A Breath Away
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's Notes: This is my first Star Trek 2009 fanfic. It's a songfic based on Josh Groban's To Where You Are. This takes place two weeks after the events of the movie. Kirk deals with his guilt (for using Gaila) and loss and wishes he could see Gaila again so he can tell her how sorry he is and that he does love her. Please Read & Review! And be kind!
Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory's so clear
It was two weeks after the Battle of Vulcan. Starfleet Academy was in its first stages of reconstruction. Funerals were over, goodbyes had been said, tears dried, comrades mourned for—both those who died at the Battle of Vulcan and those who died when Nero attacked Starfleet Academy. But for the USS Enterprise's new captain, there was never any hope of ever saying a proper goodbye. No closure. Jim, I think I love you... That is so weird! He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. If he'd concentrate well enough, he could still feel Gaila's hands on him, her lips on his cheek, her voice in his ear... Gaila... If only you were here... Maybe she still was.
Jim got up, wanting to clear his mind. He was going for a walk on the Academy grounds. He was assaulted by wave after wave of memory. One after the other. Their first time. Gaila whispering in his ear that he was her first—ever. Nights under the stars, lying on a blanket. Laughing together. The night before the Kobayashi Maru simulation exam. His trial. The hurt look on Gaila's face as realization that she had just been used set in. The Battle of Vulcan. The destruction of most of the Starfleet Taskforce—particularly that of the USS Farragut. Her funeral. At Gaila's funeral, Jim stood up to speak but couldn't. All he could do was sob like a helpless wreck until Bones put a hand on his shoulder and led him back to his seat. Nyota rubbed his back telling him it was alright.
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be
That you are my
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above
Jim... He closed his eyes again. Jim, I think I love you... Just then, the sound of running feet brought him out of his miserable reverie.
"I knew I'd find you here," Nyota said, catching up to Jim, "How are you holding up?"
"I am such an ass," Jim said, sighing.
"Hey," Nyota said, taking his hand, "Hey. Hey. Don't talk like that."
"It's true! Everything I told her—they were all lies. I used her. I mean, do you think she ever forgave me? For using her?"
"I'd like to think she did."
"I...can't apologize. I can't even tell her I love her."
"The infamous James T. Kirk? Capable of loving? That's something new."
Jim's eyes shot daggers.
"Sorry. Obviously, my attempt to cheer you up didn't work."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Because you're not the only one who lost her. I did too. She was my friend. She was like a sister to me."
"But it's different for you. You were on good terms before you parted ways. We weren't. Did you see the look on her face? I never got the chance to apologize. Well, sort of. I did, to the wrong person. Looked just like her."
Uhura laughed, so did Jim.
"It's not different for me. There were things I wanted to tell her but couldn't."
"You think she ever forgave me? For using her?"
"Jim... Please. Stop beating yourself up over it."
"I can't help it."
"This isn't what she would've wanted. She'd want you to go on. To be happy."
"Happy? Why would she want to see me happy? She hates me!"
"Obviously, you don't know Gaila. Get some sleep. You're captain now. You need to look and feel fresh for tomorrow's ceremony."
"What ceremony?"
Poor Jim's guilt hung over him so bad that he had nothing else on his mind. All he could think of was how he would never get to apologize to the woman he used—and loved. Of all the women he has been with, human or other, it was Gaila that made a deep impression on him. A Spanish phrase came to mind. Te amar por siempre. I will always love you. Maybe that was it. Maybe Gaila had touched him so deeply that she managed to tame his wild heart. He had fallen in love. But he had hurt the woman he had fallen in love with. And that woman was gone.
"Don't you remember Admiral Pike telling us? It's the Enterprise's launch. Christening."
He remembered now. Uhura was right. He had to look and feel fresh.
"If you need someone to talk to," Uhura said, after a long pause, "I'm right here. You can talk to me. McCoy's there too."
"Yeah. Thanks," was all he could say.
"And remember… Move on. She would've wanted you to. And if you concentrate hard enough, you'd hear her. You can talk to her. Personally, I'd like to think she forgave you. And that she's watching over you. She's here. She's right here. That's just me though."
Kirk was silent. I hope you're right. And she was right. Gaila was watching over Jim. And Nyota. A slight cool breeze blew, and for a second, Jim thought he felt Gaila's lips on his cheek once more. Jim…
Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
"Gaila?" Jim said, looking up at the starry sky. "Are you there? Can you hear me?"
No answer. He sighed. Guess not. Then he remembered something he always used to do as a boy. On nights like these, he would watch for meteors, close his eyes, and make a wish. Grow up, Kirk! You're a Starfleet captain now. However, the wish to see Gaila was so overpowering that he had to ignore the voice that said he was too old to wish on shooting stars. Hell, it was worth a shot. Just his luck, he found one. He closed his eyes.
"Gaila... Come to me... I need you. I'm so, so sorry..." I wish I could see her smile again. Even for just awhile... Gaila... Forgive me... And for a split second, he thought he saw her. Jim... My Jim...
Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen
It was near midnight when Kirk decided to go back to his and McCoy's quarters. Uhura was right. He needed some sleep. In fact, he thought he should sleep forever. It was a cheesy line, but he smiled as he remembered it: If the only way I can be with you is in my dreams then I'll sleep forever. No. He mustn't think like that, he told himself. He was captain now. He had to be strong. Whatever happened to the brash James Tiberius Kirk he knew?
He crawled into bed and soon fell asleep. Not long after, he felt some movement. As though someone had climbed into bed—or was trying to. A hand on his cheek. Stroking. Caressing.
"I love you, Jim," came the voice. Jim opened his eyes.
"G-Gaila?"
"It's me," Gaila said, kissing him.
"Is it really—"
"I'm here now."
"Gaila, I am so—" Here, Gaila cut him off, putting a finger on his lips to shush him. Removing the finger from his lips, she kissed him. Deeply. A kiss that grew in intensity until neither of them could breathe.
"I know, Jim. You're sorry. I know. It's alright. I forgive you."
"You—"
"I could never hate you forever. I love you. We Orions believe that true love lasts forever. And you are my true love, Jim."
"Oh, Gaila..." he said, kissing her.
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
'Cause you are my
Forever love
Watching me from up above
"Do you remember the first time we made love?" Jim said, smiling, sated after their passionate lovemaking.
"They were actually my last thoughts."
"They were?"
"Absolutely. My last thoughts were of you. It all came rushing back to me. Countless walks we shared on the campus grounds. Our conversations. Nights under a starlit sky. The times we made love."
"Thank you, Gaila," Jim said, stroking Gaila's cheek.
"For what?"
"For everything. Everything you've given me. Rest assured I'll cherish them forever. I should have told you I love you."
"I love you, James Tiberius Kirk. I'll be keeping an eye on you."
And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will
live on and never leave
"Gaila?"
"Hm?"
"Do me a favor."
"Anything."
"Stay. Here with me."
"Jim—"
"Please, Gaila. I'm begging you."
"Remember what I told you? We Orions believe that true love lasts forever. Love will live on. Never leave. I'll always be with you, Jim. In your heart."
Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
Kirk woke up smiling, feeling refreshed. He went straight to the bathroom to freshen up and put his uniform on. He was happy—for the first time in weeks. He believed that he and Gaila finally had closure. He was excited about the day ahead and the years to come. Not only would commanding the crew of the Enterprise be a grand adventure; he also felt that it would bring him closer to where Gaila was, beyond the distant star.
I know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are