JMJ

ONE: COMMANDING THE TROOPS

How did I ever get into this mess? Starscream thought miserably as he lay trapped beside the rubble he had been pulled through.

His wings were damaged beyond the ability of flight, he was sure his right leg was more damaged than his wings, and his other bumps and bruises were as painful as those of old, he recalled. He was leaking energon; though he knew that it was not draining very fast and he still had time before it would become too dangerous.

Space dust hovered above him veiling the stars in spots with violet and green. It was a peaceful scene to be looking upon in such a state, honestly, and in his fancy he thought it rather comforting despite it all, but the pain was suddenly too much. The strange feeling of his new life swelled up upon him too so that he felt strangely embarrassed even though no one was around.

He huddled against an especially tall stone in an awkward manner that did not bring further damage to his wings and leaned his head against it with closed optics.

So this is what it's like to be a hero, is it? he thought.

Never had he saved anyone before in such a selfless manner. He was surprised at his own ability to care for another without a thought to his own self. It did not displease him, but until this point he had not thought himself quite capable of selflessness—well, honest selflessness, after all. Not to mention he was just simply relieved that the one he rescued was safe now, such caring thoughts surprised him too. He felt happier that she was safe than the fact that she went to find someone to get help. (They had been too far out on this meteor to call someone on Cybertron with their personal communicators.)

How had this all started?

Ah, yes, he knew.

Sunsparrow was how it had started.

He replayed the stones falling all around him as he forced her ahead. He snapped her out of her shock enough so that she transformed, and he made sure always to have her in front of him as the cave-in became all consuming. He pushed her out of the way of a falling slab. There would be nothing left of that cavern before long. He was fortunate there was anything left of himself!

Never had he cared so much, and he had been in many tunnels and many cave-ins alone throughout the centuries of his life. Admittedly, not since before his release from prison, however. Maybe he had not been given the chance at anything of this sort up until this point from the point at which he had been given his second chance on new Cybertron sanctioned by President Bumblebee and his worthy council.

But this started before today, he knew. Way before today.

#

"Are you sure you want me to teach fledglings?" I asked, wincing painfully and twiddling my digits as I slumped before my worth superior.

Jetfire opened his mouth to speak, but I suddenly tried to look more serious, straightening myself with an arm flung behind my back as I looked up at him and said, "Not that I'm questioning your orders, Sir, but I don't deem myself fit for such a responsibility. Perhaps it would be better if you have no further use for me elsewhere that I return to the capital so that the President may find new work for me to do. Skywarp would perhaps be more worthy of such a position."

Jetfire grunted; he nearly rolled his optics. "Starscream, don't be ridiculous! You're remaining here, because by order of President Bumblebee and the agreement of the council you are now part of this clan, and I deem you fit even if you do not. If you do not do this, you will become less profitable, if you want it that way!"

I fidgeted again and raised my head curiously if not hesitantly, for I had my optics to the floor while he spoke with my wings and shoulders very stooped. I tried to lift them both as I said, "Forgive me, but I'm not sure I follow."

"You've already proven to me that you are a different Cybertronian and that it is unlikely for you to go back to your old ways! But!" Here Jetfire thrust his staff towards me for emphasis, "there is one thing that is still a danger about you."

My spark suddenly raced with fear. "Yes?"

"You're still torturing a valuable person," said Jetfire. "Yourself." He pounded his staff back upon the floor again for further emphasis and his optics were steady upon mine.

After his words sunk in for a second or two for analysis, I sighed. "Well, perhaps…"

"You must trust yourself again," said Jetfire now far more personable in tone, more like a friend than a superior.

Sometimes I still forget that he is actually my peer. The age marks on his face are what do it the most, but his voice is very strong too in general, and even in the early days of the War he always carried a confidence and even a maturity that I envied, as candid as Thundercracker and more fiercely honorable than Dreadwing or his brother and yet even as a Decepticon he had been as heroic as the bravest of Autobots. That last trait was why he had left the Decepticons in the end. I felt his superiority over me when I remembered his age more than when I didn't.

Returning to the present and to what he said about me, I nodded with care twiddling some more. I could not deny it.

"You want me to decide every time you take energon or scrape the grime out from under your stands," Jetfire went on.

A little bit of an exaggeration, but not by much. Again, I didn't argue, though I pouted somewhat.

"You can't make everyone else make every decision for you," Jetfire still added. "Not every decision you've ever made is wrong. You fear making a mistake so much that you've gone nearly the opposite of the way you were before."

"But I—" I cracked.

Jetfire held up his hand. "You're capable. You have a mental processor."

Mouth open slightly ajar on its hinge, I eventually nodded my head firmly. "Of course. I know that not every decision I've ever made was wrong, just most of them." I ended on a squeak and a rather sickly grin, for Jetfire was not amused.

Jetfire's heavy brows dropped over his yellow optics. "Even if that was so. What does it matter? That was then and this is now. I'm not going to let you waste away like this!"

"But I'm very happy, Master."

Jetfire gave a most irritated sigh.

"If I am your master then trust me," he said, his speech was almost on par with a speech of one of Optimus Prime's, except in Jetfire's own very passionate way; it seems flights have naturally a sort of outward passion that shows more than in grounds for some reason. (Well, I always thought it was because of being able to see the world from the affecting view of the air by one's own power, but maybe that's just me.) Anyway, he went on: "You have to do this, or you'll drive yourself mad. Or me mad. The only contact you have with anyone is with Skyfire, Skywarp and myself, and I know you well enough that contact with others is important to you, so it has been decided that the best way to face your fears is to take command of the learning fledglings. You were always the best flier. So go prove to yourself that you're worth something. You've learned from your mistakes with the Decepticons. Now you're supposed to act. Don't hide away in self pity, and it's not like you're giving them a vast lessons on ethics and morality even though I know how much you've changed on that point. This can't be difficult for you. You were commander of armadas!"

For a moment I just stared. I felt utterly unhappy now and I'm sure I showed it.

"You are part of the old world," Jetfire said at last. "They must look up to you. It's your responsibility."

I nodded. "Yes, yes, I know. I'll try, Sir. Though, I'll admit that it is difficult to feel responsible when you aren't sure who you are anymore."

Jetfire nodded promptly. "I understand that, believe me. I'm not asking much. Just to teach some flying skills, and to prove to the fledglings of this clan that you're a worthy elder."

He thrust his staff forward so that it nearly touched my chest. It no longer bore the Decepticon symbol. It no longer bore anything, actually. I knew what I didn't want to be anymore, but not what I was to be now.

"Elder…" I repeated as though some foreign contaminate had gotten into my mouth.

"There will be no further discussion about this," said Jetfire then beginning to walk away. "You're too fond of flying about in circles with your talk, and I'm not about to wait around for you to back out again."

Before I could say another word, Jetfire left the chamber and I was left to myself.

Since my release from prison I had been the follower of Jetfire, and although it is to my nature to be a follower on most occasions, I was, I had to admit to myself even then, becoming a little bit of a nuisance about it. I followed Jetfire around at times like a pet more than a sentient assistant, and although I could not say I was unhappy most of the time, I did know that Jetfire was right and that I did not feel fulfilled. I did not feel complete.

I was in a small hanger now. In the Personal Quarters Hall, this was the highest hanger, and Jetfire had caught me here after a morning flight. Jetfire had probably left to refuel or perhaps even recharge, but I had a mission now to perform on my own without Jetfire. I was honored, of course, that Jetfire trusted me enough to go on my own in it, but as Jetfire said I did not trust myself.

"Beside," I muttered then. "I've never gotten along with fledglings. Even when I was one. I was always far more interested in what my elders were doing." I shrugged. "Of course, all I really had for company most of the time were vehicons at that age unless I was meeting with Skywarp and Thundercracker…and my only direct elders were the council until Megatron and Orion Pax and occasionally Elita One."

The sun shining outside the open hatchway pouring in around me cast a long morning shadow upon the floor. I turned sulkily at first out towards the sky. I hated feeling reluctant to fly. Not but a year ago I had promised myself to never take a flight for granted after fifty years locked up in a small hole in the dark.

Then I won't take it for granted, I thought with determination as I made my way out onto the aerie balcony.

Without further ado I jumped off the ledge and transformed. Up I bolted in jet-form and made my way to where the young flights would be gathering for their lesson.

When I landed on the platform of the correct aerie I saw that many of the fledglings were already present. I said nothing until more arrived. I straightened importantly, readying myself for what to say and how to conduct the lesson. I could not help but wish that at least Skywarp could help or even Skyfire, but of course, they had other duties and as Jetfire said, this was for me.

Once I saw that most everyone was present after counting them in a brief manner that Cybertronians are very good at, I closed my optics, threw one hand behind my back and began to speak.

"Ahem!" I said to get their attention.

More or less everyone looked at me, and I was satisfied. I nodded to myself with a smile, but then as a whole Cybertronians are naturally obedient to their superiors perhaps more so than other races even if Jetfire had done an excellent job of organizing his clan regardless. Another thing I was grateful for was that this second generation was not nearly as big as the first as the youngest flights had been split in half with the arrival of the Autobot survivor of the War, Slingshot—He had his own clan now, although he was on very good terms with Jetfire's clan by the way, except for perhaps being understandably distrustful of me being let loose in it.

But that's neither here nor there, I told himself.

"As you all know from last time we were here," I said slowly pacing around in front of my audience, "Master Jetfire introduced me as possibly teaching you some of my…tricks—Ih!—" I paused in step as well as voice. "That is my air tricks, naturally."

Some of the fledglings seemed to get a kick out of that and though I had not originally meant it as a joke, I allowed them to think so, smiling briefly before I went on. It seemed to break some ice anyway, which was an improvement from the blankly staring optics a few seconds before.

"…And how they're properly performed without injury to oneself. After all, some of them can be straining. So!" And here I began to pace again importantly with the strut of a drill instructor and in the manner of a teaching historian as I began explaining how the lessons would be split up. It had been ages since I commanded anyone, and I was fairly rusty at it. But in the middle of a sentence, I was suddenly interrupted by another laugh, a strange soft solitary one, and I paused again, frowned in the direction of the titter and when it was stifled I continued as before.

It started again, and I turned to the sound.

It had been produced by a small yellow, white and silver female flight with large optics. Her legs supported her to tiptoe so that her heals were like a second backwards pair of knees. Such are unusual in Cybertronians though not unheard of but are more common among flights. Her two wings were folded behind her very similarly to how mine are set up giving them the ability to move about freely in robot mode, and these drooped slightly as I stared at her. She stifled her laugh again and stared with her wide blue optics with hands wrapped behind her innocently.

I could feel my own wings twitch behind me, and I was just about to go on ignoring her when I decided in a double-take to say, "Is something funny?"

Smiling very shyly now, the young fledgling shook her head. "No, Mr. Starscream. Sorry." She lowered her head.

"Oh, she's okay, Mr. Starscream," said another one of the fledglings named Cometflier. "Sunsparrow's just like that."

"Hmph," I said and felt fortunate that I could make it through now without anymore interruptions.

The demonstration was my favorite part, but correcting everyone's mistakes could only make me slap my face. Sunsparrow especially gave me grief, or so I thought, when she did not seem to take any of my corrections seriously and screwed up often. By the time the lesson was completed, in fact, I even had to lament about it.

Skywarp is a good listener. Most anything that is told him stays with him, anyway.

"At least one of them doesn't take me seriously, and I can't fathom why," I told him. "Jetfire's disciplined them, hasn't he? And the older generation is very respectful to…well, everyone. They're all good examples."

"Which one."

"I said everyone," I sniffed.

Skywarp shook his head. "Which one's giving you trouble?"

"One called Sunsparrow," I said fidgeting.

Skywarp's queer smile made me feel rather silly now.

"Sunsparrow," he said. "She's harmless."

"That's what I was told," I grumbled.

"I can't imagine she has any less respect for you than the others do," said Skywarp with a minimal shrug.

"Well, not even Airwalk gave me trouble and I was warned about him," I said.

"When she was a hatchling, she did not want to be left alone. She wouldn't let go of Skyfire's arm unless she was trying to hold onto Jetfire himself."

"What does that have to do with it?"

"She's sensitive, I guess," Skywarp shrugged. "And she was terrified when she learned you were going to be released."

I made a face. "Was she?"

Skywarp nodded. "Everyone knew about you in there and the younger ones made you out to be—"

"The boogeyman, yes, yes, I heard all about that; I'm surprised they turned me into that instead of the Predaking," I grumbled, and I said no more about it.

Next lesson day I did have a mind to look out for Sunsparrow though, but when I saw her she did not titter though I noticed that she watched me with interest. The lesson was uninterrupted, and I soon forgot all about it. I might have continued on in that way forever after, but Sunsparrow did not.

After the lesson I found as I flew off that someone was flying very near me. I focused my senses to see that it was Sunsparrow in her slim Cybertronian craft.

Again I sighed, and I sighed very audibly.

"Yes?" I demanded.

"I just—"

I landed suddenly on an aerie in robot-mode and Sunsparrow quickly followed suit.

"I just wanted to say," she said, "I'm sorry about yesterday." She laughed just a little; though very shyly; then she looked very serious. "Please forgive me, Mr. Starscream."

I paused staring at her hopeful optics underneath a lowered pair of lids over my own. Then my optics rolled.

"You're forgiven," I said. "Really, there's nothing to forgive."

"Oh, well, Cometflier said that I dishonored you," said Sunsparrow.

"Uh…"

I wanted to say something kind. I had never had to deal with people younger than myself before. In the War I had hardly tried to kill them much less try to be gentle. I wasn't that versed in how to converse with a female either.

I fidgeted a little now as I looked down at Sunsparrow's tightly drawn-together brows.

"You're forgiven," I said again.

"Thank you," said Sunsparrow, her bright smile returning.

Little did I know that I was going to be seeing an awful lot more of that smile as she took flight.