Till our Heart's, die trying

Chapter One:
Catching up the past to the present

It's been almost a year. Almost...I've been living with a former friend...a former...brother of mine. Tyler Drake. He was one of us...of the group of friends I mean. He's Joe's best friend...well, he was. He left, just like that. No goodbye, no warning, nothing. He just left. He grew up with the J's too. However, he's been a best friend of Joe's since they were 4. I was barely the size of a table leg by then...it makes me laugh, how short I was for a three year old. God...that's funny...I never really paid much attention to the past till it started to catch up with me. See, Nick's two years younger than me... but for my size, and his size, he almost looks older than me. He was barely the size of a ruler when Joe and Tyler were 4, I was 3, and Kevin was 6. However, I didn't meet them till I was 7 it was then I met Nick, the little kid who followed me around the playground at church, my mother thought he was absolutely adorable and began to talk with Denise. Yeah, Denise Jonas, the most wonderful home cooker I've met, and I haven't met a lot of woman or men who can cook without problems. That's when we began to have play dates, and I couldn't stand having the boys around, it began to be war when they were around. Kevin complained, Joe and Tyler just pestered anyone they could, and Nick was at my side like a thorn to a rose. I was aggravated. It was all about to change on my 8th birthday. I yelled at Nick to go away and never come back, that I hated him. He ran through our back yard, and because it was dark further out, we all forgot the pool was covered with that black plastic sheet. Well he never stopped and proceeded to run over the darkness that he soon fell into with no words. I ran after him, and saw the sheet of black sink. I screamed Nick's name...

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"Nick!" My heart was plundering in my 7-year-old chest. I couldn't see anything but shadows and the faint sound of bubbles. Guilt kicked in and I knew this was my fault. I couldn't believe he was going to die because of my selfishness. I remember jumping in, the shock of the water was horrible against my skin; I immediately felt the numbness of my body and began to panic. Deep breathes... I began to swim towards the surface, feeling a sharp burn in my lungs as I sucked in the cool night air and dove back under, my hands reaching around to feel anything but the liquid of the pool water, and the slimy, plastic of the now descending pool cover. I almost gave up hope when I felt a brush of tangled hair against my fingertips and I immediately grabbed it. It didn't struggle against my grip, and I began to question what I was grasping. I could just barely make out an outline and I knew...it was Nick. I pulled until the small body of the 5 year old began to ascend towards me, my hand grasping the outline of an arm and I struggled to pull myself and Nick to the surface, but I wasn't strong enough, the air in my lungs wasn't enough to last me... the only chance of survival I could think of was to push Nick's body with all the force I could muster, to the surface, and hope to god someone would see him.

I pulled. Pulled his body to mine and flipped us around so he was above me, and right before I moved my hands to his chest, he opened his eyes, and I knew he meant something to me. I knew I had to protect him. I felt the will to cry as I gazed through the chlorinated pool water into his glazed eyes and the burn in my chest as I pushed on his chest as hard as I could. His body jolted towards the surface of the pool, the force of my push caused me to inhale, my lungs filling with a rush of fluids as my back hit the bottom of the 11-foot deep pool. I looked up; to see if he was safe...but the only thing I could now see was the slimy, plastic of the pool cover, closing around me...

"Bridge!" I remember a force against my chest; the burn of the cool air filling my lungs again along with the sudden urge to vomit. My body surged and I rolled over, now laying in a pool of regurgitated pool water. Then, a pair of arms wrapped around me, and my gaze lifted weakly to lay upon an 11 year old Kevin Jonas. After that night...he dubbed himself my protector. He held me when I was sad, when I was scared...when I was hurt. I remember when they stayed over that night; I hugged Nick and cried. He became my best friend, and since that night...we were inseparable.

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"I think we should make a pact..." Kevin put his hand on my shoulder. "That no matter what happens, we will be the best older brothers, friends, and protectors in the world."

"To never let anything bad happen to you if we can help it..." Joe put his hand on my other shoulder.

"To always look out for you...and Nick...and help each other out when in need." Tyler placed a hand on my head. "Because we love you short stuff."

Nick took my hand, holding it tight as they continued to talk...

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I made a pact with myself that day...to never let myself hurt Nick...and do whatever means possible to never hurt him again.Now, I'm standing in Tyler's guest room, my clothes falling out of my bags, and my heart breaking...I've become a monster in my search to find a place to not hurt my best friend, and the love of my life... the only thing I've found...is Tyler Drake's house, and the thoughts of how much it was killing us all, to be apart from each other.

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"Bridge, you in there?"

"Yeah..." I sighed as I stared blankly at the painted wall of the guest room. I heard the door open and turned my head slowly. Tyler was different than the last I had remembered him...he had long dark hair, highlights of red in it, he was nerdy and chubbier and had the most deathly expression to anyone else who didn't know him...now, it was cut short and spiked up. His figure was thinner, but more masculine...I could remember how he had more weight on his body and almost no muscle, his attitude hasn't changed, he's kind but still reserved, and still an asshole to those he didn't really deem worthy of friends. He sat down beside me on the bed, his hands together between his knees as usual.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, fine." I said as I reached for the half empty Smirnoff on the side table. It was out of my hands before I could move it and I turned with narrowed eyes at Tyler. "Hey, give that back."

"You already had enough for the day, you need to knock this shit off." Tyler's voice held firm but I wasn't ready to give up my ticket to minor happiness. Okay it didn't really make me happy, hell I hated doing this stuff but I slept better when I was to drunk to stay awake. At least then I wouldn't dream of, him.

"Please? Give me the bottle back?" I asked, trying to sound firm but I was losing my voice. "Tyler…"

"You know I love you Bridge, but please…stop hurting yourself like this. You know this isn't the way to deal with things." It was amazing how anyone else would look at Tyler in a situation like this and show fear. He doesn't show emotions well, same as Joe. However as I looked at him now…I could see the softness in his features, and the concerned sadness in his eyes. I sighed and leaned back into the bed.

"Fine, don't give me the bottle…"

"You have work tomorrow after school right?" He asked me, as he shifted on the bed, moving to face me.

"Yeah, it's late shift, as usual."

"How are you doing in school?"

"Alright…?"

"Bridge, I don't want to hear you drinking in school anymore alright? It's disappointing." I looked over at him, my eyes burning holes into his as I clenched my jaw. "Bridget Renee-"

"Alright!" I sighed. "Alright, I'm sorry. I won't do it anymore."

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I didn't drink for a good two days. But I still cried myself to sleep, sometimes waking to hear my door closing. Tyler made a routine of checking on me twice during the night. I acted like it upset me if I was already awake, but the truth is It made me feel safe. It made me appreciate him even more. It let me know he cared, even though I didn't think he should. I fucked up everything…and now, I just wished I didn't leave, I always wonder what would have happened if I told Nick I loved him to his face and just stayed.

Now, I walked to my car after work and drove home. I didn't know if Tyler was awake but I snuck into the house hoping he wouldn't ask me about my day and then sat in my room. I pulled a bottle of liquor I had snuck from work and was about to open it when I remembered what Tyler has said. The disappointment. God, why was this so hard? Why can't I be stronger than this?

"God, I love you so much Nick…" I began to silently cry as I dropped the still unopened bottle into the trash bin in the room and then crawled into bed. I cried, and cried, and cried. The covers snuggled tightly against my body as I reminisced over my life. I don't remember when I finally fell asleep, but I remember the shift in the bed and a pair of protective arms wrap around my shaking figure as I finally cried so much I passed into sleep.

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A/N: So, this was chapter one/intro. Tell me what you think.