It was a typical evening at the Central Park Zoo. Julien was being hand fed grapes from Maurice, and Mort was attempting to assault Julien's feet, which resulted in failure every time.
"MORT, the royal feet are not to be being touched with your touchy hands of touchiness that are currently trying to touch me!" protested Julien. Mort looked sad. His eyes became large and outrageously innocent looking, as they often did, which led to Skipper dubbing him "Sad Eyes"
"What if I told you that you could never touch food? Wouldn't that make you sad Julien?" asked Mort.
"Well, actually no Mort. See, you are not a giant mechanical spider with piercing eyes that look right through you and beam laser beams at you!" said King Julien, as he saw a strange monster-like thing romping about the zoo.
"Ohh..I see. You mean kind of like the one approaching your royal throne right now?" asked Mort, hiding behind the throne. Mort was referring to a very strange mechanical beast in the distance that seemed to be slowly approaching Julien's throne.
"Yes, Mort. Just like the vicious ferrocious mechanical spider that is currently attempting to destroy everything I hope and dream and care about. Wait, that did not make sense. Or did it? At any rate, yeah, he's pretty scary!" said Julien. The mechanical beast was now close enough to attack Julien's throne, but instead of doing so, it used one of its mechanical legs to turn on Julien's boom box music.
"HEY! This giant mechanical spider likes to dance! Just like I do. I think this is a beautiful friendship that is beggining! From now on, this mechanical spider will be the royal pet. Because of his affectionate nature, and clingy sound he makes when he walks, I'll call him Clingy!" said Julien.
"Clingy? Like me?" said Mort.
"No Mort. You're clingy in a bad way. A very bad way Mort" said Julien.
"I like ways. But not bad ways!" said Mort.
The mechanical spider was an expert dancer, he could do the robot, and the inchworm, among many other dancing techniques.
"Let's booty shake all night, Clingy! You too Mort and Maurice! We must not stop shaking our booties until ze break of daybreak!" ordered Julien.
"Your highness, I'm really getting tired I need to go to bed" said Maurice.
"No sleepy sleepyness for you two party poopers. Turn up the music Clingy! This is a royal decree that I am regally decreeing!" said Julien.
"Aren't royal and regal basically the same thing?" asked Maurice.
"Does it matter? Ha. Shake your booties everyone!" said Julien. As the lemurs and their newfound mechanical "spider" friend continued to dance, they woke up the penguins who were trying to catch up on some napping in their super secret headquarters.
"What in the names of Manfredi and Johnson is going on up there?" said Skipper. "Boys, something is definately not right about this!" he said in an authoritative sly tone.
"WHAT? FISH SKIPPER! Fishies. Fish are everywhere. I must find the fish for my dinner" said Private, who had just woken up from a dream.
"I do believe I finally divided by zero!" muttered Kowalski.
Blaarrgorloph!" mumbled Rico.
"I can taste sound again. Eureka!" said Kowalski, the scientific penguin with severe synesthesia symptoms.
"Boys, I shouldn't have to tell you this. There's something going on up there" said Skipper.
"I do believe it's just the bloody lemurs and their blooming dance practices Skippah. Go back to sleep!"said Private.
"Private, it's much much much louder, sounds like an earthquake up there. Sounds like a mega ultra red elevated threat-level priority one disaster earthquake!" said Skipper. The three penguins, Kowalski, Private, and Rico leaped from their resting spots after hearing this, and joined Skipper.
"MY, that's serious!" said all four of the penguins in unison. They then snuck out of their HQ to see what all the racket was about. Skipper told the others to stay in front of the HQ and guard it while he took a peak at what the lemurs were up to. When he saw the giant mechanical spider, he could not believe his eyes. He approached his fellow penguin friends to inform them of the startling information about the robotic creature.
"Boys, the lemurs are plotting our downfall with a giant deadly robot!" said Skipper.
"Oh, that giant spider thing over there? How do you know it's deadly? It might be friendly Skippah. He loves to dance!" said Private.
"True, but so did the Red Squirrel. I'm a little suspicious of all this. I wonder if it could be my old nemesis, Doctor Blowhole, trying to use Julien's love of ruling over the zoo to get him to join his evil cause to destroy us, in the form of a dancing partying spider!" suggested Skipper.
"According to my calculations, that is highly unlikely, Skipper. I do believe it is simply a robotic android that enjoys shaking its booty!" said Kowalski.
"You're supposed to be a scientist? Woah woah woah, okay there are several problems with your theory Kowalski. First of all what android ISN't robotic? And secondly, since when do robots enjoy anything, let alone archaic primitive forms of dancing, with lemurs? Don't get me wrong, I'm not arachnophobic, I just get a little wary when a giant mechanical beast is on the loose, prowling about, looking for victims to snatch up like clay into its cruel unforgiving sandy crab-like clutches!" said Skipper.
"Enough with the drama Skipper. Let's be practical, and figure out a way to defend ourselves" said Private.
"That shouldn't be too much of a problem, Private. It just depends on whether we can detect this things weaknesses," said Skipper solumnly. "I'd wage dollars to donuts that we can take this thing down with a giant ballistic tomato, but if that doesn't work, there's always our more advanced weaponry" he added with a smirk, while glancing at Rico. Rico hurled out a water balloon, and laughed wickedly.
"I said advanced weaponry Rico!" said Skipper.
"Uh huh" said Rico, sounding as feeble minded as ever.
"Water ballons are not advanced. Case closed!" said Skipper.
"I don't think a premptive strike is necessary Skippah. Let's see if the spider attacks us first. He might not mean any harm at all!" said Private.
"Doesn't mean any harm? He makes enough sound to give me the pain of three hundred migraine headaches combined! Admittedly, we must take into account, that Manfreddi and Johnson faced greater perils, but this is still pretty bad!" said Skipper. Just then, Marlene the otter came darting up to the penguins shivering in fright.
"Ok, guys, guys, there's this..giant mechanical spider, it's huge, and it's got legs and eyes that look right through you, and, and TEETH!" shrieked Marlene.
"We know, we know, sister, we saw it!" said Skipper. "Didn't we boys?" he asked.
"Oh, my oh my, we definately saw it" said all three of the other penguins in unison.
"Okay, yeah, repeating stuff together, that's cool. Anyway, normally, you know, if you guys had told me thatyou had seen some freaky spider thing I probly wouldn't believe you for a second, right? Well I saw it myself. And I'm really scared, you guys need to do your commando thing soon, cuz that spider started tearing up my habitat! All my vases were broken, all my beautiful plants were..were eaten!" said Marlene. Kowalski pondered this statement while stroking his penguin chin.
"Robots do not typically have digestive systems so I do not see how it could have eaten your plants. It may have contained the plants somehow inside itself, or perhaps there is someone IN THE ROBOT! Oh my, that is not good" said Kowalski.
"I'm telling you guys, this was fishy from the start, I've had a suspicion that Dr. Blowhole was behind this the whole time" said Skipper.
"Dr. Blowhole? Guys, this is a situation, this is for me, for us, for the zoo!" said Marlene.
"I know. It's always a 'situation' when Dr. Blowhole is around" said Skipper, raising an eyebrow.
"Uh huh, yeah. Situation as in like, a serious one though, right? Rriiight? Not a situation comedy?" said Marlene, wrinkling her nose at the penguins.
"Oh Marlene, you and your cute, cute naive nature. My fair lady, Dr. Blowhole is a heavily equipped dolphin supervillain crime lord, who I've faced many countless times. I have blurry photographic evidence to prove it" said Skipper.
"Uh huh, kind of like the time you fought Nessy, right? Listen guys I'm just really worried about my habitat. I always try to see the best in people, I tried to give that robot a second chance! I tried being nice!" exclaimed Marlene.
"Was the robot worse than Rhonda?" asked Skipper.
"Yes, and get this, the robot wouldn't even eat my world famous lemon cookies" said Marlene.
"Well Marlene, anyone who doesn't like your sweet, sweet desserts is certainly no friend of ours. Don't worry, we're gonna take that spider down just for you, I mean the zoo! All of us will!" said Skipper.
"Oh thanks Skipper, you're my hero!" said Marlene. Marlene hugged Skipper, and Skipper appreciated it, until he heard Rico utter the words "aww," which embarresed him, and he then proceeded to relinquish himself from Marlene's warm paws.
"Time for our mission to begin!" said Skipper.
"Our mission? You mean I get to help you guys too?" asked Marlene.
"Of course! You'll be operating the laser guided missiles. No, on second thought, a jetpack and a ray gun suits you best. That no good spider wrecked your home. Consider yourself an honorary penguin today!" said Skipper, giving Marlene a badge. Marlene looked down at her badge with a shocked expression.
"Yeah, sure, that's...cool, I guess, kinda weird, but yeah, it works, sorta!" said Marlene, continuing to examine her honorary penguin badge, with a confused expression on her face.
"And you have me to thank for that!" said Skipper. Marlene looked even more confused.
"I know, I couldn't be more...pleased with this!" said Marlene, noticing that when the badge was turned backwards it had a very short bio of Manfredi and Johnson written in extremely tiny print. She was completely baffled by this discovery.
"Come on now, you're an educated woman. History, particularly Penguin commando history is important. Very, very important, for a new penguin like yourself Marlene!" said Skipper.
"I was thinking about holding a candle light vigil for Manfredi and Johnson. Should we do that to help initiate Marlene into our group?" asked Private.
"No, Private. Just, no!" replied Skipper earnestly.
"Science tells me that a solo female otter amidst a group of male penguins may cause us to protect her exclusively, rather than thinking about our mutual survival as male penguins!" said Kowalski.
"Science shmience, Marlene is a penguin!" said Skipper. "The penguin suit looks fine on her! If only she had the ability to throw snowballs spontaneously!" he added.
1 minute later...
"Private, you get the cute little Plasma Beam gun. Kowalski, you use the Wormhole gel, but only as a last resort. Rico, you just use your guts, if you know what I mean. And Marlene, you take to to the skies with a jetpack and shoot ray blasts in the spiders sinister eyes!" said Skipper.
"Wait, Skippah, why does Marlene get to do all the cool stuff?" asked Private.
"We always make sure our new alliances get access to only the finest materials. What? What's with the looks?" said Skipper. Private giggled to himself.
"If I didn't know any better, I'd say that Skipper likes Marlene!" whispered Private. The penguins suited up, along with Marlene, (who was given not only a jetpack and ray gun, but also an otter size penguin costume).
"I sincerely think she looks ridiculous in that!" said Private, not afraid of how others might react.
"Oh, I know I do. I'm just playing along, you know, to humor him!" said Marlene.
"Hey, kind of like what I do!" said Private.
"I HEARD THAT!" yelled Skipper. "No more talking behind backs, let's light this candle!"
"He is so funny the way he talks, isn't he Marlene?" said Private chuckling to himself yet again.
"Yeah, I know. He's all like 'LET'S LIGHT THIS CANDLE' and I'm like okay, yeah, sure, riiight? Ha, yes, I know Private. Skipper is a character" said Marlene.
The Battle Begins:
Skipper, the other penguins, and Marlene all gathered around near Julien's throne to take down what they believed was a very evil spider robot. They saw that Julien was on top of it, cracking it with a wip, and riding it like a horse.
"This spider told me that I am the rightful ruler of this zoo, and that penguins have no place here! Now I must terminate you all! So now you babies must make with the asta la vista-ing!" said Julien.
"I don't think so Ringtail! Men, initiate plan A/Z!" ordered Skipper.
"Ahem, hello?" said Marlene, noticing that Skipper had forgotten to include her.
"And of course, our newest addition to the team, Marlene, the otter. Men of otter, initate plan A/Z!" ordered Skipper. Marlene put her hands over her face in disbelief of Skipper's flubbed words, but reluctantly began her role in the mission, activating her jetpack and soaring up to zap the spider in the eyes with her ray gun.
"Join me Marlene, and we will vanquish all penguin kind!" said Julien, who was clearly being brainwashed by some kind of mind control technology in the machine.
"Err, I don't think so Julien!" said Marlene. Marlene karate kicked Julien off of the machine, whilst the penguins used plasma guns and everything they could to try to dismantle the evil robot that was tearing apart the zoo. Sadly, these methods did not work.
"This is beginning to be like the lyrics in that song! You can't kill the Metal!" said Kowalski, remembering his most favorite song of all time, "The Metal" by Tenacious D.
"Metal, shiny metal. By the looks of it I was right, men of otter. This robot is made of..shiny metal!" said Skipper in a dramatic tone. Just then an ominous and familiar voice answered him.
"Yes, shiiiiiiiiny metal. Ahahahahaaaeheha!" laughed an evil voice. Marlene was in disbelief, but the penguins knew exactly who it was, when a lid lifted off the top of the "spider" robot.
"All this time you thought I was operating a spiiiider robot, it is in fact, my latest creation the'SPIIIIIDER CRAB' made of course, with shiiiiiiny metal! HAHAHAHHAHA!" said Dr. Blowhole. Dr. Blowhole chased the penguins, Marlene, and Julien all around the zoo. Then Kowalski came up with a plan.
"I'll use my Wormhole gel to trap Dr. Blowhole in another dimension!" said Kowalski. Kowalski splattered
some of his world famous wormhole gel recipe on the zoo grounds. Dr. Blowhole and his robot tripped over it,
causing them to slip into another dimension. Problem was, Julien and Private went in with them. Mort came
running up to the remaining penguins and Marlene.
"YOU HAVE TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET INTO THAT DIMENSION AND SAVE JULIEN! HE HAS THE FEET, THE SPECIAL FEET I
LOVE!" said Mort.
"Saving Private and Ringtail, it has a good ring to it, almost like a movie title!" said Skipper. Marlene
groaned at Skipper's humor.
"At any rate, I'm sure if I get back to the lab, I can re-power my wormhole generator, and we can save
Private and King Julien from Dr. Blowhole in the other dimension, wherever that is, or isn't for that matter!"
said Kowalski.
"Men of otter, let's go back to the HQ!" said Skipper. "And Marlene, where did you get that ridiculous
looking penguin suit?"
"From you, Skipper!" said Marlene.
"Oh yeah, I guess you're right" said Skipper. "Well, you're one of us now!" he added. Marlene pulled out a
hand held mirror and saw herself in her penguin suit.
"Hey, not bad!" she said to herself. Was she getting used to it? A timid otter, now being part of an elite penguin commando team?
"You're here to stay, Marlene!" said Skipper.
THE END
any ideas for teh sequelz, toss em my way!