I'm A Little High On Pain Killers
By Uchiha Xairylle

Don't move! Stay there and live for as long as you can. Just try coming after me and I will never forgive you!

The Initial Dose
Ichigo

It was raining. For some reason, when something bad happened to me, it rained. When my mom died, it rained, too, didn't it? Now that Rukia left with those two weird-ass Shinigami guys, it's raining, too… Damn. I'm starting to hate the rain. I sometimes have to bring an umbrella when it does and I really don't like having to bring a lot of things with me. And when I don't bring an umbrella, I end up being soaked — dripping from my head to toes, my clothes are drenched and my face… I look like I'm crying.

And I don't like crying.

I won't cry.

Even when that fang-like sword of that red-head ripped against my flesh, I didn't cry. Even when that scarf-donning shinigami broke my sword in two, I didn't cry. Even when he threatened to cut my arm off, I didn't cry. Even as I lay helplessly on this street, I didn't cry.

Even as Rukia left, I didn't cry. I called. I shouted. But I didn't cry. Even as those doors closed in moments that seemed to be forever, I did not cry. I looked on. I didn't cry.

Perhaps that's what hurt. I called. I shouted. I looked. I just lay here like the weakling that I am. I called for her and the only thing she did was look back. She looked back at me as I lay motionless. Her eyes… I have never seen her look at me that way. Not once. I had never felt this banging pain in my chest before and I don't think I want to feel it ever again. Hnh. I don't think I ever will now that I'm lying here, waiting for my shitty life to end. What's the use of a weakling in this world? A weakling who can not protect his mother or his self or…

A weakling who could not protect Rukia.

A weakling who could not let her stay.

I'm broken; broken as this large sword that I'm gripping with such intensity, with all the strength that's left of me as if this could be enough to satisfy whatever hurt and guilt that's in me now.

Was this place not for her? Did she not belong here? I tried, didn't I? It was all new to me and it was all so sudden. Things happened before I could understand it but even with this minute understanding I had that she always mocked, I tried. Tsch. No one said trying was enough, right?

But did I not try hard enough?

I hate being helpless like this. I hate being faced with something so deep and confusing that it's so hard for me to understand.

I tried coming to your rescue, Rukia. I might not be the prince on that white noble steed. In fact, I don't think I want to be. I just wanted to be the one to rescue you — the orange-haired blockhead Shinigami Representative to rescue you. And then by then, maybe I could tell you, "Who's the idiot now, midget-in-distress?"

But as things stand, after all that weakness I showcased, I don't even have the right to tell you to stay.

I got you in this mess but I can't get you out of it because I'm too occupied getting myself out of the mess I'm in. Since when had I been so selfish?

Selfish enough to hate the rain — the tears from the sky as if crying in my stead.

AN: I'd appreciate a review. Thank you. Bankai.