A/N: Yes, it's spring break. Yes, this took me a while to write. Yes, I'll be writing more for my other stories before break is over. I tend to get less productive the second school semester, and I apologize. I really do enjoy all my PLL stories and I hope to finish them some day.
I also want to take a moment and thank all my readers and reviewers out there. You guys are amazing! If any of you send me a PM, just know that, like I mentioned above, I'm not that productive right now. But thank you! *virtual hugs and kisses* Now here's some Ezria because, as I just realized, we survived season four, specifically 4B! It's hard to believe it's been a year since they broke up in the season three finale and I was sitting in front of my TV screen all "Psh, they're going to get back together in, like, three episodes." (I obviously shouldn't have said that.) And Ezria shall prevail in season five thanks to the lovely/hateful Marlene King. So enjoy, relax, sob...whatever works for you, but y'all should definitely review.
A Time for Starting Over
On a warm, cloudless summer day in August, two months after their graduation, five pretty girls were squished inside a small dressing room with five identical dresses, five pairs of killer baby blue high heels, and three giant makeup bags with their contents strewn everywhere. Leaning forward, a young woman stared at her reflection in the lighted mirror and gently, like a surgeon, swiped her right eye three times with a black mascara brush. Blinking, she straightened her back and admired the smoky eye, one corner of her glossy lip turning up at the comic sight of her made-up right eye next to her bare, natural left eye. In order to be satisfied, she lifted her chin up and checked the eye shadow for any weird splotches that hadn't been blended well enough. Of course, her diligence had paid off, and again she leaned forward, dabbed a small brush into a shimmery white powder, and swiped it on her left eyelid.
It was her mother's wedding day, and Aria Montgomery was going full out on everything. First, she'd spent all week practicing a difficult smoky eye that would bring out the green in her hazel eyes; the closest to her knew that her eye color changed with her mood, and she was doing anything to hide the fact she was still just as upset and conflicted as she had been many months ago.
"Earth to Aria," interrupted Alison DiLaurentis, Aria's friend since sixth grade who had gone through a rough couple years of her own. "Thanks for letting me use this." Aria couldn't help but notice how amazing Alison looked in the cornflower blue bridesmaid dress, and when she handed Aria her waterproof eyeliner Aria also noticed her manicure. Slightly ashamed she had ditched yesterday's pre-wedding manicure party to instead curl up in her room and eat a gallon of ice cream, Aria quickly snatched the stick out of Ali's hands and tried not to notice her bland, boring fingernails.
Just by the way Aria snapped the cap off of the eyeliner and began to slowly and stiffly run it over her lash line, Spencer Hastings knew that something was up. Of course, she had noticed it yesterday afternoon, too, when Aria, out of breath, had called her last minute and said she couldn't make it to the manicure and pedicure appointment. At first Spencer thought Aria was genuinely busy with extracurricular stuff because A had been locked up months ago—and because she had more time since Ezra had left town before that.
"What's up?" Spencer chimed in as she appeared next to Aria, who was dabbing dark brown eye shadow over the eyeliner and blending it with a soft brush. Aria's adorned hazel eyes lifted up to meet Spencer's simplistic, full-lashed look before darting back to the mirror. Behind them, Emily Fields and Alison were helping Hanna Marin into her bridesmaid dress, which had gotten caught on something.
Gulping away the everlasting lump in her throat, Aria twisted the cap off of her mascara and smoothly applied the black stuff to her left eye the exact same way she had with her right. While that dried, she whipped out a large, fluffy brush and swirled it in a pink powder.
Spencer watched as Aria meticulously swiped the brush over the top of her cheeks, a small dust of it swirling into the air. Clenching her teeth, Aria realized Spencer wasn't going away soon and stiffly snapped the lid over the blush compact and turned around.
"What?" she sighed while leaning against the dressing room table.
Not wanting to worsen Aria's mood, Spencer chose to go the complimentary approach. "You look nice," she said sweetly while playfully flicking the loose curl framing Aria's face.
"Thanks," Aria grumbled as she stuffed her makeup into her bag and strutted over to the bag containing her bridesmaid dress, squeezing past a still struggling Hanna as she did so. Once she pulled the dress out, she shrugged out of her tattered t-shirt and shorts and shimmied into it. Pulling her hair aside, she tilted her head to Spencer and turned around. "Can you zip this up for me?"
"Sure," Spencer said with a forced smile. It bothered her greatly that Aria wasn't being open to her like she used to be. While pulling the zipper up, her eyes lingered over the tiny tattoo on Aria's side, something she'd never seen before. If she was talking to the Aria from months ago, she would have said, "You never told me you got a tattoo," but this Aria was different. Besides, she didn't get what "B26" meant anyway, and she wasn't in the mood for some drawn-out story Aria probably didn't want to repeat.
After Spencer had zipped up Aria's dress and fixed her hair, which made Aria smile a bit, she took a step back and beamed at their reflections in the mirror. "Ah, look at us!" she squealed, flinging her arms around Aria's bare shoulders. "How many times have I told you we pull off strapless dresses like we own them?"
Giggling, Aria shrugged out of Spencer's tight hold and started stuffing her makeup back into her bag. "I know, Spence. You've only been gushing about these dresses since we picked them out."
Suddenly, Aria's smile slipped off her face and she bit her glossy bottom lip anxiously as she remembered the wedding was only an hour away—and that reminded her that, compared to the other girls, she was a loner. More specifically, Aria was the only one without a date to walk down the aisle with. Instead, she'd had to ask her dad, who didn't even want to have a huge part in his ex-wife's wedding to begin with. But Aria didn't want to walk alone; she wanted someone on her arm, even if it was her dad, and Mike was too shy and embarrassed to accept her offer.
Unfortunately, the reminder of being dateless brought up other old memories, too. Again, Aria was reminded of the gunshots going off from months ago, of catching him in her arms when the blood drained from his face and he collapsed in shock. Trembling, Aria glanced down at her twitching palms and vividly remembered the crimson stains from when she'd tried to stop the bleeding. After the ordeal was over, she'd thrown out the clothes from that night and never thought of it again.
It was strange, she thought, how she and Ezra had grown apart after he'd recovered from his bullet injury. At least once a day Aria was reminded about how she'd probably hurt him more than the bullet had. It confused him, she realized, why she had reacted like she had if she didn't want to see him again: She'd screamed to the point where she found it hard to breathe, and when the ambulance came Spencer had helped the paramedics place an oxygen mask over her mouth once they had pried an unconscious Ezra out of her grasp. "Breathe, Aria," Spencer had commanded her in her voice, hoarse from yelling, as Aria had tried to pull the mask off of her face; however, Spencer had had a firm grip over it. "He's going to be fine, okay? Now please just breathe. Breathe."
But Aria hadn't stopped holding her breath after her screaming had died down. Eventually she'd passed out and Spencer had caught her, gripping her bloody hands as she went down. As Spencer had held a limp Aria in her arms, she had started to cry, the emotions from the night catching up with her. And then, as the panic had settled in Aria's system and she began to shake, the realization had dawned on Spencer: Ezra had been shot, as in seriously, maybe even fatally, injured, and they would have died if he hadn't reacted like he had and attacked A so that the gun flew out of his or hers hand. Some of the drying blood on Aria's hands had wiped off on Spencer's jacket, and her stomach had churned from reality smashing down on her. Even to this day she couldn't believe it had happened.
Flashing out of the memories, Aria placed a hand over her chest as her throat constricted. Since that night, panic attacks and nightmares were pretty common for Aria. "I'm sorry," Aria croaked as she sprinted for the door. "I need some air." As Aria ran away in a clack of heels and a spurt of dust, Spencer debated whether to go after her, but decided that now she just needed to be alone.
While Aria desperately tried to stop her lungs from shrinking, she wasn't looking at where she was going and soon found herself tripping. "Oh!" she gasped as her ankle twisted and she fell down, but before her arms caught the floor a pair of hands grabbed her waist and assisted her up so that she was stabilized on her high heels. "I'm so, so sorry, I—"
When Aria looked up, her breathing halted again. She was face-to-face with a man she was very familiar with, and the wounded aura underneath his blue eyes reminded her that they had confusingly parted months ago. "E-Ezra," she stammered, trying to regain the oxygen to her bloodstream. "What are you doing here?"
Gulping, Ezra stuffed his hands in his tuxedo pockets and dared himself to look into her eyes. To Aria, his deflated, upset expression brought back memories of the aftermath of their few short breakups. "Ella invited me."
"Why?" Aria asked more harshly than she meant to. "I mean… You haven't spoken in months."
The cold quality in Aria's voice caused Ezra's heart to sink, and despite his older age he felt immature because he avoided her gaze to dodge confrontation. "I guess she thought we were friends."
Aria scoffed, defensively crossing her arms at her chest. Words couldn't describe the strong, conflicting emotions that washed up just by seeing him. "I can't believe this."
"Aria—," he began but, like always, was rudely interrupted.
"No!" she almost shrieked, and just that one syllable caused the flashbacks to play out in front of her eyes of her screaming that same exact word, the weight of his limp body crashing into her weak arms. This time, it was her turn to look away from him, and she quickly swiped a loose tear off of her cheek. "This ended months ago. You betrayed me, we broke up, I fell apart, you got hurt, you got better, and then things went back to how they were before. A-and," Aria stammered, trying to grasp for the right words, "you left. You left me."
Ezra watched as Aria zoned out, deep in her own thoughts. As much as he wanted to say, there really wasn't much he could admit to her without breaking his fragile heart more. He took a step closer to her and simply said, "No, Aria. You left me."
Stunned, Aria stumbled back a step and watched as he calmly walked away and rounded the corner. She wanted to swear out loud, but instead kept it in her head and bit her lip.
She hated to admit it, but he was right. She was the one who'd left him. Once he had been able to move without wincing and take care of himself again, she had just gotten up and fled. The strangest part to Aria was that they had had such a great time during his recovery, relearning to love and trust each other, and some unknown force had smacked her across the face and scared her into leaving. After avoiding his calls, texts, and emails for a week, Ezra finally got the message she was indirectly sending and returned to his home state of New York. Unbeknownst to him, a scared, confused Aria had been curled in her bed, her finger longing to slide the cell phone screen and pick up his calls, yet that same force had pulled her away and made her so frustrated she could barely function. With her dad and brother rarely home, she—and an observant, sisterly Spencer—was the only one who knew how much she'd cried for the next three weeks after Ezra had left.
"Aria?"
At that moment, the racing thoughts vanished from Aria's mind and the hand clasped at her chest limply fell to her side. Looking up, it was Spencer; a hopeful, comforting smile adorned her lips. "It's starting soon. We need to get in our places."
Slowly Aria closed her parted lips and nodded her head in understanding. Spencer, seeing the glazed look over Aria's eyes, recognized this look as Aria's post-trauma state and draped an arm around her shoulder supportively. As usual, Spencer didn't ask any questions because she knew that the anxiety attacks snuck up on her friend; she'd comforted her multiple times in the middle of the night over whispered phone calls.
Abruptly, Spencer was surprised when Aria reciprocated her action and wrapped her arm around Spencer's waist and smiled slightly. "Come on," Aria said in her way of trying to show courage in a time of crisis. "We have a wedding to enjoy."
…
"Where's my bouquet?" Hanna shrieked as the girls and guys attempted to organize themselves behind the doors five minutes before the wedding was to start. She turned to Emily and Alison, who had their elbows linked. "Why do you have a bouquet and I don't?"
"Wait…" The room stayed quiet in anticipation. "Right, sorry," Emily mumbled while handing her bouquet to Hanna. "For a second I forgot Alison and I paired up and only one of us can have a bouquet."
Amused, Aria watched on the sidelines with Spencer and Toby as chaos ensued. "Oh thank God," Hanna gasped while grabbing the periwinkle and daisy bouquet. "I thought the world was going to end." Caleb, who'd been standing awkwardly to the side, stiffly patted her back after her outburst.
Spencer was adjusting Toby's tie, giving him the flirtatious eye, when her mind, as it naturally did, became distracted with something else. Lifting an eyebrow, she glanced around before tugging on Aria's elbow. "Hey, where's your dad?"
Glancing around, Aria made a "hmm" noise. "Oh. I guess I forgot he was supposed to be here."
"I hope he's okay," Spencer said worriedly. "I know convincing him to come was hard."
Toby's eyes widened when Aria leaned down and lifted her dress up, revealing a garter wrapped around her upper thigh holding her phone. He coughed awkwardly to pretend like he hadn't been looking as Aria pulled out her phone and checked it for texts. "Huh. He hasn't left any messages."
"Sorry I'm late," huffed Byron just as the music from the other side of the doors began playing. "Traffic."
"As long as you're here," Aria said with a forced grin while linking arms with her dad and facing the closed doors.
The butterflies in Aria's stomach increased when the doors opened and all the guests turned around to look at the father-daughter pair. Smiling, Aria prayed she looked more comfortable than she felt, and with her father on her arm she felt like she was the one getting married, except Zack wouldn't be the one standing at the end. When they reached the front and separated, Aria stepped to the side as planned and faced the audience. Of course her eyes drifted to the man hiding in the back, and her fingers turned white as she dug her nails into her bouquet.
Next came Spencer and Toby, aesthetically appealing and more pleasing than Aria had been walking down the aisle. When Spencer joined Aria's side, Aria unconsciously dropped one of her hands so that Spencer could hold it. Ella was like a second mother to Spencer, so she and Aria were preparing to get emotional and comfort each other.
After Hanna and Caleb, there was only Alison and Emily left, and the audience stood up as Ella stepped out into the aisle. A collected gasp echoed off the walls and Spencer and Aria shared teary eyes and watery smiles as Ella, perfectly made-up and grinning broadly like any bride, strode down the aisle in her beautiful, flowing white wedding dress and gauzy veil. Aria and her brother Mike, who was sitting in the very front with other family members, smiled at each other and Aria found herself giggling quietly with Spencer as the two of them dabbed at their wet eyes.
Meanwhile, Ezra watched from his seat in the very back as Aria became emotional over her mother's new marriage and he slightly smiled at the sight. Despite her reddening eyes and ready-to-smear makeup, she still looked beautiful, and for some unexplainable reason he was still in love with her. And despite what she'd done to him in the past, he found himself willing to forget all of that if only she would take him back. Maybe it was the wedding and the romantic vibes it was giving off, but Ezra just really wanted to be Spencer right now and be the one squeezing her hand.
After the vows were said and everyone was cheering and clapping, Ezra had to stand up like the others to keep his eyes on Aria and he watched, happy for her, as she encased her mother in a long, loving hug. Even Byron had summoned the courage to shake his ex-wife's new husband's hand.
Everyone clapped as Zack and Ella strode down the aisle, throwing rice and flower petals in the air. Following behind were Aria and Mike, who had joined his sister and wrapped his arm around her playfully and attempted to ruffle her hair; Spencer and Toby, who were holding hands and swinging them back and forth like a pendulum; Caleb and Hanna, who was jumping up and down in excitement while Caleb watched amusingly; and Alison and Emily, who were debating whether to throw the bouquet or not.
At that moment, an indescribable feeling washed over Ezra and he forcefully pushed through the crowd, chasing after the bride and groom and their band. Some of the guests had already filed out and were congratulating Ella and Zack, but Ezra only had eyes for the young adults huddled in the corner, laughing and joking. Tentatively he took a step towards them, but when Alison leaned to the side to whisper something in Emily's ear, he finally got a glance at Aria. Though she had been crying—as had Spencer, he could see—she seemed genuinely happy. Slowly Ezra took back that step and stood still in place, embarrassed for practically bulldozing through people so that he could catch up with her and, ultimately, what? Kiss her? But he didn't want to be selfish, and because he knew that even just seeing his face would only worsen her mood like it had before, he turned around and blended back into the crowd.
…
At the reception, Aria sat with her friends as toasts and stories were shared. Daringly, Aria had stood up and took the microphone, getting teary-eyed as she praised her mom for raising her to be herself and thanked Zack for treating Ella so well. After her speech had left her emotionally distraught, Aria hugged her mother tightly again, causing the audience to let out a collective "aw."
When Aria opened her eyes across her mother's shoulder, she wished she could close them and pretend she didn't see the person sneaking in through the doors in the back. God, Aria complained in her mind, separating from her mom and forcing a smile on her face while sitting back down next to a sniffling Spencer and daydreaming Hanna. Her mood was officially ruined. Why is he everywhere?
Afterwards, the bouquet was thrown (Aria had awkwardly caught it, and Spencer had given her a humorous sneer), food was served, and Zack and Ella took to the dance floor for their first dance as husband and wife. It was to some '80s song Aria had never heard of, and she smiled through her happy tears as cameras flashed and the couple performed a classic ballroom dance. Once it had ended, the crowd erupted in cheers, and Spencer and Hanna flung themselves off of their seats and clapped furiously; Aria knew of Hanna's taste for romance and weddings, but she never knew Spencer had such a squishy heart—until, of course, Toby got her to soften up.
The DJ announced that everyone was allowed on the dance floor, and immediately—and unexpectedly—Spencer grabbed Toby and dragged him away against his will. All of the girls, plus Caleb, shared a similar look before bursting into light laughter. "Wow, she got on stage before me," Hanna pointed out while taking Caleb's arm and following behind Spencer's figurative cloud of dust. "That must be a record."
Emily and Alison walked off to the dessert table, courtesy of Zack, and Aria slunk slowly back into her chair, alone. Sighing, she pursed her lips and blew a loose, curly strand of hair out of her face. Great, she inwardly groaned. Now I'm all by myself—as expected.
Unbeknownst to Aria, Ezra was basking in his own loneliness, too, not really knowing anyone there other than a couple teachers from Rosewood. Also exhaling a drawn-out breath, he saw, through the throngs of dancing or moving people, Aria sitting at an empty table, her hands clasped in front of her and her eyes cast down.
His fingers twitched in anticipation as he saw his chance. But instead of just sitting next to her, he went with the bolder option and requested a song to the DJ.
Lonely, Aria was awkwardly watching her friends dance with their beaus, but soon found the sting of her own series of breakups too much and picked up her mother's bouquet and studied the flowers instead. However, a minute later her ears perked up at the beat of a very familiar song, and a tall shadow cast over her tiny figure.
The first thing she saw after his shadow was his hand, held out in front of her, palm up, politely requesting for her hand. "Would you like to dance?" he asked in a smooth, buttery voice, despite his spike in anxiety. Heart pounding, Aria did the unexpected: She actually accepted his offer. "Yes, please," she panted, and as she dragged him to the dance floor she silently berated herself for saying yes.
It wasn't until after she'd placed her other hand on his shoulder and he put his free hand on her waist that she looked up at his face. "The Fray, huh?" she dryly teased. "You couldn't pick another band?"
"No," Ezra said in all honesty, spinning her around. "Other bands don't have much of a meaning."
"What's next on your request list?" Aria continued to prod, not sure if she was trying to be harsh or a flirt. "'Never Say Never'? You did tell me once you liked it more than 'Happiness.'"
"Does it matter?" Ezra pulled her slightly closer, causing her to blush. "We used to dance to both all the time."
"Except only one is B-twenty-six," she pointed out. Her eye caught a prying Spencer's, and Aria sent her a death glare in response to her curious stare.
Ezra nodded his head, a tiny bit coldly. "So you remember."
"Of course I remember, Ezra," Aria snapped back. Like usual, she was always the drama queen. "Just because we're not together doesn't mean I've wiped out my memory."
The already delicate conversation was taking a dark turn Ezra was trying to avoid; he mentally scolded himself for blurting out his random, rude, irrational thoughts. "Aria—"
"No," Aria stopped him again, prying her hand out of his and stepping back, fists clenched at her sides. "I can't believe you'd think I'd just forget about you," she accused him, "like you meant nothing to me. Well, just listen to this." Aria clamped her mouth shut and shook her head, a couple of tears blotting her cheeks. From close by Aria saw Spencer sending her warning glances, but Aria ignored her.
In the end, though, Aria opened her mouth, about to spill her guts, but instantly it was like something snapped off inside of her and she closed her lips again. Rigid, her fight-or-flight response kicked in, and she pushed through the crowd and out the reception doors. Of course, Ezra followed behind her.
"Aria, wait," Ezra called out, catching up to her and gently grabbing her arm. "You need to tell me what you want to say. Please. I don't want you walking away feeling worse than you already do and then have me never see you again."
Sniffling, Aria wiped her nose with her arm, not caring that it was a disgusting gesture. After taking a couple deep breaths, she turned around, defeated. "You were my whole world," she confessed in barely a whisper. "Then one day I woke up and I was alone." She leaned back on the wall of the empty, dimly lit hallway, finally caving in to the emotions that had risen when she saw Ezra and that she has been attempting to hide all night. The guilt and loneliness crept up her throat, and she glanced down at her heeled feet, somehow still supporting her though she felt like collapsing. "It took me a while to, um…realize it was all my own doing. I drove you away, and I don't know why."
There was a beat of silence, and Ezra felt himself unraveling in her presence as well. No matter what she did, he couldn't stay mad at her. Maybe he did come to this wedding because he wanted her back, like he thought before, or maybe there was some underlying feeling he hadn't opened up to. Whatever the reason, the sparks were still there, and that was worth reigniting. Reaching out, he softly brushed aside a loose curl from her face and tucked it behind her ear.
The breath hitched in Aria's throat as he did that. That tiny, intimate gesture was enough to make her heart go wild, thumping louder and faster. She knew that the barrier they'd created, the wall that was keeping them apart, would crumble if she met his eyes.
Carefully she moved her gaze farther up his build, from the palm tenderly touching her face, to the familiar maroon tie she hadn't noticed before, to finally the dark, mystical blue eyes that have captivated her since day one. There were no words; enough was said in their stares. Then, always being the daring one, Aria tilted her head up and placed her lips on his.
It was a soft kiss, more like a peck, but it had set off a whole line of previously dormant emotions. No longer bottled up, they drove the broken couple crazy, and he swooped down for a longer, more passionate kiss. She found her fingers knotting in his hair, and his body pressed closer to hers so that she was flushed against the wall. Her phone started to vibrate in the garter strap across her thigh and Ezra pulled away for a brief second and asked, "Is your leg ringing?" before kissing her three more times.
"Yes," Aria panted when she got the chance to speak. "Ignore it." Once it stopped its insistent ringing, he started kissing her bare neck and shoulder, and she couldn't stand it anymore. With all her strength she pulled away, breathless, and whispered with a suggestive smile across her lips, "Can we go somewhere?"
Back at the reception, Spencer hung up her phone after it went to Aria's voicemail, and she shrugged her shoulders at Toby and began to ponder, unaware that two people she knew very well had escaped that night, calling out for a taxi.
…
A few hours later, Aria was woken by the sound of a clock ticking. Typically she could sleep through anything, especially the dull tick of a clock, but she had woken up anyway. Shuffling under the covers, she rolled over on her left side and scooted closer towards Ezra's warm body, nuzzling her head into the cozy crook of his neck. She sighed comfortably. Hm, she thought as she listened to the soothing sound of their soft breathing. Usually I'm on the right side of the bed.
Then it was as though the lights had been turned on and the light bulb went off atop Aria's head, and Aria scurried upward in a sitting position, clutching the blanket over her chest and allowing her eyes to adjust to the dark room. Familiar, recognizable silhouettes danced across her eyes, and she was pleasantly surprised to find herself in apartment 3B; she had missed Ezra's old place, and she didn't think he had kept it after moving. On the contrary, there was an uneasy pit in her stomach, and it wasn't from what had happened last night. Peeking over the side of the bed, she searched for her dress, but found it discarded near the couch, so instead she plucked Ezra's tuxedo shirt off of the ground because it was the closest article of clothing she could reach.
She pulled it on over her head and slid out of the bed, shivering from the new cold. In all honesty, she had no clue what she was doing, yet her bare feet padded over to the balcony doors and led her to the terrace naturally.
A small smile of regret crossed her face when she saw that the two chairs they always used to sit in to admire the stars and have flirtatious or serious whispered conversations were still there. Instinctually she sat in her own in the corner and tucked her feet under her, propping her chin on her knees and staring up at the sky.
It was a clear night, perfect for stargazing. She'd shared so many stories on this balcony, including how when she was little she'd sometimes climb onto her windowsill and just fawn over the moon. As she got older, she would find herself quietly opening her window and sneaking out onto the tree branches outside to get a better glimpse at the night sky. It was the first time she'd ever been so open about her childhood to a guy; it took a lot for her to open up and be vulnerable, so she stayed ice cold, and that was one of the reasons she felt like such an outcast in Rosewood.
A few minutes passed and Ezra woke up, too. At first he thought the whole night had been a dream, but then he saw the balcony door was slightly open and he tiptoed over to it and saw a very memorable sight.
The starlight reflected off her round, thoughtful eyes, and the moon made her fair skin glow. Is this what the afterlife would have been like if he hadn't survived that gunshot wound? Constantly studying the people he loved from afar while they tried to cope without him? That's certainly what it appeared like, though that wasn't the case. Knowing Aria, she would be the one to gaze at the stars every night, frequently searching for where he had gone until the cracks in her heart closed and the searing pain morphed into a dull thud.
Now that the two had succumbed to their building passions, their raw, painful demons needed to be confronted. Ezra took the first daring step onto the terrace. "Are you okay?" he asked kindly, not wanting to overwhelm her more than she already was.
"No," Aria croaked, burying her head into her knees. "I lied before," she confessed, though it was muffled. Sighing audibly, she turned her head so that her knees were digging into her cheek. "About not knowing why I ignored you. Truth is, I do know why."
Ezra took the couple of steps needed to reach the other chair, and a flash of pain and guilt sparkled off Aria's eyes, and she looked away quickly. Instantly, Ezra knew what had caused it. "I'm not hurt anymore, Aria."
As much as she had begged herself not to cry, the tears were there anyway, dripping one by one. "Yeah, but the reminder is still there," she said tensely. The discolored skin on his bare right side, under his ribcage, was darkened under the moonlight.
"I don't care about some scar," Ezra pointed out. And truly, he wasn't. The wound had healed and he was alive, and that's all that mattered.
She gulped; her voice cracked. "You didn't have to do that."
He leaned forward so that he could lightly trace her jawline with his finger and persuade her to look at him. "Do what?"
The gentle gesture worked, and she darted her wide eyes at him. "Save me, my friends." She seemed shattered, wrecked, and her breathing quickened. She rambled, "If you hadn't gotten involved with me, you wouldn't have been in a hospital for three weeks, on the brink of disappearing, the only thing keeping you alive some machine that at one point, you—" She stopped and put a hand over her mouth, crumbling. Ezra didn't know what to say, so he said nothing at all; instead he just let her spill it out. "You lied to me for a long time. You made me feel used, betrayed. I gave and told you everything, and in the end you made me feel like I had been sleeping with the enemy. Yet, I still couldn't find a way to hate you." Pausing, she licked her dry lips and dared herself to actually look into Ezra's eyes. Like her, he was broken; her words were getting to him. "The way you touched my face while you were trying to stay awake," she croaked, her voice strained. "I thought that I was going to be the last thing you ever saw. You could barely speak, yet you had to tell me you were sorry, like you weren't going to be here the next day. I tried to stop the bleeding but there wasn't any point, so I laid down next to you and tried to make out your heartbeat because I knew that if I couldn't hear it, you were really gone and not just waiting to wake up."
Her shaky hand reached up and she wiped at her cheek, pausing to catch her breath. "When they took you away, I was reminded of something Spencer once told me, that you were a sucker for a tragic love story. Then I remembered that I had told you that I had never wanted to see you again. One time the doctor said your heart stopped for five seconds, and I thought, 'This is it. My wish is coming true. Next it will be ten seconds, then fifteen, then the line will go dead.' But I didn't mean it, Ezra." It was as though a telepathic message had been sent between them because Ezra opened his arms and Aria got off her chair and fell into his lap, sobbing into his chest as one hand skimmed over the bullet scar. Weaker, she whispered, "I didn't mean it." Holding her closer, he wrapped one arm around her back and the other under her knees, pressing soft kisses against her burning forehead while telling her that everything was going to be okay and reminding her that he was there and he wasn't going to leave—not like last time.
After a few minutes Aria managed to calm down, and she held on tighter when he got up and carried her bridal-style back into the apartment. "No," she whined as he placed her on the bed. "I don't want to go back to sleep."
"Aria, it's almost five in the morning. We were up until one and you cried for a good fifteen minutes. I think we both need the sleep," he told her as he slid in next to her. "Now, come here," he said, and she scooted closer to him and, sighing, draped her left arm across his waist. He did the same, his right arm pulling her so that there was barely any space left between the two. But for Aria, having him so near and alive couldn't have been more comfortable.
Ten minutes later, she fell asleep to the overwhelming sound of his heart beating, but this time she didn't have to worry if it was going to stop.
…
Vrrrrr. Vrrrrr.
Groaning, Aria peeled her eyelids open and blinked a couple times, the white ceiling greeting her for the morning. Her hand instinctively went to her thigh to pull her phone out, but then she remembered she'd taken the garter plus the phone off in a drunk-in-love haze and thrown it on the nightstand—which was on the left side.
Vrrrr. Vrrrr.
Great, she whined mentally. Why was someone calling her now? "Ezra," she muttered, shoving his arm off from over her, but he nuzzled his nose deeper into her hair and moved his arm back. She sighed and shook her head, slightly amused. "I need to get my phone." It was bound to be a fruitless attempt, but she tried reaching over him anyway. As expected, he pulled her back down. "Ezra!" she scolded him, slapping his arm.
"Hmm?" he moaned, rolling over on his back and grabbing for her phone.
"Wait, what are you—"
"Hello?" Ezra mumbled into it, drowsy from sleep.
"Um," came Spencer's voice through the receiver. "Who is this?"
Alarms went off in Aria's head, and she pried the phone out of Ezra's hand, biting her pinky nail anxiously. "Spencer?" she said, then pretended to punch Ezra in the shoulder. He laughed, and she realized he knew exactly what he was doing.
"Who was that?" Spencer asked frantically. "You know what, who cares. Where are you? You disappeared last night!"
A blush crept up Aria's neck and Ezra cracked the bones in his neck before heading to the kitchen. "Um, a friend's?"
"What friend?"
"Not you?"
"Well, obviously, then I wouldn't be calling you."
"I'm at Toby's," she blurted out.
"No, I'm at Toby's."
Dang, Aria thought. "It was worth a shot."
"So where are you?"
"Not Ezra's."
"Oh, so I assume you actually mean Ezra's?" Aria bit her lip and didn't respond. Meanwhile, Ezra motioned to a chocolate chip pancake mix and Aria nodded her head exuberantly and winked at him. "Aria, you can't ignore me forever! When were you going to tell me?"
"Tell you what?" Aria asked while dreamily tilting her head and watching Ezra prepare something he could legitimately cook—mostly because Aria had ended up staying nights frequently over the summer, and he became adept at making her favorite breakfast while she took a shower.
"That you and Ezra are back together?"
"We're not back together," Aria protested. In her head she could see Spencer raising one eyebrow and giving her "the look."
"You disappeared before eleven. I doubt you and Ezra skipped to get frozen yogurt."
Aria dropped her voice and whispered, "So what if we didn't? Does it matter how I spend my time?"
Spencer snorted. "I hope you're being smart. We don't need a little Aria—"
"Okay, this conversation is ending." Though it wasn't said, Aria knew that Spencer was silently ecstatic that she was with Ezra. "Talk to you later."
After ending the call fast before anything else could be said, Aria slid out of bed and smoothed the tuxedo shirt that had wrinkled over the night. "Chocolate chip pancakes, huh?" she sighed while strolling to the table next to the couch, her finger sliding over the Rolleiflex camera she'd left behind. "Must be a special morning."
"Well, I consider it special," Ezra said. "And I think you do, too."
Aria narrowed her eyes and nodded her head a bit, then picked up the camera. "You know me too well." She put the camera up to her eye and snapped a picture; Ezra barely had time to strike a pose, but he managed a decent one in the time he had. It was like last night—and the past few months—had never happened.
Aria glanced down at the film camera in her hands and nonchalantly said, "I really should get these developed." Last time she planned to develop them, she had broken up with Ezra, and all of a sudden she didn't even want to look at the crazy pictures they'd taken. Now, though, she wanted more than anything to save the memories. "You know, they would look great in a scrapbook."
"What are we talking about here?" Ezra joked as he set down the plate of pancakes at the table. "The Thinker?"
Casually, she sat down across from him and picked up the mug of coffee he'd also made; he'd added just the amount of hazelnut creamer she liked when a soy latte wasn't available. "And the running man. Oh, and you have that newspaper in your mouth, so what is that, a dog?"
When Ezra laughed, he wasn't sure if it was because they had gone back to teasing each other so fast, or because he was just that happy. He decided to go with the latter one—because he really was truly, genuinely, honestly happy. Once upon a time they talked about an ideal place, a cabin in the woods where society couldn't judge their unique ways, and now he was just grateful she was there at all.
As she started talking about what she had been up to recently, including graduation, she eventually veered into secretive territory of stuff she had never told him before. Oddly enough, she talked about out-of-the-blue stuff, like Wes making a move on her last year and her hookup with a guy named Riley in order to get over Ezra. It was like she wanted to make a fresh, new start that didn't involve all the lies and secret. Then Ezra admitted to some things, big and small, he hadn't been so honest with either, but he didn't have to apologize for the novel incident because she'd, for the most part, forgiven him for that. It wasn't going to be easy, but Aria couldn't see herself doing anything different in ten years.
But like always, their deep conversations left them enlightened, and the mood shifted again to laughter and light chatter. When he made a joke or told a funny story, her hand came down on his arm laying across on the table, a familiar touch, or her foot brushed against his leg under the table. There was something different about this reunion than any other, Ezra speculated, something more final.
Because when he finished telling a comedic story and she smiled, bringing the mug up to her lips, there was a spark in her eyes that told him that unlike before, when dishonesty—something they had thrown away in the past few minutes of the morning—had broken them apart, this time she was here to stay.