This was originally an rp my cousin and I decided to do one night when we were bored. Jafar and Ariel were rp'ed by me, and Scar, Mr. Tumnus, and Ash Ketchum were rp'ed by her. This was the plot, as written by her that night:
"I think the plot should be something dumb, like... Jafar is back and he and Scar from the Lion King are going to build an entire army of warriors that look like Hercules so that they can take over Camelot."
So there you have it, unfortunately this story isn't technically finished, seeing as Jafar and Scar never actually make it to Camelot or get their Hercules army. However, if enough people like it I may consult my cousin about finishing it. Also, I understand some of this may be considered a little offensive, so if you feel offended, well sorry, but that's just too damn bad. People are way too sensitive nowadays anyway.
Disclaimer: The Disney characters and all others that were mentioned in this story belong to their respective owners, not me or my cousin. Although it would be awesome if they did, because then we would be rich.
BTW, I know Jafar is not from India, but at the time this was written I thought he was for some reason (I hadn't watched the movie in years, so leave me alone).
An unnaturally skinny guy in a dress, with a sexy twisted beard and an annoying ass parrot made his way through the African desert to a cave inhabited by a giant cat. How did he get from India or wherever the hell he was from to a random, off the wall cave in Africa? Nobody knows, but he did. Peering into the cave he saw the giant cat with a weird ass looking scar on his face that he was looking for.
"I have finally found you, we need to talk" Jafar said.
In the cave the large brown cat blinked. He didn't blink too much but when he did he did it in a slow, dramatic fashion that made him seem very homosexual. At Jafar's appearance and statement he pondered how the man could find it in his personal interest to speak with a lion. At least they had the same hair color. That made him more comfortable.
"I'm listening," he drawled horribly, running his tongue over a very massive paw as he gazed at the man.
The guy with the sexy twisted beard smiled and stood with his side facing the lion like Horatio Caine off CSI: Miami.
"I think it's high time we randomly banded together in order to take over Camelot!" said Jafar.
"Squawk! Camelot!" said the annoying ass parrot.
"Shut the hell up you little bastard, I'm sick of hearing you. And for the love of God, do have to stand on my shoulder? Your annoying ass voice is right in my ear!"
Scar stood and huffed under his own weight.
"I could use the exercise, but first I must consult my overlord. She tells me everything I must do."
The lion made a very wide-eyed expression as though he were Jack Sparrow himself, even giving a complimentary twitch, then turned around to face the cave wall. Suddenly, under the pressure of his scary-ass green gaze, a couple of torches went aflame and illuminated a poster on the wall. The picture, of Marilyn Monroe, was very simple, a photo-shoot with a plain white backdrop. Someone had scribbled a mustache on the woman's face with a red Crayola marker. It suited her very well.
Joefar nodded in understanding.
"I understand" he said, "She is one hot dead bitch."
"Squawk! Hot dead bitch!"
"Shut the fuck up you cracker sucking bastard!" said Joefar, reaching over to bitch slap the annoying ass parrot with his freaky looking spider fingers.
"She reminds me of my mother," the lion said, totally ignoring the conflict with the parrot.
"O supreme overlord who resembles my mother, may your spirit fill the room and grant me the privilege to join this simple-minded idiot on the quest to take over Camelot."
His words were long and drawn out and the slow way he spoke made him confused for a moment. Turning back to Jafar he lifted a very odd eyebrow.
"I'll gladly eat the bird," he offered, a smile crossing his maw. He looked like the Joker now, and his lips had even started turning red. Oh, wait. "Shit I just bit myself!"
Joefar shook his head.
"Unfortunately this little son of a bitch cost me a lot of money, and he actually does serve a purpose, in the fucked up country I live in, I can claim him as my child so I don't have to pay taxes or some bullshit like that, I'm not really sure how it works. But anyway, back to business, I say we storm the beaches of Camelot at 0200 hours!" Joefar said, twisting his freaky spider fingers through his sexy ass beard.
"Oh."
Scar had trouble interpreting that. See, not only was Scar a cat and Jafar a person, but they were from different countries, and therefore, they should have spoken different languages. But since this is based off of Disney, little kids wouldn't get that they would be bombing each other.
"Well since my nephew is king of this gay shit I get 15% off car insurance I don't use. Hmm." The lion yawned and practically blew over everything with his manly breath before he nodded.
"Alright, 0200 or whatever. As long as you don't catch me while I'm eating." He said that as his stomach howled with hunger, though it could eat simple fat for weeks straight.
"Hmm. If only I had a nephew that could give me 15% off camel insurance, now that would be useful. But anyway-"
And just before Joefar could finish whatever the hell he was talking about, the two's conversation was interrupted by loud high pitch singing, and then a chick with red hair and green flippers that totally didn't match her purple bra flopped in.
"I wanna be where the druggies are! I wanna see, I wanna see them dealing!-"
But before she could finish her song, Joefar pulled a random bazooka out of his dress and blew the retarded fish lady into pieces.
Scar watched the scene unfold before him with a horrified expression on his face, and he couldn't help but gasp when Ariel was blown to bits. Small sticks made from her fried skin fell onto the floor of his cave, and at the offering the lion squealed.
"LikeohmyGod, fish sticks!" he screamed, diving forward and noming on the food. Since it was mostly people, he didn't mind. After he was five times fatter but high in protein, Scar looked out of the den. "Why the hell is it snowing?" he questioned, narrowing his eyes on the freezing-ass water droplets that were white and frozen and stuck to the ground.
"Welcome to Narniaaaaaaa~" a small goat-man sang gaily, prancing around with a lyre in his hands and a scarf 'round his neck. He looked like a sparkling faerie. Looking at Scar he paused. "It's Aslaaaaaaan~"
"Squawk! What the fuck! Squawk!"
"Iago! Shut the hell up!" said Joefar, looking out at the gay ass goat guy. Then, pointing his random bazooka at the half animal thing he said,
"You have 10 seconds to explain who the hell you are and why the fuck it's snowing in Africa!"
"It's not Africa, yooo~" pranced the man, nearly falling over. He was obviously high. "It's NARANIAAAAAA."
Scar took a look at the bazooka, and did his homosexual blink again.
"He may be right, Toto. I don`t think we're in Kansas anymore," he said, looking back at the goat-thing.
"We were in Kansas? Shit I think I went to the wrong place... oh well what the hell, I say we still attack Camelot! ...As soon as we get out of this fucked up Narnia place..." said Joefar.
"Squawk! It was just an expression, dumbass! Squawk!"
"Bitch, if you don't shut the hell up I'll rape you!" said Joefar to the annoying and flamboyantly colored little bastard sitting on his shoulder.
"We will get to Camelot," Scar said with a bouncy smile, still half-tempted to eat Iago even though he was stuffed full of fish sticks. Knowing he could not eat the vibrant-colored mongrel, he instead walked forward and sliced the goat in half with a massive claw, then devoured his insides. It was a very graphic image. Part of the man-goat-thing tasted like lamb, and the other tasted like shit. Typical.
"If you're going to rape something, rape that," he said, looking up as a kid in blue jeans walked up. He had a red and white hat, and a yellow rat was perched half-dead on his shoulder.