99 was in her office bored out of her mind by the lack of entertainment,
while thinking about getting a television for her office, there was a
knock. She answered in an apathetic voice, "Come in."
Maxwell Smart, Agent 86, and 99's husband was standing in the open doorway. "I got this weeks pay. Here's yours." He handed 99 her weekly paycheck. She had a feeling that it'd be higher because of the 'fate of the entire world' case she cracked. She sighed for a second thinking about how Max messed up his last mission, they had been on separate cases, which doesn't happen very often.
"What'd you know, 99? I got a raise!" Max announced happily, "and a generous one at that,"
She opened hers and her face fell, not only did she not have a raise in salary (and Max DID) but it was actually lower, by a good deal. She opened her mouth and screamed.
"You got a raise too?" Max asked, looking over at her check, "Oh my god… I got more than that when I first started working here…" She gave him a 'don't even…' look, "Shutting up now."
"This has to be a mistake," 99 looked at the front of the envelope, and it read: 'Mrs. Maxwell Smart, Agent 99.' It was indeed hers, they even finally got around to changing it to Mrs. Maxwell Smart, and everything. She crumpled up the envelope and threw it, nearly on the brink of tears.
"Yikes. Well I think I'm going to go someplace safer." Max backed out of the office slowly. 99 watched him, breathing heavily to keep from crying. After calming down a bit (but only a bit) she tromped off to the Chief's office.
"Chief!" She screamed, as the sliding doors clanked open. He looked up in alarm. "What is the meaning of this?" She slammed down her paycheck on his desk.
"Whoa!" He said as he looked at it, 99 narrowed her eyes at him. "I have no idea! I'll call and find out." By calling he meant call the guy above him (but below the president).
"Thank-you." She was relieved it wasn't the Chief's doing she didn't like being mad at the chief.
"Sir, I'm calling about 99's pay check… yes that's the one… no she's married… yes sir, happily… two kids… but none of this has anything to do with her pay… yes it's ridiculously low… Ok, I'll tell her," 99 had always despised 'the guy above the Chief' (everyone called him sir or Boss). He wasn't very gentlemanly towards 99. "99, he says if you have any gripes to go up and see him."
99 nodded, and as she walked out of the Chief's office, mumbling, "This better not be just another DUMB attempt to get me up to his office." Larabee stood up for 99.
"What are you so angry about?"
"Shut-up Larabee." She yelled before continuing on her way to the old rickety elevator.
"Everyone always tells me to Shut-up." Larabee sat down and finished what he was doing.
99 on her way up to the 16th floor, stopped at a couple of other floors on the way with agents getting on and off. Finally the doors slid open to reveal the 16th floor. She had only been up here ten times in the five years she'd worked there.
She walked up to the office door passing his blonde secretary, she'd heard rumors that he didn't keep secretary's very long, and pounded on the door, "Boss! Open up!"
The door opened, Boss took a pipe out of his mouth, and stood with one hand in his pocket, looking 99 over. "So… what brings you up here?" He sat at his desk, and motioned for 99 to sit in a chair.
"I'll stand thank you." She told him, but walking a bit closer to his desk. "I came up in regards to my paycheck." She put it down on his desk.
He picked it up and looked at it, "So?"
"So, I usually get twice that much." She said, nearly shouting with exasperation. "Not to mention, my husband got a raise after messing up, for the umpteenth time, while I break my back to save the world, not to mention, succeed, and get a salary CUT! What's the big idea?"
"Do you want to know the truth?" He asked standing up, which kind of made her wish she didn't yell and made her apprehensive.
"Yes…"
"It's because you're a woman." He sat down after realizing what strong drive 99 had, "The men got raises. And to make up the difference we cut the women's salaries."
"You despicable man! You cut EVERY woman's salary?"
"Yes, and I gave myself a nice raise with the difference as well." He chuckled to himself.
"Well, you are going to be so VERY sorry, you did this, and even more sorry that you told me! You just watch. I'll get the money back, with a raise!" And she stormed out of the office.
He watched her leave with a smile on his face, his secretary walked in, who had heard the whole conversation because the door never shut. "Aren't you worried?"
"No, a woman with a body like that, couldn't possibly have a brain." He chuckled again, and sat down at his desk. "Get me her number, would you."
"Yes, Boss."
Later on at the Smarts' apartment… "He said that?" Max asked in disbelief, after 99 explained the whole of what had happened. "Well, 99, we can switch pay checks if you want."
"It's the principle of it, Max!" 99 sighed, "I'm going to hold a meeting for all women CONTROL agents."
"Why don't you all just go to work naked?" He asked, joking around, not taking her seriously.
"You mean, like lady Godiva? Maybe we will."
"You don't have the guts, 99." Max laughed.
"Oh, don't I?"
At the meeting 99 was talking about… "… and that's why all of you have half the money you should be getting." 99 said, as a wave of talk swept over the audience of women. "So we have to take action!"
The audience answered her with a bunch of, 'I don't know's and a whole lot of skeptical faces.
"Oh come, on!" 99 persisted, "The only way to end discrimination is to take action."
"What did you have in mind?" One asked.
"Well…" 99 said smiling to herself.
The next day… Max and 99 walked into the Chief's office, to report in. 99 was wearing a large coat and Max couldn't see what she was wearing, which made him VERY curious.
"99, what do you have on under that coat?" He asked, but before she could answer the Chief interrupted.
"99, you can go. Max, stay here for a minute." The Chief waited till 99 left the office. "Max, incidentally, have you been to anyplace but here?"
"No, Chief I just got here, why do you ask."
"You'll know." The Chief sat down at his desk, "You can go." Max walked out of the room and down the hall to his office. Passing a couple of closed office doors. Just as the Chief's door closed he muttered, "And for the sake of Max's Sanity, I hope 99 doesn't know…"
He was going to open his office door, when he realized that yesterday he had left the key to his office in the copy room, again. He headed down the hall and when he got there he stopped and watched as Agent 92 ¼ stood at the copier in her under garments. She turned and smiled, "Good morning, 86."
"Good morning." He said still confused. Just then he heard a familiar voice humming a tune and coming down the hallway, his 99.
To Max's great surprise, 99 appeared in the doorway also clad in her under garments and nothing else. "Forget your key again?" She asked, reading her husband like a book.
"Yeah…" he said still staring at 99, "Forget your clothes?" She laughed. "What's so funny?"
"It's a protest. You remember, I was talking about it…" She explained.
"Yeah, but I didn't think you'd do it!" He shrieked. He picked up a couple of pieces of paper, and held on to her bosom and the other to the other part… "For god's sake, and mine, put your coat back on!"
She pushed the papers away disgustedly she knew he wouldn't exactly be head over heals for the idea of HIS wife parading around in her underwear.
"99, is every woman doing this?" He asked in a alarm, 99 nodded with a grin. "This is ridiculous, 99. No man will be able to concentrate!"
"That's the idea Max." 99 said gently, "If we distract the men, so that they don't do their work, and we do OUR work, we'll have to get our money back."
"Isn't this cheating?"
"Isn't what he's doing sexist?"
"Well, but it's different…"
"What were you going to say? Because I'm a woman? And that I don't need a large paycheck because I have a husband to pay my way through things?"
"You see…"
"No, Max." 99 shouted, "I don't see, we don't see! Us woman are getting the raw end of the deal! We do just as much work as you, maybe more, and we get half as much money as you do. That's an injustice, it goes against the constitution of the U.S. and the Agents Contract. Page 92, paragraph 3, sentence one, clearly states and I quote: 'Agents get paid based on their adequacy as spies.' And that is most definitely how we are getting paid!" Max turned as the group of women behind 99 (also in under wear) clapping. Not to mention the growing crowd of men… who certainly weren't concentrating on their jobs.
Meanwhile… Back in the Chief's office, he was overwhelmed with supervisors complaining that women weren't wearing clothes, and that the men weren't doing anything except gaping at the woman. The Chief sighed. He got enough information to know that 99 was behind it.
"Larabee?" He hit the button on his intercom, "Get me agent 99."
"Yes, Chief." The Chief sat there for a moment, "Uh… Chief, did you know 99 has really big…"
"Don't even Larabee." The Chief said massaging his temples.
"I was just gonna say… that she had really big…"
"I KNOW!" The Chief roared, "I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY!" Then in a mock voice said, "Agent 99, has really big boobs."
99 had just walked into the room at that point, the Chief looked at her, "Chief!" She scolded.
"I was just… it was Larabee." He tried explaining.
She gave him a look anyway, "You wanted to see me?"
"Yes. Call off your dogs! This is killing me!" He pleaded.
"I'm not calling off anything, the protest is working one hundred percent. Incidentally, I don't appreciate the 'dogs' analogy."
"It's working 100% alright. You've got all the women in CONTROL running around half naked and you still don't have the pay you want." He taunted, "How long are you going to keep this up?"
"As long as we need to, and I'm backed 100% by all the lady supervisors. By the Cafeteria staff, 96% of the women staff, and including the Boss's secretary." She told him.
"Well having the Boss's secretary come in unclothed is only going to benefit, the Boss."
"She's not unclothed!" She continued, "She's just doing everything wrong. In other words, it's what I call a 'Max Tactic.'"
The phone rang he picked it up. "Hello? Yes sir. Actually she's right here… well that's not for me to say, I'm not looking. Uh-huh… Ok, but just remember she may be Agent 99, but she's also MRS. 86. Yes, Ok, bye." The Chief turned to 99, "He wants you upstairs."
99 cringed at the Chief's poorly chosen words, "I mean he wants to see you upstairs. Uh, I meant… he wants to talk to you. Yeah, that's it, he wants to talk to you."
"Thank-you Chief." 99 said as she walked out of the office. She watched Larabee's tongue practically loll out of his mouth. She rolled her eyes as she reached the elevator. As she reached the 16th floor the secretary winked and 99 smiled, "Beam me up."
"Agent 24, to see you sir." She pressed the button.
"I didn't ASK for 24, I wanted 99." He replied. The door opened, and 99 stood there, making absolutely positive she wasn't smiling, walked on.
"99, reporting, sir."
"Yes…" He smiled looking her over, which made 99 want to sigh deeply (but that would temporarily inflate her chest, and thought better of it), "I see, that all the rumors I've been hearing are true! …And may I say what lovely-"
"No." 99 interrupted, "You may not."
"I was just going to compliment you on what lovely detergent you must use, to keep your lingerie so white," He smiled devilishly. She rolled her eyes, again fighting back the strong urge to sigh. Not to mention the urge to hurt someone, namely the Boss.
She cleared her throat, temporarily drawing his attention back to her face. "You wanted to see me? Uh… you wanted to talk to me."
"Yes," He said sitting down at his desk, "I heard that this whole little escapade is YOUR doing."
"You want me to stop?"
"I'd highly recommend it." He leered, "Unless you want to stay here with me… all day."
"Ok, but let me just warn you that, phase two is now in effect." She rushed out of the room, not wanting to show her rear to him to long and slammed the door.
"God. That woman." He sighed and thought about it, he pressed the intercom button to his secretary, "Are you sure, Agent 99, is married?"
Later on another meeting of the female agents was taking place and 99 had just proposed her second plan…
"That's ludicrous!" Agent 32 screeched.
"No it's not, I have an inside contact, who can print out fake, yet official looking documents, it can't miss."
"Your last plan didn't work. How can we be sure this one will?" Agent 47 chimed.
"It did work! It effected every man in the building except the Boss. We just need to hit him where it hurts." She slammed her fist into the palm of her left hand, "He can't afford to lose all of us."
"But he'll think he can. He's one of those men who thinks he controls the world." Agent 56 reminded.
"But you forget 72% of HIS agents are women! The training school is 59% women at the moment and we have more women department heads than I can count on my fingers!" 99 preached, "It'll be a rouse, of course, but he won't know that! If this plan doesn't work I have one last surefire plan, but I don't want to go that far unless it's necessary."
"Ok, plan two, is in." Agent 68 agreed shaking 99's hand, and the rest of the women cheered, and everyone departed.
The next day, Max and 99 walked into work, 99 wasn't wearing a coat and Max could clearly see that she was fully dressed, and also knew that she hadn't given up. But what was she up too?
"Morning, 99, Max." The Chief waved, "99, I don't know what you have up your sleeve, but for your sake I hope it works."
99 smiled, "Thank-you, Chief." She accepted the compliment graciously, "It's nice to know you stand behind me."
He answered her with a fatherly smile, Max felt the need to chime in, "I'm behind you all the way too!"
She caressed his cheek, "It goes without saying." She flashed him a ravishing smile, what she knew Max wanted. "Let's get to our offices, there's work to be done." The Chief answered with a knowing look, which 99 responded too with a wink.
"What exactly DO you have up your sleeve today?" Max asked, holding her hand as they walked down the corridor.
"Nothing," She held out her other arm, "It's a sleeveless." She giggled, and so did Max.
"You know what I mean."
"Yes, I do." She broke away giving him a kiss on the cheek and going into her office, leaving Max thoroughly confused. He sighed and went to his own office. He had a feeling he'd find out sooner or later. At noon 99 came to Max's office to see if he wanted to go to the cafeteria for some lunch. He still had no idea what was going on.
When he got there, they saw no one. Well, slight overstatement (noon was the lunchbreak for ALL CONTROL agents, no matter what), 99 was the only woman in the room.
"99?" Max asked apprehensively, "Where are all the female CONTROL agents." 99 tried her very hardest to suppress a smile, but couldn't hold it back.
"The last place you'd think to look." She replied and sat down at an empty table. Max sat down with her, and was about to say something when the Chief walked in and up to 99. She looked up at him.
"The Great One, he calleth." He motioned up, 99 nodded.
"Thank you Chief." She put down her napkin, "I'll be right back Max." He opened his mouth to say something and looked down at her plate. She sighed, "Yes, you can have my apple pie. It'll be cold by the time I get back anyway. Have fun." Max took it and ate it eagerly.
The sliding door opened to reveal the boss pacing the length of his office. He looked up at the beautiful yet devious woman with anger and confusion. "You!" He shouted. "You did this!"
"Did what, sir?" 99 asked innocently.
"This!" He picked up ten pounds worth of an 'inbox' and dropped it down again. "I want those agents back, and you are not leaving this office until you pick up that phone and tell them to stop. You little witch!"
99 stood there like a stone for nearly two full hours. The two happened to still be in a staring contest when the Chief came in the room. "Sir?"
"What s it Q?"
"The women came back." He explained.
99 turned to the Chief with a hurt/sad expression on her face. "They did? But why?" She looked like she was ready to cry. "Why would they do that."
"Ha! You're troops have deserted you. You're all alone! It finally comes down to it. You and me." Then he thought hautily to himself, 'I'll win, she's a woman… A WOMAN! And what a beautiful one at that… oh she's gorgeous. I'd like to kiss her on her-'
"Boss? I said can I go?" 99 asked for the third time.
"Huh?" He looked up erasing his fantasy, "Oh… yeah. Yeah sure." He waved her off lounging back in his chair and furthering his daydream about 99.
99 rushed out of the office and down into her office before you could say 'nick-knack-pat-a-whack-give-a-dog-a-bone' (well she needs time to get downstairs). 99 jumped onto the couch in her office and grabbed a pillow and buried her face in it and began to sob uncontrollably.
She was so busy mourning the loss of her cavalry that she barely noticed Max sitting at her desk. He'd realized hours ago what had happened. Poor 99. He thought. He got off the chair silently, and sat down next to his beautiful wife. "99, please don't cry." He pleaded.
She looked up at him with a sopping wet face as red as red wine. "I c-c-c- can't h-h-h-h-el-l-l-p I-I-I-I-t." She got up to bury her face in Max's chest. "Oh Max. I'm going to have to just give up."
He looked at her shocked, "99? You? Give up? I know you better than that, you'd never give up. You aren't going to give up."
"I'm not?" She asked wiping her tears.
"No." Max lifted her chin and looked into her tearstained eyes, "You have another plan."
"I do? Wait, I do! I do! I do have another plan." She said with a smirk, "Tomorrow. He's going down."
The next day 99 made sure to wear something… tight… and a shirt just a little… sheer. She marched right up to the office door. She took a moment to re-do her lipstick and fluff up her hair.
She opened the door after giving a menacing look to the receptionist. She opened the door open slowly. The Boss looked up from his work. He smiled happily.
She smiled seductively, a smile, which he returned, "Hello."
"Mmm. Hello."
"What brings you up here?"
"Well, I've been thinking. Max and I just aren't compatible it was basically… lust. But I find myself thinking about you." She walked closer and he stood up and walked closer to her as well.
"I'm glad you've finally come to your senses."
"Yes. I need a real man." She put a hand to his cheek and ran her hand through his hair. "Do you know what I want from you?"
"I'm beginning to get the picture."
"Could you do one tiny little thing for me?"
"Anything."
"Give me back the money I deserve in my paycheck. Hmm?"
"Sure. I'll do it right now." He walked over to the computer. 99 felt like gagging. "There the paychecks have been altered. Where were we?"
"I mean a girl has a right to change her mind," She smiled, "Doesn't she?"
"Of course."
"And I did it again. I decided Max is worth it. Whether it's lust or not…" She said. He looked at her in disbelief. "Sorry, sir. It wasn't meant to be." She smirked to herself, and left the room.
*************
99 stretched out luxuriously in her office. Max came in, "I've got this weeks pay. Let's see if you succeeded." He handed her hers; he opened his. "I guess you must've mine's back to it's regular balance."
99 opened hers and nearly choked. "Oh my gosh!" She gaped, she pulled out another note, and read aloud, "Dear 99, you made such a great effort and all your cunning to get your money. The rest of the women backed down, therefore do not deserve it. Sincerest wishes, the Boss…" Her voice trailed off.
"So, he cut the men's pay back down and instead of re-instating the rest of the women's money gave you the difference?!"
"That's what it says." 99 gaped, "That is a lot of money." She stared at her check wide-eyed.
There was a knock at her office door, 99 got up to open it. Agent 68 stood there with a lot of the rest of the women CONTROL agents, with very angry faces.
"You promised us, we'd get our money."
"I promised you your money in return for *helping* me you really believe you deserve your money after all of you deserted me at the pass? I got my money back, without your help, therefore, if you want your money, take it up with the Boss." And she slammed the door in their faces.
********
The Boss hit a button on a remote control and the television screen shut off. The secretary shook her head, "How long have you had that camera hidden in 99's office?"
"Since last September." He remarked nonchalantly, "She's wonderful isn't she?"
Maxwell Smart, Agent 86, and 99's husband was standing in the open doorway. "I got this weeks pay. Here's yours." He handed 99 her weekly paycheck. She had a feeling that it'd be higher because of the 'fate of the entire world' case she cracked. She sighed for a second thinking about how Max messed up his last mission, they had been on separate cases, which doesn't happen very often.
"What'd you know, 99? I got a raise!" Max announced happily, "and a generous one at that,"
She opened hers and her face fell, not only did she not have a raise in salary (and Max DID) but it was actually lower, by a good deal. She opened her mouth and screamed.
"You got a raise too?" Max asked, looking over at her check, "Oh my god… I got more than that when I first started working here…" She gave him a 'don't even…' look, "Shutting up now."
"This has to be a mistake," 99 looked at the front of the envelope, and it read: 'Mrs. Maxwell Smart, Agent 99.' It was indeed hers, they even finally got around to changing it to Mrs. Maxwell Smart, and everything. She crumpled up the envelope and threw it, nearly on the brink of tears.
"Yikes. Well I think I'm going to go someplace safer." Max backed out of the office slowly. 99 watched him, breathing heavily to keep from crying. After calming down a bit (but only a bit) she tromped off to the Chief's office.
"Chief!" She screamed, as the sliding doors clanked open. He looked up in alarm. "What is the meaning of this?" She slammed down her paycheck on his desk.
"Whoa!" He said as he looked at it, 99 narrowed her eyes at him. "I have no idea! I'll call and find out." By calling he meant call the guy above him (but below the president).
"Thank-you." She was relieved it wasn't the Chief's doing she didn't like being mad at the chief.
"Sir, I'm calling about 99's pay check… yes that's the one… no she's married… yes sir, happily… two kids… but none of this has anything to do with her pay… yes it's ridiculously low… Ok, I'll tell her," 99 had always despised 'the guy above the Chief' (everyone called him sir or Boss). He wasn't very gentlemanly towards 99. "99, he says if you have any gripes to go up and see him."
99 nodded, and as she walked out of the Chief's office, mumbling, "This better not be just another DUMB attempt to get me up to his office." Larabee stood up for 99.
"What are you so angry about?"
"Shut-up Larabee." She yelled before continuing on her way to the old rickety elevator.
"Everyone always tells me to Shut-up." Larabee sat down and finished what he was doing.
99 on her way up to the 16th floor, stopped at a couple of other floors on the way with agents getting on and off. Finally the doors slid open to reveal the 16th floor. She had only been up here ten times in the five years she'd worked there.
She walked up to the office door passing his blonde secretary, she'd heard rumors that he didn't keep secretary's very long, and pounded on the door, "Boss! Open up!"
The door opened, Boss took a pipe out of his mouth, and stood with one hand in his pocket, looking 99 over. "So… what brings you up here?" He sat at his desk, and motioned for 99 to sit in a chair.
"I'll stand thank you." She told him, but walking a bit closer to his desk. "I came up in regards to my paycheck." She put it down on his desk.
He picked it up and looked at it, "So?"
"So, I usually get twice that much." She said, nearly shouting with exasperation. "Not to mention, my husband got a raise after messing up, for the umpteenth time, while I break my back to save the world, not to mention, succeed, and get a salary CUT! What's the big idea?"
"Do you want to know the truth?" He asked standing up, which kind of made her wish she didn't yell and made her apprehensive.
"Yes…"
"It's because you're a woman." He sat down after realizing what strong drive 99 had, "The men got raises. And to make up the difference we cut the women's salaries."
"You despicable man! You cut EVERY woman's salary?"
"Yes, and I gave myself a nice raise with the difference as well." He chuckled to himself.
"Well, you are going to be so VERY sorry, you did this, and even more sorry that you told me! You just watch. I'll get the money back, with a raise!" And she stormed out of the office.
He watched her leave with a smile on his face, his secretary walked in, who had heard the whole conversation because the door never shut. "Aren't you worried?"
"No, a woman with a body like that, couldn't possibly have a brain." He chuckled again, and sat down at his desk. "Get me her number, would you."
"Yes, Boss."
Later on at the Smarts' apartment… "He said that?" Max asked in disbelief, after 99 explained the whole of what had happened. "Well, 99, we can switch pay checks if you want."
"It's the principle of it, Max!" 99 sighed, "I'm going to hold a meeting for all women CONTROL agents."
"Why don't you all just go to work naked?" He asked, joking around, not taking her seriously.
"You mean, like lady Godiva? Maybe we will."
"You don't have the guts, 99." Max laughed.
"Oh, don't I?"
At the meeting 99 was talking about… "… and that's why all of you have half the money you should be getting." 99 said, as a wave of talk swept over the audience of women. "So we have to take action!"
The audience answered her with a bunch of, 'I don't know's and a whole lot of skeptical faces.
"Oh come, on!" 99 persisted, "The only way to end discrimination is to take action."
"What did you have in mind?" One asked.
"Well…" 99 said smiling to herself.
The next day… Max and 99 walked into the Chief's office, to report in. 99 was wearing a large coat and Max couldn't see what she was wearing, which made him VERY curious.
"99, what do you have on under that coat?" He asked, but before she could answer the Chief interrupted.
"99, you can go. Max, stay here for a minute." The Chief waited till 99 left the office. "Max, incidentally, have you been to anyplace but here?"
"No, Chief I just got here, why do you ask."
"You'll know." The Chief sat down at his desk, "You can go." Max walked out of the room and down the hall to his office. Passing a couple of closed office doors. Just as the Chief's door closed he muttered, "And for the sake of Max's Sanity, I hope 99 doesn't know…"
He was going to open his office door, when he realized that yesterday he had left the key to his office in the copy room, again. He headed down the hall and when he got there he stopped and watched as Agent 92 ¼ stood at the copier in her under garments. She turned and smiled, "Good morning, 86."
"Good morning." He said still confused. Just then he heard a familiar voice humming a tune and coming down the hallway, his 99.
To Max's great surprise, 99 appeared in the doorway also clad in her under garments and nothing else. "Forget your key again?" She asked, reading her husband like a book.
"Yeah…" he said still staring at 99, "Forget your clothes?" She laughed. "What's so funny?"
"It's a protest. You remember, I was talking about it…" She explained.
"Yeah, but I didn't think you'd do it!" He shrieked. He picked up a couple of pieces of paper, and held on to her bosom and the other to the other part… "For god's sake, and mine, put your coat back on!"
She pushed the papers away disgustedly she knew he wouldn't exactly be head over heals for the idea of HIS wife parading around in her underwear.
"99, is every woman doing this?" He asked in a alarm, 99 nodded with a grin. "This is ridiculous, 99. No man will be able to concentrate!"
"That's the idea Max." 99 said gently, "If we distract the men, so that they don't do their work, and we do OUR work, we'll have to get our money back."
"Isn't this cheating?"
"Isn't what he's doing sexist?"
"Well, but it's different…"
"What were you going to say? Because I'm a woman? And that I don't need a large paycheck because I have a husband to pay my way through things?"
"You see…"
"No, Max." 99 shouted, "I don't see, we don't see! Us woman are getting the raw end of the deal! We do just as much work as you, maybe more, and we get half as much money as you do. That's an injustice, it goes against the constitution of the U.S. and the Agents Contract. Page 92, paragraph 3, sentence one, clearly states and I quote: 'Agents get paid based on their adequacy as spies.' And that is most definitely how we are getting paid!" Max turned as the group of women behind 99 (also in under wear) clapping. Not to mention the growing crowd of men… who certainly weren't concentrating on their jobs.
Meanwhile… Back in the Chief's office, he was overwhelmed with supervisors complaining that women weren't wearing clothes, and that the men weren't doing anything except gaping at the woman. The Chief sighed. He got enough information to know that 99 was behind it.
"Larabee?" He hit the button on his intercom, "Get me agent 99."
"Yes, Chief." The Chief sat there for a moment, "Uh… Chief, did you know 99 has really big…"
"Don't even Larabee." The Chief said massaging his temples.
"I was just gonna say… that she had really big…"
"I KNOW!" The Chief roared, "I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY!" Then in a mock voice said, "Agent 99, has really big boobs."
99 had just walked into the room at that point, the Chief looked at her, "Chief!" She scolded.
"I was just… it was Larabee." He tried explaining.
She gave him a look anyway, "You wanted to see me?"
"Yes. Call off your dogs! This is killing me!" He pleaded.
"I'm not calling off anything, the protest is working one hundred percent. Incidentally, I don't appreciate the 'dogs' analogy."
"It's working 100% alright. You've got all the women in CONTROL running around half naked and you still don't have the pay you want." He taunted, "How long are you going to keep this up?"
"As long as we need to, and I'm backed 100% by all the lady supervisors. By the Cafeteria staff, 96% of the women staff, and including the Boss's secretary." She told him.
"Well having the Boss's secretary come in unclothed is only going to benefit, the Boss."
"She's not unclothed!" She continued, "She's just doing everything wrong. In other words, it's what I call a 'Max Tactic.'"
The phone rang he picked it up. "Hello? Yes sir. Actually she's right here… well that's not for me to say, I'm not looking. Uh-huh… Ok, but just remember she may be Agent 99, but she's also MRS. 86. Yes, Ok, bye." The Chief turned to 99, "He wants you upstairs."
99 cringed at the Chief's poorly chosen words, "I mean he wants to see you upstairs. Uh, I meant… he wants to talk to you. Yeah, that's it, he wants to talk to you."
"Thank-you Chief." 99 said as she walked out of the office. She watched Larabee's tongue practically loll out of his mouth. She rolled her eyes as she reached the elevator. As she reached the 16th floor the secretary winked and 99 smiled, "Beam me up."
"Agent 24, to see you sir." She pressed the button.
"I didn't ASK for 24, I wanted 99." He replied. The door opened, and 99 stood there, making absolutely positive she wasn't smiling, walked on.
"99, reporting, sir."
"Yes…" He smiled looking her over, which made 99 want to sigh deeply (but that would temporarily inflate her chest, and thought better of it), "I see, that all the rumors I've been hearing are true! …And may I say what lovely-"
"No." 99 interrupted, "You may not."
"I was just going to compliment you on what lovely detergent you must use, to keep your lingerie so white," He smiled devilishly. She rolled her eyes, again fighting back the strong urge to sigh. Not to mention the urge to hurt someone, namely the Boss.
She cleared her throat, temporarily drawing his attention back to her face. "You wanted to see me? Uh… you wanted to talk to me."
"Yes," He said sitting down at his desk, "I heard that this whole little escapade is YOUR doing."
"You want me to stop?"
"I'd highly recommend it." He leered, "Unless you want to stay here with me… all day."
"Ok, but let me just warn you that, phase two is now in effect." She rushed out of the room, not wanting to show her rear to him to long and slammed the door.
"God. That woman." He sighed and thought about it, he pressed the intercom button to his secretary, "Are you sure, Agent 99, is married?"
Later on another meeting of the female agents was taking place and 99 had just proposed her second plan…
"That's ludicrous!" Agent 32 screeched.
"No it's not, I have an inside contact, who can print out fake, yet official looking documents, it can't miss."
"Your last plan didn't work. How can we be sure this one will?" Agent 47 chimed.
"It did work! It effected every man in the building except the Boss. We just need to hit him where it hurts." She slammed her fist into the palm of her left hand, "He can't afford to lose all of us."
"But he'll think he can. He's one of those men who thinks he controls the world." Agent 56 reminded.
"But you forget 72% of HIS agents are women! The training school is 59% women at the moment and we have more women department heads than I can count on my fingers!" 99 preached, "It'll be a rouse, of course, but he won't know that! If this plan doesn't work I have one last surefire plan, but I don't want to go that far unless it's necessary."
"Ok, plan two, is in." Agent 68 agreed shaking 99's hand, and the rest of the women cheered, and everyone departed.
The next day, Max and 99 walked into work, 99 wasn't wearing a coat and Max could clearly see that she was fully dressed, and also knew that she hadn't given up. But what was she up too?
"Morning, 99, Max." The Chief waved, "99, I don't know what you have up your sleeve, but for your sake I hope it works."
99 smiled, "Thank-you, Chief." She accepted the compliment graciously, "It's nice to know you stand behind me."
He answered her with a fatherly smile, Max felt the need to chime in, "I'm behind you all the way too!"
She caressed his cheek, "It goes without saying." She flashed him a ravishing smile, what she knew Max wanted. "Let's get to our offices, there's work to be done." The Chief answered with a knowing look, which 99 responded too with a wink.
"What exactly DO you have up your sleeve today?" Max asked, holding her hand as they walked down the corridor.
"Nothing," She held out her other arm, "It's a sleeveless." She giggled, and so did Max.
"You know what I mean."
"Yes, I do." She broke away giving him a kiss on the cheek and going into her office, leaving Max thoroughly confused. He sighed and went to his own office. He had a feeling he'd find out sooner or later. At noon 99 came to Max's office to see if he wanted to go to the cafeteria for some lunch. He still had no idea what was going on.
When he got there, they saw no one. Well, slight overstatement (noon was the lunchbreak for ALL CONTROL agents, no matter what), 99 was the only woman in the room.
"99?" Max asked apprehensively, "Where are all the female CONTROL agents." 99 tried her very hardest to suppress a smile, but couldn't hold it back.
"The last place you'd think to look." She replied and sat down at an empty table. Max sat down with her, and was about to say something when the Chief walked in and up to 99. She looked up at him.
"The Great One, he calleth." He motioned up, 99 nodded.
"Thank you Chief." She put down her napkin, "I'll be right back Max." He opened his mouth to say something and looked down at her plate. She sighed, "Yes, you can have my apple pie. It'll be cold by the time I get back anyway. Have fun." Max took it and ate it eagerly.
The sliding door opened to reveal the boss pacing the length of his office. He looked up at the beautiful yet devious woman with anger and confusion. "You!" He shouted. "You did this!"
"Did what, sir?" 99 asked innocently.
"This!" He picked up ten pounds worth of an 'inbox' and dropped it down again. "I want those agents back, and you are not leaving this office until you pick up that phone and tell them to stop. You little witch!"
99 stood there like a stone for nearly two full hours. The two happened to still be in a staring contest when the Chief came in the room. "Sir?"
"What s it Q?"
"The women came back." He explained.
99 turned to the Chief with a hurt/sad expression on her face. "They did? But why?" She looked like she was ready to cry. "Why would they do that."
"Ha! You're troops have deserted you. You're all alone! It finally comes down to it. You and me." Then he thought hautily to himself, 'I'll win, she's a woman… A WOMAN! And what a beautiful one at that… oh she's gorgeous. I'd like to kiss her on her-'
"Boss? I said can I go?" 99 asked for the third time.
"Huh?" He looked up erasing his fantasy, "Oh… yeah. Yeah sure." He waved her off lounging back in his chair and furthering his daydream about 99.
99 rushed out of the office and down into her office before you could say 'nick-knack-pat-a-whack-give-a-dog-a-bone' (well she needs time to get downstairs). 99 jumped onto the couch in her office and grabbed a pillow and buried her face in it and began to sob uncontrollably.
She was so busy mourning the loss of her cavalry that she barely noticed Max sitting at her desk. He'd realized hours ago what had happened. Poor 99. He thought. He got off the chair silently, and sat down next to his beautiful wife. "99, please don't cry." He pleaded.
She looked up at him with a sopping wet face as red as red wine. "I c-c-c- can't h-h-h-h-el-l-l-p I-I-I-I-t." She got up to bury her face in Max's chest. "Oh Max. I'm going to have to just give up."
He looked at her shocked, "99? You? Give up? I know you better than that, you'd never give up. You aren't going to give up."
"I'm not?" She asked wiping her tears.
"No." Max lifted her chin and looked into her tearstained eyes, "You have another plan."
"I do? Wait, I do! I do! I do have another plan." She said with a smirk, "Tomorrow. He's going down."
The next day 99 made sure to wear something… tight… and a shirt just a little… sheer. She marched right up to the office door. She took a moment to re-do her lipstick and fluff up her hair.
She opened the door after giving a menacing look to the receptionist. She opened the door open slowly. The Boss looked up from his work. He smiled happily.
She smiled seductively, a smile, which he returned, "Hello."
"Mmm. Hello."
"What brings you up here?"
"Well, I've been thinking. Max and I just aren't compatible it was basically… lust. But I find myself thinking about you." She walked closer and he stood up and walked closer to her as well.
"I'm glad you've finally come to your senses."
"Yes. I need a real man." She put a hand to his cheek and ran her hand through his hair. "Do you know what I want from you?"
"I'm beginning to get the picture."
"Could you do one tiny little thing for me?"
"Anything."
"Give me back the money I deserve in my paycheck. Hmm?"
"Sure. I'll do it right now." He walked over to the computer. 99 felt like gagging. "There the paychecks have been altered. Where were we?"
"I mean a girl has a right to change her mind," She smiled, "Doesn't she?"
"Of course."
"And I did it again. I decided Max is worth it. Whether it's lust or not…" She said. He looked at her in disbelief. "Sorry, sir. It wasn't meant to be." She smirked to herself, and left the room.
*************
99 stretched out luxuriously in her office. Max came in, "I've got this weeks pay. Let's see if you succeeded." He handed her hers; he opened his. "I guess you must've mine's back to it's regular balance."
99 opened hers and nearly choked. "Oh my gosh!" She gaped, she pulled out another note, and read aloud, "Dear 99, you made such a great effort and all your cunning to get your money. The rest of the women backed down, therefore do not deserve it. Sincerest wishes, the Boss…" Her voice trailed off.
"So, he cut the men's pay back down and instead of re-instating the rest of the women's money gave you the difference?!"
"That's what it says." 99 gaped, "That is a lot of money." She stared at her check wide-eyed.
There was a knock at her office door, 99 got up to open it. Agent 68 stood there with a lot of the rest of the women CONTROL agents, with very angry faces.
"You promised us, we'd get our money."
"I promised you your money in return for *helping* me you really believe you deserve your money after all of you deserted me at the pass? I got my money back, without your help, therefore, if you want your money, take it up with the Boss." And she slammed the door in their faces.
********
The Boss hit a button on a remote control and the television screen shut off. The secretary shook her head, "How long have you had that camera hidden in 99's office?"
"Since last September." He remarked nonchalantly, "She's wonderful isn't she?"