"I'm pregnant."
"Okay. You can get through this, Gabi."
"No, Will. You don't fucking get it. I'm pregnant, it's your kid, and I don't want it. I don't want anything to do with it."
That was how Will found out he was going to be a father. That was the day his world had been turned on its axis. He remembered when his life had been so simple, and now, now everything seemed so complicated. He had convinced Gabi not to abort the baby. He wouldn't have ever been able to live with himself if they just pretended like this never happened. He needed to figure out what he was going to do. Was he going to be a father to this child or give it up for adoption? Either way, Gabi had made it crystal clear that she wanted nothing to do with the decisions, the kid, or Will's life. She was going to have the baby and then leave Salem to go back to her family.
Will knew he couldn't make the decision on his own. He knew that above all else, Sonny deserved to know about the baby, and truthfully, there was no one else he'd rather tell and get advice from. Sonny had taken the news better than expected. He appreciated the truth, and he knew how much Will was hurting. He wanted to help, but deep down inside, he knew Will was the only one who could make the decision about what to do about the baby.
"I'll stand beside you, whatever you decide, I'll be right here."
"Sonny, I just- I just- I love you so much. I have no clue what to do. I want to be a father to this baby, but I know I'm not ready. I know that I don't have the resources or the time or the patience or the…"
He was so choked by the words flowing out of his mouth and the tears that were stinging his eyes and streaming down his ruby cheeks. Sonny pulled Will into a tight hug and let him sob into his shirt for hours. Will clung to Sonny's arms. His brain was on overload. He had so many thoughts running through his mind. All he could see when he closed his eyes was this gorgeous baby. He knew though, that he had answered his own question when talking to Sonny. He couldn't be a dad. He was 19. He could barely handle himself most days. He was lucky if he got out of bed by noon, even luckier if he made it to class on time. Selfishly, he didn't want to give up his time with Sonny or his friends. He wanted to be able to play basketball on the weekends, curl up on Sonny's bed and play video games, or go out to parties and dance until his legs felt like noodles. He wasn't ready for the responsibility of a child, clearly he was incredibly irresponsible. He had fucking gotten Gabi pregnant. He took in several deep breaths, trying to calm himself, trying to stop the tears from burning his eyes.
"Son, I-I-I have to gi-ive the baby up, up for adoption."
He barely got the words out. Sonny held Will even tighter. He picked him up and carried him into his bedroom. He laid Will on the bed and curled his body into his. Will continued crying until he fell asleep, asleep in Sonny's forgiving arms.
Three months after Will found out about the baby and made the decision to give it up for adoption, he decided it was time to tell his family. He had waited because he didn't want his mom or one of his many relatives trying to make the decision for him or dictate his life. He was finally starting to make peace with his decision, and he couldn't handle anyone trying to change his mind. He was afraid that he could be persuaded to keep the baby, and he knew that wasn't what he wanted or what was best. He told his grandma Marlena first, realizing that she would be the most understanding and give the best advice about telling everyone else. He was right. She calmly took in the information and rubbed her grandson's back when he started to get choked up. She told him he was doing what was best for him and for the baby, and if he needed anything he was always welcome to come to her. She reminded him that his mother would most definitely not take the news so well. He knew she was right, but he also knew it was time to tell her.
"Mom, I'm giving the baby up for adoption; I've already decided. I have to. I can't do what you did; I'm sorry."
"But, Will, this is my grandchild. I can help you through this. We can get through it together."
"No. Stop. This isn't about you or us. This is about me, and I'm not ready to be a father."
His mom didn't talk to him for nearly a month after he walked out. When she finally did talk to him again, she didn't bring up the baby. She almost acted like the conversation had never happened. He wasn't sure if this was good for him or bad. Either way, he let it go because he didn't care. He and his mom had never had the greatest relationship, so it was easier to just forget it. Move on.
Telling his dad on the other hand, was much more difficult. Lucas was understanding. He "got it" from a young father perspective. He hadn't been ready to be a dad when Will came along. Sometimes he still thought he wasn't ready. He wasn't sure he always did the right thing for his son. He felt like he had let him down by not being there for him. For that reason, he hoped Will would be happy with his decision.
"Thanks for understanding, dad."
"Will, I'm glad you came to this decision on your own, and I hope this is what is best for you. I hope you don't regret this."
Will knew he didn't mean that in a negative way, but it crushed him. It scared him. He hoped he didn't regret this either.
Five months into Gabi's pregnancy, Will found out the baby was a girl. She was perfectly healthy and Will had gotten to hear her little heartbeat for the first time. Gabi had just laid there on the exam table, head turned away from the monitor. As soon as the exam was over she left without saying much. She handed him the sonogram photo and said "Good luck." Will wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean. Good luck with your kid? Good luck making a decision? Good luck trying to be a father? He hated her for the way she was treating the situation. He knew she didn't want to be carrying his child, but didn't she remember their friendship? Didn't she care at all? He supposed if she didn't care she would have just aborted the baby without telling Will. He was thankful for that at least.
"I saw the baby today."
"And? How is it?"
"She's perfect. Sonny, I need to find a family for her or I'm afraid I'm going to get too attached."
Will had found an adoption agency to go through. He explained the bizarre situation, and the agent was very understanding. She even hugged Will when he began to break down. How could this person do this every day? How could she watch people that were hurting so badly give away their children? Looking at the flip side, Will realized it must be worth it to see someone who has been waiting for a child for SO long, finally hold a baby in their arms. Will had asked to begin looking at some parent profiles. He went home that night with a stack of manila folders containing names, occupations, hobbies, and explanations of why they wanted his baby. It all seemed so easy, too easy for him to just give away his child, a piece of him. He sifted through the papers, overwhelmed, exhausted. When Sonny came home, he found Will curled up in a blanket on the couch with papers lying on his chest. Sonny picked up the papers and tucked the blanket up under his boyfriend's chin. He looked at the two papers in his hands. It seemed Will had been looking at potential parents, and these two must have stood out. The papers contained the pictures and profiles of Pete and McKenzie, the perfect all-American couple and Shane and Scott, a couple of handsome guys married for just over a year. Sonny sunk into a kitchen chair, afraid that maybe Will was making the wrong decision. Maybe they could be a family; maybe they should keep the baby. When Will woke from his nap he found Sonny in the kitchen making dinner and the two papers lying on the kitchen table.
"So, I think I want to meet Pete and McKenzie."
"Oh? Why them?"
"Because I don't think I can give my baby to a gay couple. I feel like I'll be giving them the life I've been dreaming of. I think it will hurt too much."
Sonny dropped his head and tears began streaming out of his eyes. Will didn't realized this process had been hurting him so much. He didn't know that Sonny was in just as much pain as he was. Despite the pain, Sonny agreed that they weren't ready to be parents. They had too many things left to do together, just them. They wanted to have a family someday. They wanted what Shane and Scott had, a happy, stable marriage. They knew that they needed to grow up before they had that, and so they decided to meet Pete and McKenzie.
Seven months into Gabi's pregnancy, the baby was still healthy, strong, and growing. Gabi still didn't want to have anything to do with Will. Will had told her he was considering adoption, but she didn't seem to care much. She just said, "Whatever you need to do," and left. Will and Sonny went to meet up with Pete and McKenzie at the agency. They were nervous as they entered the small brick building, holding hands and breathing in deep. You could see the shock on the couple's face when two men walked in, hand-in-hand. Obviously, the agent hadn't yet explained the situation to them. The two couples exchanged pleasantries and Will began telling the story of how this baby came to be. He was pleased to see the couple didn't seem to mind that he was gay. They suggested going to dinner together to get to know each other on a more personal level.
"We've wanted a baby for forever. We started dating in high school, and when we got married and found out I wasn't going to be able to carry a baby to term, I was crushed. Pete has always dreamed of being a father, and I hate that I've taken that from him."
"I'm sorry."
"No, it's okay. We're hoping we'll meet someone that we click with. We just want to give some baby the life that their biological parents can't give them."
After that first meeting, Will was sure that Pete and McKenzie were the couple that he wanted to give his daughter to. They were both so smart. McKenzie had two degrees, one in education and one in counseling. She was a school counselor at a middle school. Pete worked at a university as the athletic director, and he was working on his master's degree in sports administration. They seemed to have it all together. They were funny and happy. They joked with each other and laughed at the other's jokes. They had a dog and a fenced in yard. They were athletic and liked playing softball on a co-ed league. Both Pete and McKenzie had two siblings a piece, and each of them had what seemed to be perfect little families. Will couldn't imagine finding a more perfect couple. Sonny liked them too. He thought they would raise Will's daughter to be level-headed yet open-minded because that's how they seemed. They loved to travel, and he knew they would turn the baby into a very worldly individual. They led healthy lifestyles and had a good set of friends in their hometown. He thought they were well-rounded and balanced. After talking it over, they agreed, Pete and McKenzie were perfect.
Three weeks before Gabi's due date, Pete and McKenzie joined Will at Gabi's check-up. McKenzie was excited to get to see her baby for the first time. She was trying not to become too attached yet, after all, nothing had been finalized. She hadn't even met Gabi for goodness sakes. She was excited though, excited at the prospect of this whole thing working out. In a matter of a few weeks, her dreams of becoming a mother could come true. Will introduced them to Gabi. Gabi was cold, abrasive, angry, but Pete and McKenzie thought she was gorgeous, the perfect DNA for their potential child. Will tried to alleviate the awkward situation, but Gabi said, "Let's just get this over with." Pete, McKenzie, and Will watched in awe as the doctor moved the wand over Gabi's expanded belly. McKenzie couldn't help but focus in on Will's face. He had tears in his eyes, and he had that look of love, love that only parents have for their children. He blinked back the tears and sniffled, trying to put a calm smile on his face. McKenzie looked back at Gabi's harsh expression.
"Thank you, thank you Gabi for giving us the opportunity to be parents, the opportunity for me to be a mother. Thank you."
"Don't thank me. Thank him. I just want this to all be over with. This is a memory I won't mind forgetting."
Will couldn't understand how Gabi had developed absolutely no connection to their daughter. How could she not have one ounce of compassion for the baby she was carrying? How could she act like the baby that was kicking her wasn't a part of her? He hated her for how she was acting. He hated that this was all just a means to an end. He couldn't stay in the room one second longer, so he excused himself to the hallway, where Sonny's loving arms were waiting for him. Sonny looked into Will's glossy blue eyes. He knew this was all becoming more real to Will. This was more real for him too, and he wasn't positive anymore that they were making the right decision. Will sobbed into Sonny's shoulder. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. He couldn't see straight. Pete and McKenzie came out of the room holding the first picture of their potential daughter, the daughter they had been praying for. They saw Will and Sonny in a tight embrace and stood back to give them space. They knew Will was upset. They knew this was hard for him, but they didn't realize just how much he was struggling with the decision until now. He had seemed so sure during all of their visits. Sonny pulled back from Will and looked him in the eyes. McKenzie couldn't stop staring at them. She could hear their every breath, every sob. She felt the pain for them, but she equally felt pain for herself, scared of Will changing his mind.
"Will, I love you, it will be okay. It will all be okay."
"No Son, it won't be okay. How is this so easy for Gabi? How can she just give away her child? I don't know if I can do this anymore; I just don't know if I can."