On The Line

"What the hell did I do?" Dean shook his head at the ground from his perch atop the Impala's hood. "I should have known better."

"How could you? We don't even know if he could have feelings like that." Sam sat next to him in just as much befuddled awe.

Dean gave a mirthless chuckle, "Pretty sure he doesn't even know. I mean I know he can have the... the..."

"Desire?" Sam offered.

"The that, but I didn't think he could think of anyone that way. What, with his being an emotionless dick and all."

Sam smiled at him, "I think he'll come around."

"Sam I-" Dean looked over at his brother to see him taking a long pull from his bottle, waggling his eyebrows as he eyed him. "I hate how much you're loving this." Sam released the bottle from his lips with a small popping sound.

"Come on, I see how you look at each other. The way you always worry over him." He continued smiling, "The way you hide your porn from him." That struck a nerve that caused Dean to make him nearly lose his balance on the hood of the car.

"God damn it Sam, I kissed him. I friggin' kissed him." He buried his face in his hands.

"Come on, we both know that's not the worst thing you've ever done to an angel." It wasn't really a comforting thought.

"That's just it. He knows what I'm like, and now I've scared him off." He leaned back until his head hit the windshield with a soft thunk. "I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. He must think I've lost it."

Sam got up to put the cooler back in the trunk. "He doesn't think, he knows."

"Not helping." He covered his face again. "I was just so... in the moment you know."

"He saved your life, I get it. You don't have to defend yourself to me."

"I have to for me. He is, or was, my best friend. He 's been there for me from the beginning and now I go and screw it up by making him think he's no better than some chick I just pick up when I feeling sleazy."

"You are the poster-child for self-loathing, you know that?" Dean wanted to drive off and pretend it never happened. He hopped into the front driver side, started her up, and revved the engine. "Where're we going?" His brother asked, slipping through the passenger side door.

"Anywhere but here." The tires screeched on the pavement as he let himself go.

They had driven for hours but he couldn't find the will to stop going, even though they had already passed three motels and Sam was snoring quietly while the soft sound of guitars hummed from the radio. Dean had let the day's events drift from the front of his mind, but they were still picking away at his nerves.

Castiel had been missing for weeks. They hadn't seen him since what happened to Alfie, or sorry Samandriel. And when he showed up nearly risking his own life for umpteenth time, Dean couldn't really believe it. He'd been gone for weeks, no months, without a word. Not even a phone call, their prayers reaching out to deaf ears. Their trench-coated angel was weary and bloody, hardly able to walk. But he was a good little soldier, and he pierced the demon that pinned Dean to the concrete wall, ready to rip out his throat and other various organs. Cas seemed unfazed by the monstrosity, eyes only meeting Dean's, but they seemed distant. Once the demon was down for the count, he methodically propped a sluggish and nearly unconscious Sam against the wall next to his brother. Without a word to either of them, he turned his back ready to fly off as if he had the strength for it.

"Wait." Dean choked out, stopping Castiel cold. "You can't just leave."

"I have other matters to attend to." He responded as detached as he could, but Dean was already up and pulling him around by the shoulder into a hug that would knock the breath out of anyone else.

"Where have you been man?" Castiel opened his mouth to respond that it was none of the Winchester's concern, but was cut off by a soft something at his lips. For a second it was familiar, but far less needy and rough. Dean's lips parted from his own silently, pulling him back into an embrace and trying desperately to not let the angel see the widening of his own eyes at what he had just done. Castiel hadn't made a move to hug him back, stiff and rigid as a stone. And then, gone. The eldest Winchester's arms wrapped around air as the breeze whipped his face.

"Wow." Dean turned around to see his brother staring wide-eyed at him. "I knew that... but I never thought that..."

"Don't. Say. Anything." Dean shot at him. Never wanting to think about the repercussions of what he did. But here he was, driving 60 on a 45 mph road, thinking about it. Sam dead to the world in the seat next to him, pleased as punch to see Dean 'expressing his feelings'. He'd punch him, but it wouldn't make what he did go away. So for now he just kept driving 'till he couldn't hold his eyelids open.

There was a breeze at the back of his neck and the soft flutter of wings. The angel appeared in the rearview mirror, causing Dean to swerve, nearly waking Sam beside him. "Cas?" Dean whispered.

"Hello Dean." He replied to the floor. Dean pulled over next to the open field, the tall grass brushing up against the passenger door. He rushed out of the car. Castiel leaned against the truck, considerably cleaner than he'd previously been.

"Cas what the hell happened to you?" He didn't make a move for physical contact.

Castiel gazed out to the field. "I came to apologize, for my abrupt departure... and my absence."

"Where have you been man?" From the rear light of the Impala, he could see the conflicted squint on the angel's face.

"It is not for you to know, not at this time. But I am sorry, truly, for not being there for you or Sam." Dean wanted to argue that it was there damn right to know, he was like their God damned family. "You caught me off guard back there." He changed the subject quickly.

Dean swallowed hard. "Sorry... I should've-"

"Do not apologize." Cas' voice held the sound of a smile. He pushed off the trunk of the car, putting himself once again in a position that for any other company would be too close for comfort. He then leaned up and reciprocated Dean's earlier advance, making it even more awkward, if that was even possible. Dean's shock wore off quickly as he leaned into the kiss. It lasted far longer than their first, more want, and more cohesion. Castiel stopped just short of Dean reaching up to cup his face, which he did anyway once Cas pulled away.

"I didn't think-" Dean started.

"I did not give you the chance to think." Cas interrupted him with a tired smile. "I have been gone, and I've come back to tell you that I'm okay. You should not come looking for me." Something though, lay hidden in those words. Something in his face, a mask like quality over a lie.

"I would if you'd just tell me where you have been."

"Heaven." He replied a bit too quickly. It was still the truth... sort of...

"Alright." Dean said not really believing it, but how was he going to stop the dick with wings? "Just promise me something." He requested, going over and reaching into the car to pull out one of their spare cell phones. "Keep in touch, okay? No more of this 'months at a time' thing." Castiel nodded and took the phone, not really responding. He brought him into a tight embrace.

"I am so sorry, Dean." And he was gone. Dean left out in the cold again. He let out a sigh and ran to the driver's side, slamming the door shut and skidding off so fast that motion jolted Sam awake.

"Huh, what?" Sam wiped away the sleep from his eyes trying to take in his brother's urgent instructions.

"I said call Garth." Dean repeated.

"Why?"

"You got GPS on that spare cell?" Dean asked urgently ignoring him.

"Yeah, but why?" He said hitting Garth's speed dial.

"Cas is in trouble." And God damn it, he was going to find out what.

Notes:

Special thanks to Tak (aka BTRhpgeek21) for being a great, supportive friend and editor 3

Her page here: u/2929177/BTRhpgeek21