Stop this right now! My mind is rushing too much to bare. Finn, where is he?
"Finn?" I called out for him, and there was no reply. Finn slept over last night while my Dad's where out of town for a few days. I got lonely and he kept me company. I'm not sure if he knows how much I love him and how much he means to me. That he is the only man I could ever want. I walk into the bathroom and see my test pulled out of the trashcan. Oh no! I am going to be sick! He saw it, Finn saw it and left!
The butterfly feeling in my stomach was too overwhelming, causing me to rush to the toilet and just throw up basically nothing. I sat there and cried, surely he wants to help me out.
I'm sure you are all confused at this point, it happened three weeks ago. I went over to their house to visit with Kurt, and get some fashion advice. His father was kind enough to offer me to stay for dinner, which I accepted. Probably too quickly. I need to get Finn back; I am in love with him. We were at a good point when Glee first started, I forgave him for everything, and I was only asking for the same. The dinner was delicious, cooked by Kurt and Finn's mom. Roast with carrots and homemade potatoes.
"Rachel and I have been trying to get the Glee to come back for a reunion. We figured since it's Senior year and we have all went our separate ways it would be nice to do a number." Kurt's smiled extremely bright at that.
"Oh sweetie! That's great, we can sell tickets at the church and our work. It would be a really interesting get together!" Mrs. Carole seemed very excited.. On the other hand, Finn looked pretty disappointed. I couldn't help but look at him, his eyes in his worried position, his stare trying to avoid me the whole time. This made me feel worse about being here, I know I should let our relationship go, but there's something still there. I know it.
"Kurt, is – uhm, Samuel coming over?" Mr. Hummel obviously accepted his son for who he truly was. That is inspiring all in itself.
"Actually Dad, he had to work today. He will be coming over tomorrow around noon though if that's okay." His dad shook his head yes. I understand it could be hard for him to have to deal with his son being interested in the same sex, but he deals with it excellently.
After dinner was over, Kurt and I went back up to his room and had a chat about life. He is definitely one of my best friends, we didn't get along that well during Glee. That was only my fault, trying to eliminate all the competition that was in my way.
"So Kurt, what have you been thinking about for after this year. I mean, do you plan on staying here or leaving?"
"I was actually looking into colleges a few week ago and I'm not quite sure just yet. I was thinking of being a home designer."
"Kurt, you would be phenomenal at that! I – I still want to be a star! Probably not as much as I used to, but its still a burning feeling in my heart."
We talked for hours, catching up from anything new going on. It was nice, but it was also getting late. I checked his clock on the wall and noticed that it was almost one in the morning. I didn't want to leave, I love our girl talks.
"Well Kurt, I'll see you at school Monday." Giving him a tight embrace we part our ways. As I shut Kurt's door, I almost immediately fall.
"Oh Rachel! I'm so sorry." He extended his arms out to help me up. I grab onto him and hold onto his arms for far too long. I stared into his eyes, longing his touches and kisses.
"It's. . . Okay. I'm fine." I start walking away and as I was turning the corner he called my name. My heart immediately stops and continues going two times faster.
"Yes?" Without looking back at him, I lower my head and close my eyes. Trying to concentrate on my breathing.
"Can we talk Rachel?" his voice sounded urgent, like he needed me. I didn't know what to say, so I turn around facing him. Yes Finn? My words? I couldn't speak, my throat was too dry. He steps towards me and I just stood there. Yes Finn? No words. No sound. He took another step towards me, reaching his arms out to bring me into him. What was going on? We stood there in this embrace, looking into each others eyes.
"Would you like to go to my room?" What? Did he just ask me to go into his room. Should I? My heart began beating faster. . and faster. I'm sure he could hear it by now. All I could do was nod, so I did. He moved his hand from my elbow to my hands, leading me into his room. His sheets were all messed up, his lamp was on, all other lights were off. He sat on his bed and I stood there. Rachel, you need to speak. I can't. . . I grab his hand, and put it on my left chest. My heart, beating even more rapidly. Finn kept his hand on my chest, feeling my heart beats becoming faster and faster. He stood up, keeping his right hand on my chest, and his left hand moved to my face. His other hand wasn't too far behind, and the stare became even more demanding, making us get closer to one another. He lips touched mine and then looked back into my eyes. Then he touched my lips again, and did not remove them. Lips brushing against lips, tongues wrestling with one another. He fell onto the bed, pulling me down with him.
"Finn. I love you." I told him as his kisses with to my neck. He came back up, looked into my eyes and responded, "I love you too Rachel. I'm so sorry, I was wrong."
"Shh, Finn. It's okay." Our kisses resumed and turned into more. We made love that night. My first time was with him, and that made me so remarkably happy. My first and only true love. It hurt knowing that I wasn't his first, but this is what is meant to be. Right?