Impending Doom - The Musical
Music from various musicals (see disclaimer) and lyrics by Julie Danskin. Performers listed in programme.
Disclaimer : Ahem! Greetings foul Earth thingies. I am the lyric writer of ZIIM and I present to you Impending Doom the musical. I do not own any of the characters or music, but I MADE THE LYRICS AND PLOT UP! Sorta. Yeah man I dead I mean I did coz I rock man. Yeah baby. Ok. Julie is frightening herself now. Ok! On with the programme :
Performers : Invader Zim, GIR, Dib Membrane, Gaz Membrane, Professor Membrane, Ms. Bitters and of course the Almighty Tallest and the choruses.
ACT ONE :
Opening - Outside the Skool - Just can't wait to beat Zim - Performed by Dib
Corridor - Walking to class - Can you feel the pain tonight? - Performed by Gaz and Dib
Great and Mighty Weapon Thingy - Zim's Lair - Evil One - Performed by GIR and Zim
GIR alone - Zim's Lair - I don't know how to serve him - Performed by GIR
Dib and Zim - Skool - The Last Lesson - Performed by Dib, Zim and Ms. Bitters
Tallest - Zim's Lair - Tallest and Zim - Performed by Zim, GIR and Almighty Tallest
Zim's Quest - Dib's House - What's your quest? - Performed by Dib, GIR and Zim
Bonding Rivals - Dib's Room - Big Head and the Irken - Performed by GIR
Gaz's Scariness - Dib's Room - Not on my brother do you pound - Performed by Gaz, GIR, Dib and Zim
Betrayal (sorta) - Dib's Room - Damned for all time/Irk Monnies - Performed by Dib and Almighty Tallest
OK! LET THE FUN BEGINNNN!!!!!!!!
OPERATION IMPENDING DOOM - THE MUSICAL
Act One - Scene One (The Lion King)- The street outside the Skool, Dib and Gaz are walking to school and as the bell hasn't rung yet, they stand idly in the playground, Dib is dreaming out loud of defeating Zim:
I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO BEAT ZIM (I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO BE KING)
Dib: I'm gonna beat the "mighty" Zim, so watch out, creep, beware!
Gaz: I really can't be bothered Dib, You're gonna make me wanna scare!!
Dib: Soon people will see the truth, The truth about that Zim! I'll stop him soon, I'll stop him now I'm more ready than before!
Gaz: Why are you so obsessed with stupid Zim?
Dib: Oh, I just can't WAIT to beat Zim! No one saying shut up
Gaz: Now I'm gonna give you-
Dib: No one saying you're weird!
Gaz: You stupid-
Dib: I'll be dad's star!
Gaz: Why I oughtta-
Dib: Of the YEAR!
Gaz: I'LL KILL YOU!
Dib: I'll just expose Zim
Gaz: Oh, Dib, give it a-
Dib: They'll make me President one day!
Gaz: I think, dear brother, that it's time We went our separate ways
Dib: But Gaz, I need your help On my inventions . . . la la la
Gaz : If this is what you'll be like, Then I'll chop out my own heart.
Away from you, away from Dad and Zim Yes I really think we should part I won't hang about! This brother of mine is one big weird thing!
Dib: Oh, I just can't WAIT to beat Zim! Come on, Gaz, help me!
Come on, Gaz, help me!
I'm sure if we win - -
There'll be monnies!!
Gaz: Are you sure?
If that's the truth then I'll help you beat Zim, But I want 50% split right clean!
Dib: You drive a hard bargain, but you win, It'll be worth it when I get the last grin! It's gonna be Dib Membrane's greatest thing!
Oh I just can't wait to beat Zim!
Oh I just can't wait . . .
Gaz: What? OH - He just can't wait-
Dib and Gaz: TO BEAT ZIM!
(Lights go out and Gaz and Dib go inside the school)
CAN YOU FEEL THE PAIN TONIGHT? (CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT?)
Gaz: I can see it flowing-
Dib: What?
Gaz: Green and crisp and new
Dib: Huh?
Gaz: I wonder how many GameSlave games I could buy anew?
Dib *chuckles*: Oh.
Gaz: Dib, don't spoil my spotlight, Or I swear I'll kill you, After of course I've earned my millions- And stolen all of yours!
Dib: Uhh-
Gaz: Can you feel the pain tonight? The evil of school bells ring- They make me, for once, shiver with delight At the thought of all those things,
That will one day worship me, When I am great, famous, wonderful, And a house full of new things- Pain is all I'll bring!
Zim's holding back, he's hiding, But Dib, he just can't see- Our cunning plan to be put in motion, That'll bring him to his knees!
Dib: Oh, sis, I think you've got it there! Yes you're in this thing! After all this time, I've tried to tell you- My message has finally ringed!
Gaz: Can you feel the pain tonight? The pain tomorrow brings? Dib, you fool, I don't care if he's an alien- I only want what his capture brings!
Dib: CAPTURE! Gaz, that's it! I'll get in touch with the Almighty Tallest- I'll sell Zim to them, where no one knows him- Yes our bet is sealed with Zim!
Gaz: You work out how to link with them These Tallest things of which you speak- And get him here, into our household, Yes then we'll make him squeak!
Dib: YES!
(Laughter from Dib as the curtain falls and the lights dim and the audience go crazy. Yes, crazy. They cannot control their excitement. APPLAUD FILTHY HUMAN STINKBUGS! APPLAUD!)
Act One - Scene Two (Jesus Christ Superstar *1) - Meanwhile, in Zim's lair, Zim and GIR are building a huge weapon that will destroy Earth (Not heard that one before!) but it needs some more work and Zim needs to go to school, and while he gets his bag ready GIR sings with the squirrels:
CRAZY ZIM (SUPERSTAR)
GIR: Everytime you tell me things I don't understand- What the hell is going on, I must be damned! Simple explanations to your impossible plans, Why'd we come to kill the Dib in such a strange land? But Master you are the boss even though it's obvious, It's not Dib that hates you as much as the Tallest!
Squirrel Chorus: Crazy Zim, Crazy Zim, What are you, stupid? You must be really dim! Crazy Zim - "Invader Zim" - Do you really think that's who you are?
GIR: Tell me if you think my chirpy friends are wrong, I just think that they're really enjoying this song! Seriously, sir, I'm your only friend! Why would I lie if it meant my own end? Do you want us to die? Is this all a joke, or Are you stupider than me and think the Tallest think you're cool?
Squirrel Chorus repeats.
(Zim ignores GIR's warning and gets ready to leave for Skool)
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SERVE HIM (I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE HIM)
Zim(spoken): Bye, GIR! Be good, and don't destroy any important factors of our latest con! For we must INVEST! YES! INVEST! MWA-HAHAHAHHAHA!
(Zim exits, and GIR is left alone)
GIR: Go to Skool my taco supplier, And forget all about the Tallest just now.
I don't know how to serve him, What to give, how to show him, The Tallest are bad. Yes really bad, Even though they have a great taste in snacks, They really want Zim dead!
I don't know how to tell him! I don't think I am working. He's an Irk. He's just an Irk- Someone has to tell him something's wrong- Before something - uh - goes wrong! Oh so wrong.
Should I tell him now, should I scream and dance? Should I shriek of food, should I run and prance? I always thought the Almighties were cool! Now I feel like one big fool!
Don't you think it's a bit funny, I should feel like this for Zim? I'm the one who never cares! Who screams and shouts, takes great big pouts! Man I love this show! Zim scares me so! He's not quite as scary as Gaz! But he's very mad!
Yet if we're going to pay, For what only Zim did, So long ago, I want a taco. It hurts my brain - I'm less insane! I just don't want it, no! Gaz scares me so. Tallest want Zim so. I feel alone.
TACOS!!!!!!!!!!!!
(GIR begins to cry and the curtain falls dramatically and the audience are stunned into silence. SILENCE! SILENCE! STOP APPLAUDING AND AWWING! NOW! SILENCE! FOR EFFECT, YOU FOOLS!!!!!!! FOOOOOOOLLLLLSSSS!!!!!!!)
Act One - Scene Three (Still JCS*1) - In the Skool Classroom
THE LAST LESSON (THE LAST SUPPER)
Kids: Look at all my tests and assessments, Sinking in a lovely calming bell. Don't disturb me now, I'm running from the classroom, Before Ms Bitters catches me with this red wine! Always hoped that I'd make it through Nursery, Knew that I would make it if I cried- So when I grew up I could do absolutely nothing, And watch my children do the same thing - life is fine!
Zim: The end- Of the Earth will soon be done, my friends. For all you know, these clothes disguise an Irken! For all you know, this hair is not real! THE END! MWAHAHHAHA! These are the clothes you see, This is the wig you believe! If you will remember me, just before you die!!
I must be mad thinking I'll be remembered - yes - I must be out of my head! Look at your dumb faces, You humans know nothing! Except for the one with the big head!
One of you, though, knows me, One of you, though, sees me!
Kids: Huh? What's he on about? He's weird!
Zim: Yes you silly humans, go on, insult me! Soon will you all will see, My ultimate power, but one of you knows me! And will try to stop me-
Dib: Shut it up, Zim! You know very well who-
Zim: I thought you'd do it!
Dib: You want me to do it?
Zim: Come on, try stop me!
Dib: You don't know how I'll do it!
Zim: I don't care how you do it!
Dib: I always couldn't stand you, But now I despise you!
Zim: You liar - you human!
Dib: You want me to stop you! You like a challenge, What if I just stepped back, And let you complete your mission? The Tallest wouldn't care!
Ms. Bitters: Dib, you, shut up! And Zim, you fool - go back to your seat!
Kids: Look at all my tests and assessments, Sinking in a lovely calming bell- What's that big skull said? It's gone from my head, Something about Zim being evil - oh who cares? Always hoped that I'd make it through Nursery, Knew that I would make it if I cried- So when I grew up I could do absolutely nothing, And watch my children do the same thing - life is fine!
Dib: You're sad and pathetic, Zim! Look you don't even know, Your masters do hate you! And the strangest part of all- You don't seem to listen, Like you don't want to believe!
A strange sight is this Zim you don't know who-
Ms Bitters: SIT DOOOOWNNN!
Zim: Oh so who else than you, Despises me and knows?
Dib: Every time I look at you I don't understand How you can't know - they have you in the palm of their hand! I know they exiled you, God Zim, they have it planned! Oh oh ohhhh!
Kids: Look at all my tests and assessments, Sinking in a lovely calming bell. Don't disturb me now, I'm running from the classroom, Before Ms Bitters catches me with this red wine! Always hoped that I'd make it through Nursery, Knew that I would make it if I cried- So when I grew up I could do absolutely nothing, And watch my children do the same thing - life is fine!
(Curtain falls and opens again in Zim's lair with Zim, GIR and the Almighty Tallest (Red and Purple) on the screen):
TALLEST AND ZIM (PILATE AND CHRIST)
Zim (spoken angrily) : I want him dead, my Tallest. He could spoil everything.
Red: Oh no, what a shame. Well, Purple, at least we have someone else to blame!
Purple: Shh! Zim, what do you want us to do? Surely this -Dib- creature must be sorted by you?
Red: Tell me, Zim, are you gonna fight? Or are you going to give up the plight? Do you want Irk over Earth to reign? Or will you sit till you're even more insane?
Purple: Do you think that would get it done? After all the work you've run, Chasing here and chasing there, I think it's time this Dib had his share.
Red (aside to Purple so Zim can't hear): I think this boy is our guiding light, He makes Zim unsure tonight,
Purple: Do you think we can trust him?
Red: We can if he truly hates Zim.
Zim: My Tallest?
Red: We've come to a good conclusion, We think we shall choose him, Yes, go to his house and stay a while, Then bring him to Irk, he'll be your - floor tile?-
Purple: TAKE HIM TO IRK!
Red: GO TO HIS HOUSE!
Purple: TAKE OVER SLOWLY!
Red: DON'T TRY AND FIGHT!
GIR: Why are you shouting? My head is pounding! And why haven't my tequitos arrived yet? Can't you see I'm already half dead?
Red: Shut up, you strange thing!
Purple: No, wait, we're sorry.
Red: Yes, have some tuna, That should break even!
GIR: Thank you, O Tallest, I ALSO WANT A CLOWN WITH NO HEAD!
(Purple and Red look at each other : O.o )
Purple: Zim's sidekick your tequitos we grant.
Red: But no decapitated clown shall you have.
GIR: NO CLOWN??!?!?!?!
Zim: I think we've gone a little off the plot, GIR shut up, go clean that -uh- pot! Tallest are you sure that's what you request of me? Live with Dib my arch enemy?
Purple: Yes, that's it, Zim!
Red: Now, go do it!
Purple: Soon we will call you!
(Screen goes blank. The Tallest are seen together)
Red: Now we have got him!
Purple: All we have to do now, Is convert this Dib creature!
Red: Man, this is perfect! Bring on the puppets!
Purple: More drinks while you're at it!
Red: Now we have got him!
Both: NOW WE HAVE GOT HIM! HAH!!!!!
(Curtain closes, and the audience boos and claps at the same time. What do you mean that don't make sense you grammatically bad monkey? I mean you boo because the Tallest are bad, but clap cos they're cool and so is Zim and GIR! DUH! Anyway, that's the first part of the Jesus Christ Superstar bit over, there is more in Act 2)
Act One - Scene Four (Beauty and the Beast) - Outside Dib's house, Zim and GIR have a suitcase which holds a device that can transport them back to the base at any time. The curtains open with Zim ringing the doorbell and Gaz answering. Zim steps back scared, but GIR stands tall and looks warped:
WHAT'S YOUR QUEST? (BE OUR GUEST)
Gaz: What do you want? We don't want you here, With your stupid robot and so-false hair. I'll go get Dib - HEY DIB! It's Zim! Do what you want, Dad won't care, DAD! DINNER!
Dib: What's your quest? What's your quest? What are you doing here with a smile of zest? Are you crazy, Zim, I hate you with a twist! I only want you dead! It's easy to be said, I hate you, Hate your guts, Why I'd love to see you as mush, And your stupid little robot would be next!
Zim: I'm here to-
Dib: I don't care! Don't just stare! Turn around and walk away! After all, Zim, this is Earth! And our vengeance here will never end! So go on, unleash your wrath! You'll only upset Gaz!
What's your quest, what's your quest? What's your quest?
Zim: I only want, Here to stay, Why with you, We can play, Like any normal Earthling children should!
GIR: So, Dib-thing don't be rude, You are really crude!
Dib: Now I don't know, don't go in, I'm not sure if this is a good day.
Zim: If you're unsure, If your scared, Well, Dib, we haven't come prepared, We only want to stay here for a while!
Dib: How long for, Zim?
Zim: As long as I need! I mean- I'm just having problems with the kitchen, My kitchen sink is sprouting lichens!
Dib: What's your quest, what's your quest? Come on, get it off your chest! Come in for tea, then we'll talk, We'll have soup, we'll have pork, And we can have a Crazy Taco carry-out too. It's a treat for Zim, So come on in.
Zim: I have no quest, I have no quest, For Heaven's sakes, I only want a nest, So I can sleep, and have some well-earned rest. Tomorrow there's no Skool, We can act like fools,
After dessert, we can play, Dress up GIR is what I say,
GIR: Do you mean it? YAY YAY YAY!
Dib: Don't take chances, I don't trust you.
Zim: I didn't hear me ask you to. I won't do nought! Nope, no sort! I won't hurt a hair on your demented head, And I swear, I won't be a pain!
Dib: Alright, come on through, Dinner's set for two, I'll get another plate, And we can wait for the tacos. But that GIR thing sits on the floor, I don't ask for anymore, What's your quest? What's your quest? What's your quest?
Zim: Why do you keep on asking, It isn't much that is being hassling, I'm just a soul with a skin condition. You just have an active imagination, Pretending you see me as another thing.
A while we've been fighting, Needing friends each, yet we're fighting, Can't you see the chemistry in that? You, me, GIR and Gaz, We can be one big spaz, In your house! In your house! IN YOUR HOUSE!!!!
Dib (sighs): Ok, ok.
BIG HEAD AND THE IRKEN (BEAUTY AND THE BEAST)
(Zim, Dib and Gaz talk solemnly over dinner and GIR watches from the floor, having well finished his tacos. He burps and watches the two enemies talking idly. Are they bonding? Will GIR be left out?)
GIR: Pear as old as lime, Mouldy as it can be, How can they be friends? When before they'd chase each other to the ends- Of the galaxies.
This is a big change, Even for me, I may be very thick, But I just don't trust Dib, Big head and the Irk.
Never will be the same, Never again a surprise Never will be as before, Never will be sure, If this sun don't rise!
I know this don't make sense, But I just don't like this, I have a feeling the- Almighty Tallest, Have a say in this.
Dib is just a fool, Giving into them, Pear as old as lime, Both as old as time, Big Head and the Irken.
Pear as old as lime, Both as old as time, Big Head and the Irken.
(spoken) Off to the cupboard with you now, Pig. It's past your bedtime. Good night, love.
Big Head and the Irk.
(Suddenly GIR jumps on Dib's head as he is jealous, and Dib runs upstairs, Zim and Gaz following them. Gaz looks ready to pounce and Zim gets scared - Les Miserables)
NOT ON MY BROTHER DO YOU POUND (NOT IN MY CASTLE ON A CLOUD)
Gaz: Get off, you stupid robot, Off Dib's head! Or I will send you- To your last bed! Jump off him now, And cease your fists! Not on my brother do you pound!
Zim: Gaz, calm down, uncurl your fists, You might just strain your wrists, Let them fight it out, it's not worth it, GIR won't for long on your brother pound.
Dib: Gaz, help me, this is insane! Get this robot of my head! It may be quite large, but it is MY head! Not on Gaz's brother do you pound!
GIR: There may be a plot here somewhere in you, Dib and I'll find out where it's at, I'm sure I had sixty-three tacos, But now I have only sixty-two! So tell me now, Gaz, not on your brother to pound!
Gaz: GIR, please forgive me, I will help, Nobody steals someone else's food, Especially not from a defenseless robot, GIR, on my brother may you pound.
(Curtain falls. Rises again with only Dib in the room, who straightens himself out and walks over to the TV. His favourite show, "Mysterious Mysteries of Strange Mystery" is on, but suddenly a picture of the Almighty Tallest drinking Space Soda appears (Jesus Christ Superstar again):
DAMNED FOR ALL TIME / IRK MONNIES (DAMNED FOR ALL TIME/BLOOD MONEY)
Dib: AAAARGHHH! The Almighty Tallest of Irk!!!
Red: Where? WHERE??!?? TELL ME!!!!
Purple: Uh, we're the Almighty Tallest.
Red: Oh. I knew that.
Dib: What do you want?
Red: I don't know, what do we - right! YES!
Purple: You know what we want, Dib. What do you say?
Dib: Why should I help you in your own problems? For all I know you're on Earth too! I really don't know what the right thing is to do! Zim is insane, so is GIR, but you, I trust Zim more than you! Look at your bound bellies and your creepy eyes, I really amn't now so sure! Just don't say I'm- Damned for all time!
You're only speaking to me cos I'm the only one who knows, Your disgrace is ruining your cause! But Zim is evil, so why don't you want him? What did he do that makes you want him dead? I really amn't now so sure! Just don't say I'm- Damned for all time!
Red, you look like you know your stuff, Purple you look like you sympathise, Why are you bothered 'bout one little Irken, A little bit crazy, but he loves what he does! I know I want a reward, Tallest, I didn't come here to help you freely, But I really amn't so sure now, Just don't say I'm- Damned for all time!
Red: Cut the protesting, forget the excuses, We want the juice, Dib, get off of the floor.
Purple: We have the right as his Tallest to arrest him, Tell us his movements and we'll leave Earth alone.
Red: Your own help in this matter won't go unrewarded.
Purple: We'll give you monnies, if you give us Zim, We just need to know where we can find him
Red: With no Pigs, Humans or Squirrels around him.
Purple: Yes, then we can't fail!
Dib: I don't need your Irk Monnies!
Red: I think you do, Dib! Our expenses are good!
Dib: I don't want your Blood Monnies!
Purple: We want you to take it - We hope that you would.
Red: Think of the stuff you can buy with the monnies! Make new inventions, over-take Super Toast! We've seen your motives, we're impressed by you, boy. This isn't Blood Monnies - it's us paying you, Paying you, paying a fee!
Dib (gasping): On Sunday night you'll find him where you want him- Far from the Piggies in the Park of Garthsamoony . . .
Purple(laughing): Good old Dib.
Red: Well done Dib.
(the tv turns off and Dib falls to the floor as the curtain falls)
-END OF ACT ONE-
WHAT DID YOU THINK??? REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Music from various musicals (see disclaimer) and lyrics by Julie Danskin. Performers listed in programme.
Disclaimer : Ahem! Greetings foul Earth thingies. I am the lyric writer of ZIIM and I present to you Impending Doom the musical. I do not own any of the characters or music, but I MADE THE LYRICS AND PLOT UP! Sorta. Yeah man I dead I mean I did coz I rock man. Yeah baby. Ok. Julie is frightening herself now. Ok! On with the programme :
Performers : Invader Zim, GIR, Dib Membrane, Gaz Membrane, Professor Membrane, Ms. Bitters and of course the Almighty Tallest and the choruses.
ACT ONE :
Opening - Outside the Skool - Just can't wait to beat Zim - Performed by Dib
Corridor - Walking to class - Can you feel the pain tonight? - Performed by Gaz and Dib
Great and Mighty Weapon Thingy - Zim's Lair - Evil One - Performed by GIR and Zim
GIR alone - Zim's Lair - I don't know how to serve him - Performed by GIR
Dib and Zim - Skool - The Last Lesson - Performed by Dib, Zim and Ms. Bitters
Tallest - Zim's Lair - Tallest and Zim - Performed by Zim, GIR and Almighty Tallest
Zim's Quest - Dib's House - What's your quest? - Performed by Dib, GIR and Zim
Bonding Rivals - Dib's Room - Big Head and the Irken - Performed by GIR
Gaz's Scariness - Dib's Room - Not on my brother do you pound - Performed by Gaz, GIR, Dib and Zim
Betrayal (sorta) - Dib's Room - Damned for all time/Irk Monnies - Performed by Dib and Almighty Tallest
OK! LET THE FUN BEGINNNN!!!!!!!!
OPERATION IMPENDING DOOM - THE MUSICAL
Act One - Scene One (The Lion King)- The street outside the Skool, Dib and Gaz are walking to school and as the bell hasn't rung yet, they stand idly in the playground, Dib is dreaming out loud of defeating Zim:
I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO BEAT ZIM (I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO BE KING)
Dib: I'm gonna beat the "mighty" Zim, so watch out, creep, beware!
Gaz: I really can't be bothered Dib, You're gonna make me wanna scare!!
Dib: Soon people will see the truth, The truth about that Zim! I'll stop him soon, I'll stop him now I'm more ready than before!
Gaz: Why are you so obsessed with stupid Zim?
Dib: Oh, I just can't WAIT to beat Zim! No one saying shut up
Gaz: Now I'm gonna give you-
Dib: No one saying you're weird!
Gaz: You stupid-
Dib: I'll be dad's star!
Gaz: Why I oughtta-
Dib: Of the YEAR!
Gaz: I'LL KILL YOU!
Dib: I'll just expose Zim
Gaz: Oh, Dib, give it a-
Dib: They'll make me President one day!
Gaz: I think, dear brother, that it's time We went our separate ways
Dib: But Gaz, I need your help On my inventions . . . la la la
Gaz : If this is what you'll be like, Then I'll chop out my own heart.
Away from you, away from Dad and Zim Yes I really think we should part I won't hang about! This brother of mine is one big weird thing!
Dib: Oh, I just can't WAIT to beat Zim! Come on, Gaz, help me!
Come on, Gaz, help me!
I'm sure if we win - -
There'll be monnies!!
Gaz: Are you sure?
If that's the truth then I'll help you beat Zim, But I want 50% split right clean!
Dib: You drive a hard bargain, but you win, It'll be worth it when I get the last grin! It's gonna be Dib Membrane's greatest thing!
Oh I just can't wait to beat Zim!
Oh I just can't wait . . .
Gaz: What? OH - He just can't wait-
Dib and Gaz: TO BEAT ZIM!
(Lights go out and Gaz and Dib go inside the school)
CAN YOU FEEL THE PAIN TONIGHT? (CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT?)
Gaz: I can see it flowing-
Dib: What?
Gaz: Green and crisp and new
Dib: Huh?
Gaz: I wonder how many GameSlave games I could buy anew?
Dib *chuckles*: Oh.
Gaz: Dib, don't spoil my spotlight, Or I swear I'll kill you, After of course I've earned my millions- And stolen all of yours!
Dib: Uhh-
Gaz: Can you feel the pain tonight? The evil of school bells ring- They make me, for once, shiver with delight At the thought of all those things,
That will one day worship me, When I am great, famous, wonderful, And a house full of new things- Pain is all I'll bring!
Zim's holding back, he's hiding, But Dib, he just can't see- Our cunning plan to be put in motion, That'll bring him to his knees!
Dib: Oh, sis, I think you've got it there! Yes you're in this thing! After all this time, I've tried to tell you- My message has finally ringed!
Gaz: Can you feel the pain tonight? The pain tomorrow brings? Dib, you fool, I don't care if he's an alien- I only want what his capture brings!
Dib: CAPTURE! Gaz, that's it! I'll get in touch with the Almighty Tallest- I'll sell Zim to them, where no one knows him- Yes our bet is sealed with Zim!
Gaz: You work out how to link with them These Tallest things of which you speak- And get him here, into our household, Yes then we'll make him squeak!
Dib: YES!
(Laughter from Dib as the curtain falls and the lights dim and the audience go crazy. Yes, crazy. They cannot control their excitement. APPLAUD FILTHY HUMAN STINKBUGS! APPLAUD!)
Act One - Scene Two (Jesus Christ Superstar *1) - Meanwhile, in Zim's lair, Zim and GIR are building a huge weapon that will destroy Earth (Not heard that one before!) but it needs some more work and Zim needs to go to school, and while he gets his bag ready GIR sings with the squirrels:
CRAZY ZIM (SUPERSTAR)
GIR: Everytime you tell me things I don't understand- What the hell is going on, I must be damned! Simple explanations to your impossible plans, Why'd we come to kill the Dib in such a strange land? But Master you are the boss even though it's obvious, It's not Dib that hates you as much as the Tallest!
Squirrel Chorus: Crazy Zim, Crazy Zim, What are you, stupid? You must be really dim! Crazy Zim - "Invader Zim" - Do you really think that's who you are?
GIR: Tell me if you think my chirpy friends are wrong, I just think that they're really enjoying this song! Seriously, sir, I'm your only friend! Why would I lie if it meant my own end? Do you want us to die? Is this all a joke, or Are you stupider than me and think the Tallest think you're cool?
Squirrel Chorus repeats.
(Zim ignores GIR's warning and gets ready to leave for Skool)
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SERVE HIM (I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE HIM)
Zim(spoken): Bye, GIR! Be good, and don't destroy any important factors of our latest con! For we must INVEST! YES! INVEST! MWA-HAHAHAHHAHA!
(Zim exits, and GIR is left alone)
GIR: Go to Skool my taco supplier, And forget all about the Tallest just now.
I don't know how to serve him, What to give, how to show him, The Tallest are bad. Yes really bad, Even though they have a great taste in snacks, They really want Zim dead!
I don't know how to tell him! I don't think I am working. He's an Irk. He's just an Irk- Someone has to tell him something's wrong- Before something - uh - goes wrong! Oh so wrong.
Should I tell him now, should I scream and dance? Should I shriek of food, should I run and prance? I always thought the Almighties were cool! Now I feel like one big fool!
Don't you think it's a bit funny, I should feel like this for Zim? I'm the one who never cares! Who screams and shouts, takes great big pouts! Man I love this show! Zim scares me so! He's not quite as scary as Gaz! But he's very mad!
Yet if we're going to pay, For what only Zim did, So long ago, I want a taco. It hurts my brain - I'm less insane! I just don't want it, no! Gaz scares me so. Tallest want Zim so. I feel alone.
TACOS!!!!!!!!!!!!
(GIR begins to cry and the curtain falls dramatically and the audience are stunned into silence. SILENCE! SILENCE! STOP APPLAUDING AND AWWING! NOW! SILENCE! FOR EFFECT, YOU FOOLS!!!!!!! FOOOOOOOLLLLLSSSS!!!!!!!)
Act One - Scene Three (Still JCS*1) - In the Skool Classroom
THE LAST LESSON (THE LAST SUPPER)
Kids: Look at all my tests and assessments, Sinking in a lovely calming bell. Don't disturb me now, I'm running from the classroom, Before Ms Bitters catches me with this red wine! Always hoped that I'd make it through Nursery, Knew that I would make it if I cried- So when I grew up I could do absolutely nothing, And watch my children do the same thing - life is fine!
Zim: The end- Of the Earth will soon be done, my friends. For all you know, these clothes disguise an Irken! For all you know, this hair is not real! THE END! MWAHAHHAHA! These are the clothes you see, This is the wig you believe! If you will remember me, just before you die!!
I must be mad thinking I'll be remembered - yes - I must be out of my head! Look at your dumb faces, You humans know nothing! Except for the one with the big head!
One of you, though, knows me, One of you, though, sees me!
Kids: Huh? What's he on about? He's weird!
Zim: Yes you silly humans, go on, insult me! Soon will you all will see, My ultimate power, but one of you knows me! And will try to stop me-
Dib: Shut it up, Zim! You know very well who-
Zim: I thought you'd do it!
Dib: You want me to do it?
Zim: Come on, try stop me!
Dib: You don't know how I'll do it!
Zim: I don't care how you do it!
Dib: I always couldn't stand you, But now I despise you!
Zim: You liar - you human!
Dib: You want me to stop you! You like a challenge, What if I just stepped back, And let you complete your mission? The Tallest wouldn't care!
Ms. Bitters: Dib, you, shut up! And Zim, you fool - go back to your seat!
Kids: Look at all my tests and assessments, Sinking in a lovely calming bell- What's that big skull said? It's gone from my head, Something about Zim being evil - oh who cares? Always hoped that I'd make it through Nursery, Knew that I would make it if I cried- So when I grew up I could do absolutely nothing, And watch my children do the same thing - life is fine!
Dib: You're sad and pathetic, Zim! Look you don't even know, Your masters do hate you! And the strangest part of all- You don't seem to listen, Like you don't want to believe!
A strange sight is this Zim you don't know who-
Ms Bitters: SIT DOOOOWNNN!
Zim: Oh so who else than you, Despises me and knows?
Dib: Every time I look at you I don't understand How you can't know - they have you in the palm of their hand! I know they exiled you, God Zim, they have it planned! Oh oh ohhhh!
Kids: Look at all my tests and assessments, Sinking in a lovely calming bell. Don't disturb me now, I'm running from the classroom, Before Ms Bitters catches me with this red wine! Always hoped that I'd make it through Nursery, Knew that I would make it if I cried- So when I grew up I could do absolutely nothing, And watch my children do the same thing - life is fine!
(Curtain falls and opens again in Zim's lair with Zim, GIR and the Almighty Tallest (Red and Purple) on the screen):
TALLEST AND ZIM (PILATE AND CHRIST)
Zim (spoken angrily) : I want him dead, my Tallest. He could spoil everything.
Red: Oh no, what a shame. Well, Purple, at least we have someone else to blame!
Purple: Shh! Zim, what do you want us to do? Surely this -Dib- creature must be sorted by you?
Red: Tell me, Zim, are you gonna fight? Or are you going to give up the plight? Do you want Irk over Earth to reign? Or will you sit till you're even more insane?
Purple: Do you think that would get it done? After all the work you've run, Chasing here and chasing there, I think it's time this Dib had his share.
Red (aside to Purple so Zim can't hear): I think this boy is our guiding light, He makes Zim unsure tonight,
Purple: Do you think we can trust him?
Red: We can if he truly hates Zim.
Zim: My Tallest?
Red: We've come to a good conclusion, We think we shall choose him, Yes, go to his house and stay a while, Then bring him to Irk, he'll be your - floor tile?-
Purple: TAKE HIM TO IRK!
Red: GO TO HIS HOUSE!
Purple: TAKE OVER SLOWLY!
Red: DON'T TRY AND FIGHT!
GIR: Why are you shouting? My head is pounding! And why haven't my tequitos arrived yet? Can't you see I'm already half dead?
Red: Shut up, you strange thing!
Purple: No, wait, we're sorry.
Red: Yes, have some tuna, That should break even!
GIR: Thank you, O Tallest, I ALSO WANT A CLOWN WITH NO HEAD!
(Purple and Red look at each other : O.o )
Purple: Zim's sidekick your tequitos we grant.
Red: But no decapitated clown shall you have.
GIR: NO CLOWN??!?!?!?!
Zim: I think we've gone a little off the plot, GIR shut up, go clean that -uh- pot! Tallest are you sure that's what you request of me? Live with Dib my arch enemy?
Purple: Yes, that's it, Zim!
Red: Now, go do it!
Purple: Soon we will call you!
(Screen goes blank. The Tallest are seen together)
Red: Now we have got him!
Purple: All we have to do now, Is convert this Dib creature!
Red: Man, this is perfect! Bring on the puppets!
Purple: More drinks while you're at it!
Red: Now we have got him!
Both: NOW WE HAVE GOT HIM! HAH!!!!!
(Curtain closes, and the audience boos and claps at the same time. What do you mean that don't make sense you grammatically bad monkey? I mean you boo because the Tallest are bad, but clap cos they're cool and so is Zim and GIR! DUH! Anyway, that's the first part of the Jesus Christ Superstar bit over, there is more in Act 2)
Act One - Scene Four (Beauty and the Beast) - Outside Dib's house, Zim and GIR have a suitcase which holds a device that can transport them back to the base at any time. The curtains open with Zim ringing the doorbell and Gaz answering. Zim steps back scared, but GIR stands tall and looks warped:
WHAT'S YOUR QUEST? (BE OUR GUEST)
Gaz: What do you want? We don't want you here, With your stupid robot and so-false hair. I'll go get Dib - HEY DIB! It's Zim! Do what you want, Dad won't care, DAD! DINNER!
Dib: What's your quest? What's your quest? What are you doing here with a smile of zest? Are you crazy, Zim, I hate you with a twist! I only want you dead! It's easy to be said, I hate you, Hate your guts, Why I'd love to see you as mush, And your stupid little robot would be next!
Zim: I'm here to-
Dib: I don't care! Don't just stare! Turn around and walk away! After all, Zim, this is Earth! And our vengeance here will never end! So go on, unleash your wrath! You'll only upset Gaz!
What's your quest, what's your quest? What's your quest?
Zim: I only want, Here to stay, Why with you, We can play, Like any normal Earthling children should!
GIR: So, Dib-thing don't be rude, You are really crude!
Dib: Now I don't know, don't go in, I'm not sure if this is a good day.
Zim: If you're unsure, If your scared, Well, Dib, we haven't come prepared, We only want to stay here for a while!
Dib: How long for, Zim?
Zim: As long as I need! I mean- I'm just having problems with the kitchen, My kitchen sink is sprouting lichens!
Dib: What's your quest, what's your quest? Come on, get it off your chest! Come in for tea, then we'll talk, We'll have soup, we'll have pork, And we can have a Crazy Taco carry-out too. It's a treat for Zim, So come on in.
Zim: I have no quest, I have no quest, For Heaven's sakes, I only want a nest, So I can sleep, and have some well-earned rest. Tomorrow there's no Skool, We can act like fools,
After dessert, we can play, Dress up GIR is what I say,
GIR: Do you mean it? YAY YAY YAY!
Dib: Don't take chances, I don't trust you.
Zim: I didn't hear me ask you to. I won't do nought! Nope, no sort! I won't hurt a hair on your demented head, And I swear, I won't be a pain!
Dib: Alright, come on through, Dinner's set for two, I'll get another plate, And we can wait for the tacos. But that GIR thing sits on the floor, I don't ask for anymore, What's your quest? What's your quest? What's your quest?
Zim: Why do you keep on asking, It isn't much that is being hassling, I'm just a soul with a skin condition. You just have an active imagination, Pretending you see me as another thing.
A while we've been fighting, Needing friends each, yet we're fighting, Can't you see the chemistry in that? You, me, GIR and Gaz, We can be one big spaz, In your house! In your house! IN YOUR HOUSE!!!!
Dib (sighs): Ok, ok.
BIG HEAD AND THE IRKEN (BEAUTY AND THE BEAST)
(Zim, Dib and Gaz talk solemnly over dinner and GIR watches from the floor, having well finished his tacos. He burps and watches the two enemies talking idly. Are they bonding? Will GIR be left out?)
GIR: Pear as old as lime, Mouldy as it can be, How can they be friends? When before they'd chase each other to the ends- Of the galaxies.
This is a big change, Even for me, I may be very thick, But I just don't trust Dib, Big head and the Irk.
Never will be the same, Never again a surprise Never will be as before, Never will be sure, If this sun don't rise!
I know this don't make sense, But I just don't like this, I have a feeling the- Almighty Tallest, Have a say in this.
Dib is just a fool, Giving into them, Pear as old as lime, Both as old as time, Big Head and the Irken.
Pear as old as lime, Both as old as time, Big Head and the Irken.
(spoken) Off to the cupboard with you now, Pig. It's past your bedtime. Good night, love.
Big Head and the Irk.
(Suddenly GIR jumps on Dib's head as he is jealous, and Dib runs upstairs, Zim and Gaz following them. Gaz looks ready to pounce and Zim gets scared - Les Miserables)
NOT ON MY BROTHER DO YOU POUND (NOT IN MY CASTLE ON A CLOUD)
Gaz: Get off, you stupid robot, Off Dib's head! Or I will send you- To your last bed! Jump off him now, And cease your fists! Not on my brother do you pound!
Zim: Gaz, calm down, uncurl your fists, You might just strain your wrists, Let them fight it out, it's not worth it, GIR won't for long on your brother pound.
Dib: Gaz, help me, this is insane! Get this robot of my head! It may be quite large, but it is MY head! Not on Gaz's brother do you pound!
GIR: There may be a plot here somewhere in you, Dib and I'll find out where it's at, I'm sure I had sixty-three tacos, But now I have only sixty-two! So tell me now, Gaz, not on your brother to pound!
Gaz: GIR, please forgive me, I will help, Nobody steals someone else's food, Especially not from a defenseless robot, GIR, on my brother may you pound.
(Curtain falls. Rises again with only Dib in the room, who straightens himself out and walks over to the TV. His favourite show, "Mysterious Mysteries of Strange Mystery" is on, but suddenly a picture of the Almighty Tallest drinking Space Soda appears (Jesus Christ Superstar again):
DAMNED FOR ALL TIME / IRK MONNIES (DAMNED FOR ALL TIME/BLOOD MONEY)
Dib: AAAARGHHH! The Almighty Tallest of Irk!!!
Red: Where? WHERE??!?? TELL ME!!!!
Purple: Uh, we're the Almighty Tallest.
Red: Oh. I knew that.
Dib: What do you want?
Red: I don't know, what do we - right! YES!
Purple: You know what we want, Dib. What do you say?
Dib: Why should I help you in your own problems? For all I know you're on Earth too! I really don't know what the right thing is to do! Zim is insane, so is GIR, but you, I trust Zim more than you! Look at your bound bellies and your creepy eyes, I really amn't now so sure! Just don't say I'm- Damned for all time!
You're only speaking to me cos I'm the only one who knows, Your disgrace is ruining your cause! But Zim is evil, so why don't you want him? What did he do that makes you want him dead? I really amn't now so sure! Just don't say I'm- Damned for all time!
Red, you look like you know your stuff, Purple you look like you sympathise, Why are you bothered 'bout one little Irken, A little bit crazy, but he loves what he does! I know I want a reward, Tallest, I didn't come here to help you freely, But I really amn't so sure now, Just don't say I'm- Damned for all time!
Red: Cut the protesting, forget the excuses, We want the juice, Dib, get off of the floor.
Purple: We have the right as his Tallest to arrest him, Tell us his movements and we'll leave Earth alone.
Red: Your own help in this matter won't go unrewarded.
Purple: We'll give you monnies, if you give us Zim, We just need to know where we can find him
Red: With no Pigs, Humans or Squirrels around him.
Purple: Yes, then we can't fail!
Dib: I don't need your Irk Monnies!
Red: I think you do, Dib! Our expenses are good!
Dib: I don't want your Blood Monnies!
Purple: We want you to take it - We hope that you would.
Red: Think of the stuff you can buy with the monnies! Make new inventions, over-take Super Toast! We've seen your motives, we're impressed by you, boy. This isn't Blood Monnies - it's us paying you, Paying you, paying a fee!
Dib (gasping): On Sunday night you'll find him where you want him- Far from the Piggies in the Park of Garthsamoony . . .
Purple(laughing): Good old Dib.
Red: Well done Dib.
(the tv turns off and Dib falls to the floor as the curtain falls)
-END OF ACT ONE-
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