Draco's Calm
The jacket smelled of cologne and cows. It was a very fine jacket, with a trim cut and smooth black leather accented by silver buttons. It had probably taken some foreign craftsman a week to make. What's more, it would be nice and warm on this cold night, and thick enough to cut the cold winds. The only problem with the jacket, or at least the only problem with its functionality, was that unlike the robes hanging beside it in the gilded closet, this jacket had no long thin breast pocket. That was going to be a problem, as Draco needed to keep his wand within easy reach tonight. The black and green robe with the fur collar would have to do instead. He wasn't sure how long it had been since he and Severus had apparated to Malfoy Manor after getting off the school grounds, but he knew he'd be facing the Dark Lord soon, and he wanted to keep his wand, and any other advantage he could find. Why did he need his wand? If Lord Voldemort wanted him dead, Draco would end up dead. No, he had to stop thinking like that. Of course Voldemort didn't want him dead. With Dumbledore finally gone, he would be too happy to worry about killing anyone. That wasn't a very comforting thought, but it was the best he could come up with. He definitely didn't want to be unarmed for a while. And besides, what kind of fool would wear muggle clothing, however flattering, in front of the Dark Lord? The jacket was one of the only muggle things Draco owned, and it always amazed him, however he tried to hide it, how resourceful they were. Had he not seen it, he would have scoffed at the idea that anyone could turn an animal as ugly and smelly as a cow into an attractive piece of clothing.
Never mind the stupid muggles and how resourceful they were at times, Draco was avoiding bigger problems. 'What am I going to do?' thought Draco as he hung the jacket back in the white marble closet. As he donned the black and green robe, he heard Severus' voice from the floor below.
"Draco!, have you found it yet?" He knew he should be moving quicker, after all he could be dead in an hour, but something was puzzling Draco.
"Yeah, I'm coming down." Draco reached up to the top shelf of the closet, and pulled down the thing he had come back for. It was a small jet black box, with a silver and green snake talisman. A small coiled silver serpent with an emerald for an eye. It was magically designed to act as a focus for Occlumency. Draco didn't understand exactly how it worked, but it kept stray thoughts from wondering through the mind of the wearer. It proved quite handy, when one stray thought could be enough of a chink in your mental armor to let an enemy Legilimens break into your thoughts. Draco loved to collect magical objects, and even a few non magical ones, he had to admit, that gave him small advantages in a situation. Sometimes, the difference between success and failure was a sum of all the small advantages you could find. Draco wished he still had his Hand of Glory, which he had loved since that day in Borgin and Burke's, but it had somehow gotten lost in the tower that night. At least it had served its purpose; it had given the Death Eaters enough of an element of surprise for Draco to sneak through to the top of the tower.
He hated remembering the tower. He had his one perfect chance to kill Dumbledore and froze. He still didn't know why he didn't kill the fool. It was what he had been trying to do ever since last summer, when he had taken the Mark. His father had been proud of him then, the youngest person ever to become a Death Eater. His mother begged him not to do it. She said she was sure Draco would be assigned some impossibly difficult task. It hadn't been impossible though. Dumbledore should have died at the end of his wand. It infuriated him to no end that the foolish Mudblood lover had tried to protect him. Dumbledore still dared to beg Draco to accept his help, even when he was cornered. If only Severus had not shown up right when he did. Draco knew he could have, would have, killed the old man. Instead, he just ended up standing there like a fool. Draco had failed. Severus had killed Dumbledore instead. For some reason, Dumbledore had begged Severus not to kill him. He didn't beg Draco to spare him. There was something about Draco that betrayed weakness. Dumbledore wasn't afraid of him at all. That was something he would have to change.
Draco unfastened the clasp of the talisman and hung it around his neck. He took care to make sure that none of the band was visible above his robes. If any of the other Death Eaters found it and discovered its functionality, he would have some rather difficult explaining to do. Best not risk what he didn't have to. Tugging it once to be sure it was secure, he made his way back through his spacious bedroom, down a winding marble staircase, into the foyer decked with portraits of generations of Malfoys. Most of them were sleeping now, as the half light of Severus' wand was the only light source in the room.
"I would advise you not to dally, Draco," he intoned, "we do not have the luxury of extra time right now." Suppressing a look of annoyance, he finished, "did you get it?"
"Yeah, but I don't think it will do very much good."
"Have you learned nothing of what I've been trying to teach?" Snape pulled his cloak over his shoulders and started towards the door. "If you allow your doubts to surface in front of the Dark Lord, then all will be lost." He swung it open and moved out into the yard. "I know you can mask your emotions and intentions when you want to; it's the only reason I'm not telling you to run away from this meeting. If you can't keep yourself together, perhaps we need to look at other alternatives…" He trailed off staring into the distance.
"No really, I'll be fine. I promise."
"Very well then, we need to apparate to the clearing at the base of the cliff. It would be presumptuous to go straight to his chambers. You go ahead"
Draco held up his arms and took a quick step forward. He concentrated on every detail around him. The chiseled stone of the manor, swirled into images of the garden that the servants kept so neatly manicured. As he moved, he spun in a tight circle and tried to suck in his stomach until he could squeeze through the air around him. He pictured the whitish gray cliff face, looming above a small green meadow. He knew the place all too well. He felt his body stretch out, pressed between two giant plates of air, until he began to flow through a solid mass of nothing. After an eternal second of that void, he felt himself pop back into reality. A moment later, another pop announced Severus had arrived.
They were standing in that meadow, with its tall white cliffs in front of them. Draco could hear the waves crashing slowly in behind him. There was only a faint night breeze, but it somehow felt much colder than it should have. Moving to a fissure along the wall, Severus took out his wand and traced along the serpentine crack. It seemed to coalesce into a serpent, which raised his neck and swung a sharp head around to stare at them. Severus raised a bare forearm, and the wall split apart, revealing a narrow opening only large enough for one man to move through. He stepped through, and was gone as the wall quickly formed behind him. Taking out his own wand, Draco repeated the process and joined him inside.
They walked through the thin damp pathway in complete darkness for a moment, until a gleam of orange light bounced off a damp rock face up ahead. Rounding a corner, the two emerged into a large cavern, warm and well light with hovering candles and torches of green flame on every wall. There were Death Eaters slumped on large old couches and chairs around the room. Except for the fact that many spaces were empty, and of course the odd skeleton behind a pile of rubble, it could have been cozy.
"Where have you two been?" asked one Death Eater from a sofa in the corner. Draco thought it was McNair, judging by the man's large frame, but he was still wearing his cloak draped over his face.
"We were caught in a duel with the rotten Potter boy, if you must know McNair." Severus reply came as cool as ice. "I don't recall you ever being one for subtly or restraint, but I hope you can appreciate the difficulty in neutralizing a threat from an enemy you aren't allowed to harm. He might not care about Dumbledore anymore, but the Dark Lord has made it abundantly clear that he wants to kill Potter himself." He arched a long eyebrow. "If you don't approve of that policy, then I urge you to take it up with him. I can only imagine that he will be thrilled to entertain your criticisms."
"I didn't mean anything by it Severus, we were just worried about you two is all." McNair really should be a more convincing liar for a Death Eater, thought Draco. If it weren't for the man's brute strength, Draco doubted he would have been very useful at all.
"In that case, I must thank you for your concern. I'm very…" Snape hesitated for effect "touched by the kindness." As Draco followed Severus to a high backed green couch opposite McNair, he continued "what of the others?"
"I'm afraid things aren't as good as we should like. It got a bit tense back in the tower. Our curses just seemed to slide off of them at first. And I'd stare down a basilisk if they didn't land too many lucky hexes on us. We're still waiting for any stragglers, but they could have taken as many as ten men." McNair furrowed his eyes and looked stared around the room. "We really can't afford to lose so many like this. Another fight like that, and we'll need to recruit more before we can do anything again. Is at least true that Dumbledore is gone? We were hopeful when you tore past us out of the tower, but we didn't see a body. Some of us got away on stolen broomsticks from the tower when the hall became too crowded to weave back through."
"Dumbledore is dead." Draco was surprised to hear his own cold voice quickly offering this information. "Avada Kedavra curse." He didn't feel the need to add that Snape had killed him. As far as he knew, only Alecto, Amycus, and that wolf man Greyback had seen what happened, and they weren't back yet. He thought he had heard Potter put the werewolf in a body bind, and as long as Alecto or Amycus didn't make it back, there was no need to tell people that he had chickened out. Draco was worried that McNair was going to detect the nervous edge to his words. Fortunately the older man seemed to take any nervousness in his voice as a natural detachment for a young man who has just turned into a murderer.
"Well, there's some good news!" McNair smiled grotesquely. "Congratulations then, on a successful operation. I'm sure the Dark Lord will be happy in spite of our losses."
"We can only hope so," answered Severus. Draco sighed audibly; apparently professor Snape wasn't going to set the record straight. "Now that the filthy muggle lover is gone, they'll need some time to regroup. We have at least until the funeral to recover before they do anything serious again." Draco smiled to himself. That meant he could relax for just a little bit. Besides, his value as a potential spy was going to be worthless now that he had been seen fighting alongside the other Death Eaters. A few of the Slytherins might be happy to see him again at Hogwarts, but it was unlikely that anyone else was going to welcome him back. Of course, that meant he didn't really have a home anymore. He would miss the Slytherin common room, and all of the people who looked up to him there. People there respected him, knew he was in charge. Maybe Crabbe and Goyle would take the Mark soon; he doubted they would have any idea what to do without him at their side directing them. It would be good to have at least a few allies, but there was always the chance that they would be too stupid to be of use. They never were quick learners. Crabbe at least had some success with violent curses, and Goyle…
"Draco!" hissed Severus, "you need to be focusing right now. We're about to have to report, and you can't have your mind wandering." Draco looked up to see that McNair had left and they were alone. "Remember everything I've taught you. Remember everything that Bella taught you. As luck would have it, we seem to be the only ones who saw Dumbledore die, and I don't see any reason to let anyone, the Dark Lord included, that you didn't kill him. As long as neither of us lets anything slip, he shouldn't think to use veritaserum."
"Do you really think we can keep any secrets from him?" asked Draco, "He's going to find out that I didn't kill Dumbledore like I was assigned, and it's all your fault. I was getting ready. I was almost there. I just needed some time to steady myself was all. It's not everyday that I go around killing people, and it's kind of a big step to take, if you don't mind my saying."
"Draco, you really must calm down. I can't help you if you aren't calm."
"Do you really expect me to be calm?!" As he said this, Draco noticed a few of the other Death Eaters turn to stare at them in their corner of the room. But this is ridiculous thought Draco, professor Snape had a point. There was no way that losing his head was going to help him, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to. Logically, he needed to remain calm. Logically. He hated himself for letting his emotions get the better of him. 'There's a nice bit of irony,' thought Draco. Focus on the Irony, Draco. That's better, he was pointing out the irony inherit in his thought processes. It might be a pointless mental exercise, but at least he was calm now. He knew that any trivial thought you could focus on would come in handy when trying to ward off a legilimens.
"Not only do I expect you to remain calm, Draco," answered Snape coolly, "but you must appreciate the difficulties it would present for me if you lost your head, and how I might have to react to that situation. Right now, I am planning that the two of us will be able to slip under the Dark Lord's radar without him knowing that I killed Dumbledore, but if you are not up to the task of concealing that..." He trailed off and looked around the room before continuing. "Once we start talking, there's a point of no return. Either I come out up front and tell him the truth, or I'm counting on you to keep your head. I do not think that the first option will end well for you. It would mean admitting that you failed in your first major assignment as a Death Eater."
"But that fool muggle lover is still dead, so how much should that matter?" interrupted Draco. "He should be honoring me for the plan, praising me above all the others after this."
"Oh, he will to be sure," agreed Snape, "after all, you are right. Dumbledore is dead because of your plan, but the Dark Lord never lets a great success offset a great failure. He might well promote you just before he decides to practice the crucciatus curse on you for a few hours, bringing you just to the edge of permanent brain damage." Snape's voice was a low, cold murmur, "He wouldn't destroy your mind entirely, after all he can still use you for other purposes, but he will try to teach you his own special lesson about what it means to obey him. His plans are meant to be carried out his way. He doesn't just care about getting the job done. I would prefer not to have to subject you to that fate. Either way, I'm sure that over the course of your career as a Death Eater you will have to keep other secrets from him, and this is just the sort of thing you've been studying Occlumency for. Though some might consider honesty a virtue, I am of the rather more practical opinion that you needn't let a violent boss know every time you run into a small glitch in your plans. It only has the potential to make things more difficult. If you let him jump to his own optimistic conclusions, you will be better off in the long run."
"Of course, professor, I'm sorry," answered Draco. "I know that I might as well start keeping things from him now, and I appreciate the fact that you are so concerned for my well being, but I don't have an overabundance of confidence in my ability to conceal things. After all, Dumbledore somehow knew exactly what I was doing all year long, he just didn't want to interrupt and cause me any harm if you can believe that."
"I think you might find that Dumbledore was far more perceptive in some areas, Draco." Snape produced an old silver watch from the inside of his robes and looked down at it for a moment. "My watch says that he is still waiting, to give the rest of the Death Eaters a chance to get out, but I very much expect that our Marks will be called soon. I suggest you get as ready as you can, and remember that we only go through with the plan if Alecto, Amycus and Greyback don't make it back."
Draco sat and thought about his situation. All his life, he had wanted to be a Death Eater, and now that he was here, he was going to try bluffing the greatest legilimens of all time. It had not been a good decision on his part. Never mind that right now. He had to make it work. He knew he was good at hiding things, but this was going to be a test for him. The entire situation was bullshit. He should never have gotten himself into this. Stop thinking about it. Focus on the snake talisman.
"Ouch!" Draco snapped back into attention as he felt a familiar burning on his left forearm. He didn't even bother looking down to see the familiar black tattoo of the snake and skull. Instead he focused on the talisman, now hanging under his robes. A feeling of intense calm overtook him, as he noticed, almost with amusement, that none of the other Death Eaters from the tower had made it back.