A/N: A long, Long time ago, Melamorie wrote her last fiction. Long time, No see. And no "C", too. Last time we met I was still kind of normal (as normal as MELAMORIE can be), but now – I am completely insane. My dearest friend (oh mighty one) Ariana made ME obsessed with Star Wars, and now we are walking around, calling people "names" and writing stories, Harry Potter/Star Wars based. So here it all is – our first ( but not last) creation:
Harry Potter Becomes a Jedi
One freezing cold day at Hogwarts Harry Potter was reading a book on
Quidditch to sharpen up his skills. It was quiet and he was the only one in
the common room. Ron and Hermione were at the library. Hermione was helping
Ron study for his O. W. L's. Harry was offered the opportunity to come along,
but with the big game only days away he thought he'd better not. He sat there
reading up on an effective technique for searching for the Snitch when he
heard a strange noise outside.
He opened the door and peeked out to see what it was. To his surprise it was
neither person, animal, nor mineral. It was a small blue and white robot. It
made a few beeping noises. Harry did not know how to speak robot so he simply
stared at it.
"How did you get into Hogwarts?" he asked the robot.
The robot twirled around and made a few more beeping noises in response.
Harry shrugged and made a confused face at it.
"I believe I can answer that question," said a tall golden robot from behind
Harry.
Harry jumped in disbelief. It was as though he was about to have a heart
attack.
"Don't ever do that again," said Harry, "Who are you?"
"Why yes, I am C -3PO and this little fellow is R2-D2,"he said pointing at
the Blue and White colored robot, "We were sent here by Princess Leia. We
believe we have information that may interest you."
"Really?" asked Harry in disbelief.
"Are you by chance the boy they call Harry Potter? The famous wizard who
defeated Lord Voldebort?"
"That's Lord Voldemort," Harry corrected, "And yes I am Harry Potter."
"Well there is something you should know. We need you to come with us to a
galaxy far, far away. There Darth Vadar and Voldemort are planning to take
over the world together. We need your help. But of course, we will need you
to undergo Jedi training with Yoda first."
"Huh?"said Harry a look of confusion spread across his face.
"You've never heard of Yoda?" asked C -3PO, "Surly you jest."
"Who is Yoda?"
"You'll know when you meet him. Now , where is the way out? We'll have to
start our journey at once."
"Well we'll have to ask Dumbledore," explained Harry.
"Well alright bring us to this Dumbledore."
Harry led them up to the stone gargoyle.
"Cockroach Cluster," he said.
The gargoyle came to life just as it had done so many other times. It opened
the doors and they were lead in to Dumbledore's office.
"Miraculous," commented C -3PO as R2-D2 beeped wildly.
Dumbledore greeted them sincerely.
"Well Harry, who have we got here?"
"This is C -3PO and this is R2-D2. I found them outside the entrance to
Gryffindor tower. They say Voldemort and Darth Vadar have joined forces."
"Why thats horrible!" shouted Dumbledore.
"Dumbledore there's one thing I don't get. Who's Darth Vadar?"
"Why Darth Vadar is the evil ruler of the Dark Side. He started good and went
bad on his journey through life now he is the worst of the worst with such
skill that you've never seen. The force is on his side."
"The force?" asked Harry.
"The power that is essential for all Jedi to have. It makes him very skilled."
C -3PO nodded his head obviously very impressed with Dumbledore's knowledge.
"What is a Jedi?"asked Harry.
"Those are the guys that where bathroom robes and run around with light
sabers, you know," answered Dumbledore.
"I still don't get it. Tell me C -3PO."
"Oh I'm sorry it's my quiet time right now. I shouldn't even be talking.
Oops," said C -3PO.
"Dammit!" screamed Harry, "Why am I the only one who doesn't understand what
in the hell is going on?!?" shouted Harry.
"Mind your language young man," Dumbledore scolded Harry.
"Sorry,"harry apologized.
"Fine," said C -3PO, "A long, long time ago
In a galaxy far away
Naboo was
under an attack
And I thought me and Qui-Gon Jinn
Could talk the federation into
Maybe cutting them a little slack
But their response, it didn't thrill us
They locked the doors and tried to kill us
We escaped from that gas
Then met Jar Jar and Boss Nass
We took a bongo from the scene
And we went to Theed to see the Queen
We all wound up on Tatooine
That's where we found this boy...
Oh my my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later –
now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm
gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
Did you know this junkyard slave
Isn't even old enough to shave
And he can use the Force, they say
Ahh, do you see him hitting on the queen
Though he's just nine and she's fourteen
Yah, he's probably gonna marry her someday
Well, I knew he built C-3PO
And I've heard how fast his pod can go
And we were broke, it's true
So we made a wager or two
He was a prepubescent flyin' ace
And the minute Jabba started off that race
Well, I knew who would win first place
Oh yes, it was our boy
We started singin' ...
Oh my my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later –
now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm
gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
Now we finally got to Coruscant
The Jedi Council we knew would want
To see how good the boy could be
So we took him there and we told the tale
How his midi-chlorians were off the scale
And he might fulfill that prophecy
Oh, the Council was impressed, of course
Could he bring balance to the Force?
They interview the kid
Oh,
training they forbid
Because Yoda sensed in him much fear
And Qui-Gon said "Now listen here"
"Just stick it in your pointy ear"
I still will teach this boy"
He was singin' ...
Oh my my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later –
now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm
gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
We caught a ride back to Naboo
'Cause Queen Amidala wanted to
I frankly would've liked to stay
We all fought in that epic war
And it wasn't long at all before
Little Hotshot flew his plane and saved the day
And in the end some Gunguns died
Some ships blew up and some pilots fried
A lot of folks were croakin'
The battle droids were broken
And the Jedi I admire most
Met up with Darth Maul and now he's toast
Well, I'm still here and he's a ghost I guess
I'll train this boy
And I was singin'
Oh my my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later –
now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm
gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
"As interesting as that was, I still don't get it," said Harry.
"Damn Harry you have got some thick skull."
"Pardon," said Dumbledore.
"Oh sorry," said C -3PO.
"I give Harry permission to go as long as he is back in time fore his O. W.
L.'s."
"How much time does that give us?"asked C -3PO.
"About three months," answered Dumbledore.
"That doesn't leave us much time," said C -3PO, "We must go now! Good -bye
Dumbledore!"
"Good Luck Harry!" shouted Dumbledore.
"Where are we going and how are we gonna get there?"
"Our first stop is Yoda's cave where you will train to be a Jedi. When the
training is complete we will take you to the Death Star to battle Vadar and
Voldemort."
"Both of them?"
"You will have help. We're about to board the Millennium falcon where your
help awaits you."
They step inside the large ship. Harry looks around mouth wide open.
"Watch out Harry an insect might fly in."
Harry quickly shut his mouth and looked around the vessel once more. He saw a
few people looking at him and smiling. One of the things in the ship wasn't
even human. It was a big furry animal, called a wookie.
"I"m Luke." said the shortest o the three people there, " So you're going to
help us battle Darth and What's - His - Name."
"That's Voldemort," Harry corrected, "And yes, yes I am.
"I'm Hon Solo. I fly this baby, see. I here you fly a broom. Well, wait til
you get a load of how the Falcon flies. You'll love kido."
I girl in a white dress started to walk toward Harry. She had a Danish on
each ear. She wore a white gown and a very faded statement.
"I'm Princess Leia. That over there is Chewbacca," she said pointing at the
Wookie. Chewbacca growled in response.
So they were off flying with precision of a falcon (duh!). They reached a
damp and stinky swamp.
"Eeewww!" Harry said as he walked out of the Millennium Falcon, "Someone
actually lives here?"
"This is the home of Yoda, he's like 900 years old and when I say old, I mean
old," said Hon.
"Shut up Hon!" said Luke angrily.
A small green creature with pointy ears stepped out of a bush. He had a small
patch of Gray hair and cup in his hand that contained a hot batch of green
tea.
"Hello! Have you brought me toilet paper as I had requested or a new student
will do," croaked Yoda.
"This is Harry," said Luke in noble voice.
"Young Harry training with you shall take an approximated 1 ½ months. I've
got other appointments after February. I have to marry my highschool
sweetheart. Now we must give you your bathrobe. I hope you don't mind, but
all I've got left is pink."
"PINK!" yelled Harry.
"Or you could go naked if you want," teased Hon.
"In that case Pink is fine," said Harry.
Thus Harry was left to train with Yoda. He learned how to use a light saber,
how to pick up big rocks with the power of his brain, use a bush for a
bathroom, drink nothing other than green tea and wear pink bathrobes. Finally
in 1 ½ months the training was over.
The Millennium Falcon showed up to pick up Harry and they were off to the
death star.
As we left Hogwarts Dumbledore was left with the task of explaining to the
students what had happened to Harry. Nobody understood except the muggle born
children who watched star wars ,who were faced with the task of explaining to
the other kids what in the hell a Jedi was. Yet still no one else got it. Not
one person in Slytherin understood because they had not one person to explain
it to them. They were still perfectly happy that Potter was gone. Hermione
was getting a head ache from trying to explain to Ron what a light saber was.
Now back in the Millennium Falcon, Harry was eating an Ice Cream Sundae with
Leia and Luke. He seemed very happy until he saw the Death Star. That scared
him a lot. The New Death star was a huge model of Darth Vadar's Head. It was
so scary that Harry nearly wet himself. As they flew in the mouth opened and
it began to smell like onion. Harry covered his nose with both hands and
began cursing like a maniac.
"Harry stop! Onion brings out the worst in people," said Luke.
"I hate onion!" screamed out Harry.
Chewbacca seemed to be enjoying himself. He had his eyes closed and his mouth
opened.
"What's up with him?" asked Harry.
"He likes onion," answered Hon closing his nostrils.
The door of the Millennium Falcon opened and Harry came tumbling down. He
landed with a thump on ground.
"That hurt," he said.
"Ha - Ha!" laughed Hon, "Pathetic little boy."
"Shut up Hon!"shouted Harry up at him as he ran down the steps.
They traveled through the halls of the Death Star searching for evil Vadar
and Voldemort. Suddenly, they heard a noise. It was Darth Vadar and Voldemort
, they were both drunk with whiskey.
"Give me your keys you can't drive home in this condition," said Darth Vadar.
"No I won't . . .hic . . .I don't care if I'm . . . hic . . . I'm going to
drive home and like it . . . hic . . ."
Voldemort was clearly too drunk. He was holding a bottle of vodka in his hand
and constantly drinking more from it.
"This is a good time to attack," whispered Hon, "They'll never know what hit
him."
Harry and Luke took out their light sabers and attacked Darth and Voldie. It
was a long battle lasting about ten minutes tops. It was rather confusing
Voldemort broke down the minute Harry broke his Vodka bottle. Voldemort was
crying into his hands screaming "Nnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooo! That was my last
Vodka!"
Darth had been ambushed by Harry and Luke and fled in fright. Luke had no
luck blowing up Darth's New Death Star because they were in it, but when they
Luke shot a laser right through the left eye of the death star.
Harry returned to school a month before his O. W. L.'s. He spent the entire
month studying. He took them with incredible ease.
One day Harry, Hermione and Ron were talking in the halls when they saw
Malfoy pointing at Harry and sniggering uncontrollably. Harry giggled a
little and signaled for Ron and Hermione to be quiet.
"Look what I learned to," he said as he looked at Malfoy with extreme
concentration.
He began to lift Malfoy off the ground and landed him into a trash can.
Harry, Ron and Hermione laughed hysterically, falling to the ground, and went to class (oh, by the way – it was Potions).
The End
THE DISCLAIMER: We, and I in particular, own nothing here. The Wonderful song C-3PO sings belongs to Weird Al, The wonderful Harry Potter characters belong to Rowling (oh, why, why am I not Rowling), Star Wars characters belong to George Lucas (or to themselves, which one you prefer?), and Voldie's vodka bottle belongs to "smirnov" corporation. So their money will not go to us sniff. The rest is ours. We belong to ourselves… Now, do we? I'll get back at you with that one.
ANOTHER END
A/N: So that was a good story, you think?
Yeah, and if YOU, little nasty creatures, don't review, I'll… I'll send DRUNK Darth Vader, Voldemort, Malfoys and all the evil creatures over your house for a sleepover party with BRITNEY SPEARS and BARNEY! Sounds fun, huh?