I wake up screaming . My maid and friend, Gwen, comes running in like usual. But nothing about this is usual. This time, instead of letting her comfort me, I push her away. She has to get away from me. I'm dangerous, destructive, to everyone, even those I love.
"Morgana, it's me, you're all-right, it's just me" she says to me frantically.
Doesn't she understand? I'm not scared of her, I'm scared of myself being with her. When I look at her face, her brown eyes full of kindness and concern, all I can see is something else. Her fear.
Her fear of me.
"Morgana?"
This time I answer.
"I'm fine Gwen. You should go."
She opens her mouth to speak again but I stop her.
"Go."
She pats my shoulder then walks out, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I could deal with it before. When it was him. But not her. Never Gwen.
How could I ever do anything to harm her? She's my best friend, the most caring person I've ever had the fortune to meet.
Yet I see her in my dreams, sobbing and screaming, held captive in a room full of dark magic. There is a woman. I want her to help her, to comfort her, help her escape, anything. Why isn't she doing something?
Then the woman turns round. It's me. I'm the woman, I'm the one holding her hostage, I'm the one condemning her to this terror.
I know now my dreams tell the future but surely that's not always the case? Or maybe I was being deluded, the woman looks like me, but she can't be, I could never do that to Gwen, or anyone. Well maybe him.
The first time, I thought it was the result of our argument and I was just angry. But night after night, the same dream came to me. The image of me about to stab my blade into Uther's flesh. There was no doubt about it, that was definitely me.
The reality frightened me, as much as I hate Uther, could I really kill him in such cold-blood? My way of thinking changed when I saw him execute yet another woman born with magic the very next day. I knew if he ever found about me, I would suffer the fate, no matter how much he claimed to love me. So I accepted my fate. I would one day be the person responsible for Uther's death.
But not Gwen's. I could never do anything to hurt her and I never will. The dream was simply just a dream. I blow out my candle and go to sleep.
"You must kill Arthur Pendragon." I say, plunging the creature of dark magic into Merlin's, who is tied up by me, neck.
I smile as he screams. I am pleased with his suffering.
"Morgana" I hear Arthur say, causing me to snap awake.
"Arthur?" I respond quitely.
He is about to speak and he sees my face then stops.
"Are you all-right?" he asks.
I nod, aware I'm not convincing him. I love Arthur like a brother, even though I would never admit this to him, and I care about Merlin as my friend. I would never do anything to hurt them.
He comes and sits next to me on my bed, putting his arm around me.
"Morgana," he says, "these dreams of yours..you know they are just dreams?"
He knows I suffer from nightmares but does not know they are the result of sorcery. How could he, he is the son of Uther, he would kill me if he knew. Although I hope in this case, he is correct.
"I know" I reply, making an effort to sound more convincing than before.
"Why are you in my room anyway?" I ask, trying to change the subject.
"Gwen is ill and my father told me to wake you."
Panic runs through my body.
"Ill? What's wrong? Is she all-right?"
Arthur laughs.
"See, this is why women aren't allowed in battle, you worry this much about a simple cold. I'll leave you to get ready" he says before leaving.
Just a cold? The image of her fear and knowing it was me causing it is still fresh in my mind, and although I was asleep, I was terrified I had done something to her.
And my dream today, I would never hurt Merlin or Arthur.
They're my friends, the only people who I will be loyal to until the end.
Arthur's right, it was just a dream. That woman may look like me, but she's not me.
Just because I have magic, it doesn't mean all my dreams reveal the future.
That woman was full of bitterness and hatred, and that is why I will never be her.
I will never be like that.
She took pleasure out of hurting people, hurting her friends, and I could never do that.
Never, no matter what.