Title: Impossible
Author: Augustana Rae, AugustanaRae@hotmail.com
Rating: R. Some minor adult situations. The rating might be harsh but I didn't want anyone getting mad!
Summary: Elizabeth reflects on her relationships with Lucky and Jason and makes a choice.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, nor am I making any money.
Author's notes: For those who aren't up with the current storyline, Jason returned asked Elizabeth for help. She hid him in her studio, lying to Lucky in the process, and finally tells him. He doesn't take it well. Review me please!!
Impossible
There was something about him that captivated me every time I looked at him. He's so beautiful; he's a work of art in himself. I long to paint him on canvas and spread the feelings he stirs in me with the tip of my brush, but to do so would declare to the world my feelings for him. Feelings for him? Wait a minute…. How could I have feelings for him? It was an impossibility. And yet it had happened.
When I saw him in my apartment he brought back such a sudden rush of all the feelings he had once inspired in me and still did. He was my salvation. He still is. I wanted to hold him forever and be safe pressed tight to him, my cheek pressing against his leather and smelling the smell that is him. It's hard to even describe the sensations he gives me. It's like I feel everything in the world is all right and I am at total peace. I don't have to worry about a thing because he's here and he accepts me for who I am. Such an astonishingly simple thing, yet he is the only one in my life who feels that way.
Lucky's changed. Maybe I've changed. We're not the same two young kids in love. I think we've both grown up a lot and realized that everything is not brownies and boxcars and perfection. I'm not perfect, and we're not the only two people in the world anymore. We can never go back to what we had. To do so would be to live a lie. And that would make us walking hypocrites. How can I bear to lie anymore to Lucky? But how can I bear to hurt him? I will always love Lucky… But we're young. What do we know of love? We're not little kids anymore. It was so easy then. As much as it pains me to say, it is time to move on. Lucky helped me through the worst time in my life. He was my best friend and we told each other everything. But how could I tell him about Jason? After the fire, everything changed. After Jason. Lucky must be jealous. It's not his fault. People change. Maybe it's my fault.
I felt tears begin to well up at the thought of our imminent and undoubtedly painful break-up. There was a soft rapping at the door of my studio and I rose to open it, wiping my eyes on the way. Outside was Jason, and I stood staring for a minute, my heart instantly beating faster, and my throat constricting slightly. He saw my eyes and looked concerned.
"Are you alright?" I snapped out of my daze and opened the door wider for him to come in.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Come in." His leather creaked slightly as he brushed past me and I was temporarily overwhelmed by his close proximity. He turned to look at me with his piercing eyes and I felt a tremor run through me. It was like he can see my soul.
"Are you sure?" I smiled at his caring. He and Sonny had the protective instinct. But I liked it.
I nodded and then decide to say, "I was thinking about Lucky." His eyes almost got darker there but he said nothing. "I told him how I helped you and he flipped out."
Concern fell across his face. "I'm sorry, Elizabeth. I didn't mean to cause trouble for you."
"No, it's OK," I reassured him quickly. And it was. "Jason, I don't regret what I did for you. Not at all. I'm just sorry that Lucky can't respect our friendship."
"I'm sorry to have involved you in this." He took a step closer and I swallowed, the silence ringing louder as I lost things other than him to concentrate on. He was intoxicating.
"It's OK, really. If Lucky can't understand then that is his problem…" I felt tears almost come again as I thought of how I was hurting Lucky, but I also thought of his childish antics and lack of understanding. I blinked and looked up at Jason and I immediately knew my choice.
I took a small step closer to him. "I'd do anything to help you, Jason." We were so unbelievably close and I felt the strength of his presence wash over me like waves. He was like a sedative and I reached out to him as my rock and he wrapped his arms around me. The storm crashed around us, yet we remained still.
"Thank you, Elizabeth." He kissed my hair and my heart felt lighter. I abandoned all attempt of coherent thought. All that existed was Jason and I and I was happy. Utterly happy.
I could have stayed like that forever, but after a minute he pulled away slightly and our eyes met. A force in me took over and we leaned closer, our lips brushing ever so slightly. It was so sweet and his lips were so soft I thought I would cry. I went back for more, suddenly hungry, and stretched to wrap a hand around his neck and pull him down to me, our lips crashing and tongues sliding in a moment of unbridled bliss. His arms, already wrapped around me, tightened, and I was pressed against him and there was no one else but him. It was so deliciously wonderful to be lost in him and held tight in his embrace. I saw fireworks explode behind my eyes and clawed to be closer to him. I'd never felt such a raw passion before.
Abruptly he broke free, pulling back, yet still holding on to me. We had somehow made it to my couch and I was sitting on his lap straddling him. His eyes looked gorgeous and his lips were slightly shiny; I wanted to transfer the moment to canvas.
"We shouldn't do this," he murmured, slightly out of breath. I fought to breathe in and out, my mind overwhelmed with too many emotions.
"Why?" I asked dumbly. He brought up a hand to push a strand of my hair behind my ear and I melted at his sweetness.
"Lucky…" he whispered. I came back to reality suddenly, but just as suddenly I realized it made no difference.
"We're over," I said slightly stiffly. "He couldn't accept it. Us." At that word I looked down and then up again, finding his clear eyes staring into mine.
"Are you sure?" His eyes were glinting in the reflected light and I thought about what my answer would mean. My life was changing before my eyes. I licked my lips and tasted him on me.
"Yes. Yes, I'm sure." He smiled slightly and traced my jaw line. His light touch sent a chill through me.
"You're so beautiful…" I smiled and felt a rush of warmth course through me. Jason was here. Everything was wonderful.
"You're beautiful, too…" He laughed and I reveled at the beauty of him. "I'm serious." He just smiled. Our lips found each other's again. I was lost and we were the only two people in the world. I felt bliss for the first time in his arms.
Fin.
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