Trying Times (1/2)
Note: Thanks so much to faith-in-Faith for all your help with this story!
7:16 a.m.
"Mom! Mom! Where's my jacket?" She looked all over for it and it wasn't anywhere she remembered putting it. It was spring but still cool enough to need one.
"Did you look in the closet, Em? I know it's a new concept, but you guys seem to forget where things go. Coats go in the closet, laundry goes into the basket. Do I need to continue?" Seeing her daughter roll her eyes, she started looking, herself. If her kids were late for school, their principals would have her tail. Seeing no sign of the jacket, she left the room to check the hall closet. Emily probably just didn't remember putting it where it usually went. She walked out of the room, shaking her head. She had completely forgotten to make sure Charlie was ready for school, amid all the hustle and bustle of her teenage daughter. She didn't know how her husband did it every morning, dealing with one teenager and one kid on the verge of being one.
Since Fred was out of town visiting relatives, it was up to her to do the things he normally did. She usually just saw them out the door and if she was lucky got a hug in before they left for school. Today seemed like a special day, and she wanted to make the most of it. She was going to make them a nice dinner so when they got home they could heat it up. She knew it was a little extra, but she also rented some movies for them so they would have something to do. The mother in her, of course, left a long list of emergency numbers and instructions on what to do if they had to reach her at work or had a problem. No questions asked, she would come running if anything came up. She hated to leave her kids alone, but Emily insisted they would be okay. She fought with her instincts to stay home or get someone to come over until she got off work, but knew she needed to trust her daughter. If she wanted her to know she was trusted, she had to be given a chance. It wasn't easy, but she was trying.
"Char, sweetie. Get your stuff together, we're leaving as soon as your sister finds her jacket." Getting no response, she chalked it up to her growing son not wanting to talk to his uncool mom. She walked past the kitchen toward the hall closet, when something caught the corner of her eye. She looked to her right and saw Charlie with his arm halfway in a purse. Her purse.
"Charlie! What are you think you're doin'? You know if you need somethin' out you just have to ask me. You need some gum or somethin'?" She couldn't figure out why her son would be getting into her things. She didn't have anything in there he'd possibly want. She saw him quickly try to cover his actions, while stuffing something into his back pocket.
"Uh..I was looking for some chapstick. I remembered I had some in my jeans. Uh..the ones I wore yesterday. I'll just go grab it. Hey, uh..did Emily find her windbreaker?" He didn't wait for a response, choosing to leave the room.
She didn't know what was up with her son. It wasn't like him to steal from her. She couldn't think of any reasons why he would do such a thing. If he needed anything, all he had to do was ask and she'd find a way to help him out. She wasn't rich by any means, but a few bucks couldn't hurt. So, when she saw him pocket the money she had in her purse, she was instantly worried. She wondered if he was having problems at school, but didn't know how to ask him about it. She thought about bringing it up, but felt she should talk to Fred first and get his take on the situation. She startled herself out of her thoughts and went to her original destination. Seeing Emily's coat hanging in the closet, she grabbed it quickly and gathered her kids to drop them off.
7:39 a.m.
Traffic was a nightmare. Now she remembered why she hated mornings. It wasn't that she couldn't sleep in, but the fact that she had to deal with traffic. At night, it was so much different. Sure, it was still busy but it wasn't like everyone had to be on the streets at the same time. How Fred did it and didn't go insane was beyond her. She thought about him and hoped he was having a good time. He needed some time away sometimes. Things weren't always good between them, but they tried for the kids' sake. Her marriage wasn't perfect, but no one's was.
She rolled down the window. It was cool out, but it was the only thing keeping her awake. She had gotten off late the night before and got what felt like was five hours of sleep. Somewhere around six o' clock, her daughter woke her up looking for the blow drier so her hair wouldn't "snap off in the cold." She didn't know that hair could do that, but nonetheless, it was chilly outside and didn't want her daughter to get sick. Then again, she was up long before she had to leave for school and it would have dried by then. Oh well. She had been anticipating getting up for hours and so it wasn't any real surprise when the alarm went off a half hour later. She made a mental note to try to urge Bosco to get his butt in gear with his paperwork so they could leave at eleven this time. She was tired of getting out of the precinct at midnight, sometimes later. It was like the guy had no sense of responsibility. Like he lived for the moment. Her, she needed her sleep, and sleep was what beckoned her. She'd have to wait, though. She was already awake and still had yet to decide what she was going to make the kids. She still had several hours to think of something.
2:30 p.m.
She wrapped up the lasagna and put it in the fridge so it was ready for Emily to put it in the oven. It was the first time in a long time she had a chance to make something for the kids. Fred usually did all the cooking. It made her feel needed in a weird sort of way. She wasn't used to being able to do these things. With her hours, she was lucky to make it to any of the kids' recitals and school functions. She grabbed her purse and walked out the door. If only she could find a way to talk to Charlie. She shrugged it off and went to work.
3:06 p.m.
Bosco was running late, as usual. She sighed, thinking he was like one of her kids. Sometimes she didn't know how she put up with him. Ten years it'd been. Some people say time flies, well to her it was dragging on. She wasn't getting any younger. Bosco sure wasn't getting any older. Each day it seemed he pushed her buttons more than the previous, but she couldn't bear to part from him. She knew he had her back no matter what, and he was a good friend too, even if he was a little childish. Okay, maybe little was an understatement. She walked out of roll call and went to check out a radio. She smiled, seeing it was her favorite radio. The precinct had gotten new ones and there was this one loner that she hoped to get. It was like an old friend. When she went to use it, she never had to look down or remember where the button was. It was just there. She'd used the old ones for so long she hated the new ones. She didn't notice Bosco staring at her like she'd lost her mind.
3:12 p.m.
"So, where should we hit first? Wanna' start out on 96th street?" He hated going the same way every day. It was nice to have a change once in a while. Secretly, his favorite coffee shop was on the way and he knew this girl that gave him extra whipped cream on his hot chocolate. For the first time that day, he noticed something different about Faith. He couldn't put his finger on it. She seemed off. Distant.
"Hey Yokas, you okay? You look like you got somethin' on that mind of yours." He hoped it wasn't anything serious. He was never good at handling female problems or mushy stuff like that.
"Yeah, just thinkin'." Seeing him laugh, she almost knew the words that would come next.
"Uh, oh. Someone call the Times, my partner is thinkin'." He couldn't help but laugh at the smirk he saw. Typical Faith. He knew her like the back of his hand.
"Funny, Bos. Seriously, though, I don't know what's wrong and I don't know how to shake it." She was surprised to see the intense look in her partner's eyes. He usually didn't pay attention to her and figured it would be a lost cause. Today was different. He was actually hearing her. Not just starin' at the road wanting to curse at some jerk-off driver.
"What's up? You havin' problems with your kids? Is it Fred?" When something was wrong with Faith, it was usually Fred, but he thought he'd keep his mouth shut before jumping to conclusions. Seeing her nod, he figured he'd give her a chance to explain which one was the problem. He couldn't tell yet, he just knew it was one or the other. Most likely the latter.
"Oh, I don't know. It's probably nothing, but I caught Charlie goin' through my purse this morning. I was helping Em look for her jacket and went to look in the closet. Anyway, I walked by the kitchen and saw him pocket some money. I asked him what he was doin' and he just said he was lookin' for some chapstick. I just don't understand why he would lie to me like that. I mean, to my face, ya' know?" She'd been thinking about it all day and had nothing to offer as an explanation. Charlie had always been a good kid. Now she felt like she didn't know him anymore.
"Maybe the kid just needed some lunch money, Faith. The kid needs to eat. Don't get all worked up over nothin'." He saw her expression change from worry to anger and knew he'd hit a sore spot. He just didn't know which one. Lately it seemed like there were so many.
"What you think I don't feed my kids? Like I let them go hungry? Let me tell you somethin' Bosco, my kids get a roof over their heads. They sure as hell get food. I get twenty bucks out of my piss-poor account so I can buy a couple of meals a day if I'm lucky, and a train ride home from work. Every two weeks I get money out, and I'm afraid to look down at the receipt. I don't even wanna' read it. You know why? Because I don't know if I'm I'm gonna' look down and see I don't have enough to pay the bills. And when I do look and I do see the balance, I'm afraid there's been some kind of error or maybe the last check I wrote didn't clear the bank yet. And then, then, I have to go home and I can't bear to open the door. I don't wanna' walk inside my home, and face the harsh possibility that maybe the electricity's been shut off and I gotta' explain to my kids that their cop mom couldn't pay the bill. You know what that's like, Bosco? To have to look your kids in the eyes and see the look on their faces...the look like they were sorry they were stuck with you. God, I never wanna' see that look." She didn't realize the tears had been falling for some time. She stared out her window, afraid to face her partner. Afraid to see the horror in his eyes at her mothering skills. She felt the car stop.
"Faith, look at me. Look at me." He waited for her to turn towards him so he could talk to her.
"Look at you. You're the best mom I know. I seen so many deadbeat parents who are so damn selfish they don't think for a second about the kids they're leavin' at home to go shoot up or get drunk. Don't you ever think for a second you're not a good parent. You're doin' the best you can and the best you can do is a hell of a lot better than a lot of people even think of doin'. So, don't beat yourself up. The fact that you feel so shitty is a sign that you care enough about your kids to want them to have a good life. A cop's salary isn't like the best out there, you know, but it's what we do. It's our jobs. We were meant to do this. Don't ever doubt yourself, Faith. Don't do it." He hoped he got through to her. If she could only see in herself what he saw. She was a damn good mother, and those kids were damn lucky to have her for theirs. Even if she didn't know it.
"Look at you, mister. You been watchin' Dr. Phil or somethin'?" She couldn't help but laugh. If she didn't, she'd just start crying again. He really was a good partner, and friend. No matter what Fred or anyone else thought. She really had to get herself out of her funk. Wallowing in her own misery wasn't helping things. It was damn cold and Bosco didn't need to hear all of her problems. She shook her head as Bosco put the car back into gear. She tried unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn, feeling more beat than ever. She really had to get more sleep, or she'd be a wreck tomorrow.
6:15 p.m.
"Central to 55-David"
"55-David go ahead"
"55-David proceed to 56th and Washington for a 10-30."
"Copy that Central 56th and Washington"
She hated to start off the day with something this big. They'd only been on duty for a few hours. It just seemed too early for a call like this. Guess the people involved didn't care about being seen or caught.
"Alright, well, looks like dinner's gonna' come a little late tonight. I'm hungry too." She was so busy earlier making her kids dinner she didn't remember to eat. She was regretting it now, because robberies usually took hours to clear up.
"Me too. I usually grab somethin' before I leave. Never know when you're gonna' get a call and be all tied up. Man, I wonder if anyone's on scene yet." He didn't like going in with no information, but robberies weren't something that was usually announced on the radio or anything. In order to keep the public safe, information was usually kept to whoever needed to know, and right now the only ones who needed to know were the officers receiving the call. Hopefully there would be others on scene already.
They pulled up down the street from the store and made their way on foot to the side of the building. They didn't want the suspects inside to see them and get spooked.
"55-David to Central"
"Go ahead 55-David"
"Central, we are 10-84 on that 10-30."
"Copy that 55-David. Additional units are on the way."
"Okay, we need to get these civilians out of here. Alright, go back to the squad and get the tape. I'm going to pull the squad around so we can block access to the building."
"Bos, we don't know how many there are. Let's just sit tight until another squad comes." She didn't want to rush into anything, not knowing if the suspects had seen them yet and would try something dangerous. She could tell he wasn't going for that.
"Faith, we can't sit here and watch this thing unfold. Are you gonna' get the tape or not?"
Seeing her nod, they both went to the RMP.
He popped the trunk for Faith to get out the tape and moved the car so that it was in the middle of the street, blocking both ways. He got out and grabbed some cones out of the trunk to help set up a road block. As he was walking over with the cones, he saw a motorcyclist speeding in their direction, unoblivious to anything the officers were doing. The driver of the motorcycle noticed the cops in time to swerve. Bosco saw Faith's eyes grow big as she realized what was going to happen. He was powerless to help her. All he could do was watch, as she tried to get out of the way.
Note: Thanks so much to faith-in-Faith for all your help with this story!
7:16 a.m.
"Mom! Mom! Where's my jacket?" She looked all over for it and it wasn't anywhere she remembered putting it. It was spring but still cool enough to need one.
"Did you look in the closet, Em? I know it's a new concept, but you guys seem to forget where things go. Coats go in the closet, laundry goes into the basket. Do I need to continue?" Seeing her daughter roll her eyes, she started looking, herself. If her kids were late for school, their principals would have her tail. Seeing no sign of the jacket, she left the room to check the hall closet. Emily probably just didn't remember putting it where it usually went. She walked out of the room, shaking her head. She had completely forgotten to make sure Charlie was ready for school, amid all the hustle and bustle of her teenage daughter. She didn't know how her husband did it every morning, dealing with one teenager and one kid on the verge of being one.
Since Fred was out of town visiting relatives, it was up to her to do the things he normally did. She usually just saw them out the door and if she was lucky got a hug in before they left for school. Today seemed like a special day, and she wanted to make the most of it. She was going to make them a nice dinner so when they got home they could heat it up. She knew it was a little extra, but she also rented some movies for them so they would have something to do. The mother in her, of course, left a long list of emergency numbers and instructions on what to do if they had to reach her at work or had a problem. No questions asked, she would come running if anything came up. She hated to leave her kids alone, but Emily insisted they would be okay. She fought with her instincts to stay home or get someone to come over until she got off work, but knew she needed to trust her daughter. If she wanted her to know she was trusted, she had to be given a chance. It wasn't easy, but she was trying.
"Char, sweetie. Get your stuff together, we're leaving as soon as your sister finds her jacket." Getting no response, she chalked it up to her growing son not wanting to talk to his uncool mom. She walked past the kitchen toward the hall closet, when something caught the corner of her eye. She looked to her right and saw Charlie with his arm halfway in a purse. Her purse.
"Charlie! What are you think you're doin'? You know if you need somethin' out you just have to ask me. You need some gum or somethin'?" She couldn't figure out why her son would be getting into her things. She didn't have anything in there he'd possibly want. She saw him quickly try to cover his actions, while stuffing something into his back pocket.
"Uh..I was looking for some chapstick. I remembered I had some in my jeans. Uh..the ones I wore yesterday. I'll just go grab it. Hey, uh..did Emily find her windbreaker?" He didn't wait for a response, choosing to leave the room.
She didn't know what was up with her son. It wasn't like him to steal from her. She couldn't think of any reasons why he would do such a thing. If he needed anything, all he had to do was ask and she'd find a way to help him out. She wasn't rich by any means, but a few bucks couldn't hurt. So, when she saw him pocket the money she had in her purse, she was instantly worried. She wondered if he was having problems at school, but didn't know how to ask him about it. She thought about bringing it up, but felt she should talk to Fred first and get his take on the situation. She startled herself out of her thoughts and went to her original destination. Seeing Emily's coat hanging in the closet, she grabbed it quickly and gathered her kids to drop them off.
7:39 a.m.
Traffic was a nightmare. Now she remembered why she hated mornings. It wasn't that she couldn't sleep in, but the fact that she had to deal with traffic. At night, it was so much different. Sure, it was still busy but it wasn't like everyone had to be on the streets at the same time. How Fred did it and didn't go insane was beyond her. She thought about him and hoped he was having a good time. He needed some time away sometimes. Things weren't always good between them, but they tried for the kids' sake. Her marriage wasn't perfect, but no one's was.
She rolled down the window. It was cool out, but it was the only thing keeping her awake. She had gotten off late the night before and got what felt like was five hours of sleep. Somewhere around six o' clock, her daughter woke her up looking for the blow drier so her hair wouldn't "snap off in the cold." She didn't know that hair could do that, but nonetheless, it was chilly outside and didn't want her daughter to get sick. Then again, she was up long before she had to leave for school and it would have dried by then. Oh well. She had been anticipating getting up for hours and so it wasn't any real surprise when the alarm went off a half hour later. She made a mental note to try to urge Bosco to get his butt in gear with his paperwork so they could leave at eleven this time. She was tired of getting out of the precinct at midnight, sometimes later. It was like the guy had no sense of responsibility. Like he lived for the moment. Her, she needed her sleep, and sleep was what beckoned her. She'd have to wait, though. She was already awake and still had yet to decide what she was going to make the kids. She still had several hours to think of something.
2:30 p.m.
She wrapped up the lasagna and put it in the fridge so it was ready for Emily to put it in the oven. It was the first time in a long time she had a chance to make something for the kids. Fred usually did all the cooking. It made her feel needed in a weird sort of way. She wasn't used to being able to do these things. With her hours, she was lucky to make it to any of the kids' recitals and school functions. She grabbed her purse and walked out the door. If only she could find a way to talk to Charlie. She shrugged it off and went to work.
3:06 p.m.
Bosco was running late, as usual. She sighed, thinking he was like one of her kids. Sometimes she didn't know how she put up with him. Ten years it'd been. Some people say time flies, well to her it was dragging on. She wasn't getting any younger. Bosco sure wasn't getting any older. Each day it seemed he pushed her buttons more than the previous, but she couldn't bear to part from him. She knew he had her back no matter what, and he was a good friend too, even if he was a little childish. Okay, maybe little was an understatement. She walked out of roll call and went to check out a radio. She smiled, seeing it was her favorite radio. The precinct had gotten new ones and there was this one loner that she hoped to get. It was like an old friend. When she went to use it, she never had to look down or remember where the button was. It was just there. She'd used the old ones for so long she hated the new ones. She didn't notice Bosco staring at her like she'd lost her mind.
3:12 p.m.
"So, where should we hit first? Wanna' start out on 96th street?" He hated going the same way every day. It was nice to have a change once in a while. Secretly, his favorite coffee shop was on the way and he knew this girl that gave him extra whipped cream on his hot chocolate. For the first time that day, he noticed something different about Faith. He couldn't put his finger on it. She seemed off. Distant.
"Hey Yokas, you okay? You look like you got somethin' on that mind of yours." He hoped it wasn't anything serious. He was never good at handling female problems or mushy stuff like that.
"Yeah, just thinkin'." Seeing him laugh, she almost knew the words that would come next.
"Uh, oh. Someone call the Times, my partner is thinkin'." He couldn't help but laugh at the smirk he saw. Typical Faith. He knew her like the back of his hand.
"Funny, Bos. Seriously, though, I don't know what's wrong and I don't know how to shake it." She was surprised to see the intense look in her partner's eyes. He usually didn't pay attention to her and figured it would be a lost cause. Today was different. He was actually hearing her. Not just starin' at the road wanting to curse at some jerk-off driver.
"What's up? You havin' problems with your kids? Is it Fred?" When something was wrong with Faith, it was usually Fred, but he thought he'd keep his mouth shut before jumping to conclusions. Seeing her nod, he figured he'd give her a chance to explain which one was the problem. He couldn't tell yet, he just knew it was one or the other. Most likely the latter.
"Oh, I don't know. It's probably nothing, but I caught Charlie goin' through my purse this morning. I was helping Em look for her jacket and went to look in the closet. Anyway, I walked by the kitchen and saw him pocket some money. I asked him what he was doin' and he just said he was lookin' for some chapstick. I just don't understand why he would lie to me like that. I mean, to my face, ya' know?" She'd been thinking about it all day and had nothing to offer as an explanation. Charlie had always been a good kid. Now she felt like she didn't know him anymore.
"Maybe the kid just needed some lunch money, Faith. The kid needs to eat. Don't get all worked up over nothin'." He saw her expression change from worry to anger and knew he'd hit a sore spot. He just didn't know which one. Lately it seemed like there were so many.
"What you think I don't feed my kids? Like I let them go hungry? Let me tell you somethin' Bosco, my kids get a roof over their heads. They sure as hell get food. I get twenty bucks out of my piss-poor account so I can buy a couple of meals a day if I'm lucky, and a train ride home from work. Every two weeks I get money out, and I'm afraid to look down at the receipt. I don't even wanna' read it. You know why? Because I don't know if I'm I'm gonna' look down and see I don't have enough to pay the bills. And when I do look and I do see the balance, I'm afraid there's been some kind of error or maybe the last check I wrote didn't clear the bank yet. And then, then, I have to go home and I can't bear to open the door. I don't wanna' walk inside my home, and face the harsh possibility that maybe the electricity's been shut off and I gotta' explain to my kids that their cop mom couldn't pay the bill. You know what that's like, Bosco? To have to look your kids in the eyes and see the look on their faces...the look like they were sorry they were stuck with you. God, I never wanna' see that look." She didn't realize the tears had been falling for some time. She stared out her window, afraid to face her partner. Afraid to see the horror in his eyes at her mothering skills. She felt the car stop.
"Faith, look at me. Look at me." He waited for her to turn towards him so he could talk to her.
"Look at you. You're the best mom I know. I seen so many deadbeat parents who are so damn selfish they don't think for a second about the kids they're leavin' at home to go shoot up or get drunk. Don't you ever think for a second you're not a good parent. You're doin' the best you can and the best you can do is a hell of a lot better than a lot of people even think of doin'. So, don't beat yourself up. The fact that you feel so shitty is a sign that you care enough about your kids to want them to have a good life. A cop's salary isn't like the best out there, you know, but it's what we do. It's our jobs. We were meant to do this. Don't ever doubt yourself, Faith. Don't do it." He hoped he got through to her. If she could only see in herself what he saw. She was a damn good mother, and those kids were damn lucky to have her for theirs. Even if she didn't know it.
"Look at you, mister. You been watchin' Dr. Phil or somethin'?" She couldn't help but laugh. If she didn't, she'd just start crying again. He really was a good partner, and friend. No matter what Fred or anyone else thought. She really had to get herself out of her funk. Wallowing in her own misery wasn't helping things. It was damn cold and Bosco didn't need to hear all of her problems. She shook her head as Bosco put the car back into gear. She tried unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn, feeling more beat than ever. She really had to get more sleep, or she'd be a wreck tomorrow.
6:15 p.m.
"Central to 55-David"
"55-David go ahead"
"55-David proceed to 56th and Washington for a 10-30."
"Copy that Central 56th and Washington"
She hated to start off the day with something this big. They'd only been on duty for a few hours. It just seemed too early for a call like this. Guess the people involved didn't care about being seen or caught.
"Alright, well, looks like dinner's gonna' come a little late tonight. I'm hungry too." She was so busy earlier making her kids dinner she didn't remember to eat. She was regretting it now, because robberies usually took hours to clear up.
"Me too. I usually grab somethin' before I leave. Never know when you're gonna' get a call and be all tied up. Man, I wonder if anyone's on scene yet." He didn't like going in with no information, but robberies weren't something that was usually announced on the radio or anything. In order to keep the public safe, information was usually kept to whoever needed to know, and right now the only ones who needed to know were the officers receiving the call. Hopefully there would be others on scene already.
They pulled up down the street from the store and made their way on foot to the side of the building. They didn't want the suspects inside to see them and get spooked.
"55-David to Central"
"Go ahead 55-David"
"Central, we are 10-84 on that 10-30."
"Copy that 55-David. Additional units are on the way."
"Okay, we need to get these civilians out of here. Alright, go back to the squad and get the tape. I'm going to pull the squad around so we can block access to the building."
"Bos, we don't know how many there are. Let's just sit tight until another squad comes." She didn't want to rush into anything, not knowing if the suspects had seen them yet and would try something dangerous. She could tell he wasn't going for that.
"Faith, we can't sit here and watch this thing unfold. Are you gonna' get the tape or not?"
Seeing her nod, they both went to the RMP.
He popped the trunk for Faith to get out the tape and moved the car so that it was in the middle of the street, blocking both ways. He got out and grabbed some cones out of the trunk to help set up a road block. As he was walking over with the cones, he saw a motorcyclist speeding in their direction, unoblivious to anything the officers were doing. The driver of the motorcycle noticed the cops in time to swerve. Bosco saw Faith's eyes grow big as she realized what was going to happen. He was powerless to help her. All he could do was watch, as she tried to get out of the way.