Never Again, a yu-gi-oh fanfic

(Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Yu-Gi-Oh. Nor do I own Kelly Clarkson or her song Never Again. Claimer: I do however, own Chrysta, who I wish I didn't. Warnings: shonen-ai, an OC (who we're all free to hate), usage of the English names, and a chance of OOCness.)

In honor of my old obsession with Yu-Gi-Oh.

I hope the ring you gave to her turns her finger green
I hope when your in bed with her, you think of me
I would never wish bad things, but I don't wish you well
Could you tell, by the flames that burned your words

I believed myself to be a pretty reasonable human being. I also believed my ex to be pretty reasonable as well. That's why, when I saw the letters, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I admit, I had to reread the first elegant letter about a dozen times. After that, I had no need to read the second one. I knew what was in it, and I had no desire to confirm it. I forced myself to resist the urge to rip them both to shreds and throw them into the recycle bin. Duke had to see them first, of course.

What was in the first letter? They were getting married. Him and that stupid blonde or brunette or whatever. I honestly can't bring myself to care to remember. I probably should, considering I had seen her a lot until some months ago…okay, it was several months ago…almost a year. Well then, my lack of memory is justified.

Duke waltzes in to the room, and obviously spots me at the kitchen island with my big black cloud of hatred and angst and all things evil, because he asks me if I'm okay. I silently hand him the slightly crumpled invitation. His eyebrows raise and his eyes widen. Then he says, "Oh."

He was probably thinking the same thing I had been: my ex probably had no common sense or reason left. I mean, why did he even bother sending one here? Duke never really liked him, and he had to know that no matter how much Yugi bugged me and riled me and begged me to go, I simply wouldn't.

Duke sighs. "You're obviously not going, right?"

I give him a look that clearly states, "Do you even have to ask?"

"Right…" He looks at it again, leaning against the counter. "I might go…For Chrysta, I mean. I could care less about Kaiba. She's an okay girl. I'll never understand why she and Yugi broke up, but whatever."

"Dude, shut up." I did agree with the guy though. Chrysta was pretty okay…until they broke up. Which I really don't understand. She was great; Yugi loved her, but whatever. I always thought the guy was more on the gay side anyways. So, after that happened, she was still okay. Then I noticed her hanging around Se–Kaiba a little more. Next thing I know, it all goes downhill from there.

He glances up at me. "Right." He stares at the invite again. "I guess I'll go…Any messages you want me to pass on?"

I look at him. A million and one things run through my mind, things that would be better said through my own mouth, because I really wouldn't want Duke to be beaten up. He did let me take over his house, after all. "I'll get back to you on that."

I slip off of the stool, the second letter in hand.

"What's that?"

"Nothing important," I mutter as I go to throw it away.

I never read your letter
'Cos I knew what you'd say
Give me that Sunday school answer
Try and make it all OK

"What do you mean you're not going?!" Téa practically screams at me. She takes a deep breath and sits back down. "I mean, I get the whole thing with Kaiba and all, but come on! He's obviously trying to say something."

Well of course he is, no duh.

"It doesn't matter. I'm not going," I say for the ten thousandth time that day.

Yugi looks up from the table. "W–"

Yami cuts him off, probably by kicking him under the table.

Yugi sends him a quick glare before staring back at me. "You gotta go, Joey."

"No."

"But–"

"No," I say a bit more forcefully. I send Tristan a pleading look. You gotta help me, man.

He just shrugs. He wasn't bugging me about it, but he wasn't helping me convince the others. Some best friend.

Then I notice Yugi's eyes brighten considerably. Aw crap. I get up to make my escape. Serenity grabs me by the sleeve and forces me back down. "Just sit through it, okay? If you're not going, at least do this for him. Don't you care–"

"No," I say softly. I was interrupting my sister. There was definitely something wrong with me.

I glance up. First I see Chrysta, in all her shining glory. She had black hair with bright blonde streaks. Okay, so I guess I wasn't wrong. She greets us happily and sits next to a quiet Ryou. Then my gaze shifts and I stare into cold blue eyes. Like ice. I couldn't even imagine them with any warmth in them at all anymore. Right then, I wanted to cry. I thought I'd gotten over it, but I guess not.

He slightly moved his head to the side, indicating he wanted to talk to me. I scowl, but get up to follow him anyways. There's a heavy silence as we stand outside at the back of the building. I don't look at him, opting to stare at the graffiti covered wall.

I can't take the silence anymore. "Well?" I ask irritably. "You're the one who wanted to talk. So talk."

He remains silent. I don't need to see him to know that he's leaning against the wall, arms crossed, staring up at the sky.

"So how's Chrysta? She's holding up well? You know, I bet you she's the one who asked. Am I right, or am I right?" I start blabbering about everything and nothing. Somehow I got to Duel Monsters, which had absolutely nothing to do with the situation. I think after talking about everything I could about Chrysta, Yugi came to mind, and I started talking about them, then Yugi, then Duel Monsters. Oh, did I mention the Dungeon Dice Monsters were doing pretty well? Well, Duke is still making a lot of money, so I assume it's doing well.

"Okay, just…just shut up," he finally interrupts. He's probably pinching the bridge of his nose or rubbing his temples. He takes a calming breath. "Did you…"

"Nope." I reply lightly. "Why? Come on. I know you don't think I'm that stupid. I know what's in there. But seriously…that's messed up. Why did you ask her in the first place if you don't love just her?"

He sucks in a sharp breath. Bingo. He approaches me, but I step back, glaring. He retreats, going back to lean against the wall.

Does it hurt to know I'll never be there
Bet it sucks, to see my face everywhere
It was you, who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
You knew exactly what you were doing
And don't say, you simply lost your way
She may believe you but I never will
Never again

There's another pause before he speaks again. "So you and Devlin?"

I shrug, leaning against the wall a good distance away. I wasn't taking any chances here. "Not really. He let's me stay at his house so long as I pay for the electricity. He just finally let Tristan have Serenity and he seems fine with it. It's weird really. I doubt the guy's bi. Doesn't Chrysta say anything? I know she'd at least say something once in a while." He was only forced to put up with "our idiocy," as he puts it, rarely, so I wouldn't put it past him to be behind in the news. Chrysta, however, is with us much more often and would know practically all the goings-on.

"She mentioned the two fighting here and there, but not much," he admits. "Your sister is as close to you that she talks about though. So I wouldn't know if you suddenly hooked up with someone, even if it was a total wack-job."

I just nod. Chrysta probably had some thought that if she mentioned me, something bad would happen. Maybe Kaiba would just break down, hate her, leave her for me, whatever. Maybe someone really ought to tell her we'd probably broken up more times than anyone would bother to count. I'd be as bold as to say we had loved each other, but we just clashed way too much and in all the wrong ways. Our hearts told us we were compatible, but our brains told us another thing.

Quite suddenly, I found myself walled. I glare at him, looking straight into his eyes. What in the world was he doing? What in the good name of whatever deity looked over us was he thinking? His breath ghosts over my lips. I frown. He manages to give me a quick one, before I shove him away. Over his shoulder, I can see Chrysta standing, shocked.

"Seto? Joey? What–"

I grimace, and rub my hand over my mouth as I walk away. "It was nothing."

"Nothing," he agrees quietly. He's hugging her now, I bet you anything, whispering into her ear, reassuring her. I can imagine what he was saying. Probably something along the lines of: we started arguing, got too close, and thus what she saw commenced.

Then she would smile, say okay, and then give him a light kiss, but she would either not notice or ignore the sad look in those eyes. Don't ask me how I know this, okay? Just let me and my imagination be.

If she really knows the truth, she deserves you
A trophy wife, oh how cute
Ignorance is bliss
But when your day comes, and he's through with you
And he'll be through with you
You'll die together but alone

While getting on the train, which was empty considering it was a weekday and it was around noon, I sit down, and notice Chrysta, sitting not too far away. She notices me and moves over, sitting across from me. What could she possibly want with me?

She hums. "How's it going with Duke?" she hints.

"Okay. I think he's eyeing that girl down the street but who am I to judge?"

"Oh. I see."

I sit there in utter boredom, staring out the window, watching the city pass by. "Why did you break up with him?"

She shrugs. "We both agreed it was just really awkward and he admitted that was the reason he never asked Téa out either. Honestly? I just think he's gay. He's really close to Yami, you know?"

Though I agreed with her, I failed to tell her that he and Yami were practically the same person once. But that was forever and a day ago anyways. Instead, I shrug and say, "They're more like brothers than anything."

She nods. "It's kind of funny how alike they look but they're not related at all."

"Yeah."

We ride in silence for a while, and I glance at a guy in a rumpled suit sleeping in a seat not too far away. Other than that, our entire compartment was empty.

"Hey…um…" she plays around with the sleeve of her jacket. "I wanted to talk about…Seto."

"Go ahead and shoot," I say flippantly.

She nods. "So it really is just because you guys clashed too much?"

"Yup."

She gets shaken up by my careless attitude no doubt, and it takes her a few seconds to regain her composure.

"He…he still…he still thinks about you," she says really softly. I could barely hear her, though I wasn't surprised at the sentence. "More often than not…he releases with your name on his lips."

I was a little shocked at that. I knew the guy still thought about me, but that much? It was interesting, and it gave a whole new meaning to this. "So he's just marrying you for the press' sake?"

She bristled. "Of course not!" She glowers for a moment until she just deflates. "I guess it's part of the reason…yeah…" she admits to herself. It was clear she had been in denial for a while about it. "Yeah…I guess if the press wasn't there, he'd still be with you, trying to make it work."

I know it's wrong, but I can't help but smirk. Lives rarely had fairytale endings after all. "So you both admit this is for appearance."

She nods. "I guess I really care about him, and the only reason he doesn't just marry me for the sake of the press and still secretly go with you is because even though he doesn't want to care, he still doesn't want me to be hurt."

The smirk stays firmly in place, even though my conscience is yelling at me to wipe it off. "But you're still being hurt anyways."

"Yeah…" She sniffs. "I honestly think that everyone would be a lot better of if he had decided to go with you secretly. But you won't take him back anymore, will you?"

However did she guess? "No. And I doubt it would be better. If we're so restrained, it's not much of a relationship at all, is it?"

"I guess not."

You wrote me in a letter
You couldn't say it right to my face
Give me that Sunday school answer
Repent yourself away

As I walk home, I silently mull over what I was going to do for dinner. A voice I know too well calls my name, interrupting my thoughts. I keep on walking, pretending I didn't hear him. After a few more calls, I figured I'd at least show some manners and I slowed down.

"What do you want?"

"To talk."

"Talk." My question was more of a statement. We all know what happened last time he wanted to "talk."

"Just talk." He assures, seeming to regret what happened last time. But you never know. You could never tell with Kaiba. The guy was a closed book.

"Go ahead."

As I wait for him to assemble his speech or whatever I look anywhere but at him. I could almost tell what he wanted to say, but this time, I wasn't sure if I was totally correct or not, and I was scared. I don't know why, but I get some sort of perverse pleasure by being able to read his mind and torturing him through it.

"I won't say I'm sorry, because that would be stupid, but…I regret it." I wait silently for him to continue. "You know, I wasn't doing this to hurt either of you, right?" Of course. "It was for Mokuba's sake. We both know we wouldn't try to keep the relationship secret, and once someone ended up figuring out, they'd kill the whole Kaiba name and everything would go down in flames." Family first.

I nod. "Of course. Mokuba doesn't deserve that."

I could feel the tension kind of dissolve, but then I had to open my mouth again. "I guess I'll see you around, Kaiba." Then I walked up to the front door of my house and let myself in, shutting the door closed.

I stared at the letter on the kitchen island, our address written in neat writing. Yeah, I couldn't bring myself to get rid of the letter yet, even though I never opened it. Duke had looked at me strangely, when I stood over the bin for a good minute, envelope hanging limply from my grip. Finally I threw it back onto the table, shaking my head. I suppose I never tossed it away, because that would've given me a false sense of finality. It would never be over until I told him those words. Until I told him I wouldn't go out of my way to see him ever again. I swipe the letter off of the table, but I'm still not able to throw it away. Duke comes in, concern showing ever so slightly on his face. Or maybe that was just my vision. I smile lamely and he just shakes his head sadly.

"You're going to the wedding," he says, poking me hard in the chest. His eyes are narrowed and he's smirking, just daring me to object.

I finally reply and say, "Whatever then."

I guess it wasn't over yet.

I'm sure I gave Kaiba a heart attack when Duke had told him we would both be going. I shocked pretty much everyone else into a nice long silence, varying in lengths depending on the person. But Yugi and Yami, man, they just shared a knowing look and the latter smirked at me.

So I found myself sitting there at the wedding, wondering why I was there. I won't bother with details, because I was barely paying attention to them myself. When it was finally over, I think I was one of the first ones to pop up and make my way to leave.

"What was the point of you forcing me here?" I ask Duke.

"So you can go to the reception and actually clean up this whole mess."

I open my mouth to say that was taken care of.

"Don't start, Wheeler. You're still unsettled about this and we both know it."

"Aw, I didn't know you cared," I tease. I just wanted to stop talking about this.

He raises an eyebrow, taking the hint. "Is there a law against it?"

"No, but there should be."

"Hey, I'm the one giving you a roof over your head."

"Yeah, and I'm forced to be reminded every single moment of my life. So when are you asking the girl down the street?" I ask.

"Let's say never. I found out she's in an arranged marriage."

"You stalker!"

He just rolls his eyes. "C'mon, I think you have some business to finish with the groom."

I groan as he gives me a good shove over in his direction. I reluctantly walk to him and ask for a word. He raises his eyebrows, but excuses himself from some businessmen or something. I could really care less. Once we were outside in the fresh air he turned to me and said, "I thought you said you wouldn't go out of your way for me."

"Well, I guess I lied."

He waited for me to continue. I sighed. How the heck was I supposed to go about doing this? I mentally cursed Duke with every curse imaginable. He could have at least told me what to say or have helped.

I sigh, running a hand through my hair. "Okay. So I have no idea how to put this or what. I don't even know what I'm doing here, but I guess Duke believes I do. I don't know what else there is possibly left for me to say."

"We both know this is over and finished with," he agrees.

I nod, but even though we've covered that, there's still something gnawing at my gut. I look up at him and stare at him. I took a deep breath and sighed.

"I know…You don't have to," he said.

I shook my head. "Let me."

Never again will I hear you
Never again will I miss you
Never again will I fall to you
Never

Never again will I kiss you
Never again will I want to
Never again will I love you
Never

"You still…" I paused. Why was it so hard to say such a simple four lettered word? "You still love me. And it still hurts. It hurts because you know after…after what you did, what you're doing, nothing can reverse it. It won't go back to the way it was, and you regret it." I sighed, making my way over to a bench and sat down. "You hate it even more because even though you don't want to care about her, you do." He opened his mouth to object, but took another glance at me and decided against it. "You don't want to let it go."

He shook his head. "I guess not," he grimaced. He sighed, and reached for my hand. I shook my head and moved back.

"At the rate you're going, you never will…" I mutter.

"I probably won't. But one more time…then…then she'll have to be enough…"

"This is just wrong…" I sigh. "This is my last favor to you."

He nodded, and pulled me close, hugging me tight. He brought a hand to my face and left it there, giving me a chaste kiss, seeing as I was unresponsive. Then he just held me, and I let him. I guess I'm supposed to say he was crying, and I feel bad, but Seto Kaiba doesn't cry, and I don't feel bad. I guess in a few years we'll be back on friendly terms again, but it would be just that and nothing more.

I don't know how long we were standing there, but I guess it didn't really matter. All I know is that Duke came out a while later, telling me he was going and if I didn't want to go I would be either forced to walk home or find another ride. I was sure I would be able to find another ride, but I was beginning to feel uncomfortable. I pulled away and made my way back inside with ease.

"I'll see you around, Kaiba," I call back.

"There's obviously still something wrong." Duke says. A week later we were both sitting at the table, just staring at the glaring white envelope. It was practically mocking me.

"You really think so?" I ask sarcastically.

The doorbell rang, and I went to go get it. I still couldn't get rid of the stupid letter. It's not like I wanted to remember what used to be. That was long in the past and had nothing to do with me now. Right? I opened the door. Chrysta was there, her bright aura unusually gone. It was a bit frightening.

"May I come in?" she asks quietly.

I nod, letting her in. After shutting the door, we both head to the living room. I plop on a couch, motioning her to do the same. She sat on the edge of the couch, at the opposite end. Duke poked his head in, took one glance, turned around and left.

"Uhm…" she softly starts, fumbling around with a box in her hands. I take a look at it. It's a dark ice blue and my mind jumps to associate it with the Blue-Eyes. I immediately chopped up that train of thought and exploded it before it could get any further. She shoved it into my hands and before I could resist, she pulled her hands back and stood up. "Seto wanted me to give it to you." What? She shuffles from foot to foot nervously. "I don't know what it's supposed to mean, or how it's supposed to just cut this all off, but it's really important. Just open it. Please."

I frown and open the box. It wasn't exactly the same as a Blue-Eyes, but it was a silver dragon like it with blue gems for eyes. I didn't really get it either. We both agreed that we would end it a week ago. But then again, I still haven't gotten rid of that letter. I ran a finger along it, and I had an epiphany. I was allowed to not want him, and I was allowed to not love him, and I was allowed to push away the fact that he and I were once us. But I wasn't allowed to completely forget. Our memories are faulty, and I would end up forgetting, and one day, we would end up trying again, only to both end up hurting again. I didn't have to remember my every waking moment, but if something wasn't there to keep the memory just nearly out of reach, I would eventually let it go.

I smiled and looked up at her. She looked infinitely relieved. "Please tell him I understand."

She smiled. "Alright."

I showed her out, and then I put the necklace on, tucking the pendant under my shirt. The weight would always be there to remind me. After I threw the box into some drawer in my room, I grinned, making my way to the kitchen to finally get rid of the damn letter, because I had something else to torment me.

"Finally?"

I nodded. "Finally." I grabbed the letter and disposed of it.

Never again

And get ready for the author rant corner. You can either:
1) Skip over it and leave.
2) Skip over it, review, and then leave.
3) Read it and leave.
4) Read it, review, and then leave.
I leave it up to you.

A/N: Well...Okay. The last time I watched Yu-Gi-Oh was probably six years ago, watching the 4Kids dub on Kids WB, about the Battle City thing I think. So yes, I know I'm severely lacking in the number of characters knowledge, but hopefully I still know these guys' characters enough not to totally butcher them. And back then, I never even thought of any of these pairings at all. Not even Yugi/Téa (whatever it's called :P). And don't get me wrong, I don't hate Téa; I just simply don't dislike her or like her. And Chrysta. Oh my goodness, I haven't even used her for so long I forgot what I originally made her look like. So feel free to hate her. I don't mind. And in writing this, I was not bashing any of the characters (except for mine I guess) in any way. And if they're out of character…uh…well…tell me in a nice way?
--NarutoKyuu

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