This is based (very loosely) on the German fable of "Till Eulenspiegel", more commonly known by the tone poem of Richard Strauss.

You can listen to that while reading this, if you'd like.

/S7O9Oa22nsQ

Also, this has a lot of cursing.

A lot.

It was your average school day, sunny, bright, boring. Everything a little miss Hiyoko Saionji hated. She was determined to make all hell break loose. Last year was somewhat of a bore for her. She did a couple pranks here and there, the one with the soup being of note, but the rest of the year was just terrorizing Mikan.

It was time for something new. She knew that something just had to be done.

In a few short minutes, she came up with a plan she knew would end in disaster. Just the result she wanted.

Saionji went into the first year's section of Hope's Peak. These were new lives she could have the pleasure of ruining. She was a bit taller than when she entered the academy, so people gave her some odd looks as she walked passed, but knew that she could use her cuteness to her aide. The lunch bell had just rung, so she had the opportunity to talk to any student in the current vicinity.

She went to the scariest one, of course. And that was Mondo Oowada.

"Hey, you're that Ultimate Biker Gang Leader, right?"

"Yeah! So what?"

She leaned really close to him and felt into his pockets, looking.

"I just wanted to tell you to go fuck off."
He immediately stood up and started yelling.

"What!? What the fuck did you just say to me?!"

"Oowada-kun! No cursing in the classroom! This needs to be a healthy learning environment!"

Saionji smacked her head and stuck out her tongue, trying to look cute. Oowada, unable to do anything, just let her leave.

The first stage of Saionji's plan was in effect. Now to just take care of the second half and everything would fall into place.

Kazuichi Souda was minding his own business when he came across a note in his shoebox. It told him to meet in the school parking lot after school because there was a gift there for him. Thinking that it was going to be a love confession, he got very nervous and started to panic, constantly thinking about it. He went there as was asked of him, and he didn't find anybody, but he did find something.

A motorcycle. A really nice one, at that. A nice, snappy, polished, expensive motorcycle all by itself with nobody around it. And the keys were resting on the seat. Souda, without questioning it, automatically assumed that this was the gift given to him.

So, he took it home to make some...adjustments.

When Souda arrived at school, he had already heard the news. The Ultimate Biker Gang Leader was now just the Ultimate Gang Leader. His bike had gone missing. And the moment it did, everyone knew.

And the moment he heard, Souda knew who's bike he had. Who's bike he had dismantled and could not put back together.

And in that very moment, Souda began to panic.

The lunch bell rung and Souda sprinted after Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu, who was making a beeline for it, as he always does.

"Kuzuryuu-kun! Wait up!"
"Get lost, I'm in a bad mood."

"Wait! Wait! Wait!"

When Kuzuryuu finally turned around to face his semi-friend, that 'friend' was panting from not being able to keep up. Souda wanted to comment about how he could walk so fast with such short legs, but instead kept his mouth shut, knowing that saying that would definitely not help his case.

"I need your help with something."

"Whatever it is, I'm not doing it. And if it has to do with Sonia-san, just stop talking right now."

"No! It doesn't have to do with her. Just hear me out."
"It's something stupid, isn't it?"

"No! Well, kinda."

"Just tell me. I know you're going to, anyways."
"Okay, so I get this note telling me-"

"I don't want to hear the whole story, just tell me what the fuck you want me to do."

"I need you to talk to Mondo Oowada for me."
He laughed.
"You're kidding. Have you seen how massive that guy is? He's been super pissed off recently, anyways. No way in hell."

"Well, you two are both gang guys so I kinda thought…" Souda sweated bullets so blatantly obvious, it was a bit hard not to notice. "Well, you can't really back out."

"Why not?"

"I gave him a note telling him that everything was your fault."
"What was? What the fuck did you do to him?!"
"Gotta' go! Bye!"
Souda sprinted off with all the force one could muster into their legs, leaving a confused and dazed Kuzuryuu only to live through the hell that was left for him.

Peko approached him.

"Young master, if you need assistance with anything, you only need call me."

"I told you to not call me that here. And plus, I can take care of this shit myself."

Kuzuryuu said that, but deep inside, he was about to piss himself. That guy was huge and now he was out for his guts.

Fucking Souda.

The next day, Mondo read a certain note detailing who messed with his motorcycle. Well, it wasn't exactly the truth, but it was all he had to go on. Kuzuryuu conveniently was sick that day, so Oowada stormed around all lunch looking for the twirp with no results.

The moment he entered the cafeteria, everything grew silent in a quick rush.

"OKAY. WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT FUCKING TWAT PUSSY MAFIA BITCH-MONGER FUYUHIKO DICK-ASS KUZURYUU?! IF THAT DAMN ASSHAT DOESN'T SHOW HIS FUCKFACE, I'M GOING TO FUCKING GUT HIM!"

Oowada was angry, to say the least.

He charged through the crowds, knocking everyone in his way onto the ground. Quickly after, all hell breaks loose and everyone takes this opportunity to start mass chaos, throwing food around, screaming, running, jumping, everything, really. Akane and Fatarai took this opportunity to eat as much as possible. Some of the more keen-eyed people could tell that some people made a beeline for it and left the cafeteria in a rush.

Saionji was in the back, laughing her head off, fully aware of everything that was taking place.

Ishimaru climbed onto the table and began to yell, himself.

"Everyone! Stay calm! There is no need to panic!"

"ISHIMARU! YOU BETTER FUCKING HELP ME!"

"Oowada-kun! There is no need to be angry! Whatever your problem with Kuzuryuu-kun is, I'm sure we can sort this out!"

"SORT THIS OUT?! FUCK THAT SHIT!"
"OOWADA-KUN!"
"ISHIMARU!"

"AAAAAAAAA!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

This quickly turned into a screaming contest. After this continued for several minutes, everyone became engrossed in who would win. They eventually clasped hands, the verdict being a tie.

"Let's sort this out peacefully!"

"Let's kick his ass!"

As Ishimaru Oowada, and a group of curious yet angry students stormed out of the cafeteria, and Souda watched in horror. He quickly called Kuzuryuu.

"Uh, Kuzuryuu-kun. Where are you?"

"I'm at the park."

"I thought you were sick."
"No way I'm going to school with whatever crap you set me up with."
"So you wimped out?"
"You're the one who wimped out and put all the shit onto me!"
"Sorry 'bout that."
"'Sorry' won't fucking cut it!"
"Well, Oowada and his friend are on their way to quote unquote, 'Gut you'."

"The fucking hell, Souda! I'm going to gut you the next time I get the chance to!"

"Thanks, bye!"
Souda hung up. In that moment, Souda noticed a laughing Saionji in the back. For once, Souda suspected, but dismissed it, knowing that she couldn't have done something this bad.

Kuzuryuu was sitting on the park bench, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting…

He knew that he couldn't avoid it any longer. They were going to arrive and they were going to kill him. This was going to be his demise. Mauled to death by giant Biker Dude. What would his family think? What would Peko think? Speaking of which, he was surprised that she hadn't shown up yet. He wondered where she was.

When the mob arrived, Kuzuryuu automatically knew who they were looking for. He stood up and mentally prepared for the pain he was about to endure. Leading the charge was the corn-cob himself.

He stepped forwards and confronted the Yakuza leader. Standing by his side was a boy dressed in white and red. Kuzuryuu didn't recognize him.

"You're Kuzuryuu Fuyuhiko, right?"

"Yeah? So what? What do you want?"

"Where the fu—"

Ishimaru outstretched his hand and stopped his friend.

"We have come to negotiate with you."

"Negotiate? For what? None of my guys went on your territory or anything like that."

"Oowada-kun's motorcycle has gone missing, and we were notified that it was due to your direction."

"Okay. Listen carefully. I couldn't give two shits about your stupid motorcycle. So make like a tree and fuck off."

"What did you say?!"

"Oowada-kun! Calm down." Ishimaru collected himself. "Return the motorcycle and all of this will be over."

"I told you! I don't have your fucking bike!"

Oowada pulled back his sleeve. He didn't want to stain his jacket from the blood that was going to erupt from this guy's face.

Fujisaki ran out from the crowd that was watching this turmoil take place.

"Wait!" Everyone's eyes were on her. She tapped her fingers together. "I don't know Kuzuryuu-kun too well, but I don't think he stole you motorcycle, Oowada-kun. Call it a gut feeling, but I think he's not really related."

"Then who has it?!"

"I-I-I d-don't...Don't y-yell at me."
"Tch. I know who took it."

All attention was immediately to the person who was speaking. It was Kuzuryuu.

"It was Souda Kazuichi. He came screaming to me for help with something."
Everyone turned their heads to face the mechanic in question, who was standing in the back, pulling his beanie over his head, crying. He pointed dramatically, snot pouring out of his nose.

"It wasn't me, okay! I may have your bike, but I didn't steal it! I've made some...alterations, though."
Oowada marched up to him and grabbed him by the front of his jumpsuit.

"You what?"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"You said somebody else stole it?"
It was Kirigiri. She had just solved a case of a different matter, and now she was onto the next. Oowada let Souda down.

"I got this note telling me that someone had left a gift for me. When I got there, there was the bike and the keys were on its seat."

"Do you still have the note?"
"Uh...Yeah."

Souda pulled it out of his pocket and put it into Kirigiri's hand. She inspected it. She gave it a sniff.

"This stain. It's not an oil or sweat stain. It's sugar based. Candy?"

From behind the bush, silver braids were revealed. Peko Pekoyama held the blonde-haired girl by her ponytail. Even though she had grown, Pekoyama was still much taller.

"I found this girl laughing behind a bush eating candy. She tried to run away, but I caught her. What should I do?"

Oowada recognized her.

"Hey! That was the girl who came into my class and told me to fuck off!"

Nobody in the crowd doubted that for a second. Saionji realized her predicament and started to laugh.

"Hehe...I didn't do anything."
Everyone gave her that look.

"I didn't mean anything by it!"
Everyone took a step closer.

"It was just a prank!"

Oowada cracked his knuckles.

And that's why a poor little miss Hiyoko Saionji didn't show up to class the next day.

Souda upgraded the motorcycle and they rode around on it for hours.