AN: Obviously this is all JK's characters. Enjoy!

Confessions

The wind sweeps through my hair as I sit staring off into the dark sky. The moon was not quite full yet. That would be tomorrow. I have long been resigned to my fate. After ten years of seeing the moon rise into the sky and feeling the ripple of pain that accompanied the transformation, I had accepted it and learned to not dread it. It was what it was. I let my eyes gaze at the magnificent view that one gets from the Astronomy tower. It was, outside the library and my dorm, my favorite place at Hogwarts. It was above the usual din of my fellow students (most of the time anyway) and I have always been one to appreciate the bigger picture. Here I can look at the big picture; I can see the mountains and Hogsmeade and contemplate.

Now I am contemplating what one of my best friends had told me an hour ago. It had been a normal day…well at least as normal as it could be for my friends. Two successful pranks, one directed and Severus and another at Professor Kettleborn. Severus's hair and been turned a bright pink and Professor Kettleborn's fake hand had tapdanced away during class. The latter had earned the four of us a detention. Prongs and Wormtail spent it shoveling manure while Padfoot and I had tend to the baby unicorns.

"You know, they really are rather adorable." Sirius said as he knelt down to pet one of them. The unicorn gave Sirius a small lick on his hand and Sirius giggled like a school girl. "Yes Padfoot, we all know they are adorable. But we are not supposed to be petting them. Kettleborn will have our hides if we don't get this shit done." Sirius rolled his eyes and pulled himself up using my arm. In a pretentious voice with a face that some would have felt good for an undertaker to use, "See that is the difference between you and me. You are all business. I on the other hand take time to appreciate the finer things in life, such as cute little unicorn babies." He grabbed my hand (sending a strong shiver up my arm and into my spine and…other more private areas.) and lead me to one that was eating some grass. "Come on Mooney, just pet one. Even your icy heart will melt." Be brought me closer and stuck out my hand close to the unicorn. It looked up and smelled my hand. It let out a large cry of fear and took off as fast as its weak legs would allow it.

I look over to Sirius whose face is contorted in shock. I can't help but chuckle a little. "You forget Padfoot that it can smell my true nature. It thinks I'm going to have a yummy meal of cute baby unicorn stew." Sirius, still a little wide eyed nodded slowly. "Ah, yes, well, just because you smell like a dangerous and blood thirsty monster doesn't mean that is your true nature." I don't respond and continue to magic the new fence into place. After a few seconds a silence Sirius takes his place next to me and starts working with me. The silence lasts for a good ten minutes, which I don't think Sirius has ever allowed to happen. Finally, out of the corner of my eye I see him looking at me. "Sirius, if you are done with that section you can start on the one at the end." Sirius doesn't move, but lowers his head and sighs. "So, did you know that Samantha and I broke up after lunch?"

I shake my head. "No, I didn't." Privately I cheered. Samantha was a good girl and I considered her a friend. Before Ancient Runes (which none of the Marauders took) her and I would sit together and chat and it was always fun. When she and Sirius became Sirius I couldn't help but view her with anger…like she had somehow stolen my friend. Within a few weeks as I thought of why my sudden anger at her I had realized a horrible truth which I had suppressed for a while. I had always felt closer to Sirius and had always enjoyed his company more than the other individual marauders. I knew I had same-sex attractions. I didn't let this worry me much as regardless of orientation no one would or could give two shits about a werewolf, especially an ugly nerdy one.

"Are you wondering why I am telling you this now and not earlier?" I looked at Sirius and shrug my shoulders. "Because I'm your mate and they usually keep each other informed on this sort of thing." I wave my wand and a piece of wood settled itself into place on the fence. I saw Sirius rub his right hand through his hair. I see him take three deep breaths and lower his head. "No. That isn't it. I'm telling you because from what I understand your name is going to be dragged into it."

I cock mu head and give him a look. I am shocked to see how stressed he is. His head was hanging down and he seemed very interested in a few pebbles on the ground. This was all very un-Padfoot like. "Why on earth will my name be dragged into it? Did she realize the errors of her life and realized she was in love with me?" Sirius shifted uncomfortably. "No, that's not the reason. She thinks that I like someone else and she didn't approve." I want to roll my eyes and change the subject. I couldn't care less about which girl this week he was crushing on…well…I actually could care less…a lot less, it would make my life easier. But, being a good friend I feigned interest. "So, who does Samantha think the lucky person is?" There was a beat of silence before he answered. "She thinks it's you."

My gaze snapped from the fence to Sirius. He was no longer staring at the ground, now he stared at me. His face had a look of trepidation on it. Unsure exactly what to say or even think I chuckled dully. "Well, that's just silly and awkward." Sirius took a few steps to be just a hair away from me. "One would think so." I nodded, Sirius brought his lips to my ear and barely above a whisper said, "But one would be wrong." His closed the distance between us and lightly placed a kiss on my cheek.

Without thought, without full understanding what was happening, I felt the rush of blood, my skin turning beet red, I also suddenly felt myself turn, place my hands on his chest and pushed him away. This took him by surprise and he went backward, falling to the ground. The shock, pain, and anger were obvious on his face. "I don't know what you are playing at Black, but stop this now." Sirius, still on the ground glared at me. "I'm not playing at anything Lupin. She was right. I've known it for ages I was just too scared to do anything. She said she was going to tell the school and I figured you'd like to hear it from me. I also figured that since you weren't making a move, I would." He pulled himself up from the ground and looked at me. "Moony, I'm not blind and neither are you. I mean, look at us. What two guy friends sit on each other laps?" I interrupt him. "We only do that when there are no other chairs." He laughed bitterly. "That's utter rubbish and you know it. How many times have we done that when it's only the four of us in the common room? How many times do friends share a bed when one is having a nightmare and can't sleep? How many bloody guys do you know who lay their heads on each other shoulder and keep it there?"

I open my mouth to answer. It takes a few minutes as I think of ways to refute his questions…and I can't. I grasped widely for an explanation. "We are close friends, that's it. I'm not into you like that." Sirius took a step closer, he was getting red faced, his hands were balled up…the sign that his temper was about to break. "Close my arse. Prongs and Wormtail never do anything of that stuff to me nor I to them. Come on, you know you sound ridiculous right?" I started to respond when Professor Kettlebburn came through the thicket that surrounded the new fence. "Boys, that will be all. So help me mother of Merlin if my hand ever dances off again…" Kettleburn turned and stalked away muttering something that sounded like "Bloody kids…" and "Their mothers should be punished for bringing them into the world…"

Without a word or a look to Sirius, I started toward the castle, walking much faster than I would normally do. I could hear Sirius coming behind me. "Moony, don't ignore me." I walked all the more faster…"Remus John Lupin stop being a prat and listen to me." I broke into a full run. I was much faster than Sirius and I got to the castle a full 3 minutes before he would. That was plenty of time. Poking my way through a couple secret passages, I was at the common room in less than five minutes. I made my way into the dorm and pulled out my wand. "Accio Map!". The map zoomed out of James's trunk. I grabbed it and left the dorm. I made my way down the stairs into the common room, making a straight line for the fat lady. "Mooney! How was detention?" I cast a glance to my left and see James with a faltering smirk. Without a word to him I made my way to one of my favorite places.

I have been sitting here for almost an hour, just thinking. Why am I acting like a twelve year old girl? Why am I running away from a guy who I like and has now said he likes me? "Because it will never work." I think to myself. I knew Sirius's reputation among the ladies had been highly exaggerated, both by him and other girls. But he did have the habit of dating someone a week or so than moving on. If he did that to me…it would probably spell the end of the Marauders…and wasn't it better to simply be friends and not risk it? Plus, like the full moon and the transformation that followed, I had long ago accepted the idea of living my life alone. "I'm just broken goods" I mutter to myself. I pull out the map and my wand. Touching the latter to the former, "I solemnly swear I am up to no good." The map springs to life, a web of lines forming themselves into the map springs to life, a web of lines forming themselves into the castle. I let my eyes rove over the map. Dumbledore was walking around his office while it seemed McGonagall and Slughorn were sitting. Lily was in the library. I look to Gryffindor tower and see Sirius and peter in the dorm. I lean forward and study the map intently to find James. I find him…he's standing right behind me.