Author's Notes: I've been in a little bit of a writing funk. I was asked to contribute to an Advent Challenge for a Detty community, so it forced me to try to get back in writing mode. I tend to lean more towards angst and drama, but it's a Christmas challenge, so I thought I'd keep it light and playful.
Disclaimer: Even if I wished to own Ugly Betty or its characters for Christmas, my wish was not granted. That is why I'm writing fan fiction and not a script to a movie. :(
"Daniel, this is the fourth Christmas tree you've come here to help decorate," Ignacio pointed out.
Daniel looked up at the older man while he threaded the needle through the pattern of popcorn and cranberries, pricking his finger in the process.
"Ow!" He sucked the blood off his fingertip. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to impose on your family tradition. I just didn't want to put up a tree at home with no one there. I'll go."
"Nonsense. Sit down," Ignacio interjected. "Of course we don't mind you being here. You bought the tree. You should get to decorate it too."
"I think what my Papi is getting at is that this is your fourth time decorating our Christmas tree and you have yet to contribute an ornament," Betty playfully scolded him as she brought out a plastic bin of craft supplies and placed it across Daniel at the dining room table.
Daniel's eyes bulged out. "Wh-what is that? Oh no, I don't do arts and crafts!" He wave his arms in front of him to signal Betty to keep the supplies away from him. The entire Suarez clan gawked at his abnormal insistence making Daniel feel the need to explain himself. "In first grade, I spilled an entire bucket of green paint on the newly carpeted classroom floor. In third grade, I poked my eye with a broken popsicle stick. I had to wear an eye patch for two weeks and everyone called me Captain Klutz. And in fourth grade, I accidentally cut off six inches of this girl's hair because I thought it was the rope for my homemade hanging planter. To name a few incidences. Martha Stewart is my mortal enemy."
"You were a kid, Daniel. I'm sure your skills are a little more passable now," Betty reassured him as she tried to hold back her laughter.
"What's the big deal? So it's a little glitter and glue. What could go wrong? Have you seen Betty's baby Jesus?" Hilda said between bites of popcorn. Betty picked up a handful and tossed it at her sister.
"But if you need any help with the Bedazzler, just let me know. I'm a pro with that thing," Justin added.
"Come on, Daniel. Just think of it as an initiation type of thing. I'm sure you've had do to worse things to get into Sigma Chi. All you have to do to be a part of this family is make one stinkin' ornament. Well, that or you can marry me. You choose."
"Fine," Daniel surrendered prompting Betty to enthusiastically open the lid of the craft box. "Will you marry me, Betty Suarez?"
"Hey! I don't remember giving you my blessing!" Ignacio's voice called out from the kitchen.
"Daniel! Honestly, does paper and glue scare you so much that marrying me is a more appealing option?" Betty stood in front of him with her hands on her hips.
"Yes, actually, but if it makes you happy, I'll make a stupid ornament." Daniel dug his hands into the bin immediately getting tangled up in silver tinsel. "Ugh. You see? Crafts hate me."
"Drama queen." Betty unpacked a gallon jug of glue, old newspapers, and a bag of deflated balloons. "How does papier mâché sound to you?"
"Sounds like an incurable disease," Daniel muttered as he unraveled his hand from its metallic entanglement.
Betty rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh.
"You know what? Making Christmas ornaments every year has been one of my favorite traditions since I was four and my mom brought home leftover pine cones and googly eyes from the daycare center she worked at. If you're just going to be a Danny Downer, then forget it." Betty violently poured glue into styrofoam bowls and tore up newspaper pages as if the front page featured bunnies getting slaughtered.
Daniel was quietly contemplating the escape route she had just given him, but couldn't help feeling a tinge of guilt from the hurt expression on her face. He stood up and touched her arm to appease her.
"I'm sorry. Show me how do this paper machete you speak of."
"Papier MÂCHÉ," she replied, her tone only beginning to melt. She handed Daniel two latex balloons. "Here. Blow these into two little balls."
Daniel, Hilda, and Justin all responded with stifled snorts and snickers.
Betty rolled her eyes at the three. "Har. Har. Very funny, kids. Dirty minds…"
Hilda slipped into her coat and grabbed her purse. "Alright, well on that note, I gotta go take Justin to his rehearsal for A Christmas Carol… "
"I'm Tiny Tim. I wanted to play Scrooge, but they said my face was too friendly or whatever. Hello? Stage makeup!" Justin rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.
Papi popped out of the kitchen. "Let me come with you! I need to get more masa for the tamales."
"We'll make our ornaments when we get back," Hilda called out as she closed the door behind them.
Betty turned to Daniel with her signature excitement.
"Craft time, yay! So the first thing you're going to do is strip these," she instructed as she demonstrated the tearing of the newspaper. "And dip it in here to get it nice and wet…"
Daniel bit his bottom lip.
"Then you gently pull it out…" Betty continued as Daniel now had to cover his smirk with his hand.
"You take your two fingers like this, and run them down the whole length so it's just a little moist. You don't want it oozing with that sticky, white stuff." Unable to control himself any longer, Daniel burst into a fit of laughter.
"What is so funny?" Betty asked, completely oblivious to her own innuendos. Daniel, his face bright red from laughing, simply shook his head unable to speak any words.
When he finally composed himself, he cleared his throat and said, "Nothing. You just make papier mâché sound a lot more fun than it really is."
Betty beamed.
"Aww, thanks! I really do enjoy it more with you than doing it by myself," she innocently replied which triggered another episode of hysterics to erupt from Daniel. "Okaaay. I don't really know why that's funny."
He wiped the tears from his eyes. "Alright. I'm sorry. What do I do next?"
"Well, then you lay it against the rubber and you can rub down on the piece to make it smooth. And you just do it over and over again! When you're done, you just wait until it gets hard before you can do all the fun stuff to it." Betty looked up at Daniel's face – stone still except for the subtle flaring of his nostrils as he was clearly making an effort not to laugh again. "Okay, it's your turn to get your hands dirty."
"You're really not doing that on purpose, are you?"
"You're actually doing a pretty good job, Daniel. Your 'executive snowman' ornament is going to look great on the tree."
"Yeah. I'm quite impressed with myself, but I'm surprised I haven't had any disasters yet," Daniel replied as he smoothed over the last layer of paper over his balloon.
"Admit it, you had fun making your ornament," Betty egged him on.
"Okay, okay. Who knew dipping your hands in goop could be so therapeutic?" he said with a humble nod. "But the best part is just being a part of such a long-standing family tradition. It's different. Good different."
Betty affectionately held his chin in her hand. "Daniel, you know, you'll always have a place in this family."
Daniel pulled away from her touch and reached up to wipe the stubble on his chin. "Ugh! Did you just get sticky goop on me?"
Betty giggled and blushed. "I'm sorry! I honestly forgot my hands were dirty!"
"I know you did it on purpose," Daniel slowly stood up with a mischievous smirk. "You know you're going to pay for that, right?"
Betty began backing away, searching the area for something she could use in her defense. Her hand darted into the craft bin and resurfaced with a small bag of assorted feathers.
"Aha! The ol' tar-and-feathers trick works every time! I hear feathering is 'in' this season, what do you thi—" Before she could finish, a wad of gummy newspaper hit her square in the glasses, obstructing her view in one eye.
"Dalton Tigers pitcher. 1994 MVP. Booyah!" Daniel boasted in Betty's face. Though all it took was a split second, Daniel watched – in slow motion – dozens of brightly colored feathers flying into his face.
"Who's laughing now, Toucan Sam?" Betty teased back.
Daniel's face turned serious. "I am going to give you a three second head start and then you are going to get a faceful of all this gooey, sticky, dripping wet mess." He held up his hands and curled his fingers. "One…"
Betty took off running out of the dining room. Bounding up the staircase in search of refuge in her bedroom, she turned to locate her pursuer causing her to lose her footing and slip on the edge of a step. Daniel, just a few steps behind, grabbed hold of her legs to keep her from sliding down further.
"Oh my gosh! Betty, are you alright?" Daniel asked with feathers and genuine concern on his face. "I-I'm so sorry for chasing you up the stairs."
Betty picked up her glasses that had flown loose from her face. "No, I'm okay. You can let go now." Daniel loosened his grip on her legs. "Daniel. Let go."
"I'm trying, Betty, but my hands are stuck," he replied as he repeatedly tugged at her jeans.
Betty kicked her legs in a panic. "What do you mean 'stuck'?"
"I mean, my hands are papier mâché'd to your thighs." Daniel pushed down on her wriggling limbs. "Could you please just stay still so I can try to unstick myself?"
He continued to pull and jerk his hands but they remained affixed to her pants.
"I think you need to soak your hands in water to dissolve the glue," Betty nervously suggested.
Daniel looked up at her incredulously. "Really? And how am I going to get my hands to some water?"
"Well, no need to get snarky. I'm just saying." She took a moment to think and canvas her surroundings. "Maybe we can make it up to the bathroom and figure out some way to wash it off."
The two of them tried, in vain, to coordinate their movements up the stairs – Betty crawling backwards and Daniel hunched over her.
"Uf!" Daniel tripped over Betty's leg and his own arm and landed compromisingly on top of her. His nose rested tip to tip with hers as he paused to look into her shocked expression. Betty burst into laughter.
"Your feathers are tickling my chin!" she said between giggles. Daniel teasingly wiggled his chin to tickle her some more. "Okay, okay! Stop!"
They heard the front door open as Hilda returned home. She caught sight of the two of them lying down on the stairs with Daniel on top of Betty, his hands tightly clutching her thighs.
"Hilda!" they exclaimed in unison.
Hilda put her hands up and shook her head. "Don't ask, don't tell. But could you at least go upstairs to finish whatever you two are doing before Justin or Papi see you?"
Daniel turned his attention back to Betty. "Here. Why don't we try this? Just hold on. I'll carry you up the stairs."
Betty wrapped her arms around his neck and straddled his waist. "Are you sure this is a good idea? I don't think you can carry me."
"Please. You insult me. And you."
He lifted her up with ease and carried her the rest of the way to the upstairs bathroom. He laid her down on the edge of the sink. Betty turned the faucet to let the water run as Daniel maneuvered to try and get his hand underneath the stream. Betty squirmed and shimmied to get her legs to fit under the low clearance of the faucet head.
"This is not going to work, Daniel," she conceded, turning the knobs off.
"The shower!" Daniel suggested eagerly as he pulled Betty off the counter toward the tub.
"Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Are you suggesting we hop in the shower together? With our clothes on?" she asks defiantly. "Uh uh!"
"Would you prefer hopping in with our clothes off? 'Cause that might be a little difficult seeing as that my hands are attached to your a—" Daniel stopped short as his face lit up with an idea. "That's it! Just take off your pants!"
She stared at him in shock and disbelief. "You have got to be kidding. I might be the last woman in New York to say this to you, but I'm not taking my pants off for you."
"Fine then, don't. We can just be stuck together all night," he said with a shrug. "But you might have to help me take my pants off. I did have quite a bit of hot apple cider to drink."
Betty winced. "Eww, no. Okay, fine, I'll take my pants off, but you have to close your eyes until I leave the room!"
"Deal."
"Pinky swear?"
"I don't have use of my pinkies. Come on, we're not in junior high," he urged her impatiently. Betty rolled her eyes as she pinched the top of her jeans to ease open the button and slide the zipper down. She paused to check if Daniel's eyes were still closed.
"Your lashes are fluttering," Betty pointed out.
"Betty! I'm not peeking!" Daniel retaliated. "Now drop those pants, woman!"
Betty smacked his shoulder playfully. "Shut up!"
Daniel felt her jeans slide down her legs as his hands followed them down to the floor. Once Betty had stepped out of them, Daniel picked up the pile of denim and placed it on his lap while he waited for Betty to make her exit. As the bathroom door creaked open, he felt the urge to take one very quick peek at what Betty was hiding underneath her many layers of psychedelic patterns, her poofy skirts, and bulky coats every day. He knew he should keep his promise not to look, but there was something innately curious in him that forced his eyelids to flash open.
He was pleasantly surprised by the fleeting preview he got. She was much smaller than her daily ensembles made her appear. Her petite stature, along with her braces and choice of clothing, always made her seem a bit juvenile, but underneath all of that, she was so very much a woman. Daniel shook his head as if to free himself from the practically incestuous thoughts that were running through his mind. A flood of guilt washed over him as he realized his broken promise to her. Those kinds of perverted thoughts were precisely why Betty insisted he shut his eyes. He mentally chastised himself while he soaked his hands and her jeans in a sinkful of soapy water.
"You're not peeing, are you?" Betty's muffled voice interrupted from the other side of the bathroom door.
"No, come in," he called back.
Betty stepped in wearing a pair of black leggings with her fitted pink sweater. Daniel admired her curves in the reflection on the medicine cabinet.
"So I guess I should have believed you when you said arts and crafts always end in disaster for you," she joked as she came up to pluck the few remaining feathers from his scruffy chin .
Daniel pried his hands free from the jeans and scrubbed the residual glue off his palms. "Yeah. That was definitely a disaster. Probably in the Top 5."
"The good news is you are now an honorary Suarez for life." Betty handed Daniel a towel. "And you didn't even need to marry me."
"I kind of feel like I should after what I just put you through. Gotta make an honest woman out of you," Daniel teased with a wink.
"Alright… come on. My family's back. Let's go finish decorating the tree and give Frosty the Snow-Dan a new home."