Tears behind her eyes
Epilogue
If someone had told me all that time ago that this is what love was like, I don't think that I would have bothered.
I'm glad they didn't.
I know now that love is the most fucked up, dangerous thing in the world.
It also has an air of beauty about it as well. If you have never known love, you wouldn't know that it changes everything about you. It changes the way you view the things that have always been there but you've never noticed. It changes your outlook on life. And if you're lucky, it can change your whole existence of being.
So yeah, love is a headfuck, but I wouldn't change it for the world.
Chapter 1
I've always lived my life for someone else, whether it is my family or my friends; I had never put myself first. I only saw the pain in someone else's eyes. It wasn't until I had got to the point where I realized; the fakest smile in the room was mine, so I decided to live for myself.
I remember at a house party. The music was blaring and I was just about getting drunk. I heard the pounding of the beat behind me and I started to jump around like a lunatic. The pills I had been sneaked were taking their toll and I was just getting to the stage where I felt like I was invincible. The strobe lights started to flash sending my head west and I stumbled towards the living room to find a chair. Collapsing on the chair, I took a breath, trying to compose myself, willing myself to last the night. I faintly heard the lyrics to the song behind me.
Beautiful People…
I saw the flash of red beforre i actually saw her. Looking closer I saw the face of a girl who had just had enough. She put a brave face on for the whole world. But I could tell that in her head, she was screaming for someone to notice her. For someone to see that she wasn't just this girl who everyone could have a laugh with and a beer with. She was someone who was much more than this. She was someone who could change people's lives, someone who could make you smile just by looking at you, someone who could break your heart with just one look.
I made it my mission to know what was causing the pain behind this girl's eyes. I wanted to know why she felt like she had to put a mask on to the whole world. I wanted to know the truth behind her tears, if it killed me, I would find out.
Needing a breath of fresh air, I walked out the door and rested my head against the wall, lighting up a cig as I settled. As I brought the cig to my mouth; I heard a soft whimper coming from around the corner.
"What the fuck?" I muttered to myself, flicking the cig to the ground behind me.
"Hey, who's there?" I rounded around the corner and saw her sat there. Knees pressed up against her head, as if she was trying to make herself as small as possible. I inwardly cursed myself as I could feel myself getting dragged into her mystery.
She looked up at me, jumping to her feet as she realized that someone had witnessed her pain.
"What are you doing out here? Everyone should be inside." She half shouted at me.
I could feel the anger radiating off her. Confused, I turned to walk away and leave her too it. I couldn't believe the anger she was projecting towards me, I had never done anything to this girl, Jesus, I had never even seen her before tonight. In spite of myself, I turned around a looked her in the eyes,
"Look, I didn't mean to sneak up on you, but there's no need to shout at me. I haven't done anything to piss you off so don't take it out on me." I turned to walk away when I heard a soft whisper behind me.
"I'm sorry."
I looked back and saw her succumb to the tears once again.
I couldn't help myself as I walked back over and pulled her into a hug. She snuggled into the crook of my shoulder as the tears fell freely. We must have stood there like that for at least 10 minutes until the moment was ruined by the opening of a door.
"Emily! You out here bitch!" Someone shouted from the door.
The girl looked up at me and I started to drown in the chocolate brown eyes that were burning into mine. It was at that moment that I realized this girl had a pull over me. I had never felt anything like this before. It was like she had a cast a spell upon me, and no matter how much I fought, I couldn't break it.
"I better go… can you not tell anyone about this? Please." She whispered to me. I felt my head nodding in agreement. I don't think I could have spoken in that moment.
I watched her walk away and I lost myself in thought. God knows how long I was out there. It wasn't until I felt a trickle of rain pouring down my cheek that I realized how much of an idiot I must have looked, stood staring into the distance in the blackness of the night.
Looking up to the rain I thought to myself, 'what the fuck is going on!'
I walked back into the house and the party was still in full swing, the music was still blaring and everyone was dancing along to the beat. Well almost everyone. All clichés aside, everywhere I turned I could feel her eyes burning into me. I had to get out of there.
I walked over to my friend, who was perched on the edge of a crowded table smoking what looked like a spliff.
"Cook, mate, I'm getting out of here. I can't be arsed drinking anymore."
"Alreet Naomikins, d'ya want me to walk you out?" He half shouted over the music, his broad accent echoing over the music.
"No you're alright, I just need to get back, headache coming on you know" I left him sat at the table and as I turned I bumped into the one person I didn't want too.
"Not leaving on my account are you?" she whispered into my ear, looking a lot more drunk and confident than the last time I had seen her.
I started to feel goose bumps and my head started screaming at me to walk out; to just leave her there and never look back. Unfortunately, I was never one to listen to my head when my heart was screaming just as loud.
She started to move backwards away from me, eye's never leaving my face, hips swaying in time to the music and that red hair of hers flowing down her back. Fuck she looked sexy with that hair. I think it's my new favorite colour. It's like she knew the hold she had over me. I can honestly say, up until that moment, I had never seen anything so sexy in my life.
I stood staring at her, not even caring if anyone saw me, mouth slightly open as I gawked at her. I was brought out of my daydream as Cook bumped into me.
"Oii, I 'fort you was leaving?" He shouted over the music.
"Err…" I stammered as I forced myself to look away from her, "Oh right, yeah I am, I just got distracted."
"I bet you did," he said with a sly grin on his face, motioning to the girl I had just been captivated by moments before.
"It's not like that, and you know it!" I muttered, my face turning red at being caught out.
"Ehh, I don't judge, and she is pretty fookin' fit as well mate! You gonna get in there, or can the cookie-monster have a go?" He asked, his eyebrows doing a crazy dance.
"Fuck off mate; you know it wasn't like that! I was just… looking" I managed to give him my half assed excuse. I watched as he carried on with the raised eyebrows and that fucking grin playing on his lips. "Fuck you, I'm going."
I walked out of the house in a real pissed off mood. The dickhead actually thought I was checking her out. I wasn't, I was just looking. There's no harm in that is there. I tried to reason with myself the whole way home. There was no way that I was watching her like that was there?
"Oh fuck!"