Disclaimer: not mine. But I sure wish James was //sigh//
"Lily!" James cried, running after her, "Lily, what's wrong?"
"Go away Potter!" she spat over her shoulder, clutched her books closer to her chest and sped up.
"Bloody hell" the boy muttered, lengthening his strides. Lily was fast and agile, but she had little legs – James could out run her any day. "The least you can do is tell me what the hell I did wrong!"
"What you did wrong?" she repeated, voice shrill. She stopped running and twirled to face him, eyes blazing. "Nothing! You never do anything wrong, isn't that right?"
"What the hell are you on about woman?" he demanded. "One minute we're having a good old chat and the next you're throwing your pumpkin juice in my face and running away! What else am I supposed to think?"
"THINK" she repeated, laughing in derision "When have you ever done that before Potter? Don't bother starting now, you might cause some serious damage." She turned to leave again.
James was rapidly losing patience. He grabbed a hold of her arm to stop her from going. "Evan's" he said in a low voice, "I thought we were friends. Stop being a prat and tell me what's wrong"
"Let go of me James" she didn't meet his eyes, choosing to stare at the stone walls instead. He ignored her, and pulled her closer to him. "Let go of me James. Now." She hissed viciously, tugging her arm.
"No." James told her flatly, dragging her closer to him, "not until you tell me why you're so angry at me. I'm your friend you owe me –"
"I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND" Lily shrieked, "Stop fooling yourself James. Just because I decided I can tolerate your presence and put up with your inane babbling doesn't mean I'm your friend!"
James went numb at her words. She didn't mean it – she couldn't. She couldn't take away the warm feeling that had decided to stay in his tummy since the first time she had sat next to him, smiling. That had been a month ago – one month of Lily Evans laughing at his jokes, studying with him, patrolling with him without grumbling or rolling her eyes (well, she did grumble and roll her eyes but it was of a good natured kind not a Ihateyoupotterstoptalkingtome). "You're just saying that because you're angry" James said softly, desperate. She couldn't be serious.
Lily threw back her head and laughed, green eyes glinting with anger. "Oh James" she shook her head, "You're a fool. I tried. I won't deny it, I really did try. I thought I could be mature and look past your…considerable…flaws and attempt to be civil towards you, but I just can't do it anymore. I hate you. I really do. And with the NEWTS coming closer and the world events being as they are, I have more important things to do then waste my time on a person who offers me nothing. So just let me go James. Please" she whispered and James' head shot up at what he thought he heard. Was she…begging him?
But when he gazed intently into her face, searching, he saw nothing but anger and derision.
"Lily...please..." He locked eyes with her, grabbing her other arm. "Please, don't do this to me, you're tearing me apart – "
"Oh please James! Don't pretend you care for me! How stupid do you think I am? All see when you look at me is a pretty girl who won't fall for your so called charms and it drives you mental. You don't want me, you want the victory, you want to be able to boast to all your friends that after 3 years you finally got me. People are dying James, every day more and more Muggles are disappearing, and Muggleborns like me are being tortured and killed by this – by this MAN – and I might not have very much time left – "
"EXACTLY" James roared, losing his patience. "For all I know I'll come back after Christmas break and find that you're not here because you've been murdered as you sleep! I couldn't handle that, knowing that you had died hating me, thinking that I was this horrible bastard who never grew up when it's not true, knowing that we could've been friends!"
Lily's eyes were wide and she stared up at him, speechless.
"You're the one who doesn't get it Lily Evans! In 5th year…yeah alright?! It was about the conquest! You were just a pretty girl with a smart tongue who wouldn't say yes to me! But it changed! I changed! My feelings for you changed! The more I chased you, the faster you ran and the more I realized that you were amazing and beautiful and I wanted you more than anything else. I want you so much that I was happy with being friends! I was happy with what we had these past few weeks, actually talking and sharing jokes, I would've been happy to stay that way forever because at least that way I was in your life some way right?"
A small sound somewhere between a squeak and a sob escaped from Lily and she struggled weakly against his grip "Please," she whispered, "please, let me go James."
"You have no idea how much I love you Lily and how much it killed me every time you looked at me with hatred and revulsion and how ecstatic I was when ever you condescended to talk to me! You don't know how scared I am for you, and for your family, and for your friends because of this Lord Voldemort. I'm so afraid that you will die Lily and you'll leave me here alone!"
"James," she pleaded, tears rolling down her cheeks, "James, please"
"You cannot play with me like this!" he shouted, "You cannot pretend to be my friend and get my hopes up and then just leave like this and not even explain why! What did I do Lily? What in Merlin's name did I do this time?"
"You didn't do anything ok?" Lily blurted out, lip quivering. "You didn't do anything and I -" she took a shuddering breath " Tabitha was killed last week"
James blanched. Tabitha Smith had been in their house, a smiling girl with bright eyes. And a Muggleborn.
"She was my best friend" Lily continued, barely audible, "and no one knows because the Daily Prophet kept quiet about it. They don't want to scare anyone" she said with disgust. "But I'm scared. I know. I know that he's hunting down Wizards –"she sniffed, "Wizards like me and I'm scared. And I'm scared because I know that people like you are going to try to save me and I don't want you to die!" she burst into tears and when she pulled her arm away to wipe at her face, James let go gently. "I don't want you to die" she repeated fiercely, "because you are my friend and I can't take another person who I care about dying. And I'd rather you hate me and live. So I tried to make you hate me" she laughed wetly, sniffing, "but you wouldn't let me."
"Lily" James murmured, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. He smiled at her and drew her into a hug. She sniffed again and wrapped her arms around his back, resting her cheek on his chest. "You git. I could never hate you. And even if you hated me for the rest of your life I would always die for you. You'd probably die saying 'Potter you big headed prat'"
Lily giggled a bit and he felt her shaking her head against him. "James…I'm sorry." She whispered. "I just get so scared sometimes. All my friends are avoiding me. They're afraid to be associated with me, scared for their lives and their families."
James sighed, rubbing her back comfortingly. "I know love," he rested his cheek on her head, "but I'll never run away from you. I'll always look after you. Especially if you don't want me to, ok?"
"Do you promise?" Lily asked him, holding onto him tightly.
James' heart skipped a beat and his stomach tightened. "I promise." He assured her, kissing the top of her head. He hesitated – he didn't want to ruin this moment, but he had to try one last time – "Lily." He swallowed, "Lily…will you come with me to Hogsmeade next weekend?"
She didn't answer for a very long time, and James' heart plummeted. Well he'd gone and ruined it, he thought bitterly, she was never going to talk to him again.
"Ok."
"I'm so sorry Lily I shouldn't hav- what?" He gazed down at her in shock.
She was looking up at him, grinning cheekily. "I said ok. But Sirius is not allowed to follow us and make crude gestures at us. Or the date is off."
James smiled in delight and gave a great big whoop, punching the air. "YES" He shouted, making Lily giggle. "Come on!" he said excitedly, "I have to tell Moony, and you have to come with me. He won't believe me otherwise."
James started to power walk down the corridor and Lily hurried to catch up, slipping her hand into his.
A/N: I love this story. I don't think I did it justice, but yeah. //smiles// review please!
Oh and excuse the horrible name…I'm not good at naming things ahaha