Lights, city lights, stretched out across the earth like a landscape of stars - the universe spread in pinpricks upon the ground. Quinn gazed at them from her window, absorbed by the sight, by the static beauty. She didn't hear the footsteps approach from behind her. Her heart leapt into her throat when a pair of lithe arms wrapped around her middle, and a chuckle resounded in her ear. It was followed by a quick kiss placed on her cheek, and then a chin resting on her shoulder.
"Jesus, Mack, I thought I told you not to scare me like that," Quinn whispered with fury brought on by surprise. She could feel Mack smile into her neck as she placed another kiss on Quinn.
"Beautiful view," the girl said, the two of them returning their stares to the incandescent, artificial stars. "And the lights are pretty too," continued Mack, earning an elbow in the ribs and a groan of dismay followed by a giggle from Quinn. The girl leant back further into her arms and Mack tightened her grip, savouring the feel of the warm body against her own. She looked out at the city, letting her eyes wander from building to building, pausing briefly to wonder what the people behind those windows were doing, what their lives were like; a girl sitting down with a book and a steaming mug of tea after a long day, a family dinner, the nervous boyfriend being introduced to the parents for the first time, a couple arguing about forgetting to buy cat food, a sign of the instability in their relationship, while in the apartment above them, a couple make love, experts in the needs of the other's body. Doused in darkness, with the light from their own apartment off, Mack felt more connected to life as she imagined it, the lights burning brighter than they would have if their own had been on. She let out a little sigh, turning her attention to the finger she was running along the length of Quinn's arm. She could see the fine, blonde hairs illuminated from the soft glow of the city, prickling up as the tip of her finger disturbed them. Abruptly, Quinn spoke into the silence surrounding them.
"I can't believe it's been six years since we graduated high school," she said, her voice soft and gentle, and Mack was reminded that there was still the dreamer in Quinn, still the person who loved to lie on her back and stare at the clouds as they drifted by, smudging the blue sky, or at night, the stars. Only, Mack realised with a pang, they lived in New York, there weren't any stars, only the constant artificial lights. That's why she spent so much time staring out the window. That's why she'd insisted on buying an apartment with a room that had a ceiling to floor wall of glass over looking the city. It didn't bother either of them that the room with such a window was their bedroom.
"I can. I just can't believe Damien's grown up so fast," she responded quietly, "you'd think if I could believe high school was six years ago, that I would be able to accept that my son is getting older, but I can't."
"It's the same with Beth. She's bigger and bigger every time I see her," Quinn said, the sadness in her voice touching Mack's heart and massaging the tender spot she had for Quinn. She started rubbing small, light circles on the back of the other girl's hand.
"I still can't get over the fact that we both have kids the same age."
"Except Damien's more my child than Beth is," muttered Quinn. Mack's heart quivered. She wanted nothing more than to kiss Quinn until all her bitterness was gone, sucked from her like poison from a wound. Instead, she hugged tighter.
"You still see Beth. I know it's not the same, but you gave her up, after all," she gently reminded her girlfriend. Quinn sighed; Mack could feel the blast of breath on her arm, rifling the hair there.
"I can't help thinking that it was stupid of me. I could have provided for her. Maybe not right away, but look at us now. We could easily support another child," said Quinn. Mack stood there, helpless as she held her girlfriend. Her soul ached, her entire being wished she could make things better, but Quinn was untouchable in her sadness. So she held on tighter, afraid of losing Quinn to the self pity which threatened to drown her. Things had always been this way, ever since they met in high school, crossing paths in the misleadingly pristine halls of McKinley. They would be happy, their relationship was fine, but sometimes Quinn would withdraw into herself, into all the feelings which flowed beneath the surface; and Mack was left unable to do anything except hope that Quinn would come back from her dark place. She loved Quinn beyond measure, more than she ever thought she could lover another person who was not her child, and she dared not imagine a world without the girl wrapped in her arms, staring absently out the window at the city that never slept.
"I'm sorry we can't get her back for you," she mumbled into Quinn's shoulder. Quinn shook her head.
"I'm not. I tried that once, back in high school. But I realised I was making a huge mistake. I wouldn't have been doing the right thing by Beth, taking her from her place of safety, from a mother who loved her. I would've destroyed her trust in me, in people, in the system. She probably would've grown up terrified that people were going to screw her over. I would've ruined her life," she said, "Shelby's life too," she added as an afterthought.
"Then it's probably a good thing it all turned out the way it did."
"I suppose," Quinn agreed, shrugging. She turned her head to look at Mack in the iridescent glow filtering through the window. "I'm going to see her tomorrow. Shelby invited me over. Would you like to come?" Taken aback, Mack nodded.
"Sure. I have to drop Damien at school first, but sure, I'd love to come see Beth with you," she acquiesced, surprised by the invitation. Quinn always liked to go alone to see her daughter - it was their special time; Mack was honoured that she was being asked along. A thought slid into her mind. "Won't Beth be at school?"
"No," Quinn shook her head, "Shelby's going to take her out for the day. She thinks it's healthy for a child to miss school every now and then, and our going to see them is as good a reason as any."
Mack nodded, but kept her mouth shut. She didn't think taking a child out of school for something that could easily be done on a weekend was wise, but each to their own. She wouldn't let Damien miss out on school. In fact, she'd done her utmost to instil in her son the idea that education was important, and that the best thing he could do for himself was to go and learn. In high school, it was never a value she thought she'd hold, but when she graduated and found that no one wanted to hire a teenage mother with grades so low that no college would take her, she realised the importance of school, regretting that she'd missed so much of it in favour for drugs and alcohol and meaningless hook-ups. She never wanted Damien to do the same. She, like any mother, wanted the best for her child, and the best for him, she'd eventually come to realise, was for him to be educated, to go to college, and to eventually get a job which ensured financial security. It didn't mean she wanted him to work himself to the bone to be rich - that was overshooting the mark - but she wanted him to be well off enough that he would never have the risk of bankruptcy hanging over his head. She wanted him to be happy.
"Is Damien in bed?" Quinn asked, breaking into Mack's thoughts. She nodded. Quinn, turning herself around in Mack's grip, smiled mischievously at her, "then maybe it's time we went too."
Mack instantly felt soft, familiar lips against her own, quietly desperate, seeking, forever seeking. With Quinn's hands gently pushing at either side of Mack's hips, the two of them staggered, collapsing onto the bed when the back of Mack's knees came into contact with the mattress. Aware that they were not rushed, they took their time, leaving languid kisses on each other's lips and necks and collarbones. Slowly, ever so slowly, pieces of clothing came off; here a top, there a pair of pants, eventually, the underwear, until it was bare flesh against bare flesh, reflecting the blue and yellow lights which crept into the room from the window.
Mack knew Quinn, she knew how sometimes the girl liked it rough, dirty, mixing pain with her pleasure. But she also knew conversations like the one they'd just had put Quinn into a state of melancholia; at these times, Quinn wanted love, to be shown that she meant something to someone, that her entire life was not a mistake. So, with slow deliberation, Mack placed gentle kisses along Quinn's chest, over her breasts, running her tongue delicately over rose bud nipples, listening to the almost inaudible sounds of Quinn's pleasure. That was the thing about Quinn, she was quiet, not at all vocal, even at the roughest of times. Mack had to learn to identify the signs of her body, the little indications which gave away all of Quinn's feelings, and soon, she learnt the best ways to pleasure her. Mack started trailing her lips south again, kissing, running her tongue over the smooth flesh, never nipping at the skin with her teeth - not tonight. She ran a hand up Quinn's thigh, letting her fingers barely caress the skin. Quinn's breathing became laboured.
Quinn's whole body shuddered when Mack's tongue finally slid over her clitoris. She let out a little huff of air. Mack let her tongue drag along the same place, feeling warmth growing between her own legs as Quinn's hips bucked with the contact. She kissed the spot, before sucking lightly, almost smiling when she saw Quinn's fingers claw at the sheets, balling them in her fists. Slowly, teasingly, Mack traced a single finger up the inside of Quinn's thigh, loving the tremble that went through the blonde girl. Finding the wet lips, she eased her index finger inside of Quinn, letting it pause there for a fraction of a second before removing it and sliding it in again. She moved her head up, watching Quinn and she built up a steady rhythm with her fingers. On the fourth thrust, she added a second finger. Quinn's jaw clenched and her stomach muscles tightened. Mack massaged the sensitive spot with the palm of her hand, simultaneously working her fingers in and out of her girlfriend. Bending forward, she peppered Quinn's thighs and taught stomach with kisses, slow, wet, expressive. Over and over again she left kisses on Quinn. Over and over again she said I love you, in the language of the body, until finally, with one final tightening of the stomach, the whitening of the knuckles on her clenched fists and the quivering of her legs, Quinn came, her entire body releasing its tension all at once. Mack watched it all in the city light. Slithering her body up, she placed a kiss on Quinn's dry lips.
"I love you," the blonde girl murmured and Mack kissed her again. She lay down next to Quinn, tucking her arm in over the other girl, drawing her close. Quinn went to escape, to trail her fingers down Mack's torso, but she stopped her.
"Not tonight," Mack whispered, "tonight's about you."
They lay there, bodies warm, intertwined, resting - drifting off into sleep. At least, Quinn was. When she was sure Quinn was as dead to the world as could be, her breathing deep and slow, Mack extracted herself from her girlfriend. Running a hand down her own body, and biting her lip to silence herself, she finished what she wouldn't let Quinn do. Finally, she pulled the thick curtains shut, closing off the artificial universe, and crawled back into bed, falling asleep almost instantly, with her arms holding Quinn near.