Outside

As much as she doesn't want to admit it, it hurts her.

The sky is still blue, the grass is still green, and she is still so put together. At least on the outside.

See, the thing about Duncan was that he spent so much time trying to convince that she liked him. He worked his ass off making her fall in love, making her realize that he was what she wanted, that he wanted her. Duncan grabbed her, kissed her, forced her to see that she would get caught up in him just like he said she would. He made her face the fact that they were both in love with each other.

That's what puzzled her. It made her so perplexed. Courtney could usually accept things when she figured out the solid reason, when she had proof, when the facts were laid out in front of her and made sense. She could understand if she knew why.

But that was just it? Why had he hurt her? Why had he worked so hard to get her and then just dropped her like she was nothing? Like she was trash off the street, like she had never meant anything to him, as though he had never fought for her before?

It was confusing, to say the least.

She suspected at first that maybe it was because he was a whore. Yes, that had to be the reason. But the more she sat there and thought like that, the more that she realized it was only her pride speaking for her. Usually, she would let it stay that way, but this was more important. It was eating away at her that something she had loved so much had just given up on her.

And maybe that was what left her so scared. She knew that she didn't treat Duncan the way she was supposed to. It was border line abuse. She had smacked him more than a few times, had degraded him and tried to tower over him by tearing away his pride bit by bit. But she couldn't help herself. That was the way she worked- getting used to Duncan wasn't easy. So she had fought with him. She wondered if maybe she had fought a little too hard.

But looking to Duncan again made her realize that couldn't be it. Her self-pity party side wished to wallow in this reason, but it didn't quite fit. As much as she hated him for what he had done, she could remember those days when he would get defensive and claim that he was sorry if he ever hurt her. Maybe he had gotten over that phase, and yeah, Duncan was playing up the 'I don't give a fuck about her' attitude, but Courtney didn't buy that. He still looked at her sometimes like all he wanted to say was sorry. Like Courtney, pride was standing in the way.

Another reason was probably that maybe he just liked Gwen more. And that was the reason that made Courtney want to smash something. Gwen over her? Gwen? Why? Why? Just why?

If anything, this reason made Courtney so angry that she had to physically restrain herself from kicking something, much less someone. She had trouble accepting the fact that someone preferred the Goth over herself. She had always suspected something between Duncan and Gwen, but she had totally caved as soon as Duncan claimed it was nothing. She caved because she wanted to believe he was true.

But she was lying if she said she never saw this coming.

So Courtney was left with these dilemmas. She wanted to accept one of the reasons she had come up with, but seriously, they didn't match Duncan all that much. But no matter what the reason, it didn't change the fact that every time she looked at him, she hurt. Her whole body hurt. Her head started pounding and her knees went weak. But mostly, it was her chest that hurt. Mostly, it was her insides.

The sky is still blue, the grass is still green, and she is still so put together. But not so much on the inside.

A/N: Random word generators really are great for one shot ideas! :)

Thanks for reading!