Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, but I do own Clare's new friends.
Her blood curdling screams filled the household as she pressed her aggravated face to one of her many throw pillows she had scattered about on her bed. She kicked her legs in the air as if she was a young girl not getting her way and in a way - Clare was a young girl not getting what she wanted.
Being merely sixteen years old and already dealing with too much on her plate did Clare already needed since her parents' horrifying divorce that nearly destroyed any strip of faith she still had lingering inside her, because only a small gold cross and silver purity ring could hide so much upsetting feelings. But it wasn't like Clare was willing to throw the cross and purity ring off her pale body, the jewelery was forever imprinted, she'd feel utterly naked without the pieces of silver and gold lacing her body. The feeling only meant that Clare's growing bubble of mixed feelings was sure to burst within some point in the near future.
"Is she okay?" A hushed voice asked from Clare's doorway. Quickly Clare threw her pillow directly at one of her two least favorite people at the moment standing in her wooden doorway with looks that crossed between concerned and frightened. The pillow smacked the girl with shoulder length blond hair, she yelped as she felt the soft fabric come into contact with her face and soon fall with a thump to the floor. The girl looked down at the pillow and then back at Clare - her ex best friend. The old compressed anger between the two was slowly beginning to resurface, especially for Clare as she seethed,
"What is SHE doing here!" Clare's face was red as a beet red tomato as she glared at her former best friend, Jenna straight in the eye. Her lips curling into a grimace as she saw Jenna take a step back, her body a bit hidden by the boy who had quickly befriended Jenna and meant a whole lot to Clare despite the obvious anger between all three of the teenagers at the moment.
"Calm down, Clare." The boy, Jake said with an exhausted voice as he looked at his step sister with tired hazel eyes. Jake had not been expecting Clare to be home when he brought Jenna by for dinner, he was sure she was off at Yearbook or perhaps with one of her friends, but instead she had a torn copy of a book in her lap and a upset feature crossing her small face.
Clare didn't say a word in response to Jake who had his eyebrows raised at the red faced girl, expecting some sort of response from Clare. It was quite obvious he was not on good terms with his ex girlfriend and now step sister, he understood it as best as a seventeen year old boy could. But sometimes Jake wished Clare could mellow out a bit, to take a breather and just.. calm down and not make such an outrageous motive.
But then again Jake is thinking about Clare Edwards here, he had heard plenty of her outbursts. Such as the one unforgettable night at Above The Dot when Clare had finally snapped and leashed out her rage on her medicated ex boyfriend. The scene had been unsettling and a bit too dramatic for Jake's taste, he had never remembered Clare being so spontaneous and quick to voice her opinion. He remembered a shy church girl who believed in fairy tales and happily ever afters - but the Clare sitting before him was surely not the eight year old little girl he use to throw frogs at.
"You are so unbe-" Clare began to shout, but then suddenly Jake and Jenna both felt the presence of someone behind them and both quickly turned around to come face to face with Glen who had an amused smirk on his face as he looked at the odd scene before him.
"What's all this ruckus I hear going on up here? Slumber party?" Glen joked, but neither of the three teenagers cracked a single smile at Glen's horribly put together joke, especially considering the man did not know a single thing that happened in the teenagers lives besides the fact that his son and step daughter had a hidden relationship. Besides that point, Glen was too into his construction to really pay attention to most of the loud drama that occurred in the home.
"It's nothing dad." Jake intervened before Clare could begin pointing fingers and throwing around dramatic accusations he wasn't looking forward to. He looked over his plaid shoulder to see Clare had her arms crossed over her chest as she huffed and puffed angrily, wanting so badly to burst out with many words, but her face only continued to grow redder as she kept them locked inside.
"Well it doesn't look like nothing.." Glen trailed off as he looked behind Jake and Jenna to see a seething red Clare inside her bedroom, his step daughter looking as if she was ready to burst if anyone said a simple word to her. "But if you say so son." Glen concluded as he gave Jake a small smile and roughly squeezed his shoulder, earning a forced smile on Jake's lips.
"Thanks dad." Jake breathed out relieved, relieved that his father was not a persistent one, but rather one that was easy going and usually let things slide unless it had gotten out of control, then he'd grasp onto the situation and make damn sure the problem was settled down so the ones he cared about were alright in his aging eyes.
"No problem, Jake." Glen replied with a soft smile on his face as he removed his hand from Jake's shoulder and his eyes wandered down to Jenna, a wider smile spread across Glen's face as he saw a new girl with his son. A girl other than the seething one in her bedroom, who was still watching the scene unfold with glaring blue eyes. "Now who is this?" Glen questioned as he was still smiling at the blond girl standing next to Jake. Jenna smiled and held her hand out as she roughly shook Glen's hand.
"I'm Jenna, Jake's friend." Jenna introduced herself with a bright smile which Glen returned gladly as he introduced himself as Glen and as Jake's father. The three seemed to be oblivious to the fact they were still standing in front of Clare's bedroom, her door was still wide open until the sound of soft padding across the floor and the loud slam of the bedroom door reverberated off the walls and shook the house it seemed.
Clare groaned and slid down the wooden door, landing on the floor with a plop as she heard in muffles as Glen say something about taking Jake and Jenna downstairs to see his new masterpiece of work which was being made in the kitchen. Once Clare heard the three descend down the wooden stairs and into the kitchen, only then did Clare's eyes begin to water with intensity as the last seven minutes replayed in her mind.
Jake.. he was with Jenna? The thought was unsettling to Clare, very unsettling. More unsettling when Jenna was seen with KC so quickly after he had broken up with Clare. Now it had been three weeks since Clare had decided it was better that her and Jake split up and already he was befriending Jenna Middleton - one of the worst people Clare has ever met in Clare's own mind of course. Jenna never seemed to have any respect for Clare it seemed, despite the fact that Clare hasn't spoken to Jenna in over a year due to the intense awkwardness of talking after the KC situation was dealt and Jenna's pregnancy was the buzz in the halls.. Clare had avoided Jenna and Jenna had avoided Clare.
Until now.
As much as Clare hates to admit it, Jenna had a huge impact on her life. Jenna was the girl her mother and sister had always warned her about, the typical high school girl who would manage to be sneaky around you to get what they want. Yet sure enough, Jenna had been sneaky around Clare when it came to KC and the whole ordeal had broken Clare. KC was her first boyfriend and her first taste of puppy love. To have something like that swiped from under your nose was betrayal at its finest.
A watery tear began to free itself from Clare's pupil, but quickly Clare wiped it away with her finger and blinked rapidly. No, she wouldn't cry over Jenna Middleton. She wouldn't cry over Jake Martin. She wouldn't cry over anything, she was stronger than that.
Clare Edwards was stronger than that, she was stronger than them.
(...)
"Now, let us say grace." Helen spoke softly as she reached out her hands on the dinner table, lacing her fingers with her newlywed husband, Glen and the other hand was still outstretched - towards Clare. Helen glanced at her daughter with a quick glance at her outstretched hand and Clare's closed fists which were resting on the table. "Clare, dear, we're saying grace. You need to take mine and Jake's hand." Helen ordered gently as she gestured towards Jake's hand which was too closed into a fist. His other hand was held by Jenna as she held Glen's hand, but Clare was the only one not cooperating to hold hands - to say grace.
"I don't want to." Clare said lowly as she kept her eyes on her untouched meal sitting before her, all of Jake's favorite foods were piled onto the plate and she was already sure she wouldn't eat a single bite. She didn't even want to be here to begin with, she had asked Helen numerous times if she could go to Adam's house for dinner, but Helen had told her many times that it was Jake's eighteenth birthday and she'd be on her best behavior and show that she was supportive of Jake.
"Clare." Helen said lowly, her tone going from gentle and understanding, to low and inpatient at her daughter's stubbornness. "Just hold our hands to say grace. We need to say grace and thank God for this meal. It's-" Helen began to say, but she was cut off by Clare's loud groan as she rolled her blue eyes and cocked her head in Helen's direction.
"Yes, yes, we all know mom. It's Jake's eighteenth birthday and we need to thank God that he is eighteen. We need to be supportive of Jake, we need to show Jake love. I know, I got the freaking memo." Clare spat hastily as she glared at Helen. Helen gasped at Clare's sudden feisty behavioral change and looked at her husband for support, but Glen was focusing his attention on his water glass, avoiding the drama as best as the man possibly could. Helen quickly focused her attention to Clare who was still glaring like a movie cliche teenage daughter. Helen Edwards felt as if she was in a John Hughes movie playing the religious mother or perhaps she's on a teen soap opera.
"Clare Diana Edwards!" Helen scolded as she quickly let go of Glen's hand, which caused the rest of the table to let go of each other's hands as well as it was becoming very uncomfortable. "You apologize to Jake right this instant!" Helen demanded, but Clare didn't budge, she didn't move nor did she speak to anyone - especially Jake. The scene was becoming uncomfortable to Glen, Jake and Jenna as they sat at the dinner table watching the scene unfold between Helen and Clare. The angst between their relationship spilling out on the table after being put away for many months.
"No." Clare simply said as she crossed her arms across her chest and shrugged. Helen pursed her lips in a line as she turned to Jake and tried to smile sweetly at her step son she has grown to love since knowing him as a young boy.
"I apologize on Clare's behalf, Jake. You don't deserve this, it's your birthday." Helen apologized gently as she reached out and patted Jake's long lanky hand, feeling the roughness of hard work under her soft fingertips. Jake gave his step mother a small smile as he nodded, he opened his mouth to reply to Helen's apology until he heard a loud screech next to him as he looked down at another aggravated Clare in the making.
"Oh of course Jake doesn't deserve that, mom! Jake doesn't deserve any of the bad in the world! Jake is a prince in this household, he minds you, does his chores and somehow still manages to keep his grades at an average point! Oh he's the Darcy you've been wanting back since she shipped herself out to Kenya!" Clare burst out with a red face and heavy breathing as she glared at her mother directly in the eye, "Jake's the apple of your goddamn eye." Clare cursed, her cursing causing every one's eyes to rise up from their plates and stare at Clare in awe. Even Glen who was sure on not paying much attention to the fight brewing between his wife and step daughter, but hearing Clare swear was such a foreign sound to him. Clare was still a little girl in Glen's mind and her swearing.. it didn't match up to him. In simple terms; it wasn't right in any sense of the word.
"Clare, you do NOT swear under the roof of this house! Much less ever! Now apologize!" Helen screeched, her patience already running low as she gave Clare a demanding stare with her wide brown eyes, wanting her daughter to calm down and apologize for her behavior. This attitude change with Clare was a situation Helen has never dealt with before, for a month or two Darcy had lost her way, but had reasons for losing her way, but quickly found it once more. But Clare.. she was doing as horrible as Helen could have imagined for her baby.
"I'm done." Clare announced as she pushed herself from her chair and gave Jake a quick glance and then at Jenna as she smirked and said, "Better carry around condoms with you Jake, this one's fertile." Clare growled as she saw both Jake and Jenna's jaws drop at Clare's comment, never in that moment had Clare been more satisfied to see both people who had hurt her greatly be speechless for once in their lives.
"Clare-" Jake began to say, but Clare held her hand up and instead of her original plan to raise her middle finger out of angst, she instead slapped her palm against Jake's cheek, feeling the burn on her palm as the smack of her slap echoed in the dining room. She shook her hand out and gave him a hard glare as he rubbed at his slap mark roughly, giving Clare a pitiful look, a look she had never seen cross his features.
"Happy birthday, Jake." Clare sneered as she shoved in her chair roughly and began to leave the dining room, hearing murmurs asking if Jake was feeling alright and Helen shouting out her name, but before Helen could catch up with Clare and grasp her daughter by the arm.. Clare had already left the house with her denim jacket off the coat rack and her small purse also gone as well.
Outside, Clare hastily grabbed her bike from its position against the porch as she quickly mounted the worn out bike, pedaling feverishly down the street. The cold wind slapping against her face as she darted past cars and pedestrians at top notch speed, not giving a care at the numerous birds she was being flipped or the swears being shouted her way.
All Clare cared about was getting as far away as she could from Jake's birthday dinner, to get far away from her raging mother, her disrespectful step brother and his new arm candy. Perhaps it was the the wind attacking her face vigorously, but Clare began to feel tears prickle in her eyes. Without any hesitation did Clare blink back the possible tears. No, she wouldn't cry over her mother. No, she wouldn't cry over Jake Martin and Jenna Middleton. She wouldn't cry over anything, she was stronger than that.
Clare Edwards was stronger than that, she was stronger than them.
(...)
"Please just pick up.. please." Clare whispered as she began pacing back and forth at Woodsbarrow Park, her bike leaning up against a deserted bench, along with her purse and denim jacket as she held her cell phone tightly to her ear. She had been trying to call a certain person for the past ten minutes, but to no avail did the person answer their phone. Clare hadn't spoken to this very very often except for certain weekend calls when Helen would basically force Clare to speak to him, since Clare usually wanted nothing to do with her adulterous, lying, father.
Yet here Clare was, exhausted, upset and feeling alone as she called her father on her cell phone for the fifth time, when she usually never answers his calls or texts anymore. She's doing this out of sheer hopelessness, she's calling her father for a rather huge favor that had popped into her mind whilst biking feverishly.
"Hello? Clare?" Randall spoke on the other line, Clare breathed out relieved that her father finally answered her phone call. His voice though.. it sounded heavy and rough, never had Clare heard his voice in such a way. Still she continued on with her plan she had been meaning to ask him for the past fifteen minutes.
"Daddy?" Clare spoke in a quiet voice as she held the phone with two hands to her ear as she felt a small smile creeping onto her lips. She hadn't called her father "daddy" in months, even years if that was possible. Since her parents' had begun fighting, Clare had stopped calling her parents' "mommy" and "daddy" in fear it'd make them more angry at each other.. if that had even been possible.
"Oh Clare-Bear. It's so nice to hear from you sweetheart." Randall said in a sweet voice, his sweet voice causing a slightly larger smile to cross Clare's lips as she heard her father call her yet another one of her famously used nicknames that always managed to make her feel warm and fuzzy inside no matter who called her that, she felt at home.
"I feel the same way, daddy. I feel the same way." Clare sighed contently as she enjoyed the way the conversation was already heading, her father sounded happy and sweet. Just like he use to be before the fighting and divorce, he sounded like the father that would play the airplane game with her or that would even participate in tea cup parties with her and Darcy. He was the old Randall Edwards and Clare was enjoying this immensely, it was like her plan was soon to happen.. she was sure he'd agree already.
"So, what's the reason for calling five times, sugar plump?" Randall asked gently as Clare heard the sound of shuffling sheets and doors closing, she swallowed deeply as she thought of the right way to inform her father about the recent events in her life that he knew nothing of. The divorce had driven a wedge between the father and daughter, causing for neither of them to tell the other personal events, like Clare's relationships, or her former friendships and even the awkwardness of living with her ex boyfriend, but now step brother.
"I.. I'm having trouble living with mom, daddy." Clare spoke in a low voice as she sat down on the cold bench, pulling her denim jacket into her lap, clutching onto it tightly as she recalled the several times her mother and herself had fought over the smallest of things, but the recent fight was the worse they had endured.
"Trouble living with your mother? Is it because of her.. recent marriage? Your new step father?" Randall questioned and Clare sighed at Randall's question. Of course he'd think of it to be Glen's fault, it was a typical question. But Clare knew her father would be surprised if she mentioned the fact that the main problem was living with her ex boyfriend - step brother, the thought would merely mortify her father.
"Oh no, not Glen. Glen's nice. I like Glen." Clare quickly said as she heard her father sigh on the other end of the line, followed by the faint sound a.. women's laugh. The voice puzzled Clare, but soon Randall began speaking once more.
"Oh well that's good.. that you like Glen. He was always a nice man." Randall said slowly and Clare nodded as she held the phone closer to her ear. "But what is the problem? Why aren't things working out with your mother?" Randall asked once more, causing Clare to sigh as her eyes followed a pack of birds flying high in the sky, in the V formation.
"It's mostly because of Glen's son.. Jake. You remember Jake, I um.. use to play with him when I was younger." Clare reminded her father as she heard him hum in response, remembering Jake. "Well.. I just.. I don't get along very well with Jake. That causes problems with mom and Glen at times. Things have been going bad around the house anyway. That's why I called you.. I was wondering if I could possibly come live with you?" Clare asked in a small voice as she bit her lip, she had stretched the truth in high hopes her father would allow her to come live with her. Because Clare was sure if he knew about her former relationship with Jake.. he'd surely disown her for being such a downfall.
There was a bout of silence between Clare and Randall as the offer sat through the line connecting their phones. Clare could still hear her father's heavy breathing, more giggles from the mystery woman and more sounds of shuffling about. The noises and bout of silence caused an unsettling feel to settle in Clare's jolting stomach.
"Clare-Bear, you know I love you and it'd be so.. great if you could live with me again, but.." Randall began to say and Clare's smile immediately turned upside down as she felt her stomach jump back into her throat as she could already predict what her father would be saying in his sickly sweet voice, "I can't, sweetheart. I just invited Vikki to move in with me, Clare. It'd be hard to adjust to me and Vikki, especially since Vikki isn't that much older than you, honey." Randall confessed with a weary voice and over the line Clare could hear the woman's voice,
"Randy! It's getting a bit lonesome in bed, sweetie! Your spot is losing its warmness.. I'm losing my warmness." The woman, Vikki shouted as Randall cleared his throat uncomfortably and quickly told Vikki he'd be off the phone soon, but already Clare wished she had never called her father to begin with now. The fact that her father was dating a woman not that much older than Clare, asked her to move in and was now having a voluptuous love life with her was making Clare's skin crawl with goosebumps and her stomach's contents to creep up the back of her throat.
"Uhm, Clare-Bear. Sweetheart, I need to go now. Uh.. Vikki needs me to help her. I'm sorry you can't come and live with me, but I'm sure things at home will work out. They always do, sugar plump." Randall cooed fairly quickly and Clare rolled her eyes at her father's words. They always do? They never did when her parents' were fighting. Clare wanted to scream at her father, to tell him his words meant nothing and were a load of trash spilling from his mouth to make situations better.
Everything was becoming clear to Clare, her father didn't care for her anymore. If he did, he'd make sure Vikki and Clare got along for the sake of Clare living with him. But Randall had his own life now with Vikki, apart from Clare.. his daughter. His only daughter it seems, since Darcy has separated herself from their lives.
"S-Sure." Clare stammered as she heard her father sigh contently on the other line. "I guess I should let you go help Vikki now. I'll um.. just get going." Clare said softly as she clutched her denim jacket tighter, feeling her nails break at the fabric holding her favorite jacket together.
"Thank you, sweetheart. I'll call you later, Clare-Bear." Randall said, but Clare already knew it was a lie. Her father wouldn't dare pick up the phone and speak to her with Vikki as his new house guest. With Vikki as his girlfriend. With Vikki as the only woman in his life.
Clare softly hummed in response to Randall's words, too upset and withdrawn to argue with him, to call him an adulterous liar. Clare was too exhausted, too tired to do much at this point, so she hung up the phone and placed the silver device in her lap as the wind began to pick up speed. She sighed as the conversation with her father played back in her mind, her mother had been right. That Randall had gotten a new life during and after the divorce.. a new life that Clare was no longer apart of.
Clare took a look around herself to see that the park was beginning to desert as she noticed the sun was beginning to go down as well, the wind picking up more speed as a cold night was approaching. She opened her phone up to see that it was 6:38 pm and she had three unanswered text messages. Most likely from her mother or even Jake for that matter since it was necessary by Helen's rule that Clare and Jake have each other's number for emergencies.
Lifting herself off the park bench, Clare threw her denim jacket on, not bothering to button it up as she slung her purse over her shoulder and grabbed her bike. She thought of riding the old, worn bike to her house, but already she was feeling rising goosebumps from the cold air and decided that a long walk with her bike to her home sounded like the best idea at the moment.
Just as Clare was about to enter into her neighborhood, she heard loud, booming music from an orange Volkswagen, the kind of hippie cars Clare often saw in movies or from photos of the 60's and 70's. But it was a rare occurrence to see such a car nowadays. What startled Clare was that the car had slowed down to match Clare's walking speed, she gulped to look at the van.
The window was rolled down with a creak and soon a huge gust as smoke came billowing from inside the vehicle and blew in Clare's face. She coughed wretchedly as she began to recognize the smell of the smoke, it was marijuana. Clare often smelled it on her history partner or even on trips in grade nine to the Ravine with Alli when she had been with Johnny. Clare looked back up at the girl who stuck her head out of the window, she had long straight brown hair and bangs that covered her forehead as they were cut above her perfectly arched eyebrows. Her makeup was smudged around her green eyes and she had a goofy smile on her face as he gave Clare a nod.
"Lookin' for a ride?" The girl offered Clare, the offer took Clare back as numerous voices rang in her head from many people to never take rides from strangers. Voices belonging to her parents, to Glen and even one that belonged to.. Eli. Clare gulped as she remembered Eli driving her home in Morty, back when Morty was well and alive, that was when Eli had told Clare that if she ever needed a ride was to call him and he'd always pick her up. That she'd never take a ride home from a stranger without calling him first. The memory struck Clare as she looked at the smiley girl leaning out of the van.
"We won't bite 'cha. Well maybe Caitlin will, but that's because she's into girls." The girl said with a hearty laugh, Clare heard the sound of a girl shouting that it was a complete lie, but the girl leaning out the window only struck the middle finger to someone inside the van before she turned back to Clare. "We won't hurt 'ya. Just a bunch of girls and a guy, but don't worry - he's gay!" The girl exclaimed as she reached inside the van and pulled out a white object that seemed to be rolled up, Clare swallowed hard as she saw it was a blunt between the girl's fingers. The girl brought the lit blunt up to her lips, pucker and suckled in the sweet air before blowing out puff rings with her perfect red lipstick. "We have room for your bike and everything. Just come on in." The girl offered once more as she gestured to the worn out orange van.
Clare pursed her lips as she stopped walking and stared at the girl with cocked eyebrows and a blunt between her fingers. The sight was one Clare never wanted to imagine herself be in, but a strange, desperate, clingy urge inside of Clare nagged her to see what a bit of the wild side would be like. To ride in a old hippie van with a mysterious girl on her way home. To just have a taste of pure happiness, because after all in Clare's mind.. she hadn't been happy in months.
"Okay." Clare agreed with a small smile on her lips. The girl in the van shouted happily as she threw the blunt out the window, Clare watched as the rolled up poison fell between the cracks of a gutter and out of her way. The girl opened up the van door and quickly approached Clare, swiftly taking her bike and walking it to the back of the van, where Clare followed cautiously. The strange girl swung open the back of the orange van for Clare to see that there was five girls occupying the back of the van and a guy driving the van as well.
"Girls, we have a new occupant.." The girl trailed off as she looked to Clare for her name which Clare quickly gasped and blushed at her actions.
"Clare.. my name is Clare." Clare introduced herself to the bus full of seemingly happy girls of all colors and laughs.
"Cool! Summer brought us a new friend! Thanks Sum!" An Asian girl with long, shiny black hair squealed as she smashed her blunt in the ashtray which occupied the middle of the van. The girls nodded along as the girl besides Clare - Summer rolled her eyes and hopped into the back with Clare's bike in tow.
"Well move along bitches we need to stow Clare's bike in here." Summer spat as she moved Clare's bike along to the front of the van where she leaned it against the left wall. Clare hesitating climbed into the back of the van, closing the doors behind herself as she crouched a bit due to the height of the back of the bus.
"Sit here, Clare." Summer called out as she patted the spot empty next to her as she proceeded to be in the process of rolling up a blunt on her dirty jeans. Clare forced a smile upon her lips as she walked past the numerous girls and took a seat next to Summer, awkwardly folding her hands in her lap as the van was started once more and began driving down the street.
A few moments later, Clare came into contact with a blunt that Summer was making. The rolled up blunt was in front of her face, being waved by Summer's lanky and long fingers, her black fingernail polish was chipped as she had a smile on her face.
"Want one?" Summer offered, but Clare quickly shook her head at Summer's offer. Surely Clare had already made a mistake taking up Summer's offer to be driven home in a van full of stoners, but she was sure that she wouldn't come home as stoned as the girls surrounding her. Summer shrugged as she grabbed her lighter and began to light the blunt before bringing it to her red lips. Clare looked away as she glanced at her bike which was shaking with the movements of the van. She gulped as she remembered the events of today, her outbursts at Jake's dinner party, her horrible phone call with her father and now her taking up the offer of a wild girl Clare had just met five minutes ago. The thoughts brought tears to Clare's eyes as she was beginning to feel herself unwind from her loved ones.. from her family. The feeling was a wretched one, one that Clare wished would just.. disappear.
But quickly Clare swiped her fingers under her blue pupils and caught the falling tears. No, she wouldn't cry over her father. No, she wouldn't cry over her mother, Jake Martin and Jenna Middleton. She wouldn't cry over anything, she was stronger than that.
Clare Edwards was stronger than that, she was stronger than them.
(...)
Clare had returned home that night with tangled curls, slightly ripped denim jacket and the strong smell of marijuana lacing all the fabric of her clothes. When she came through the door, she immediately noticed Jake sitting on the couch with Jenna who had her signature guitar in her lap as she played an harmonic melody for Jake who had a content smile on his face, the sight absolutely repulsed Clare to the point of where she felt actual bile rise up in her throat.
But both Jake and Jenna had noticed her arrival home two hours after her abrupt leave from Jake's birthday dinner, after excusing himself Jake began to approach Clare, but she insisted on him leaving her alone for the time being as she wanted to be alone in her room for the remainder of the night. But Jake had all the features of a concerned step brother when he questioned her on why she smelled like she had smoked too many ounces of marijuana. Clare had rolled her eyes and told Jake she was hanging out with people who did smoke, but she chose not to. Jake of course, continued to stay persistent and ask if she smoked anything alongside of those who she was with. Their talking escalated to the point where Jenna came between them and gently told Jake to sit down and let Clare be alone.
Clare wasn't alone in her bedroom for long until her mother had entered her room, stating her anger and disappointment in Clare for acting so outrageous at the birthday dinner. Her mother was about to shout more at her until she smelled the same scent Jake had and immediately scolded Clare greatly for smoking, as much as Clare defended herself, stating that she hadn't smoked a single thing whilst being gone, her mother still grounded her and forced her into a confession session with their pastor the following day.
It had been a good week since that horrible day and Clare had been able to be civil with her mother and Jake since, always being polite and being as curt as she could until she left the house for school due to the fact she was still grounded for her supposed smoking. But before Clare left for school, she'd meet up with Summer and her group, all seven of them would hang out and have a great time. The group was amusing to Clare, especially when under the influence of the many drugs they smoked and shot up as well.
The group consisted of five girls and one guy, all of which were incredibly sweet to Clare and welcomed her into their group with open arms, despite the fact she didn't partake in their drug taking. The girls, aside from Summer, was a girl with a butch haircut and heavy eyeliner who also wore tight leather pants and spikes around her wrists, her name was Caitlin or Cait for short. She had always reminded Clare of the people who often dressed as if they were still in the 80's. Another girl was the Asian girl Clare had spotted the first time she met Summer's group and her name was Pauline who was often smiley and happy when intoxicated to the max, she was also adopted from what Clare could gather since her adoptive parents gave her the wretched name "Pauline" and she absolutely loathed her name. The other two girls' were twins who Clare didn't pay much attention to when she arrived in the van. Their names were Frannie and Opal, both had long wavy brown hair that was usually twisted into braids or pigtails, depending on what they preferred that day and were usually quiet - even when smoking blunts or injecting themselves with heroin needles which had been a sore sight for Clare to see.
There was one man that hung out with Summer's group as well and he was just as Summer had described him - gay. His hair was dyed a bright red and spiked up high, he had multiple piercings on his face and tattoos on his arms as well, he could easily pass off a tough guy, at least that was how Clare imagined him to act, but the moment he spoke he was one of the nicest guys Clare had ever spoken to. Turns out his name is Ben and had sole custody of Summer from the fact that Ben was Summer's brother, despite that Summer was nineteen and had dropped out of high school when she was fifteen for reasons she won't exactly tell Clare yet.
Summer's group was a friendly one for sure, very open and very happy go lucky. At time it did nerve Clare and at times she never felt the loving feel from it like she use to when she was with Alli, Connor and KC in grade nine or when she was with Eli and Adam in grade ten. But this new group welcomed her so soon that she couldn't just.. turn such open arms away.
It was another day before Summer and their group would hop into Ben's worn out orange van and drop Clare off at Degrassi, the seven of them were sitting underneath a large oak tree in a circle with smiles lacing their faces.
"So Clare, how's home life treating 'ya?" Summer questioned as she leaned onto her elbows and looked at her new found friend, Clare with a small smirk on her face. Summer often wore a smirk on her face and at times it irked Clare to see Summer so smug all of the time, but she figured she'd eventually have to grow use to it like the group had.
"Ooh yeah! How is your mom being? Nicer?" Pauline asked sweetly, the only one who seemed genuinely concerned about Clare's home life with her mother, step father and step brother. Clare had briefly told the group about her issues at home, stating that things have gone downhill since her parents' divorce and she had a sneaky relationship with her step brother, but Clare didn't go deeper with her personal life, like issues such as Alli or even Eli for that matter.
"Are you still fucking your brother?" Caitlin asked with a smug smile on her face that earned a hard slap to her chest from the back of Summer's thin hand in which Caitlin shrugged and leaned against the oak tree, closing her eyes contently.
"Home life isn't all that great. I'm still grounded since I came home smelling like drugs and every time my mom or Jake looks at me.. it's a look of pity. Like they feel sorry for me and are so disappointed. I hate it so much!" Clare groaned as she leaned onto the palms of her hands and sighed at the numerous looks she had received from her mother and Jake. Glen was seemingly the only one that treats her as if she's a normal person who didn't have an outburst at Jake's birthday dinner or came home smelling like a famous plant.
"Aw! That blows! Too bad you couldn't just move out and live with someone else." Pauline squealed as she pouted at Clare's obvious hurt over the matter. Besides Summer, Pauline was one of Clare's favorite people out of the group since Caitlin seemed to be offish to almost everyone and the twins, Frannie and Opal were too shy to show off their personalities to Clare.
But Pauline's words began to ring in Clare's mind.. live with someone else? Clare had never thought of the possibility of living with anyone else than her parents, but after being turned down by her father and her mother giving her pitiful looks.. the thought of living with someone else sounded very appealing to Clare at that moment.
"That'd be great, but.. I have no one else to move in with since my dad rejected my offer." Clare said with a shrug of her shoulders as she leaned back on her hands and looked at Pauline who mimicked Clare's actions as well with a sad look on her face. Clare looked around the group and her blue eyes locked with Summer's rare sober green ones, noticing they had a happy gleam laced on her pupils and a smirk rising on her ruby red lips.
"You can move in with me." Summer offered as she grabbed her purse and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. The offer had Clare's eyebrows raised in surprise, she never expected Summer to offer something like that so soon since she barely knew Clare. "We only have one room, but you can bunk with me. Ben can sleep on the couch." Summer added as she nudged Ben who had his mouth open agape to argue with Summer, but quickly shut his mouth as he noticed the angry gleam in her eye.
"Yeah, I'll sleep on the couch." Ben mumbled as he rubbed his ribcage where Summer had elbowed him roughly, a grimace covering his features as he continued to rub his ribcage.
"Then its settled! Just tell your mom you're moving out when you come home from school today." Summer said nonchalantly as she flicked her lighter on and lit the bare cigarette between her lanky fingers. Clare swallowed deeply at Summer's words.. moving in? With Summer and Ben? Moving out of the home she had grown up in? The thought sounded appealing and unsettling all at the same time. She'd be away from her mother and Jake.. but she'd also be moving in with Summer, who has no job and chooses to inhale and exhale poison on daily basis and Ben who barely scrapes by with the minimum wage job he has.
Clare wasn't sure how to respond to Summer's proud exclamation so she merely nodded her head and gave her possibly new roommate a soft smile, which Summer mirrored happily as she placed the burning stick between her lips and suckled in the habit forming smoke into her lungs.
Throughout the day Clare had been crazy nervous in her classes, the conversation she'd be having with her mother after school was out was lingering in her head. How would she go about it? Just casually inform her mother, step father and step brother that she'd be moving out to live with a girl she has known for barely a week? Clare could already hear her mother's shouting, her step father's disappointing glares and her step brother's swears he'd utter under his breath. The possible conversation was already making Clare feel nauseous in the pit of her stomach as she would bit her lip so hard that her skin would break and the taste of steel would enter her dry mouth.
When school was finally out, Clare took her time walking home having opted out of being driven home by Summer stating that she needed to free her mind for a bit, which caused a comment to leave Caitlin's mouth saying that the plant God created would smooth out her chaotic mind. It added another check mark to Clare's reasons to not liking Caitlin whatsoever, despite that her faith in God is breaking down piece by piece, it was still a personal dig at her golden cross and her silver purity ring.
Within twenty minutes, Clare had arrived home and already her stomach had managed to jump back into her throat. She felt awful to the core, but realized that asking was the option she had left.. she had to ask her mom if she could move out since she wasn't happy anymore. Her mother would have to take her happiness into consideration, any decent mother would have to their child's' happiness into consideration.
Slowly Clare placed her bag on the couch in the living room as she made her way to the kitchen with quiet steps, immediately noticing that Helen and Glen were the only ones inhabiting the kitchen at the moment, both talking intimately to eachother as Glen had his arm tightly wrapped around Helen's waist which caused a lump to rise in Clare's throat,
"She's been acting so differently, Glen.. I'm not sure what's wrong with her." Helen murmured softly and automatically Clare knew Helen was speaking of her and the thought made Clare's blood boil at her mother talking of her.
"She's a teenage girl, Helen. They always act out." Glen said simply with the shrug of his shoulders as he gently rubbed his wife's side. Secretly hoping his words meant something to his wife and her struggles with her suddenly dramatic daughter.
"Perhaps.. Darcy was the same, but with Darcy I knew her reason for lashing out. With Clare.. I have no clue, Glen. No clue at all." Helen whispered sadly which made Glen feel a twinge of sadness seep into his pores as he placed a loving kiss on his wife's cheek, not sure of what to say next to her knowing that possibly not saying anything at the moment was the best option at the moment.
The conversation and loving intimacy between her mother and Glen was making Clare sick to her stomach and feel rather.. angry. Before she felt pitiful for having to ask her mother if she could move in with Summer, but now Clare felt the confidence and anger she hadn't planned on feeling that afternoon. Which was exactly what she needed if she was about to question her mother on her living arrangements.
"Talking about me?" Clare snapped, disrupting Helen and Glen's intimate session in the kitchen as they instantly separated and faced an angry Clare who had a grimace planted on her face as she glared at her mother and step father, "Of course you two would though, since I've been acting differently and have been acting out supposedly. Which is a bunch of bull!" Clare exclaimed which caused a huge sigh to leave her mother's lips as Glen turned around to finish washing dishes, trying to stray away from the drama his wife and step daughter ensue in together. It was times like these when Glen missed the cabin with Jake, smelling the pine every morning and the birds chirping happily. No bickering, no secrets and definitely no drama in the wooden home.
"Clare, sweetheart. Just take a seat and we can talk about this rationally." Helen ordered gently as she gestured to the chair nearest to Clare, but Clare only crossed her arms across her chest tightly as she huffed and puffed at her mother. Perhaps now would be the best time for Clare to wholeheartedly admit that she was indeed going to no longer be a living occupant in this home.
"Why would I take a seat in a home that no longer belongs to me?" Clare sneered. The comment left Helen's mouth open agape and even had Glen turn around as he looked at Clare with serious eyes as he dried his wet hands with a dish towel, for once intervening in the brawl between his wife and step daughter.
"Are you saying you don't live here anymore, Clare?" Glen questioned harshly as he pursed his lips and stepped up next to Helen who had now doubled over with her hands resting shakily on the chair as she ducked her head down, her hair covering her defeated face.
"I met a girl who offered for me to live with her. So yes, I don't live here anymore. I'm moving in with her after I pack my bags and she picks me up." Clare stated proudly as she gave Glen a smirk which caused Glen's fists to clench as he suddenly understood Helen's anger with Clare, it was because Clare was your average back talking teenager who says every little word with sarcasm laced between the words. You can't help, but fight the urge to pull her across the table and straighten her out.
"I can't believe this." Helen whispered besides Glen, she was already defeated by her daughter. The weight of all of this as begun to crumble on Helen as she realized her daughter was rebelling as best as she could. The thought was horrifying to Helen that she couldn't find any strength to repel back at Clare.
"If I understand you correctly, you are going to live with a girl, whose name we don't know." Glen said lowly, his anger rising into his voice as he looked Clare right in the eye, finally putting his foot down as he was already so tired by Clare's dramatics and shenanigans.
"Her name is Summer." Clare spat back sarcastically as she raised her brow at Glen, whose clenched fist came slamming down onto the wooden table which caused the kitchen to shake with the same anger coursing through Glen's veins at the moment. He could not believe this was happening - that these words were spouting from Clare's mouth. He barely recognized the girl before him and it terrified him and he knew it terrified his wife even more. This sight was not a pretty one.
"Well you can tell Summer that you appreciate her offer, but you live here. This is your home, Clare. Not with some girl we don't even know. You aren't leaving this home!" Glen ordered with a hard tone in his voice as he was leaning over the table, almost in Clare's face, but she didn't flinch an inch as she snorted at Glen's angry behavior. Never had Clare seen Glen so angry, but knowing she had made him so furious to the point of where he looked that he'd give her the belt for being so disrespectful gave her a rush of adrenaline. Then with her mother who was shaking next to Clare, tears steaming down her face as she couldn't even form real words at the moment other than blubbers that resembled the words "Clare" and "baby". The fact that Clare had managed to break both her mother and step father gave her such a boost of adrenaline, that she threw out another major obstacle that would have to make the two allow her to live with Summer.
"Too bad I already have emancipation forms in my bag right now. If I don't get to live with Summer, then I'll file emancipation forms like Peter did. I'd be on my own and.. and.. I'd be happy for once in five months! That's all that should matter here! My happiness! I'm not happy living here while you two are intimate with each other every second of every day and I surely don't enjoy seeing Jake's face here all the time either!" Clare shouted loudly as she seethed in anger, she breathed heavily after her shout as she looked up at a statue like Glen and Helen. Glen had retreated away from Clare, no longer screaming in her smug face or trying to put his foot down. Instead he quietly left the room, grabbing his keys from the kitchen counter was soon out of the house through the backdoor. Clare could faintly hear the roar of Glen's constructing truck before he was surely gone to clear his head from his distraught fight with Clare.
"You aren't happy here?" Helen whimpered as she looked down at her daughter, her baby girl with sad, teary eyes. The news had struck a hard chord with Helen as she realized her other daughter was leading an unhappy life like Darcy had. It brought tears to the middle aged woman's face as she hid behind her long hands and began to sob. She half expected for Clare to come coddle her like she often does whenever she's upset, but when Helen looked up she saw that Clare was no longer standing across from her, but rather she was gone. Helen felt her heart stop as she thought her daughter had already left the house, but she heard the sound of rummaging upstairs.
Clare was packing up, she was taking her clothes and keepsakes with her to her new home.
This had only made Helen sob harder than she ever expected to sob.
Upstairs, Clare was frantically throwing her sundresses, shirts, pants, skirts and other essentials into her blue suitcase she had used when her family had gone on a trip to Disneyland many years ago. The memory seemed foreign to Clare as she threw out the old tickets that were still inside the fairly newish suitcase. The tickets remained in the trash bin as Clare pushed down her clothes to make room for her valuables such as her laptop, iPod and even her books - the ones she could fit inside. As Clare was sprinting past her dressers to collect her bobby pins and headbands, she came across a rather new picture sitting on her dresser which was a picture of her and Glen when she was barely nine years old.
Glen had always been apart of Clare's life and to know he was angry at her, seemingly furious with red fire was making her insides churn and her eyes sting with water. Glen had always been such a easy going fellow, never angry at anyone or anything. Such a high spirited man.. and Clare had ruined that.
Clare's fingers and eyes trailed over the picture of her younger self with Glen, who then was just her best friend's father. But now he was her father, as much as Clare hated admitting it - Glen Martin was her father now. He seemed to be much more of a father than Randall and the thought forced a tear to escape from Clare's glassy pupil which she quickly wiped away with her swift, pale finger.
No, she wouldn't cry over Glen. No, she wouldn't cry over her parents, Jake Martin and Jenna Middleton. She wouldn't cry over anything, she was stronger than that.
Clare Edwards was stronger than that, she was stronger than them.
A/N: I initially planned this out to be a one shot, but that would be fairly a lot of writing. So I'm extending it out to three or four chapters. Depending of course. The purpose of this fic is to show Clare tumbling from humanity with her actions due to past events as she loses her parents, her friends and her faith. Its mainly a Clare fic, barely any romance - perhaps some in the last chapter. But this is mainly a Clare fic. So please review! This took a while to write out and my fingers are cramped! So please review. (:
Also! If you are confused about Clare's friends, there is six of them (Summer, Caitlin, Pauline, Frannie, Opal and Ben) I will be adding more in the next chapter. So keep in mind that those OC's (with the exception of Summer, she is real and will be featured on the show) will be mentioned in the next chapter and so forth.