Of Wishes, Ghosts and Profits
The day was Halloween and the residents of St. Canard, adults and children alike, were excited for the occasion. This excitement was not only shared by the common citizens, but also by a certain masked mallard and the rogue gallery of the city. Halloween was one of the most caper riden holidays of the year and it was a holiday most villains looked forward too, all except one.
Negaduck, St. Canard's public enemy number one, had no use for what he deemed a childish event for screaming kids. While he was never against spreading terror or discontent among the populace by ruining their merriment, he also wasn't interested in being part of what he referred to as the small time criminal element who wouldn't be able to pull off a large scale operation even if Darkwing Duck and all the police in the city dropped dead at once. Public enemy number one had an image to maintain and he was always looking at the big picture when it came to crimes.
In that spirit, Negaduck had called the other four members of the Fearsome Five. He wanted to plan another big heist and he decided that Halloween, a time when the police and Darkwing Dip would be otherwise occupied, was the best time to hash out the details. That, and it gave him the opportunity to ruin any fun plans the knobs might have come up with for the day. The mere thought of that made the mean-spirited mallard smile with hidden glee.
As the rest of the Fearsome Five filed into the warehouse hideout that they used for planning their next crime spree, their leader would have been disappointed to know only one of them had been miffed about their being summoned on a holiday. Megavolt might have been interested in saving some of the electronic Halloween decorations from slavery, but as he figured those decorations were only used against their will for a handful of days in one month. Thus, while their enslavement still bothered him, it wasn't nearly as bad as the appliances that were used against their will year round.
Bushroot, being the weed wimp that he was, hated Halloween and everything to do with it. The plant mutant couldn't stand scary movies, which were a staple for the season. Then there were the gory costumes and ugly masks that everybody wore to frighten the people around them, particularly him. Add in the otherworldly aspects of the day and the part where bratty kids showed up at your house and trampled all the innocent grass on your lawn and you had the makings for one day where a certain botanist would be sure to stay inside his well-lit Greenhouse.
Liquidator disliked the holiday as well, but for a completely different reason. The water dog was a salesman at heart and a good salesman always wanted to be making more money selling products than his competitors. Unfortunately, Halloween favored the sales of sugary beverages such as soda and alcohol over his fabulous bottled water. That alone irked him, not to mention that he felt the entire day was a bit too childish for his tastes.
Quackerjack, on the other hand, was still quite a kid at heart. All the costumed people running about in the streets made him feel much more normal in his jester attire. It was really the one day a year he could walk freely around St. Canard without suspicion or stares. The candy also helped considering that this clown had always had a sweet tooth. Though what he usually enjoyed most about the holiday was making toys for it. If there was one holiday that appreciated violent and gruesome toys, Halloween was it. It made the toymaker jubilant to find even a few days a year where his destructive creativity could come in handy.
However, this year was a little different. Quackerjack was still happy with the costumes, candy and toymaking, but his main interest for the day was in the supernatural. The jester believed in occult powers and beings, particularly after meeting Paddywhack, and he wanted to use this power to his advantage. He had recently come across information about a certain special gem stone that had been placed in the St. Canard Natural History Museum. Intrigued about the rumors surrounding the stone, he quickly hatched a plan to infiltrate the museum and test its powers for his own purposes.
Thus, it was with great impatience that Quackerjack endured Negaduck's taunts about his team mates incompetence and the deliberately slow pace for the planning of their next crime. The worked-up jester couldn't fathom how the other three villains could stand remaining so serious when they could be out enjoying the day and having so much fun. He was constantly fighting the urge to pull on the ends of his jester hat, stomp his feet and holler in frustration, knowing that none of those things were likely to sit well with their humorless boss. Patience had never been one of his virtues—not that he had many virtues to begin with.
Finally, after interminable hours of bickering over roles, being yelled at by their boss and general torment, Negaduck decided he'd had enough of the geek squad and that the plan would work better if just came up with the whole thing himself. Rolling his eyes and muttering about hopeless losers, he strode purposefully out of the double doors of the warehouse, slamming them behind him as he left. Megavolt, Bushroot and Liquidator just shrugged at the abrupt exit, more or less used to Negaduck's violent, (sometimes literally), mood swings and began heading for the doors themselves. They were stopped short by an exuberant Quackerjack, who somersaulted over them and landed in between them and the double doors.
"Ah, come on guys. What's your hurry? We just got here, so why don't we have some fun?"
"'Just got here?'" Megavolt repeated incredulously. "How is standing around a cramped, smelly warehouse for half a day just getting here?"
"Oh, you can be so literal sometimes." Quackerjack pouted at his best friend. "You know how facts like those bring everybody's day down, Sparky."
"Don't call me—"
"This alert business partner heard you say something about fun, is that correct?" Liquidator cut in, not wanting to hear another rant about a certain loathed nickname.
"Yeah, um, what sort of 'fun' do you have in mind?" Bushroot asked nervously wringing his leaves together. He knew that what the jester considered fun was not exactly compatible with his definition of the word.
"Why, Halloween-related fun, silly." Quackerjack answered the wary plant mutant as he cartwheeled over to a large, bulging brown sack. He untied the sack, then pulled a square object out of it. He threw it to the floor where it immediately sprung up into a ping pong table. Once the table was ready, Quackerjack lifted the heavy sack and poured its contents onto the surface. Candy of all types spilled over the table and on the floor, along with some painted flower pots featuring ghosts and pumpkins, lighted Halloween decorations and some bottles of flavored bottle water. Mixed in everywhere were some of the toymaker's own Halloween themed toys that were just as dangerous as they were ghastly.
"There, I think that's all of it. Since it is a holiday today, I thought I'd spread a little cheer to some of my favorite playmates." The jester spoke casually as he looked at his nails. He then noticed that none of them were moving towards the table. "Come on now, don't be shy! I got this stuff for you guys, after all. It's not going to bite you or at least, most of it won't." He added remembering the Cerberus stuffed toy he'd created with razor sharp teeth that would snap if anything got too close to the mouth.
Shrugging, Megavolt walked up to the table and picked a chewy caramel off it, unwrapped it and popped it in his mouth. Bushroot followed him hesitantly and carefully picked up the flower pot, not wanting to chance touching one of Quackerjack's toys. He turned it around in his hands and smiled as he thought that the design wasn't too scary. The plant mutant knew a few male plants who might like a less girly pot to live in. Liquidator sloshed up last and observed the products on the table in an appraising way. He turned his head towards the jester who was now rocking back and forth on his heels.
"It seems that our well-informed associate has brought us something that each of us would like." Quackerjack grinned and nodded, while the ex-salesman kept his face completely impassive. "Might this be a way of getting us on your good side as a way to curry favors for some later engagement?" The jester's grin completely faded as his compatriot read between the lines. He placed his hands on his hips as a response.
"Ah, come on, can't a guy buy some things for his best buddies without being accused of bribery?" Quackerjack asked with feigned innocence.
"Not when the buyer is a criminal." Liquidator replied glibly with an watery eyebrow raised in question. Both Bushroot and Megavolt shared his disbelief of the jester's sincerity and they let it show in their facial expressions.
"Okay, okay, you guys called my bluff." The jester's face changed from childish to maniacal almost instantly. "Actually, I was wondering if all of you would be interested in a Halloween caper of sorts."
"Define your terms and the rest of us may or may not sign on." The liquid dog proclaimed with the other two nodding along.
"Oh, you won't want to miss out on this particular game, I assure you!" Quackerjack gave a short excited bounce before he launched into his explanation. "You see, Halloween night always changes the rules of this reality game we all have to play with. It bends them and makes the impossible possible and I just love rule bending in my games!"
Megavolt, Bushroot and Liquidator all shared a mystified look wondering if their friend had gone a little crazier than normal. The botanist, uneasy about the prospect of messing with the laws of the universe, decided to voice his hesitation.
"Um...Quackerjack, while that sounds like fun and all, I kind of like the universe the way it is. You know, the whole part about having a planet full of life is just fine with me. I think we should just follow the rules we have."
"You always have played by the rules, Bushy." Quackerjack had pulled out his paddle ball and started playing with it while the other villain was talking. "That's why you always lose every game you play."
Bushroot crossed his arms and sulked at the comment as Megavolt snickered beside him.
"Seriously, though Quacky, Bushy here does have a point." The electric rat noted as the jester finally lost his paddle ball game. "How exactly do you intend to bend the rules of reality? I know for a fact you didn't get a degree in physics."
"And I know for a fact that you never went to college." The toymaker retorted with a raspberry. His best friend rolled his eyes at the gesture. "You sciency types always tend to make things complicated when they don't have to be. Even if I don't have some fancy, rocket science degree I can still read and I found the perfect ace to put up my sleeve for my genius plot. It's right here in this magazine!"
Quackerjack pulled out a rolled up magazine from the puffy sleeve on his right side and displayed it proudly for his teammates to see. The three of them came closer and when they saw the title, they all truly thought that the clown had to be playing a joke on them.
"You're ingenious plot is based off of something you found in 'The St. Canard Natural History Musuem' magazine?'" Bushroot asked in complete disbelief. Their crazy friend was not exactly known for taking an interest in reading anything serious. That and the fact that a museum was one of the last places on Earth that the mutant scientist could imagine the toymaker setting foot in made Bushroot a tad suspicious.
"This puzzled compatriot would like to know if their spokesman realizes that the book he's holding is somewhat educational and has nothing to do with comics or brightly colored pictures." Liquidator observed with his head tilted to one side, sharing the same doubts about this new development that his plant-loving associate did.
"You guys are so mean." Quackerjack said with a big, sad pout, which was immediately replaced with a big, wide grin. He jumped in between Liquidator and Bushroot and put his arms around their shoulders. "That's why I like you so much. You two are right, of course, about a museum being a dull, boring place that I would normally never, ever, ever want to go to, but with a little imagination even the most monotonous of places can turn into a fun place to play."
"Cut the antics, Quacky." Megavolt said in annoyance. "Just tell us what's in this museum that makes you want to go there."
Quackerjack abruptly let go of the two other villains and did a twirl so that he was positioned in front of the group again. He flipped the magazine to the page he wanted and presented it for the others to look over.
"This, my dear friends, is what makes me want to go there!" The toymaker pointed to the title of the page, which read 'Myths and Legends Exhibit.' "Specifically, this chinta-whosiwhatsits thing."
"Yeah, that's real specific all right." Bushroot muttered sarcastically under his breath. Quackerjack either didn't hear the comment or he chose to ignore it.
"It's a green gem that was said to come from the Far East. Supposedly gems like these were used by the enlightened people of the civilization to give them powers or grant wishes. It's the latter aspect that I am most interested in."
"Hang on there, chuckles." Megavolt put in as he scanned the page in front of him. "You said this mystic jewel is used by 'enlightened' people. Why in the world would this fancy stone want to give you anything you asked for? You don't really fit in the category of the enlightenment as I understand it."
"Well, this particular gem doesn't exactly follow the typical rules of enlightenment." Quackerjack spoke in a sneaky voice with mirth sparkling in his eyes. "The nickname for this stone is 'The Rogue's Gem' because it only grants wishes of those with ill-intent. In fact, this pretty little gem was smashed up centuries ago after the civilians declared it an evil thing that should never be used again. They thought if they broke it, then all the wishes and powers the thing had granted would be reversed. Fortunately for me, they broke it into big enough pieces so that the archeologists could rebuild the gem.
"Of course, those dull research-types think the whole thing is just one big folk tale and that the gem is completely harmless. They could be right or they could just be a bunch of depressing sticks-in-the-mud with no imagination. Since I play to win and consider myself a risk-taker, I'm going to go with door number two. I think this jewel may indeed be able to grant a wish of mine and I figured that I'd even my odds a bit by planning this heist on Halloween. After all, it is the holiday where everything occult in nature is supposed to happen.
"So, this is where you guys get to play a part! That museum is huge and has a lot of security guards and cameras. If anything is going to happen, I'm going to need the three of you to help me sneak into the place without notice, knock out those pesky guards and short-out the security cameras. " He rolled the magazine back up and stuck it up his sleeve as he looked at each of his teammates' faces with a wide grin. "So, what do you guys think?"
"Let me see if this discriminating consumer has this right." Liquidator started letting some of his disapproval show in his voice. "You want the three of us to help you break into a museum get this mystical gem stone that supposedly grants wishes so that you can use it." Quackerjack nodded exuberantly causing the aqua dog to frown. "The Liquidator does not work for free or for the profit of others unless he somehow profits himself."
"Even if it's for one of your best buddies?" The jester gave him the best childish, pleading look he could muster. It had no affect on the ex-salesman who continued to frown and crossed his arms over his chest. Knowing that he wouldn't win against the dog, he turned to the other two villains who looked equally unimpressed.
"No offense, but the entire scheme is sketchy at best." Bushroot said with a shrug.
"Besides, if there's nothing in it for us then there's no reason we should help you." Megavolt echoed Liquidator as he watched the toymaker pulled the magazine back out and frantically flipped through the pages.
"I think I can fix that little snag. Where did I see...Ah! Here it is!" Quackerjack was now displaying a page with pictures of coins on it. "There's another exhibit going on called 'The Evolution of Money.' As you all know, money didn't use to be these boring scraps of paper that only have value because somebody in the government says it does. Money used to be made into coins, namely gold and silver coins." The clown emphasized the last part knowing it would get the others attention. "The museum is supposed to be showcasing some thousand different types of coins from all over the world, not to mention a few gold bars and pricey jewels."
"Well, the Liquidator has been wanting to increase his gold investments." The water canine replied with a hand under his chin.
"I could use a few more funds in my battle for light bulb liberation..." Megavolt muttered, thinking it over.
"Then, you two will do it?" Quackerjack inquired as he bounced in place. When the two nodded he did a flip to show his enthusiasm. When he landed, he was grinning widely and turned to the one person in the room who hadn't said anything yet.
"What about you, Bushy?" Quackerjack asked Bushroot who seemed to be wringing his leaves a bit. "Are you in for some Halloween play time?"
"Oh, well, I mean, I don't know..." He replied in a hesitant voice, finally meeting Quackerjack's beady black eyes with his worried blue ones. "I-I guess I'm just concerned about this whole wishing thing. Say it does work and you can wish for something to happen...well, what if that something you wish for goes wrong? What if it ends up backfiring and all of us turn into something unpleasant, like toads or bugs and have to live the rest of our days like that!" He shook his head and shivered at the thought. "It all sounds to good to be true to me."
Quackerjack rolled his eyes and sighed theatrically. "Bushy, Bushy, Bushy, you would be so much more fun if you used those powers of yours to grow a backbone." The remark made the plant mutant ball his fists in anger at being mocked. "If you want to be safe and boring, you can stay right here in this warehouse alone."
The jester turned on his heel and smiled to himself as he slowly walked towards the double doors hoping the others would take his not-so-subtle hint and play along. He wasn't disappointed as a moment later, Megavolt joined the fun.
"Yeah and it's almost dark outside." The electric rat spoke nonchalantly as he followed the toymaker towards the exit. "Oh and just so you know, I liberated all the light bulbs in this warehouse already. The ghosts are sure to appreciate it when they start haunting this dark, dank, and disgusting shack. After all, this is their night to party."
Bushroot tried to contain himself, but a few shivers managed to run across his slender frame anyway. "G-G-Ghosts?" His voice was a few pitches higher than it normally was. Realizing this, he took a deep breath to calm himself and return his voice to normal. "Come on. There's no such thing, right?"
"Maybe. Maybe not." Megavolt stated over his shoulder in a casual way. "If you stayed here by yourself, I'm sure you'd find out."
"Hmm, yes, that could be a profitable venture!" Liquidator added in as he put his arm around the plant duck's shoulders. He panned his hand from left to right as he continued to explain his idea. "If you, Reginald Bushroot, stay here and get verifiable proof that there are indeed ghosts in the world, then you could be filthy rich. Such a discovery could make our local plant manager a millionaire!"
"Well, if you're so interested in it, that means you'll stay with me, right?" Bushroot said in a small, hopeful voice."
"By no means." Liquidator replied lightly. "The Liquidator has not signed his name on the X on the contract that says he will be a ghost hunter for a night. He can assure you that he doesn't believe in things that are not tangible." He removed his arm from Bushroot's shoulder's and started sloshing towards the doors. "The Liquidator does believe in gold coins, however, and thus his loyalty lies with his comrades who are seeking real, solid, profit. He wishes you well in your stay at the Ghost Inc. Warehouse and will be taking his leave."
All three villains exited the warehouse together and made their way down the dirt road back into the city. Quackerjack gave Megavolt and Liquidator a knowing grin, which they both returned. The jester placed his hands behind his back and started counting.
"One." He heard the doors of the warehouse open again. "Two." The sound of pounding feet could be heard behind them. "Three." A splash sounded in the disappearing daylight as Bushroot ran up behind Liquidator and clung to his back, quivering from the thought of being left behind with undead spooks.
"Change your mind?" Megavolt asked slyly.
Bushroot scowled at his tone and made a hasty retort. "I-I just didn't want to miss out on all the, uh, fun that's all."
"Or the loot?" Liquidator advised in order to give his friend another excuse.
"Uh, yeah, that too."
"Wouldn't worry about missing out, Bushy." Quackerjack said as he pulled out a pogo stick. "Fun is never in short supply when I'm around. Now, let's get to that museum. It's play time!"
The signature phrase was followed by cacophonous laughter as the toymaker bounced down the street. His other three companions shrugged at his antics and went after him.
It took about an hour and a half to get back into St. Canard and to the Natural History Museum, by which time it was quite dark. Between the four of them, it was piece of cake to take out the cameras and the guards. Megavolt took care of shorting out the place, while Bushroot tied up a few guards with his plants, Liquidator washed out a few more and Quackerjack's exploding bouncy balls took care of the rest. With the coast clear, the four of them made their way to the myths and legends exhibit.
It was one of the newer events for the museum and it didn't take them long to find the location. The four of them split up in order to find the gem and after a few minutes of searching, Bushroot finally found what they had come to get.
"Quackerjack," Bushroot called out to get the clown's attention, "I think this is what you're looking for."
Quackerjack, Megavolt and Liquidator all made their way over to the pedestal the botanist was standing by. There was a flat, rectangular, glowing green gem that had gold plating on the bottom inside the glass case. From the look of it, the toymaker guessed that it could have been used as some type of jewelry back in its time. Megavolt lit his finger with a spark of electricity to provide some light and found the inscription for the stone they were looking at.
"'Rogue's Gem.' This is the one Quacky, no doubt about it."
Quackerjack did a quick jump in the air and immediately worked to remove the glass casing from around the jewel. He took out one of his Cerberus toys and placed its mouth against the glass. The dog drew its head back, showing its razor sharp teeth, and took a big bite out of the case. Patting the dog toy affectionately, the jester placed it on the floor and stuck his arm through the hole in the glass. He picked up the gem and pulled it out without a hitch.
"Success!" The toymaker shouted as he bounced up and down in delight.
"Most impressive." Liquidator said in a purposefully neutral tone. "Well, now that we have held up our end of the deal and helped you get your wishing stone, the Liquidator believes it is time to increase our profit margins."
"You guys go ahead." The large-billed duck replied as he stared at the glowing jewel in his hand. "I'm going to stay here and think of what to wish for."
"Suit yourself." Megavolt said as he joined the ex-salesman in trying to find the money exhibit. Bushroot lingered for a moment, giving the jester a hesitant look, before he trotted along to join the others.
Once they had left, Quackerjack did a small gleeful jump in the air as he held the small, green gem in his hand. This gem was said to grant one wish to any person of ill-intent who managed to get a hold of it. He knew it might just be a fairy tale, but if it wasn't...
Oh, think of the possibilities. Quackerjack bounced in place as he thought of everything he wanted to wish for. I could wish to have the first toy ever made. No, no that's not good enough. Or I could wish for my toys to be the biggest sellers world wide. Or I could wish to own every toy store in the world. And...oh even better, I can wish Whiffle Boy out of existence. His greedy smile widened at the growing possibilities. Hmm...the eradication of Whiffle Boy...to be or not to be, that is the question.
Quackerjack was so lost in thought that he was quite startled when a familiar voice bellowed out its favorite catch phrase right behind him.
"I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the hammer that chips away at your profits. I am Darkwing Duck!"
"Ooohhhh!" The jester pulled down his hat in irritation as he whined pathetically. Still caught up in the play in his head, he spoke without thinking. "Darkwing Duck, the ever arrogant pest. I wish you had never came to be!"
Before Darkwing could come up with a witty retort, the jewel in Quackerjack's right hand began to shine with a sharp light. The jester stared at it in shock, realizing what he had just said. He shook his head in protest, the bells on his hat jingling violently.
"No, no no!" He whined again, stomping his foot with each word. "That was a mistake! It's not my—"
He never got a chance to finish as the light enveloped the whole room, completely blinding him. The colorfully clad duck closed his eyes against the intense light, feeling waves of disorientation wash over him. After a moment, the light rescinded and Quackerjack was able to open his eyes again. He was lying on the floor of the museum, only it looked nothing like the museum he had just robbed..
Sitting up, he noticed that the building he had been in previously was now much more torn up then it used to be. The ceiling had crumbled in at some parts, all the exhibits had been looted, all the windows were smashed in and some of the walls were decaying. Looking up at the sky, he could see that it was daylight outside.
"What kind of game is this?" He asked to no one in particular. The sentence echoed eerily through the empty building. Quackerjack suddenly remembered the Rogue's Gem and, numbly realized that it was no longer in his hand. He got to his feet and started searching around him, but quickly concluded that it was no use. The gem was gone.
Author's Note: *Sigh* I meant to get this one done a lot sooner than this. Oh, well. At least I got it posted today. R&R if you like the story so far. Feedback is always appreciated. I know it's early, but Happy Halloween everybody. Have a good one!