It was a little disappointing, really. I looked at the small blue and gold sign marking the spot where the Roe Tavern had once stood. I knew that the building itself had been demolished decades ago but I had still expected to get a sense of importance when I stood on the spot where Washington had finally met the members of his spy ring, years after the wars end. I thought that something would happen, my heart would swell a bit, I'd feel an odd sort of pride… something. You know what I mean- the way that you sense people who have been in a place before you. It's the reverse of the creepy feeling you get when you step into a home with a dark history. That knowing something about a place without being told. Maybe you don't know what I'm talking about, maybe you don't get those feelings. I always have.

"ROE TAVERN - Stood here 1703-1936 Washington spent the night here April 22, 1790. Austin Roe, innkeeper, was one of Washington's spies."

Woefully inadequate.

With a sigh I pulled my map from my purse. Maybe I would have a better experience at the site of the Battle of Setauket. Site seeing wasn't my primary objective in Long Island. I was there to study the archives at the town hall for a genealogy project I was working on. OK, less a project and more an obsession. I couldn't help myself. I'd always longed to know more about where I came from and when I'd learned that someone in my family had actually lived in Setauket at the time of the Revolution I hadn't been able to resist a trip to get my hands on documents in person. I looked back at the sign. Had Elizabeth been present at that meeting? Had the spies revealed themselves to Washington or had he come and gone, never knowing who he had spent an evening with?

I wrapped my arms around myself as I started towards the Village Green where the Battle of Setauket had taken place. It was April and the chill wasn't quite out of the air. My breath still made little puffs of steam when I exhaled. Crossing the street I noticed a small group gathering in a church parking lot. Being the nosey person that I am I decided to see what was happening.

"We're just getting ready to start our tour! You're welcome to join us."

"Tour?", I asked. The woman I was speaking to was dressed like a man from the revolutionary era.

"Yes!", she replied enthusiastically. "I'm Abraham Woodhull and I'll be taking you on a tour of the land that used to be my far and teaching you all about what it was like to be a spy for General George Washington himself!"

I had to go. This lady was too excited to say no to. I paid my $8 and joined the group. I was cautiously excited. My experience with these walking tours is that they are frequently disappointing.

10 minutes in I decided that I had been right to be skeptical. Don't get me wrong, the tour guide seemed like a very nice lady, but I was not picking up any new information here. Still there was some excitement in getting to walk the Woodhull farm. I was starting to daydream, imagining finding a miniature portrait of my ancestor, finding actual correspondence, a diary… There it was. I stopped short, causing the woman behind me to step on my heel. "Sorry", I said automatically. There was a twinge in the pit of my stomach. This was the feeling I'd looked for at the Roe Tavern.

"…where our home stood. After it was burned I began operating in secret from the old cellar."

"Right here?" I asked, a little too high pitched, a little too loudly.

"Um, yes… Are you alright?"

I nodded but to be honest, I felt a bit nauseous. This was an important place, I could feel it. I was always hoping that this would happen, that I would get to experience these emotional connections with a place. But, once it was happening I usually wanted to get the hell away. It's uncomfortable, feeling like you're in two places, two times, at once. I felt excitement and fear. A bead of sweat ran down my back and I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. I could practically see the charred remains of the farm house on the insides of my eyelids. I could smell it.

The next 20 minutes of the tour were a fog for me. I was distracted, for obvious reasons, but I was also starting to feel very tired, just emotionally drained. I took note of my surroundings and realized that we were nearly back to the starting place of our tour. I thought that the tour was complete but was pleasantly surprised when we made a sharp turn to what I realized was the Village Green. As we walked along the tour guide was suddenly at my side.

"It gets you sometimes; doesn't it?"

I looked at her surprised. Did she know what I'd experienced? "Um, I'm sorry?"

"Oh, you know. Being in a place that really mattered. Thinking about the men and women who came before us."

"Um… yes…" I wasn't sure where to take this conversation. Before I had to make a decision the guide winked at me and picked up her pace. When she was nearly to the front of the group she turned back to look at me and said, "I think you'll like this one." To the group she began her speech, "This is the Village Green. This is the location of the first settlement in the Village of Setauket and also the site of the Battle of Setauket. During the Revolution, Setauket was largely Loyalist and the village was used as an outpost for British troops. The troops were billeted in the homes…"

Shit. I felt a wave of emotion so strong hit me that I stopped dead again. I sucked in my breath and looked to the tour guide. She was looking right at me. No doubt about it, this lady knew what was happening to me. Does this happen to her, too?, I wondered. She was still talking but I couldn't focus on what she was saying. What was that smell? There are always smells when I have these flashes… Beer. And body odor. And shit. Ugh. I shook my head to clear it and started walking again. That was too intense. And then it hit me again. It was so noisy here. I looked around me, but the sounds I was hearing didn't match the setting. I heard more people talking than were present. I heard a horse. I heard a piano, but we were on an open lot. I shook my head again but this time I couldn't clear it. I closed my eyes and pressed my hands over them.

"Are you alright, Ma'am?" I opened my eyes to see a man in a red jacket and powdered wig looking at me with concern. I screamed, and fell backwards. When I hit the ground my world came suddenly back into view and I was surrounded by a group of tourists again, all looking at me like I'd suddenly grown an extra head. The guide rushed towards me.

"Oh, my! Let me help you!" Leaning in she said softly, "Careful there. You don't want to go too far."

"I… What?" She started to walk away from me and I reached out to grab her arm, taking another step forward. The moment my foot hit the grass I was in front of the soldier again.

"Ma'am, please, let me assist you." His concerned face was the last thing I saw before passing out.