Remus glared at his homework and sighed deeply, struggling not to bang his head on a wall. This History of Magic essay was horribly tedious and dull. That, the pressuring deadline, and the approaching full moon was enough to make him antsy. He put his papers down and went for a walk.
Strolling around the Quidditch field, hands in his pockets, Remus glanced around nostalgically. This was his second to last year at Hogwarts, and although he knew he had a year left, he couldn't help but think of it as ending. So many memories; his now-less-horrid lycanthropy, Gryffindor, the Marauders: studying with Pete, hatching plans with Sirius and James…
At the thought of his bespectacled friend, he grinned, remembering.
Yesterday
James and Remus sat in the library, struggling through some homework assigned by McGonagall. At a sudden bang, both of them looked up, startled. Lily Evans swept through the door, red faced and furious, expletives spilling out of her mouth, left and right. They stared at her, mouths agape, as she continued to mutter darkly and stalked deeper into the shelves. James had stiffened beside him and couldn't seem to stop running his hand through his hair. Resigning himself to a nervous breakdown, Remus set his pencil on the desk and looked at his friend expectantly.
"D'you think she's alright, Moony?"
"No," he answered. "I' m fairly certain that Lily Evan dropping F bombs all over the place and swearing like a sailor does not constitute to her being alright."
James looked at him pleadingly.
"I would go over there, but seeing as she hates breathing the same air, I think I'd make it worse."
Rueful, Remus shook his head.
"Fine. FINE. I'll go talk to her. I was about to anyway."
James grinned brightly.
"Thanks Moony. Its just," he began more seriously. "I want her to stop taking things so seriously, you know? Sometimes it's like she carries he world on her shoulders, what with the war going in and all. For some reason, she's not scared of Voldemort. She doesn't even care about blood status! Well, she tries not to, anyway. But sometimes it hits her, you know? And i just want her to know people care. She's got others on her side. She's smart and perfect and-," glimpsing his friend's knowing look, he stopped himself and scowled.
"Just talk to her. Please."
At this, Remus' eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hairline. James Potter did not say please.
" Alright."
Sirius prowled the corridors of Hogwarts, bored and irritable. James and Remus were off doing homework and Peter claimed to have a meeting with his girlfriend. At this, his nose wrinkled. Homework was a suggestion and not a requirement and Pete always had 'a meeting with his girlfriend'.
Resigning himself to a lonely afternoon, he walked around Hogwarts, desperate for any distraction. At the sound of loud shouting, He looked up. Finally. Something interesting.
He rounded the corner and saw Severus Snape and Lily Evans deeply engaged in a shouting match, wholly absorbed in their argument and completely oblivious to their surroundings.
"It's not only that! You know they're Death Eaters, Sev! I'm sick if your friends and all their anti muggle campaigns and Voldemort support! I'm sick of you agreeing to everything they say and do! It's like you're one of them already!" Lily screamed as several students hurried away, casting many a backward glance.
Huh. The old pile of greasy rags was at it again. He'd tried to apologize numerous times since the day at the lake, but Lily was extremely adamant and refused to have anything to do with him.
"Lily, I'm sorry! It just slipped out! I-"
"You know what? Stop talking. Im done, Sev. " This was said in a defeated tone that caused even Sirius to cringe.
"I'm done."
Sirius watched her walk away, head held high, as she left Snape behind looking crestfallen. He almost felt sympathy for grease- boy. Almost.
A small Hufflepuff with the unfortunate name of Barrington Bigby watched Lily Evans and Severus Snape have at it in a fourth floor corridor. He didn't know what they were arguing about, but it seemed to be an old argument. He didn't particularly care about what they were arguing about however, because Lily Evans herself had caught his eye. From his hidden niche in the wall, he noticed how Lily Evans walked away and held herself together until through some sixth sense she knew that she was completely alone. (Almost alone, anyway. She missed the small corner next to Cluny the Great's statue where a small Hufflepuff was hiding.) He noticed how her shoulders sank and slowly, cuss words began to spill out of her mouth, coming faster and faster as if a dam had broken and a flood was pouring helplessly. He saw all this and couldn't help it. Barrington Bigby was impressed.
Lily Evans couldn't seem to stop opening her mouth. She didn't care about the dirty looks Ms Sevoy had directed at her or the hushed whispers that had started as soon as she flung open the doors to the library. In fact, she didn't even know why she was in the library. SHE JUST DIDN"T GIVE A FLYING FUCK. Oh yes, that.
Lily Evans could not stop cursing. That idiot. Really, why couldn't he see that his stupid friends were hurting people?Why couldn't he see that he was turning into one of them? Why couldn't she stop feeling that small ache because the little voice in her head whispered that he would always choose THEM over HER?
Stupid, she thought. Stupid, stupid, stupid. She was done, for real this time and -
"Lily?"
Growling, she turned, ready to yell and tell whoever it was to please just fuck off and -Oh. She breathed in deeply. Remus Lupin stood behind her half apologetic, half determined. He was a decent bloke and had become quite a close friend despite his being Marauder and therefore an almost brother to James Sodding Potter and she knew that he did not deserve this unreasonable anger burning in her chest.
"What happened?" He asked, bluntly.
"Nothing."
At his skeptical expression, she sighed.
"Really. It was nothing. Just me and Sev decking it out again. You know." She was tired, so so tired of all this fighting. Sev, and this stupid goddamn war, and EVERYONE.
"Come along then." Remus took her arm and led her out the door.
"What?"
"We're going to get you some chocolate."
Ah, Remus Lupin was one of the best mates ever.
They sat in the 6th year boys Gryffindor dormitory. Lily had suggested they stay in the Common Room instead, but when Remus had brought her up she didn't put up much of a fight. Inside, she sat on the floor, giving the messy beds and clothes piled like messy islands a curious glance.
"Where are your mates anyway?" She asked. "Won't they mind me coming up here?"
"Nah." Remus replied, concealing a small smile as he hunted in his trunk for a bar of Honeydukes. He knew at least one of the his friends wouldn't mind having her here at all.
"Ooh, look." Lily said suddenly. Crossing the room to what she presume to be Sirius' trunk, she pulled a bottle if Firewhiskey from where it had been nesting among his clothes. Turning to Remus as if daring him to disagree, she grinned.
James, Sirius, and Peter entered their dorm warily. They had seen on the Map that Lily was there and weren't sure if they were welcome or not. To say that the scene that greeted their eyes was unexpected would be an extreme understatement.
Lily and the fourth Marauder sat on the floor, an empty bottle of Firewhiskey and several chocolate wrappers scattered around them.
" -I'm just so tired, you know?" Lily was saying.
Recognizing his alcohol on the floor, Sirius let out an affronted "Oi!" (This had less to do with the fact that they had taken his whiskey and more to do with the fact that they had drunk it without him. )
"Potter! Black! Pettigrew!" Lily exclaimed upon seeing them. "Normally, i don't like you but as this is your room and your alcohol, I'll have to bear with. Thanks for that by the way, and do you have anymore?" This last statement was directed towards Sirius who looked at her amusedly.
"Well well well. I wouldn't believe it if i wasn't seeing it with my own eyes. Prefect Evans, drunk. And with Moony, no less." He said, smirking.
"Go to hell." Remus replied pleasantly. James, concealing his worry, said to them " Who knew she had a wild side?", as the other two tried to contain their laughter.
"Hmm my bestfriend's just chosen his death eater housemates over me despite the fact that we've been friends for years and now he's trying to cover it up, and I don't give a damn and no one cares anyway, because I'm just Mudblood Fucking Evans." Lily said, waving her hands wildly. She did not see James and Peter's identical winces because she was interrupted by the bottle Sirius had removed from a secret compartment in his bed and thrust under her nose.
"Here you go Evans. Forget i said anything. You look like you really need it."
Several hours later Lily Evans plus the four Marauders sat in a circle giggling uncontrollably.
"A-and she said," Sirius said between hiccups of air, "Sirius, you dog!" It wasn't particularly funny but the five of them collapsed into hysterics anyway.
Glancing out the window, Lily remembered herself. "Well boys, it has truly been a pleasure, but i really have to go and -"
"Aww, Evans! You sure you want to go?" James interjected, waving another bar of chocolate wickedly.
"Ah, you git!" Lily said, laughing as she launched herself at him to take it.
He tried to jerk away, but her small body had already slammed into him, bowling them both over and knocking his glasses off his face.
Blurrily, he looked up at her. The blazing green of her eyes were surprisingly steady. The alcohol on her breath was intoxicating. She was intoxicating. Her nose was almost touching his, and her eyes were so so green. For a moment, he stopped breathing.
Then she smiled and reached behind him, breaking the silence that had fallen and placed his glasses back onto his nose. Shaking himself out if the daze he'd been in, James looked behind her. All his mates were in various positions on the floor and all were fast asleep. He hadn't had as much to drink as he'd let on, to be honest. He refused to get perfectly sloshed in front of her. God knew what he might say. And at the rate they'd been going (Really, 12 bottles in an hour? Even that was something he raised his eyebrows at.) Come to think of it, why did Sirius have so much on hand, anyway? Someone needed to keep a clear (or clear-ish) head.
"Night, James."
Lost in thought, he hadn't heard Lily get up and walk to the door. (Merlin, her balance was to be commended. That girl could drink.) He smiled and went over to her.
"Night."
Oh, who was he kidding? He followed her out the door. Might as well walk her to her room, right? As they stepped on the cold stone floor, he suppressed a shiver. Jesus, it was cold. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. The warmth of the alcohol was still coursing through her veins, but she would feel the chill later on. Hesitantly, he pulled his shirt over his head and called softly, "Lily!"
Surprised, she glanced behind her and raised an eyebrow.
"Here." He held his shirt out to her. "It'll get cold." He was braced for a flippant dismissal. What he got turned his insides into a twisting, roiling mess. She took it from him and pulled it on. Coming closer, she slung her ams around his neck.
"Thank you." She murmured, her breath hot in his ear. Smelling his scent mixed with hers did funny things to his heartbeat. (But then again, Lily Evans had always managed to do things to his heartbeat.) Then she sauntered away.
"Lily!" He called out again. This time, the exasperation was written on her face when she turned.
"I know this- this fight with Snape has…affected you more than the ones before. Just remember something, alright? You're not alone. Got that?"
She was looking at him with an unreadable expression.
"Yes, Potter." She said, her voice soft and low. He let her go, watching as she made her way up the stairs. And when she finally opened the door to her own room, James did not hear the quiet "Thank you, James," she whispered to the stars.
Bloody hell.
Lily blinked groggily and rubbed her hand over her eyes. Her head was pounding and the sunlight filtering through the curtains was blinding her. Gingerly (forgive the pun), she sat up, trying not to trigger her roiling stomach. Why did she feel like such a mess anyway? And what was that smell? Soap and peppermint and something spicy…
Sighing, she burrowed back into the covers. Something was different today. Something- ,she froze as she looked down at herself.
Oh. Fucking. Hell.
She was still wearing her school clothes. But she was also wearing a comfortably big, warm sweater (which that wonderful smell emanated from).
Slowly, the memories trickled into her sluggish brain -which incidentally, was clearing up pretty quickly- as mortification darkened her cheeks.
Fighting with Sev. Alright that was normal.
Eating chocolate and stealing Sirius' Firewhiskey. She cringed. Not too bad.
The other Marauders joining them. Oh, you idiot. they'll give you hell for this, Lily! Who knows what-
James giving her his sweater.
Groaning, she put her head in her hands.
"Bloody hell."
In the Great Hall, Lily took a breath to steel was still a bit nauseous despite the Sobering Charm she had cast. Merlin, she was no lightweight, but she was never drinking that much ever again. Wincing slightly at the noise and clatter of students having breakfast, she poured herself a glass of pumpkin juice and reached for the Daily Prophet next to her she lifted her eyes to turn a page, she noticed something. The Marauders,who were normally extremely boisterous unless they were planning something, were uncharacteristically quiet. Also, they were all looking at her.
Peter nodded, Remus offered her a small smile, Sirius arched his eyebrow mockingly. James simply looked. Through these subtle communications, they came to a mutual agreement. They would never discuss the events of last night ever again. Whatever vulnerabilities had been exposed would stay between them. Things would stay the way they had been (but not quite). In the seemingly endless silence that followed, all parties acknowledged and accepted these facts. And when James broke the solemnity by shouting a cheerful "Morning Evans! Looking lovely today!", Lily did not respond with as much bite as she would have before.
Later that day, the Marauders traipsed up the stairs, chatting animatedly. They had just started planning their P.O.W. (Prank Of the Week) and were debating which colour made for a bigger spectacle -pink or orange- when Peter, quiet before that point, pointed curiously.
"What's that?"
Conversation stopped as the four bent down to look at what had caught Peter's attention. When they saw what it was, Remus and Peter exchanged knowing glances, and Sirius didn't even bother trying to conceal the broad grin spreading across his face.
Folded neatly on the top step was a sweater with a small slip of parchment on it, containing small, curling writing.
Thanks, Potter.