A/N: Behold! The return of the great TO FORGIVE! (it's not that great for that intro) This story was hard to re-write. It was already stuffed full of details but it was fast paced. Hopefully this version is better.
Like always...I hope you enjoy! ~
Izaya POV
I had always regretted it, my senior year of high school. I had wasted my first three years building up the trust of those around me...just to turn around and break it all down again. The shock not only hurting them, but me as well. But if I was to be perfectly honest with myself: I never really wanted to. What I had done was just a ploy for distance...and it worked. It worked too well in fact.
The games I played on other's emotions filled those years. Pain, grief, resent, hate; these are the emotions I enjoyed the most. But with each game I played; the more empty I felt. The more I hid himself away from others around me. The more I hid in my own mind, a doll at the mercy of his puppeteer.
Even with all the hurt...several years later...I was still playing those games.
I don't even remember when my thoughts towards the topic changed.
On this particular day I was wandering around Ikebukuro looking for my favorite toy. I had expected to find him getting into yet another fight. Only an hour earlier had I heard a rumor that my plaything had gotten himself fired again. Apparently, his boss had decided that the bar would be better off without such a dangerous man working there and put him out. But he had gotten pretty attached to the job and enjoyed working there...but now. A dark feeling filled the air, giving me chills as I walked through the crowded streets.
I walked aimlessly through town, thinking about the poor blond and anything else that happened to catch enough of my interest to stay in my mind for more than a moment. Although my thoughts were abruptly cut short as I walked into what felt like a solid wall, knocking me to the ground.
"Oww..." I whimpered as I glanced up. "Shizu-chan?"
The 'wall' turned around slowly, his short blond hair covering half of one eye. "Shoo, flea." He said in a deep voice and waving me away. "I don't feel like playing your games today." A slight tone of exhaustion was in his voice.
"Why not? Is it that you got fired...again?" I smirked, stepping back a step. Who would have guessed that the reaction Shizuo gave would be different than usual. It wasn't right. Shizuo should be a monster. Monsters aren't capable of human emotions. The lack of rage in Shizuo's face made me frown.
He just lifted his gaze to mine, staring with the very brown eyes that the brunette adored. "I'm not in the mood to play today." I was frozen to the spot, speechless at the emotions in those eyes. I quickly snapped out of it, teasing the older male.
"Aww, Shizu-chan's sad." Shizuo began to walk away with some no difficulty in ignoring my taunts. Though he couldn't ignore what I said next, "Does your little brother know you got fired?" Shizuo's brother had given him a bunch of uniforms for the job. It had been six months since he started his job there. Shizuo's worst fear would probably been disappointing Kasuka.
He flung himself around to face the grinning informant, "You leave him out of this!" He reached out quickly to catch me as I began to back away. "It's none of your damned business!"
"I think you should let him know," I turned tail, shouting over my shoulder, "But, I think I'll go tell him now!" I ran in the direction that I knew Kasuka was sure to be. It wasn't two seconds until I could hear Shizuo shouting after me, heavy footsteps pounding concrete. Shizuo was gaining fast, but I was faster. Already half a block ahead of the stubborn blond, I tore through the crowd. It was times like these that I was glad to have taken track in high school.
I turned a corner, my mind easily wandering off again. I wondered how bad this stunt would hurt him, how much he'd suffer. How much further away I'd get from this beloved blond with something this simple. Even as I thought this, I was barely aware that the upcoming pedestrian walk light had turned to the red DON'T WALK as I bumped into a someone, tripping and falling into the road and oncoming traffic.
I had but a moment to figure out what happened after I had hit the ground and when I did my heart seemed to stop. A large truck, one that wasn't stopped at the light, was speeding my way. I felt my heart drop and my mind freeze for the first time in years as I tried to find a way out.
Before I could even think about anything else, my breath was knocked out of my chest as I was pulled by my hood, back and out of the way. A pair of strong arms holding me protectively. I had never felt so small, so mortal, until that moment, just mere inches from a brush with death. My breath coming in ragged gasps as I tried to calm down. I glanced up to see Shizuo out of breath and felt my arms begin tremble within his hold.
"You're such an idiot!" Shizuo scolded, his expression strange. I felt his heart drop as full realization hit him. Shizuo had saved him. This man had risked his own life to save me, a wretched informant that's been torturing him for years. "Don't go and kill yourself, Izaya!"
I was completely confused; Shizuo was always trying to kill me but...he just saved me. He could have just let that truck hit me. He had even called me by my proper name instead of the crappy short ones he'd come up with recently "Why?" I found himself asking.
Shizuo didn't answer right away, prompting me to glance up again. There was a visible swirl of complicated emotions in his eyes and moments passed in silence. Finally, he answered, muttering softly, "I don't want you to die this way..."
"So you still want me to die?" I scoffed with slight irritation as I stood shakily and walked away, leaving Shizuo sitting on the curb, flustered, confused, and angry. I glanced back just as I rounded the block, watching as a tinge of pink and a new expression crept onto his face.
When I had finally made it home, I locked my door and collapsed onto the sofa, suddenly tired. I stared at the familiar ceiling and walls with slight discomfort. I almost didn't come home today. Not that anyone would complain(except my generously paid landlord). Even so; I recalled the event this morning, finding myself slightly smiling.
"Why...Shizu-chan..." I muttered to himself. Shizuo's face invading my every thought. How pained it looked at that moment and then how flustered and red it became. "Those expressions don't suit you...so funny." I laughed, drifting quickly to sleep.
Shizuo POV
That night, I had a nightmare.
I know. A grown man having bad dreams. Go ahead and laugh. It always seems silly for those other than the one having those dreams. Those vivid dreams that you can never tell if you are actually dreaming or awake.
It was the same scene as earlier in the day and I was chasing after Izaya, though this time I couldn't quite seem to catch up.
"Izaya!" I called out as the small figured brunette rounded a corner, vanishing from my sight for a moment. Fear settled into my stomach as I sped up but barely making any progress. By the time I reached the corner, I watched helplessly as Izaya tripped and fell into traffic. A shocked expression crossing his face as the heart-stopping squeal of tires and loud bang of metal as he vanished like a shadow in sunlight. His body rolling a few times before laying still against the concrete.
I stepped forward in disbelief. No way. There was just no way. Izaya would just die off at something like this. He would get back up and start trying to piss me off. He wouldn't just lay there. He couldn't. He couldn't just leave me behind like this! I took another step. Izaya's stilled body coming into view.
I dropped to my knees, feeling the sting of tears behind my eyes.
No...
The clear, pale white skin now tarnished with bruises and scrapes from the street. Blood splattered on his features.
No...It's not...
His neck bent at an odd angle as well as his left leg. His shirt hiked up, revealing his partially disemboweled stomach. Blood pooling around him.
It can't...He can't...
The same face that taunted me so much...twisted into a permanence grimace of shock. Those amber eyes that used to be so calculating, now wide and unseeing, gazing at nothing towards the sunny sky above him. His mouth open, the perfect white teeth covered in blood that trailed down his neck.
I rushed forward, but not getting more than a few steps before finding myself being held back. Someone was talking to me but I couldn't hear a word he said. My only thought was reaching the broken informant and making sure he wasn't dead. He couldn't be dead. There was no way. I broke away from the man, only for two more to stop me, I tried to shake them off when two more men helped keep me still.
"Stop boy...he'd gone." One of them said. I shook my head, shouting at them to let me go. I shook one of them off, extending that arm towards Izaya's body, tears running freely down my cheeks.
"IZAYA!"
I shot up with a cry, tears streaming down my face, carving pale, white trails on my cheeks. My breathing heavy and ragged as I wiped the salty tears away. Glancing at the clock, I sighed. It was barely past 3. "Dammit." I turned over and sighed, barely noticing that my hands were shaking beyond my control.
It could have easily have become reality. It would have been so easy to have left him in the road. To end all the torture that I put myself through. But my body moved on its own, quicker than it had ever moved before. After all; I had been afraid. I was very afraid even after Izaya was trapped safely in my arms, his little figure trembling. I was afraid, afraid of the death of my beloved parasite that I so narrowly managed to avoid.
Although I would never dare to say it out loud nowadays...I had loved Izaya in high school, even after the betrayal in their senior year. I couldn't bring himself to hate the informant. But I was sure that I was the only one who felt that way though. Even after Izaya continued to frame me for his crimes or drop giant I-beams on my head I...I could never hate him.
After all these years, his small body was still like a child's; his cute, delicate features and figure. I had missed holding Izaya as I had done so casually in high school. Though now; he seemed to fit all the more perfectly in my arms. I shook my head and pulled the covers tightly around myself as I tried to push the memories of gentler, more carefree, days away.
It wasn't my reality. In my current life, Izaya hated me and has showed it every day since he returned. I let out a huge sigh and curled into a tight position under my covers, drifting off slowly into another nightmare.
Izaya POV
I woke to a sudden coldness on my face. One so cold that it made me nearly jump out of my skin. "Wake up, Izaya," I heard Namie sigh as she balanced a canned coffee on my forehead and hissed at the chill against my warm skin. "You call me in super early and then you sleep in..honestly."
I opened the drink, taking a swig to wake myself up(and calm my nerves from the scare). Today I had an important customer coming in wanting information on someone in Ikebukuro, as usual. Namie was sitting in for some support. Even if she didn't know that herself. I still wasn't used to the whole informant thing. Gathering the info was the easy part, it was dealing with the often hysterical client that threw me through a loop.
Especially when my customer today was a well-known CEO from Shinjuku who has a suspicion that his wife is having an affair with a young bartender. Of course the first face that popped to mind was Shizuo but, he wasn't very good in the romance factor. That was something I could vouch for since they had technically "dated" a short time in their freshman year. And that he was currently unemployed.
A knock at the door disturbed my moment of nostalgia and Namie showed a very roughed up man to my office. I quickly put up my facade and greeted him. "Well, well, Nakuto Hiroshima-san," I grinned, somehow pulling off a light and joking tone. "Looks like you ran into a bit of trouble before you got here."
"Hmph, nothing I'd tell you about, that's not why I'm here," He grunted, sitting across from me. This guy was huge...and sweaty. "About my wife..."
"Ah yes, you'd like me to follow her and find out who she may be having an affair with, right?" I fake yawned in boredom, cutting him off. I wanted this meeting to go quickly. "All I need is her picture, just send it in an email or something."
"Alright then..." He pulled out his phone, typed in a few things and my phone pipped. I flipped it open, and opened the picture. In the screen, a beautiful woman sat in an armchair reading a book. She must've just glanced up when the picture was taken by her expression.
"She's quite the beauty, Hiro-chan." Hiroshima's expression saddened then turned to light rage. "I'll let you know what I find." I waved my hand to dismiss him and Namie showed Hiroshima out. I yawned, stretching my arms above my head.
"You look tired," Namie sighed as she returned. "Even though you slept in." I could almost see the black circles I must have under my eyes if she had to point them out.
"Hmm..." I stood, walking to his sofa, letting myself fall over onto it. "Perhaps you're right. I'm gonna sleep some more then." Namie sighed again and went about the apartment, cleaning a few things and organizing paperwork before she left.
The door had just closed behind her when I received a email from Hiroshima with the name of a bar and it's address. I sighed, rolling myself out of the coziness that is my leather couch. Sleep was going to have to wait. For now, there is a job to do.