I just did. What are you gonna do?"

"I'm gonna…not fix my hair anymore."

"Seriously? It's like, your only decent feature."

"…That hurt, Jade. Right here."

"I'm over here. It's not like I can actually see where you're pointing."

"My heart, obviously."

"What are you saying? Am I stupid to you or something?"

"No, I was kidding."

"No. No. It does not end at this, Beckett."

"…Stop giving me that creepy smile. It looks like you're going to shoot me."

"…"

"…You know, maybe I'll stay at a hotel for a few days."

"Pussy."

"So, due to a fear of being shot, I'm a pussy?"

"Yep. It's not like I'd actually shoot you, anyway."

"Well aren't you the sweetest damn thing?"

"Don't push me. I never said I didn't have access to a gun."

"You wouldn't shoot me. You love me."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Oh? No denial? Are you implying that I'm right?"

"Beck…"

"Jade loves me! Jade lov—"

"Can I let you up, or will you be quiet?"

"Actually, don't. This position is kind of hot."

"You would feel that way, pervert."

"I'm a pervert because I like it when my super hot girlfriend straddles me?"

"Yes. At least in this situation."

"You tease."

"Like you haven't done it to me plenty of times."

"Okay, now you're hurting me. Get off."

"Push me off."

"…"

"Oh wow, you weakling. Your arm is all flabby."

"Stop jiggling it…"

"That's what she said."

"Don't you mean that's what he said?"

"…No. That's not how the joke goes."

"It could be."

"Not really. Oh look, they're here. Excuse me while I lock myself in the bathroom."

"Oh no you don't! You're at least going to say hi."

"Why?"

"Because they're your friends."

"No Beck, they're your friends. You just force me to hang out with them."

"Everyone needs friends. Come on."

"Beck! Stop! Get away, you rapist."

"I wouldn't have to do this if you would just come to the damn door!"

"You don't have to do it at all! Put me down!"

"Punching me isn't going to work. You're weaker than me."

"Pft, at least I don't have arm flab."

"Be quiet. Hey guys, look who's so happy to see you…"