Author: Holly
Email: shipperslut@hotmail.com
Website:
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None
Pairing: Trapper/Hawkeye
Archive: Just tell me where it's going
Summary: Trapper's been gone for one year and Hawkeye's sad
"Knock knock."
"Who is it?"
"It's BJ."
"It's open."
I enter the small tent and am greeted with Margaret, still in her dressing gown.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
She offers me a seat and I accept, dragging the chair so that I'm facing her while she sits on the edge of the bed.
"It's about Hawkeye. Was he ever afraid of water?"
"No, why?"
"Well, it's been so hot recently I wondered if he'd like to come down to the river with me. He told me no, with no explanation or anything. Then he left. It's not like him to refuse an offer like that."
"You're right, that's not like him at all. He used to go down to the river all the time with Trapper whenever he was given the chance."
As soon as she said it I knew that it was the reason Hawkeye didn't want to go. I should have realised that it was about him, whenever Hawk's in a bad mood it's usually because of him.
"I just hit upon the problem."
"Yeah, you did. He's been acting kind of strange lately. Do you think it's to do with Trapper?"
"I don't know BJ, I mean, there was something between them at one point but I don't think it was anything serious."
"He told you?"
"I walked in on them kissing in the supply tent. They made me promise not to tell anyone, otherwise they'd tell about my secret crush on Trapper. I kept my word, and so did they. Until now."
"It's okay Margaret, Hawk told me one night in a state of drunkenness. He told me not to tell anyone either."
"You know, you have been here almost a year. Maybe he's just upset for Trapper leaving without saying goodbye."
"You might just be right. Thanks Margaret."
"Any time BJ."
I got up from the chair and walked out of her tent into the bright sunshine of Korea. My next stop was the Swamp, just to grab a drink before I headed for the river.
If Margaret was right he'd be there.
-------
I found him a couple of hundred yards down from where the road ran alongside the river, just behind a small bridge. He was sitting on a lone rock, just staring into the distance. As I walked towards him, the pebbles below the standard issue army boots crunched, and he turned slightly to see who was sneaking up on him. When he was it was me his eyes drifted back to the river.
He looked so alone and vulnerable sitting on the rock, but I didn't go and sit next to him. I stood a few feet behind him, waiting for him to talk like I knew he would.
"I guess you're mad at me for refusing your invitation and finding me down here."
"No, I'm not. I talked to Margaret."
"Ah, so you know about me and Trapper then. We used to come down here a lot in the summer, well, where there were no casualties and Henry was still around. After he left it made it harder to leave Frank by himself, but some days we still managed to get down here. It was great being by ourselves, we could do anything we wanted because no one knew that we were here, and we were the only ones that would ever come down here.
"It was our place Beej, the one place that we would only ever come to with each other. We never brought any of the nurses here, and I've taken them everywhere else. That's why I didn't want to come down here with you. I couldn't. It would mean being over him and what we had and I'm not. I don't know if I ever will be, because it's been a year since I last saw him and nothing's changed in me. I still love him."
I could tell he was crying, even from his back, and I crept around the rock and kneel in front of him. He met my eyes with his own, tears making the blue depths sparkle in the sunlight.
"You know what Hawk? I do understand. This place was yours, and if you'd told me that I wouldn't have asked. I never knew you two were that… serious about each other."
"Don't tell anyone Beej, please don't. God, I can imagine their faces, although I don't think anyone would be surprised."
"Of course I won't Hawk. You know I won't. I've got all of your secrets stored in a padlocked file in my brain, so that only I can open it."
He grinned through the tears.
"Thanks. You're a good friend. Now, how about we head back and get really drunk?"
"That sounds fantastic."
I stood and helped him up, slinging an arm around his shoulders.
"Have I really been here a year?"
"No, you've been here a year minus 6 days. But it's been a year since I last saw him."
"Try not to think about it. It makes you feel a lot better if you don't."
We walked in silence back to the 4077th to find Margaret waiting for us at the entrance. She ran to greet us as she saw us, asking Hawk if he was okay. He told her that he was fine and not to worry. In the Officer's Club Margaret asked if she could join us, and we offered her a seat.
"Hawk and Margaret, you want something to drink? I'm buying."
"You know what we want Beej. Same as usual."
I bought the drinks and returned to the table, handing them out.
"Lady and Gentleman, let me make a toast. To Trapper John Francis Xavier McIntyre. May we never forget you."
Our glasses clicked as we all took a sip of our drinks. As I looked at Hawkeye I knew that he was going to be okay; although tears still glistened in his eyes I knew that he was finally healing.