Note: My first Hollstein fic. But after ep. 4, I felt like I needed to write this. The way it could have gone, had Perry had not been subjected to more bloodshed. If I get enough kudos/reviews, I may continue on with the fic. I do have ideas on where I could go from the end. It would involve changing the rating.
"Like it were easy. Like I wasn't scared the whole time. Like it's your reason to like me."
Her words hit your heart so hard, you feel out of breath. On one hand, you realize she's admitted to having been scared when she was fighting to save you, to save everyone. That last statement is what you're focused on, however. It's gut wrenching to hear those words. You didn't realize she'd been feeling this way, she hasn't said anything about it. Of course, you keep being interrupted, so there's no time to actually sit down and talk about these things. There is, though, the moments of silence when you're both lying in bed, pressed against each other when either you or Carmilla can finally say something. But you don't. Instead, you leave words unspoken and sink further into each other, thinking maybe there'll be time tomorrow to broach the subject.
You're hurt, in a way, that she actually thinks you only like her because she saved your life. God, for a three hundred and some odd year old vampire, she's awfully dense. You realize Carmilla has trust issues, you can see it in her eyes sometimes when she looks at you. You realize it's going to take her a while to get used to the fact that someone loves her despite being a vampire and despite saving lives for a change. It's almost as if she had no clue what you were talking about in the video you had left for her.
You blink, staring at her with empathetic eyes. Your hand reaches up slowly to place against her cheek, face moving forward at an even slower pace towards her. Carmilla swallows, obviously nervous as to what you're about to say. There's words on your lips, but they're more than likely not the words she's expecting.
"You ridiculous vampire." The words come out of your mouth steadily, hoping the next ones to come tumbling out will actually connect with her brain. "I loved you before you even saved my life."
You can see the shock on her face. It makes you smile, feeling that warmth in your heart and stomach like you always do when you look at her. Except right now, in this moment, it feels even warmer. Almost like you're on fire. It's not unpleasant. In fact, you enjoy it. But that's not what you're focused on now. No, you're focused on the little tears in the corner of her eyes. It's not something you expected, but it seems you've reached a place deep inside of her that no one has seen for years and years. That thought alone brings tears to your own soft eyes.
"Laura…" Carmilla manages to breathe out, her hands gripping the sides of your dress so hard you're sure the fabric is gonna rip. She swallows hard and you lean even closer to her, finding yourself unable to resist. She's on the verge of letting the tears fall, but she manages to keep them at bay. She swallows one more time before a smirk peels at the corner of her lip. "You just said you loved me."
It's obvious, by the almost forced smirk on her face, that she's wanting to keep her bravado. You let her have it, smiling brightly down at her. You nod gently, moving your body to sit on her lap. It takes you a moment to get comfortable, especially considering you have to hike your dress up a little higher to get the position you want. Carmilla's hands stay on your hips, helping you move. When you're finally comfortable, arms thrown around her neck nonchalantly, you speak once again.
"Yes. I did." You're smug about it and it brings a wider smile to Carmilla's face. It's not forced this time because you can see the genuine happiness dancing in those beautiful orbs staring up at you. There's still a small amount of doubt there, but you plan to get rid of that in time. For now, you revel in the moment the two of you are having. "I said I loved you because I do. While saving my life is something I'll always be grateful for, it's not the only or the sole reason that I fell in love with you, Carm." There's a beat or two before you have to throw in, "Remember that video I left you, when I thought I wouldn't make it through that fight?" Carmilla nods and you continue. "Yeah, that's what I meant when I said 'You know.'"
The realization dawning on Carmilla's face is almost comical. Her emotions switch so quickly on her face there's hardly time to catch them all. However, the soft look that appears on her face when she's decided which emotion to go with, makes your heart leap frantically in your chest.
"Well then." Carmilla starts, still trying to find words. It's not like her to be speechless, but you more than pride yourself in the fact that you've accomplished that. "I love you too, Creampuff."
Now those words feel so much better in your chest. The words make you feel almost like you're floating.
"See, that wasn't so hard, was it?" You grin, watching her rolls her beautiful eyes.
"Don't be so smug, Hollis." Carmilla says with a lick of her lips and the rise of a perfect eyebrow.
"Or what?" It's a challenge, raising your own eyebrow in response. It doesn't compare to hers, but you try anyway.
"Orrrr…." The vampire's words don't even have a chance to finish. Her lips press against yours and you can't help the sigh that escapes you when they do.
This is a definite change in the mood she was in a moment ago. You know she's still thinking about what you've said, but the moment is too perfect to try to get her to open up more. Instead, your arms wrap a little tighter around her neck and your lips press a little more firmly. The moment feels exactly as it should have before Carmilla had decided your love came with strings. It is, officially, your mission to prove her wrong.