Notes: This is mindless self-indulgence. And utterly stupid, but fun.

…

Never Been…Kissed?

…

"Let me get this straight, yo…you've never been kissed?"

"That is correct."

"And what do ya want me to do about that!"

"You're a Turk. Use your imagination."

…

A week and a half, seventy two chocolates, six dates, and three hundred and sixty-eight hopeful suitors later, Genesis Rhapsodos was really regretting encouraging someone like Reno to 'use his imagination'.

He wanted a kiss, damn it, not a candlelight dinner with a bumbling idiot Reno found in a bar or a simpering twit of a woman more suited for a street corner. Honestly! Where did that nit-wit find these people?

He groaned aloud as another knock came from his office door. "What?" he shouted, in no mood to smack away any more mint scented faces. A first kiss was supposed to be memorable. He wasn't wasting it on the SOLDIER lucky enough to land his lips in an ill-timed lunge across the desk.

When a soft voice answered, he blinked at the wooden surface of his desk from between gloved fingers. "I have a delivery from the Director."

Sighing he dropped his hands and sat up slightly straighter. "You may enter."

The door opened slowly and a rather short, slim, young man came in, holding a stack of manila envelopes ranging in size. His hair stuck up in angles Genesis had never seen and fly away bangs drooped forward to cover bright blue eyes. The pale green scarf around his neck indicated he was a trooper in the regular army and nearly covered his lips; which, Genesis would admit, was a shame. The blond had, by far, the prettiest face he'd ever seen. "Sorry to disturb you, sir, but the Director was late for an appointment and asked me to bring these up to you."

Genesis nodded and waved him farther into the room. "You may set them there," he replied, indicating an unused corner of his desk.

"Of course, sir."

"What's your name?" he asked as the blond set down the envelopes.

The trooper looked up over at him with a slightly confused expression that seemed to offset the shy smile he gave while answering, "Cloud Strife, sir."

…

Over the course of the next week, Genesis found himself distracted. A pair of wide, blue eyes and a shy smile, nearly hidden behind the pale green of a scarf rose, unbidden, in his mind throughout the day, successfully derailing any train of thought.

At long last, he came to a decision.

Cloud Strife would be his first kiss.

The only problem seemed to be that Genesis had no idea how to go about getting such a kiss. He wanted it to be perfect; memorable, chaste, the fairytale ending…without the wedding and the rice. He hated rice cooked, there was very little chance he would like it while raw and being thrown at him.

But who…would be able to help him?

…

Why, in Titan's name, were all of his friends Turks?

Genesis pinched the bridge of his nose in a very 'Angeal-like' fashion and sighed. "I am endeavoring to receive my first kiss and, oddly, assumed that you, as a man in a loving relationship with a block of ice, might be able to offer some advice," he repeated.

The man across from him didn't even blink.

After a very long, very tense, very silent moment, the dark haired Wutai man finally cleared his throat. "I see," he said. Genesis was sure his lips twitched. "You've never been kissed?"

"That is what I just stated, yes."

"I see," Tseng repeated and shuffled a handful of papers on his desk, seemingly thinking, before nodding and looking to Genesis. "Of course I will help you. However, you know he will want to help as well."

He. Of course he would want to help. "Fine," Genesis ground out, standing up and preparing to leave. "Please inform him that if he scares my trooper, I will melt his kitchen again."

…

This was a stupid plan. In an uncharacteristic display of something akin to nervous behavior, Genesis bit his lip.

Standing in the fountain in the middle of Sector 8, soaking, and more than a little cold, Genesis was really curious when his friends had gotten so dramatic. Had they actually been listening when he lectured them on how horribly over done drama was in the theater these days? Or perhaps they'd actually watched all those different recordings of Loveless?

Hardly, Genesis thought wryly. As much as he would hope his friends would listen to him, he was sure they'd simply watched too many movies and spent too much time with Cissnei.

Her obvious romantic heart was showing if the bouquet of yellow roses sitting on the stone edge was anything to go by.

"This isn't going to work," he muttered.

Cloud was scheduled to change shifts with the current guard that wandered around Fountain Square in a little under three minutes. The plan, evidently, was for Cloud to see him standing in the fountain and hurry over, asking him politely to get out. After that, the details became a little hazy.

Somehow, asking Tseng for help had translated into asking Tseng, Sephiroth, Angeal, Angeal's Puppy, the Puppy's friend Kunsel, Reno, and, somehow, Director Lazard for help.

Either way, they were all fools.

Unfortunately, Genesis was actually in the fountain, under their orders, half naked with a passel of roses and some memorized poetry he wouldn't spout if Shin-Ra told him he'd off himself in exchange. Really, they all had horrible taste. And, sadly, that made him the biggest fool of them all.

Somewhere, and Genesis wasn't really sure where, or how, or when, exactly, he'd moved from wanting to kiss Cloud Strife, simply for the perfect first kiss, to wanting to know Cloud Strife.

But, it had, and Genesis wasn't sure how to feel about that.

Obviously, he'd never had any sort of lasting, romantic, attachment to anyone – hence his, never been kissed status. Still…he'd also never pictured himself as the type to have a cliché love. He'd spoken to the blond once, and that wasn't even a real conversation. He didn't know any of the things potential lovers were supposed to know about each other. He could not tell anyone how lovely Cloud's laugh was, because he had yet to hear it, or what his favorite food was. He could not tell anyone how much Cloud hated peppers and enjoyed taking long, hot baths because he'd had absolutely no clue who the young man really was. He'd refused to look at the files slipped neatly onto his desk, hidden in between normal reports.

He wasn't a stalker. There was no way he was reading Cloud's personal information without his approval unless it was necessary. As Cloud hadn't been assigned any form of punishment with him, gone insane, or died, he didn't find it necessary.

"Sir?" The soft voice startled Genesis out of his musings and he turned to stare at the object of his affections. At least…he assumed that was Cloud.

"Yes?"

The trooper that might have been Cloud waved a hand slowly toward the fountain. "You're, uh, not supposed to be in there…"

Genesis, much to his dismay, had no comment.

"Sir?" the trooper repeated.

"You're Cloud."

The younger man visibly tensed. "…yeah…Commander, why are you in a fountain?"

It was in that moment, that Genesis was sure he was going to kill someone. Where Zackary came from, he really wasn't sure, nor was he ever going to be, because the second a hand shot out and shoved, Cloud was falling forward and all reasonable thought ran out of Genesis's mind.

With a splash, Cloud hit the water.

"Son of a bitch!"

Genesis's arms shot out and he was moving to help Cloud up when something hard planted itself in the center of his back and he was toppling forward.

Another splash and two more curses soon followed.

Evidently, the water was cold because, leaning over the soaking blond, Genesis could feel him shaking.

"S-sir?"

"My apologies," Genesis muttered, moving to stand up.

A click from his left and a bright flash caught his attention, and Genesis jerked up. A woman with bright red glasses and a grin the size of the northern continent was standing at the head of a crowd of people staring down at them.

Cloud sat up slowly, blinking wide eyes at the group. "Wh-what's going o-on?"

"I don't-"

His words were cut off as a woman from the back let out a squeal and cameras were raised. Several flashes went off and more followed when Cloud leaned forward and buried his face in Genesis's bare chest.

When he heard a sniffle, Genesis's anger flared to new levels and he stood, picking up the blond, despite the many muttered comments, and stalked from the fountain. He rounded on the women with a glare, drawing Rapier from its place at his side.

"I suggest you leave," he barked, raising the red sword and starting toward the group.

The women scattered, but by then the damage had been done.

…

"I hate you," he muttered, glaring across the room at his long time friends. For their part, Sephiroth and Angeal at least managed to shift uncomfortably. "Your plans are ridiculous."

"Well, you did ask for-"

"No," Genesis snapped. "I asked for Tseng's help, which, obviously, was a mistake."

Standing up, Genesis turned and pulled the towel closer around him.

"Genesis, wait."

He ignored them. He was tired, upset, and ready to forget that a blond haired, blue eyed trooper had ever come into his office.

…

The roof was always empty and Genesis was glad for that. When there was no where else to go, when he needed some time, some space, the roof was where he went.

Leaning up against the rail, Genesis stared up at the sky. The Shin-Ra building was just high enough that its roof was just slightly higher than the ever present smog of the city. The sky was clear, the wind gentle as it moved through his hair.

Today had been a disaster; a disaster that he was going to have to fix. Those pictures would have already been sent around, through his fan clubs, and possibly his friends' as well. Not for the first time, he cursed them.

He would have to seek Cloud out, soon, if he was going to explain and apologize before some bumbling idiot accosted him.

Genesis groaned, shaking his head. "Idiots," he muttered.

Something crunched behind him and he scowled. The last thing he needed was some knock-kneed, rebellious twit sneaking up onto the roof and interrupting his sulk, never mind the fact that the roof itself was a restricted area.

"Go the fuck away," he snapped. "I don't have time to beat the tar out of you."

"I don't think that's really necessary," a soft voice said from behind him and he froze.

"…Strife?"

"Yes, sir."

Genesis turned slowly, eyeing the blond warily. Cloud could, after all, decide that his humiliation was worth the risk of shoving him off the roof or some other nonsense. It was unlikely, yes, but SOLDIERs were taught to be prepared for anything and being shoved off a roof by a trooper would just be the icing on the cake of his day.

Cloud looked to the side and his cheeks flushed. "You forgot these, sir," he said, extending his arm.

A handful of soggy, broken yellow roses were presented to him and Genesis felt his lips twitch. A second later, laughter burst forth. The absurdity of it all was almost too much. Tears leaked from his eyes and he wasn't at all sure if they were from the laughter or frustration; both was probably the safest answer, he decided.

The trooper waited patiently and when he got himself under control, Cloud stepped forward and touched his chin, tipping his face up just a bit.

It was in that moment, that Genesis understood what had people so caught up in the idea of kissing. Cloud's eyes softened and he cupped Genesis's cheek before closing the distance between them and brushing his lips lightly over the parted ones of his commanding officer.

It was perfect, Genesis thought, absolutely perfect; memorable too, what with battered up roses leaking a trail down his thigh and a fluffy orange towel wrapped around his shoulders. Cloud was soaked as well, seemingly still in his uniform that had taken an unfortunate dip in the fountain.

"You could have just asked," Cloud muttered against his lips, taking a step back.

Now that was a hell of an idea.

Genesis smirked and reached out, fisting a hand in Cloud's damp shirt. "Cloud Strife, would you do me the honor of giving me my second kiss?"

Sometime later, he was happy to say that yes, Cloud did do him the honor of giving him his second kiss. He also might have given him his third, and his fourth, most likely his twentieth and definitely his one hundredth.

Director Lazard, Tseng, Zack, Cissnei, Kunsel, Angeal, and even Sephiroth were all forgiven.

Reno, however, was not. Some trauma, no matter how well meaning, could never be undone.

…

The End…was very lame. Yet, I sorta, kinda, might actually, rather like it. On a random note, I have actually asked someone if I could kiss them. It was an interesting experience.